Cousin Marriage is a massive issue especially amongst Asian Muslims in the UK. It divides the Muslim community like nothing else. You're either dead against it because of cultural and medical reasons or its 'cousin marriage or no marriage' in your parents eyes. Mainly it's parents who favour it and the youth who oppose it. The Revival spoke to the Muslim Youth across the UK to get their views on cousin marriages:
Farzana Patel, 25, Bury
I am all for cousin marriages and I don’t see anything wrong with it. The scientific point that people who marry their cousins have defective children is a load of rubbish, because if it was true all or majority of disabled children would have parents who are cousins.
From a religious point of view there is no prohibition at all, so why should we prohibit it socially? Me and my partner are cousins and I found it an advantage that I knew him and his family, so he wasn’t a stranger and I felt comfortable.
Mohsin Shahid, 25, Oldham
Do I think one should marry their cousin? No. There are several reasons for this. Many people in our communities do not realise what the medical problems are, such as hereditary illnesses. Our parents deny this over and over again, claiming that ‘we didn’t have these problems and look at us - we’re cousins’. However, what they fail to see is that one, or both, of them might be carriers of illnesses or have a recessive gene which can lie dormant for generations, but then be passed onto a child or grandchild.
Another reason is that when you marry your cousins, you can’t be as open with them as you would with an ‘outsider’- you end up treating them like you do your sister! You may accept someone as a spouse when you marry them, but I don’t think you can enjoy your life in the same way as you would if you didn’t marry a cousin. Likewise, your wife also cannot be as open with you, i.e. she might not raise any issues concerning her in fear of upsetting your parents who are either her aunty or uncle.
If someone WANTS to marry their cousin then I think that’s fine. But forcing someone to marry their cousin is bad. My advice is that if someone is going to marry their cousin, they should at least have a medical checkup. Our people might see this as a bad thing, disrespectful even, but I think that this is a necessary precaution.
Sadia Hussain, 23, Bradford
In my family, many of our cousins have some sort of disability because not only are their parents first cousins, but the entire family is inter-related. When you confront them, they insist that they’re not disabled because of the close relations; it’s just ‘Allah’s Will’.
Then there’s the issue of divorce. If one couple get divorced it effects the entire family, not just the two particular individuals. I remember when my sister got divorced, it caused so much drama and half the family stopped talking to her and my parents.
I too got married ‘in the family’, but at least my husband and I are not first cousins; we’re distantly related, which is at least better.
Abdul Ali, 23, Crawley
I think it’s wrong because you’re brought up to treat them as though they’re your brothers/sisters. Plus if something goes wrong, it’s awkward when you see them afterwards, because they’re still part of your family.
Nadia Ali, 26, Derby
Many people in our communities marry their children to cousins for several reasons. One is that the Prophet (pbuh) married his daughter Fatima (ra) to HER cousin, i.e. his (pbuh) nephew. So if the prophet (pbuh) did it, then they believe that they should also. Our older generation think that if they have a daughter-in-law who is their niece, i.e. their brother or sister’s daughter, then she will look after them better when they get older than an unrelated daughter-in-law would.
I myself married a cousin and it did not work out. In my opinion most of the people I know that are against cousin marriages are those that have had bad experiences. I do know people though who HAPPILY went ‘back home’ to marry a cousin and masha’Allah they are very happily married. My own parents are first cousins and have a very happy and loving marriage.
Syma Ahmed 22, Huddersfield
Having a Pakistani background, I view the issue of 'cousin marriages' with cultural sensitivity and an open mind. My very own family has pursued this practice. Setting aside the moral disdain people generally have for cousin marriages, my problem with this practice derives from the physical and social consequences that I have come to witness.
Firstly, the increased risk of genetic disease has become widely acknowledged. In Britain we learnt this in GCSE science, where we found that when two carriers of a disease reproduce there is a good chance their offspring will become a sufferer; family members who share the same genes therefore, and are carriers, are more likely to reproduce a child with a genetic disease.
My biggest frustration is the unwillingness of many Pakistani people to even accept this as a possibility. Many parents believe these children would have been born with disorders anyway had their parents not been related. What is mind-boggling is the conviction of such statements. It seems to me that science is appreciated in the form of modern medicines, but becomes the enemy when it stands against cultural traditions. This is what I see as blissful ignorance. They refuse to acknowledge what is happening and carry on with these practices, blaming it on 'kismat' (destiny) when things go wrong.
"Why marry your cousin?" The basic answer is to uphold the hierarchy that predominates in Pakistani families of course, where the so-called elders rule with an iron fist. The idea of 'respecting your elders' to me is something that should be done and should be a way of life, though I have come to realise this phrase has been used as a tool of oppression.
Women are told to marry internally so that they will continue to 'belong' to the family. Their labour, their time, their space is owned by the family, and this continues when she marries her cousin. For the boy, mother-in-laws are instantly jealous of women who threaten to take away their sons.
These are generalisations and the issue is much too complicated to be conveyed here. However, what I will say is that in the C4 programme a father-in-law claimed he wanted his niece to marry his son because the bond of love is already there. I think it’s more the case that it’s hard in Britain to find a daughter-in-law who will do the constant bidding of the in-laws without it ending in divorce two years later.
Cousin marriages are not about two people simply coming together to get married; it’s a mechanism to uphold the family order, it’s about the paranoia of an outsider marrying into the family, but more importantly it’s a source of protection for certain members of the family who want the world to continue revolving around them.
Jamal Khan, 34, Sheffield
If cousin marriages, like any marriage, are done without force and with the full consent of the man and woman, and with the couple being compatible with each other, then I say 'why not'? My problem with cousin marriages is that most cousins who marry don't really have a choice; it's either marry this cousin or that cousin... not marry whoever is compatible with you, because marrying outside the family is seen as a crime.
My biggest issue with cousin marriages is that if it doesn't work out and the couple divorce then many, many families, and even generations, fall out for life, unlike in non-cousin marriages where only the couple or the two families are affected.
Haffsah Nazir, 22, Rochdale
To put it simply, I think marriages between cousins are wrong. Your cousins are your extended family, and should be treated like brothers and sisters, not potential life partners. Yet there seems to be a lasting tendency for parents to arrange cousin marriages whilst children are still toddlers.
More than anything else I believe it is emotional blackmail that ‘encourages’ young Muslims to marry within the family, and it’s a real shame that parents make their children feel as though they should ‘repay’ them through marriage.
I think it’s unfair that many young people are not given a degree of freedom and choice when choosing the person they are ultimately likely to spend the rest of their lives with. I also believe that on issues such as this, the generation gap is becoming much more apparent.
On top of this there are a whole load of medical factors that come into play with cousin marriages, and again I feel this is unfair on all persons involved, although I am ignorantly unaware of the facts around this.
Nazia Salim, 27, London
Fortunately growing up, I knew that cousin marriage would never be an issue in my life. My parents were not cousins, nor were any of my grandparents. I was also lucky enough not to have any male cousins near my age. I felt sorry for school friends that were expected to marry their cousins when they grew up.
I am happily married to someone who is not related to me at all. I’ve enjoyed getting to know my husband; where he went to university, what he got up to at school, the part time jobs he did growing up, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know his family members too. This information wouldn’t have been new to me if he was a cousin of mine.
My husband and I are very protective about our privacy and have a zero tolerance approach for any interference in our marriage. This is easily done, because I don’t have a double relationship with anyone in our family. This wouldn’t have been the case if I had married into the family. I also don’t have the fear that if (God forbid) my husband and I were to divorce, it would cause a huge family feud and a divide within the family.
My marriage is interesting and fun – that’s because even after two years of marriage I’m still getting to know my husband. I wouldn’t have had that level of mystery if I had married a cousin.
Yaqub Maqsood, 32, Leicester
I’m married to my cousin from Pakistan and it's been a happy 6 years so far alhamdulillah. I wasn’t forced into marriage, and got to know her well before we married. I have two sons now who are masha' Allah healthy and as active as ever. So I suppose I am proof that cousin marriages do and can work… the secret is to buy your own house and not let the ‘aunties’ interfere lol. The key is that you are compatible with each other and after that you put in 100% effort if you want your marriage to last forever and want to live happily ever after!
Most of my relatives have had cousin marriages and to be honest some haven’t worked out, but others are happy and dandy! It’s a shame that a lot of people don’t really get a choice when it comes to marrying their cousin and a lot are emotionally blackmailed! Also if (God forbid) it doesn’t work out then hundreds of families here and abroad completely fall out for years, if not life!
Even though I’m not against cousin marriages I wouldn’t want my kids to marry their cousins because of the reasons I’ve mentioned, but mainly because my grandparents, parents and me have all married first cousins, and the gene pool now will be so weak that I think my kids are at a ‘higher risk’ of having disabled children… and I don’t want to gamble with their lives. I'd rather they marry anyone compatible and Islamic and avoid all the cousin marriage politics altogether.
Shamila, 22, Shipley
I think the only people that want cousin marriages are the parents. No person in their right mind would happily marry their cousin if there wasn't some sort of family pressure. Our cousins are like brothers and sisters - particularly in close knit families.
Parents want their kids to marry their cousins for their own self-interests. They dress it up by saying it’s the Islamic thing to do when Islam does not encourage or discourage it.
Parents want their kids to marry cousins because they think that a related daughter-in-law is more likely to treat them well and look after them, regardless of whether she’s the right girl for their son, thereby acting in their own interests.
Generations of cousin marriages lead to a limited gene pool too, so scientifically it can't be a good thing either.
Comments
sindhi? didn't realise that was a language :/
I speak mirpuri. BTW how old are you?
Yep heard of the rat children and I don't know why theres so many - it's something to do with how they bring them up, I think.
and you keep saying Islam tells its followers to marry their cousins without giving the evidence - ISLAMIC EVIDENCE - wikipedia can't even be used as references for school homework never mind Islamic stuff!
That had nothing to do with cousin marriages/Islam.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I think prophet Mohammed (PBUH) married has children to there cousins
I gave you the wiki quote that said it
My English is not very good
the WIKI QUOTE?!?! NO WAY DUDE!! just keep it!
what is Power of SIlence tell you OVER and OVER again? ISLAMIC evidence!
@PofS: you're right, it hasnt got anythign to do with cuzmarriage, sorry. just thought it would encourage him some more... to diss whatever some more..
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I think it'd be best to ignore stopincest unless he/she gives some proper evidence.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Agreed.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Pre-baby gene tests backed in UK
There are no specific "social, ethical or legal" reasons why couples cannot undergo pre-pregnancy genetic screening on the NHS to determine if they are at risk of passing on diseases, according to a new report.
The Human Genetics Commission (HGC) gave the green light to preconception genetic tests to determine whether people carry conditions that could be passed on to their future children.
The HGC developed the guidance following a request for advice from the UK National Screening Committee.
The UK committee will now decide whether widespread screening should be introduced in places such as GP surgeries, family planning centres, IVF clinics and pharmacies.
Diseases such as cystic fibrosis or sickle cell disease can develop in youngsters if both parents are carriers of the genetic condition.
At the moment, only people with a known risk of inherited disease, or those with access to local programmes, can get the tests.
Dr Frances Flinter, chair of the working group which developed the report, said: "A preconception test rather than a test during pregnancy or after a child is born will ensure greater patient choice and access to information that will help support people who are planning to have children.
"The report recommends preconception genetic testing is made available to "all
those who may benefit from it".
People should also be given advice so they can make informed choices about the
reproductive options available to them.
Where antenatal testing is currently offered then, where technically feasible, preconception screening should also be offered, the report said.
Young people should also learn about antenatal and preconception screening in the final years of school.
If you marry your cousin you will have children like the one shown below
">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ30IaEoeBE&lc=uTpJWhut_vAlxEd2fwjQUiviTJ...
What more proof do you want?
My English is not very good
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Who said the parents of this baby are cousins? And are you telling me every child born in two such couples look like this? I don't think so. This is not 'proof'.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
So Doctors will explain to the couple that if they have mutated genes and have a child there child is going to turn out disabled in some way or other and advise them not to marry a person that has the same gene mutation as them, they are bound to have the same gene mutation because they share the same blood
My English is not very good
From what I understand this is a disease called Harlekin Ichtyosis and happens when both parents carry mutated genes, It is more likely that a couple has the same gene mutation when they are related to each other because they share the same blood on the other hand if they were not related they would not have the same gene mutation because there blood would be different and it will have different mutations and when the mutations are different it does not effect the child because the perfect genes take over the faulty ones
My English is not very good
Good idea, but I do see this also reducing a major fear of cousin marriages.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Why not?
I imagine all couples thinking of conceiving in the UK as of 6 April 2011 will have to under go this test,I would go as far as saying if they refuse to do so then they should not be allowed to have kids it
My English is not very good
Humans have survived on earth a very long time without genetic testing, they can continue to do so without it too into the forseeable future.
This is a convenience for the rich, and should be carried out in cases of risk, but to promote it as a must, why? I am sure there is better things that cna be done with the money that would be wasted there.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
(Y) straight forward and to the point i like.
why hello there stopincest! how you doing? your post was really informative, until i scrolled down to that nightmarish vid...
i wouldnt want to take that test. because ive no idea what it consist of and i dont wanna be call back 10 years later saying that there might be a problem with me because i did this dodgy test.
plus, its verging on doubting Allah's decree. If Allah has decided you will get a disabled child, however many abortions/tests/retests and the such, you WILL GET a disabled child. end of.
you need to drop the cousin marriage thing, coz it doenst happen often, and when it does happen, the likelihood of a child born from cousin marriage being disabled is even more minute. you should focus on something bigger, that will benefit, not just your inner desires/whims but also wider society. i dont know, do some "ban whale hunting" or something.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I admit i hadnt done my research before saying cousin marriage didnt happen often. i saw two stat over 10% and 20% of all marriages are cousin marriages worldwide. (Geez incest, the whole world must be commiting incest/be crazy)
reading this lists of fact about cousin marriage.
the last one:
ROFL!
and
4% IS 0.04. thats a real lil number..real lil...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
In that case humans have survived on this earth without Credit cards/ Bank accounts could we live without them now? we spend like mad on our cards (or did do before bad times hit
and everyting is paid into Bank accounts
Why do you say it's a convenience for the rich only?
As far as I understand if people are poor they get treated for free on the NHS and I imagine this test will be available on the NHS why would it not be?
In my view even if one child is saved from being born disabled it is money well spent
My English is not very good
But what about this:
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Hello Lilly,
I am fine, how are you?
How about if you were made to take the test and if you did not then you were not allowed to have kids?
Pakistani / Mirpuri children are 13 times more likely to suffer from a genetic condition because of continues cousin marriage in the family
This is the attitude I want to change it's NOT the will of Allah that you will have a disabled child it's to do with GENE MUTATION
No because its a slow killer, and who says it doesn't happen often? 92% of forced marriages are to first cousin brother-sister
The chances are only "minute" if its a one off thing but we know that Muslims have been doing it for ages and ages then the risks become higher and highr and as they keep inter-marring alot they become double first cousins which is like half brother and sister
My English is not very good
Only if its a 1 off, The risks get higher and higher if the practice continues
My English is not very good
Only if its a 1 off, The risks get higher and higher if the practice continues
My English is not very good
Only if its a 1 off, The risks get higher and higher if the practice continues
and WHY would you want to double your chances????
My English is not very good
I can't argue with that so like I said, just let people do want they want to do - If they want to take the risk its upto them atleast you've done your job and put the info out there!
BTW where are your stats from?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
94% seems awful low to me...
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
There is 94% chances of a healthy child being born if it's a one off
If it's 2 times then
-4
90%
then -8
82
then -16
66
This healthy percentage which starts from 94% for cousins gets lower and lower each time a person incet marries within the family
My English is not very good
Where are these numbers coming from?
They seem highly suspicious to me. The followup maths doubly so.
EDIT - wikipedia has this to say (so it supports defect rates of around 4%) amongst other things:
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
http://www.library.nhs.uk/geneticconditions/viewresource.aspx?resID=148497
My English is not very good
From there:
How do you get the multiplications to the 33% figure (well, 66% healthy)?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
[quote=You]Where are these numbers coming from?
They seem highly suspicious to me. The followup maths doubly so.
EDIT - wikipedia has this to say (so it supports defect rates of around 4%) amongst other things:
My English is not very good
They can be that way for multiple reasons, and preventing cousin marriage does not prevent them outright.
That wikipedia page mentions how genetic testing is mandatory before marriage in all arab countries.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
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