Cousin Marriage is a massive issue especially amongst Asian Muslims in the UK. It divides the Muslim community like nothing else. You're either dead against it because of cultural and medical reasons or its 'cousin marriage or no marriage' in your parents eyes. Mainly it's parents who favour it and the youth who oppose it. The Revival spoke to the Muslim Youth across the UK to get their views on cousin marriages:
Farzana Patel, 25, Bury
I am all for cousin marriages and I don’t see anything wrong with it. The scientific point that people who marry their cousins have defective children is a load of rubbish, because if it was true all or majority of disabled children would have parents who are cousins.
From a religious point of view there is no prohibition at all, so why should we prohibit it socially? Me and my partner are cousins and I found it an advantage that I knew him and his family, so he wasn’t a stranger and I felt comfortable.
Mohsin Shahid, 25, Oldham
Do I think one should marry their cousin? No. There are several reasons for this. Many people in our communities do not realise what the medical problems are, such as hereditary illnesses. Our parents deny this over and over again, claiming that ‘we didn’t have these problems and look at us - we’re cousins’. However, what they fail to see is that one, or both, of them might be carriers of illnesses or have a recessive gene which can lie dormant for generations, but then be passed onto a child or grandchild.
Another reason is that when you marry your cousins, you can’t be as open with them as you would with an ‘outsider’- you end up treating them like you do your sister! You may accept someone as a spouse when you marry them, but I don’t think you can enjoy your life in the same way as you would if you didn’t marry a cousin. Likewise, your wife also cannot be as open with you, i.e. she might not raise any issues concerning her in fear of upsetting your parents who are either her aunty or uncle.
If someone WANTS to marry their cousin then I think that’s fine. But forcing someone to marry their cousin is bad. My advice is that if someone is going to marry their cousin, they should at least have a medical checkup. Our people might see this as a bad thing, disrespectful even, but I think that this is a necessary precaution.
Sadia Hussain, 23, Bradford
In my family, many of our cousins have some sort of disability because not only are their parents first cousins, but the entire family is inter-related. When you confront them, they insist that they’re not disabled because of the close relations; it’s just ‘Allah’s Will’.
Then there’s the issue of divorce. If one couple get divorced it effects the entire family, not just the two particular individuals. I remember when my sister got divorced, it caused so much drama and half the family stopped talking to her and my parents.
I too got married ‘in the family’, but at least my husband and I are not first cousins; we’re distantly related, which is at least better.
Abdul Ali, 23, Crawley
I think it’s wrong because you’re brought up to treat them as though they’re your brothers/sisters. Plus if something goes wrong, it’s awkward when you see them afterwards, because they’re still part of your family.
Nadia Ali, 26, Derby
Many people in our communities marry their children to cousins for several reasons. One is that the Prophet (pbuh) married his daughter Fatima (ra) to HER cousin, i.e. his (pbuh) nephew. So if the prophet (pbuh) did it, then they believe that they should also. Our older generation think that if they have a daughter-in-law who is their niece, i.e. their brother or sister’s daughter, then she will look after them better when they get older than an unrelated daughter-in-law would.
I myself married a cousin and it did not work out. In my opinion most of the people I know that are against cousin marriages are those that have had bad experiences. I do know people though who HAPPILY went ‘back home’ to marry a cousin and masha’Allah they are very happily married. My own parents are first cousins and have a very happy and loving marriage.
Syma Ahmed 22, Huddersfield
Having a Pakistani background, I view the issue of 'cousin marriages' with cultural sensitivity and an open mind. My very own family has pursued this practice. Setting aside the moral disdain people generally have for cousin marriages, my problem with this practice derives from the physical and social consequences that I have come to witness.
Firstly, the increased risk of genetic disease has become widely acknowledged. In Britain we learnt this in GCSE science, where we found that when two carriers of a disease reproduce there is a good chance their offspring will become a sufferer; family members who share the same genes therefore, and are carriers, are more likely to reproduce a child with a genetic disease.
My biggest frustration is the unwillingness of many Pakistani people to even accept this as a possibility. Many parents believe these children would have been born with disorders anyway had their parents not been related. What is mind-boggling is the conviction of such statements. It seems to me that science is appreciated in the form of modern medicines, but becomes the enemy when it stands against cultural traditions. This is what I see as blissful ignorance. They refuse to acknowledge what is happening and carry on with these practices, blaming it on 'kismat' (destiny) when things go wrong.
"Why marry your cousin?" The basic answer is to uphold the hierarchy that predominates in Pakistani families of course, where the so-called elders rule with an iron fist. The idea of 'respecting your elders' to me is something that should be done and should be a way of life, though I have come to realise this phrase has been used as a tool of oppression.
Women are told to marry internally so that they will continue to 'belong' to the family. Their labour, their time, their space is owned by the family, and this continues when she marries her cousin. For the boy, mother-in-laws are instantly jealous of women who threaten to take away their sons.
These are generalisations and the issue is much too complicated to be conveyed here. However, what I will say is that in the C4 programme a father-in-law claimed he wanted his niece to marry his son because the bond of love is already there. I think it’s more the case that it’s hard in Britain to find a daughter-in-law who will do the constant bidding of the in-laws without it ending in divorce two years later.
Cousin marriages are not about two people simply coming together to get married; it’s a mechanism to uphold the family order, it’s about the paranoia of an outsider marrying into the family, but more importantly it’s a source of protection for certain members of the family who want the world to continue revolving around them.
Jamal Khan, 34, Sheffield
If cousin marriages, like any marriage, are done without force and with the full consent of the man and woman, and with the couple being compatible with each other, then I say 'why not'? My problem with cousin marriages is that most cousins who marry don't really have a choice; it's either marry this cousin or that cousin... not marry whoever is compatible with you, because marrying outside the family is seen as a crime.
My biggest issue with cousin marriages is that if it doesn't work out and the couple divorce then many, many families, and even generations, fall out for life, unlike in non-cousin marriages where only the couple or the two families are affected.
Haffsah Nazir, 22, Rochdale
To put it simply, I think marriages between cousins are wrong. Your cousins are your extended family, and should be treated like brothers and sisters, not potential life partners. Yet there seems to be a lasting tendency for parents to arrange cousin marriages whilst children are still toddlers.
More than anything else I believe it is emotional blackmail that ‘encourages’ young Muslims to marry within the family, and it’s a real shame that parents make their children feel as though they should ‘repay’ them through marriage.
I think it’s unfair that many young people are not given a degree of freedom and choice when choosing the person they are ultimately likely to spend the rest of their lives with. I also believe that on issues such as this, the generation gap is becoming much more apparent.
On top of this there are a whole load of medical factors that come into play with cousin marriages, and again I feel this is unfair on all persons involved, although I am ignorantly unaware of the facts around this.
Nazia Salim, 27, London
Fortunately growing up, I knew that cousin marriage would never be an issue in my life. My parents were not cousins, nor were any of my grandparents. I was also lucky enough not to have any male cousins near my age. I felt sorry for school friends that were expected to marry their cousins when they grew up.
I am happily married to someone who is not related to me at all. I’ve enjoyed getting to know my husband; where he went to university, what he got up to at school, the part time jobs he did growing up, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know his family members too. This information wouldn’t have been new to me if he was a cousin of mine.
My husband and I are very protective about our privacy and have a zero tolerance approach for any interference in our marriage. This is easily done, because I don’t have a double relationship with anyone in our family. This wouldn’t have been the case if I had married into the family. I also don’t have the fear that if (God forbid) my husband and I were to divorce, it would cause a huge family feud and a divide within the family.
My marriage is interesting and fun – that’s because even after two years of marriage I’m still getting to know my husband. I wouldn’t have had that level of mystery if I had married a cousin.
Yaqub Maqsood, 32, Leicester
I’m married to my cousin from Pakistan and it's been a happy 6 years so far alhamdulillah. I wasn’t forced into marriage, and got to know her well before we married. I have two sons now who are masha' Allah healthy and as active as ever. So I suppose I am proof that cousin marriages do and can work… the secret is to buy your own house and not let the ‘aunties’ interfere lol. The key is that you are compatible with each other and after that you put in 100% effort if you want your marriage to last forever and want to live happily ever after!
Most of my relatives have had cousin marriages and to be honest some haven’t worked out, but others are happy and dandy! It’s a shame that a lot of people don’t really get a choice when it comes to marrying their cousin and a lot are emotionally blackmailed! Also if (God forbid) it doesn’t work out then hundreds of families here and abroad completely fall out for years, if not life!
Even though I’m not against cousin marriages I wouldn’t want my kids to marry their cousins because of the reasons I’ve mentioned, but mainly because my grandparents, parents and me have all married first cousins, and the gene pool now will be so weak that I think my kids are at a ‘higher risk’ of having disabled children… and I don’t want to gamble with their lives. I'd rather they marry anyone compatible and Islamic and avoid all the cousin marriage politics altogether.
Shamila, 22, Shipley
I think the only people that want cousin marriages are the parents. No person in their right mind would happily marry their cousin if there wasn't some sort of family pressure. Our cousins are like brothers and sisters - particularly in close knit families.
Parents want their kids to marry their cousins for their own self-interests. They dress it up by saying it’s the Islamic thing to do when Islam does not encourage or discourage it.
Parents want their kids to marry cousins because they think that a related daughter-in-law is more likely to treat them well and look after them, regardless of whether she’s the right girl for their son, thereby acting in their own interests.
Generations of cousin marriages lead to a limited gene pool too, so scientifically it can't be a good thing either.
Comments
Nice article here - you're favourite site - and some excellent comments, though they have to be fished out as there are alot. Will scroll through later.
I don't think it's right - yes, we know the 'royals' practice it - as especially within Pakistanis, they have narrowed the pool so much, that to coin a classic phrase, the family tree is a stump.
It's not prohibited in Islam, but we have these arranged Marriages where they are related from both parents' sides and Islamically it is encouraged to broaden your field, that being marry outside your own family, well it encourages outside of your culture/race. We unfortunately still live in times of jahiliyya.
As for Bengalis; it's rare you see cousin marriages in the particular nowadays.
As for Bengalis; it's rare you see cousin marriages in the particular race nowadays.
Oh, that link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/1808963.stm
I'm not really feeling it for the film, looks lame (and not pakistan-ish!)
but lol at the relation thing:">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7NmIkrsSkw]
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
it is what happens when people from across the border try to make a funny film about "look, how quaint we are!" - due to shared heritage and history, they get a lot of things right, but not all. (I also think they have a bit of malice inside them, as they could just as easily base it in India and it would probably be just as true, and then they can also get the finer details right because they will have visited).
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
What is it about? I dont have any sound on these computers!
i think its stupid to say that when cousins get married and have kids the child has a high risk of being disabled i think it was but thats always a risk no matter what even when your not cousins.
and [quote=Shamila, 22, Shipley]I think the only people that want cousin marriages are the parents. No person in their right mind would happily marry their cousin if there wasn't some sort of family pressure[quote/]
i disagree yeah in some situations this might be true but in others its also what the person wants.
what if they're not your blood cousins (1st cousins) or your just related through another cousin or something like that? are they still like your brother or sister?
at the end of the day you might aswel say that for every other guy and girl out there if thats the case
The Wisest of Man Is Not The One Who Knows, But The One Who Seeks Knowledge In Order To Perform
if you can get me some chocolate that would be great.
I don’t want to be rude to anyone but please please stop this cousin marriage thing happing in this day and age in the world we live in today or at least UK EU US because look at it this way your cousins share the same grand parents meaning they share the same blood line as you it would be like marring your own brother and sister so the people who think that its right to marry there cousin should just marry there brother or sister why draw the line if you think that its right to marry your cousin?
The main reasons why this corrupt practice is still followed is because of family pressure because the family want to keep there Property, Land, Jewellery, Money and wealth in the family and a lack of education along with village culture and the greed of coming to UK EU USA because UK has a benefit system along with free health care known as the NHS (National Health Service) every one on benefits is treated free of charge, and because theses families are uneducated and stupid they are all on benefits just to rub more salt in the wound they are known to abuse the benefit system in many different ways. They try to send as much benefit money as possible back to there poor families often living in poor housing or no housing at all, In most cases- they also have lots of children If your thinking why do they have lots of children its because they are uneducated they don’t have a job so that’s the only why they keep there self’s busy and they live in a joint family system meaning they have an extra load on there backs in the event of old parents to look after
I am sure that for a Visa and passport to the countries mentioned above they would do any thing
Also the people who incest marry cousins there children are born with major mental and physical defects along with learning difficulties and the kids suffer through no fault of there own and because the parents are un educated and are unaware of genetic problems that can be caused by cousin marriage think that it’s the will of god (ALLAH DI MARZI) as shown in Dispatches When cousins marry programme, it is NOT the will of Allah it is made the will of Allah by parents who want children to marry there cousins I am providing evidence with you tube videos
why would Allah want any one to have a disabled child?
UK should educate these people in as many ways as possible in there own languages about the dangers of Incest cousin marriage yes it will cost money but the money that this education campaign would cost would be less then the treatment of Insect cousin marriage children in total
This corrupt practice must cost the NHS millions and millions of pounds MAYBE IF THE NHS REFUSE TO TREAT THESE INCEST COUSIN MARRIAGE CHILDREN
THEN THE PARENTS OF THE KIDS WHO WANT THEM TO MARRY THERE COUSINS MIGHT HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS ?
At least children living in UK EU US should refuse this kind of marriage
no matter what the outcome is of that refusal and they should seek help from places like the forced marriage unit which is set up by the govt which I think is a very good step
Please help stop this sick corrupt practice of incest cousin marriage
DO NOT MARRY YOUR COUSIN, IF YOU WANT TO MARRY YOUR COUSIN THEN JUST MARRY YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE
">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXAtnBf7VNw]
">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQGWrtfPt2c]
">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HnH5_MqIVw]
">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoSO9VEXxXU]
">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz72QfbZ7zE]
My English is not very good
There is a huge difference actually.
Consider that the most distant relation ship between two people on earth currently is 16th removed cousins.
Let's not make haraam what is not haraam. Talk against the effects etc, talk about the issues and the problems, and discourage it surely. but there be limits.
If I wanted to be emotive I could link up videos of deformed children that were NOT born through cousin marriage. But that would be cheap.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
There’s not much difference in brother’s sisters and your cousins you share the same grand parents
It’s a proven fact that people who incest marry there cousins have a higher chance of giving birth to a child with abnormalities and as the Muslims have been marring there cousins for ages and ages the risk gets even higher
Cousin marriage is sick and it should be banned in the whole world
My English is not very good
Cousin marriages are sick? Your comments are sick! How can you talk about something which is halal and practices by the Prophet (SAW) and his family like that?!
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
and everyone is the child of prophet Adam (as).
Some. and its not a case of cousin marriage = deformity while non cousin marriage = no deformity.
There is always a risk.
What we should ask for is that people are not forced into such marriages and that they are aware of the risks (and if those families have a high rate of deformity, a blood test or whatever can be done before marriage may be an extremely good idea).
As for forcing people to give up something which is allowed, we can't do that just as much as we can't ban custard.
Are you Muslim?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
My comments are not sick its incest cousin marriage that is sick
Just because something is halal does not mean you MUST do it
As far as the prophet (SAW) and his family are concerned had they known what we do now they most probably would not have incest married in the family
My English is not very good
But couples who are not related are less at risk and if they are cousins the risk is doubled why would any one with sense want to double the risk of having a disabled child only greedy Pakistani Muslims families that want to keep there Money, Land and wealth in the family would do that as they consider there wealth more important then there future generations because of greed and the lack of education
Most cousin marriages are forced because of the reason I have given above to proof this just listen to the first you tube video
It should be banned in UK EU as these are not Muslim countries, Its already banned in most of the states in the US
Unfortunately I am Muslim
My English is not very good
It's ok, you dont have to marry your cousin. Unless you're the type to fall for blackmail.
What needs to be fixed is that last bit - the forcing and blackmail etc. if that de facto gets rid of cousin marriages, then so be it.
But you're using one yardstick to batter something totally different.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
No one is forcing you.
If you consider it so unfortunate, feel free to make a pact with the devil and walk away.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
It’s a difficult one to fix because Pakistani Muslim parents don’t like to hear the word no- with them its what we say goes so if we have arranged your marriage to your cousin brother sister when you was not even born or was a child is final and there is nothing you can do about it your destiny has been chosen by us and we will call it the will of Allah because it suits us that’s what we need to change the more it goes on the harder it will become to change
Banning cousin marriage would be a good place to start because its cousin marriage that is often favoured by the parents as a marriage if it was banned they would be forced to look elsewhere and that’s why I want it banned
My English is not very good
How many of us Muslims follow our religion 100%?
What has not being religious got to do with making a pact with the devil?
Religon divides people just look at the Muslims Sunni hate Shia and so on
My English is not very good
So you're not Muslim then?
and religion does not divide - it unites.
People can find all sorts of reasons to divide. Some of them reasons will be culture, others will be hate, anger, misconceptions.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
God help us all.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I am a Muslim but not a practising one
How much unity is there among the Muslims in any Muslim Country? They are killing one and other because they see the other school of thought wrong
A Sunni Muslim will call a Shia Muslim a Kafir and a Shia Muslim will call a Sunni Muslim a Kafir not to mention the Arab Wahabi’s all they do is watch Mujra and drink alcohol in Dubai not only that but there have been reports that some Arab men have married girls as young as 8 or 10 and they them self’s are 70 80 years old how is that justifiable?
My English is not very good
So you believe in Islam, and consider the qur'an the word of God and the prophet
as the last messenger?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Yes I do, I believe in the Sunni school of thought but I don’t pray or any thing
I don't believe some of the things in Islam like cousin marriage and I think it was wrong of the Prophet to marry Aisha ra at 6 or 9 when he was 35 I think- and because of this the Arabs do it and Muslims living in the west get stick for it from non-Muslims and it gets hard for them to defend such practice
My English is not very good
It is good that you believe, but you must be aware that you can't be Muslim if you think the prophet
was wrong.
(also, it is a misconception that hadhrat Aisha (ra) was 19, not 9. But even id she was 9 and you believed that, it would STILL be essential of you to think the prophet
was incapable of sin. The Prophet 
was the walking talking qur'an. He is and was our guide to how Islam is practiced.)
If people agreed with everything from Islam, they would accept it. By default of not being Muslims, they would not agree with everything.
Islam is not a social club where the rules are meant to be relaxed in order to get a larger membership.
You cannot simply choose not to believe things because they are less popular with non-muslims.
Islam is not a point of shame. You should not be ashamed to be Muslim.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Damn right!
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
She was 9 that's what most people say and IF it was 19 it is still wrong as he was 35
What is there to be proud of in being Muslim? The rape of women girls and young boys going up day by day in Pakistan a Muslim country, women being stoned in Muslim countries which is called sangsar some Muslim women get killed for talking on a mobile phone in Sindh Pakistan because of backward thinking Muslims they think that the women is flirting with some one so they kill her
My English is not very good
DON'T be a Muslim! God!
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Go to the source instead of "people say...". Read what the historians and the scholars have said. Too much hearsay out there.
and no it was never wrong and that is an unquestionable matter of aqeedah. Hadhrat Aisha (ra) AFAIK is also mentioned in the qur'an as being blessed etc, and there are ahadith which suggest that the marriage was ordained by God.
I dont like your idea of liberty. "I don't like this, so you are banned from doing it." Seems awfully like the kemalists in Turkey.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Let's not say such things.
He can be Muslim and is surropunded by them.
But he (or she) needs to know what that entails, including some information on the basics of islamic faith - which is that the qur'an is the word of God and without error (as other wise, you suggest that God made a mistake) and that the prophet
is the final messenger who is sinless and not capable of sin.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Ok, If you're gna go around insulting My God, My Beloved, My religion can you please do it in your head, or on a piece of paper or anywhere where I won't see it. As a fellow human, have that much respect for others. Thanks.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
You could be grateful for being on the true path. It would be being grateful to God for making things easier for you as you don't need to search as hard as others do.
there is a lot of stuff wrong in the world, but it is not exclusive to Muslims and even though some seems to be more prelavent there, some would also be prelavent there if the people weren't as they are more to do with ignorance and poverty and desperation than to do with Islam.
Before being ashamed of being Muslim, read what Islam says. and if you disagree with that or think it is wrong, then be shamed. If you agree with it and see that it is different from what some people do, don't be surprised.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Pages