Cousin Marriage is a massive issue especially amongst Asian Muslims in the UK. It divides the Muslim community like nothing else. You're either dead against it because of cultural and medical reasons or its 'cousin marriage or no marriage' in your parents eyes. Mainly it's parents who favour it and the youth who oppose it. The Revival spoke to the Muslim Youth across the UK to get their views on cousin marriages:
Farzana Patel, 25, Bury
I am all for cousin marriages and I don’t see anything wrong with it. The scientific point that people who marry their cousins have defective children is a load of rubbish, because if it was true all or majority of disabled children would have parents who are cousins.
From a religious point of view there is no prohibition at all, so why should we prohibit it socially? Me and my partner are cousins and I found it an advantage that I knew him and his family, so he wasn’t a stranger and I felt comfortable.
Mohsin Shahid, 25, Oldham
Do I think one should marry their cousin? No. There are several reasons for this. Many people in our communities do not realise what the medical problems are, such as hereditary illnesses. Our parents deny this over and over again, claiming that ‘we didn’t have these problems and look at us - we’re cousins’. However, what they fail to see is that one, or both, of them might be carriers of illnesses or have a recessive gene which can lie dormant for generations, but then be passed onto a child or grandchild.
Another reason is that when you marry your cousins, you can’t be as open with them as you would with an ‘outsider’- you end up treating them like you do your sister! You may accept someone as a spouse when you marry them, but I don’t think you can enjoy your life in the same way as you would if you didn’t marry a cousin. Likewise, your wife also cannot be as open with you, i.e. she might not raise any issues concerning her in fear of upsetting your parents who are either her aunty or uncle.
If someone WANTS to marry their cousin then I think that’s fine. But forcing someone to marry their cousin is bad. My advice is that if someone is going to marry their cousin, they should at least have a medical checkup. Our people might see this as a bad thing, disrespectful even, but I think that this is a necessary precaution.
Sadia Hussain, 23, Bradford
In my family, many of our cousins have some sort of disability because not only are their parents first cousins, but the entire family is inter-related. When you confront them, they insist that they’re not disabled because of the close relations; it’s just ‘Allah’s Will’.
Then there’s the issue of divorce. If one couple get divorced it effects the entire family, not just the two particular individuals. I remember when my sister got divorced, it caused so much drama and half the family stopped talking to her and my parents.
I too got married ‘in the family’, but at least my husband and I are not first cousins; we’re distantly related, which is at least better.
Abdul Ali, 23, Crawley
I think it’s wrong because you’re brought up to treat them as though they’re your brothers/sisters. Plus if something goes wrong, it’s awkward when you see them afterwards, because they’re still part of your family.
Nadia Ali, 26, Derby
Many people in our communities marry their children to cousins for several reasons. One is that the Prophet (pbuh) married his daughter Fatima (ra) to HER cousin, i.e. his (pbuh) nephew. So if the prophet (pbuh) did it, then they believe that they should also. Our older generation think that if they have a daughter-in-law who is their niece, i.e. their brother or sister’s daughter, then she will look after them better when they get older than an unrelated daughter-in-law would.
I myself married a cousin and it did not work out. In my opinion most of the people I know that are against cousin marriages are those that have had bad experiences. I do know people though who HAPPILY went ‘back home’ to marry a cousin and masha’Allah they are very happily married. My own parents are first cousins and have a very happy and loving marriage.
Syma Ahmed 22, Huddersfield
Having a Pakistani background, I view the issue of 'cousin marriages' with cultural sensitivity and an open mind. My very own family has pursued this practice. Setting aside the moral disdain people generally have for cousin marriages, my problem with this practice derives from the physical and social consequences that I have come to witness.
Firstly, the increased risk of genetic disease has become widely acknowledged. In Britain we learnt this in GCSE science, where we found that when two carriers of a disease reproduce there is a good chance their offspring will become a sufferer; family members who share the same genes therefore, and are carriers, are more likely to reproduce a child with a genetic disease.
My biggest frustration is the unwillingness of many Pakistani people to even accept this as a possibility. Many parents believe these children would have been born with disorders anyway had their parents not been related. What is mind-boggling is the conviction of such statements. It seems to me that science is appreciated in the form of modern medicines, but becomes the enemy when it stands against cultural traditions. This is what I see as blissful ignorance. They refuse to acknowledge what is happening and carry on with these practices, blaming it on 'kismat' (destiny) when things go wrong.
"Why marry your cousin?" The basic answer is to uphold the hierarchy that predominates in Pakistani families of course, where the so-called elders rule with an iron fist. The idea of 'respecting your elders' to me is something that should be done and should be a way of life, though I have come to realise this phrase has been used as a tool of oppression.
Women are told to marry internally so that they will continue to 'belong' to the family. Their labour, their time, their space is owned by the family, and this continues when she marries her cousin. For the boy, mother-in-laws are instantly jealous of women who threaten to take away their sons.
These are generalisations and the issue is much too complicated to be conveyed here. However, what I will say is that in the C4 programme a father-in-law claimed he wanted his niece to marry his son because the bond of love is already there. I think it’s more the case that it’s hard in Britain to find a daughter-in-law who will do the constant bidding of the in-laws without it ending in divorce two years later.
Cousin marriages are not about two people simply coming together to get married; it’s a mechanism to uphold the family order, it’s about the paranoia of an outsider marrying into the family, but more importantly it’s a source of protection for certain members of the family who want the world to continue revolving around them.
Jamal Khan, 34, Sheffield
If cousin marriages, like any marriage, are done without force and with the full consent of the man and woman, and with the couple being compatible with each other, then I say 'why not'? My problem with cousin marriages is that most cousins who marry don't really have a choice; it's either marry this cousin or that cousin... not marry whoever is compatible with you, because marrying outside the family is seen as a crime.
My biggest issue with cousin marriages is that if it doesn't work out and the couple divorce then many, many families, and even generations, fall out for life, unlike in non-cousin marriages where only the couple or the two families are affected.
Haffsah Nazir, 22, Rochdale
To put it simply, I think marriages between cousins are wrong. Your cousins are your extended family, and should be treated like brothers and sisters, not potential life partners. Yet there seems to be a lasting tendency for parents to arrange cousin marriages whilst children are still toddlers.
More than anything else I believe it is emotional blackmail that ‘encourages’ young Muslims to marry within the family, and it’s a real shame that parents make their children feel as though they should ‘repay’ them through marriage.
I think it’s unfair that many young people are not given a degree of freedom and choice when choosing the person they are ultimately likely to spend the rest of their lives with. I also believe that on issues such as this, the generation gap is becoming much more apparent.
On top of this there are a whole load of medical factors that come into play with cousin marriages, and again I feel this is unfair on all persons involved, although I am ignorantly unaware of the facts around this.
Nazia Salim, 27, London
Fortunately growing up, I knew that cousin marriage would never be an issue in my life. My parents were not cousins, nor were any of my grandparents. I was also lucky enough not to have any male cousins near my age. I felt sorry for school friends that were expected to marry their cousins when they grew up.
I am happily married to someone who is not related to me at all. I’ve enjoyed getting to know my husband; where he went to university, what he got up to at school, the part time jobs he did growing up, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know his family members too. This information wouldn’t have been new to me if he was a cousin of mine.
My husband and I are very protective about our privacy and have a zero tolerance approach for any interference in our marriage. This is easily done, because I don’t have a double relationship with anyone in our family. This wouldn’t have been the case if I had married into the family. I also don’t have the fear that if (God forbid) my husband and I were to divorce, it would cause a huge family feud and a divide within the family.
My marriage is interesting and fun – that’s because even after two years of marriage I’m still getting to know my husband. I wouldn’t have had that level of mystery if I had married a cousin.
Yaqub Maqsood, 32, Leicester
I’m married to my cousin from Pakistan and it's been a happy 6 years so far alhamdulillah. I wasn’t forced into marriage, and got to know her well before we married. I have two sons now who are masha' Allah healthy and as active as ever. So I suppose I am proof that cousin marriages do and can work… the secret is to buy your own house and not let the ‘aunties’ interfere lol. The key is that you are compatible with each other and after that you put in 100% effort if you want your marriage to last forever and want to live happily ever after!
Most of my relatives have had cousin marriages and to be honest some haven’t worked out, but others are happy and dandy! It’s a shame that a lot of people don’t really get a choice when it comes to marrying their cousin and a lot are emotionally blackmailed! Also if (God forbid) it doesn’t work out then hundreds of families here and abroad completely fall out for years, if not life!
Even though I’m not against cousin marriages I wouldn’t want my kids to marry their cousins because of the reasons I’ve mentioned, but mainly because my grandparents, parents and me have all married first cousins, and the gene pool now will be so weak that I think my kids are at a ‘higher risk’ of having disabled children… and I don’t want to gamble with their lives. I'd rather they marry anyone compatible and Islamic and avoid all the cousin marriage politics altogether.
Shamila, 22, Shipley
I think the only people that want cousin marriages are the parents. No person in their right mind would happily marry their cousin if there wasn't some sort of family pressure. Our cousins are like brothers and sisters - particularly in close knit families.
Parents want their kids to marry their cousins for their own self-interests. They dress it up by saying it’s the Islamic thing to do when Islam does not encourage or discourage it.
Parents want their kids to marry cousins because they think that a related daughter-in-law is more likely to treat them well and look after them, regardless of whether she’s the right girl for their son, thereby acting in their own interests.
Generations of cousin marriages lead to a limited gene pool too, so scientifically it can't be a good thing either.
Comments
Ordered by god? that's just rubbish why did god order him to marry her him selfs and not marry her to another person
It was never wrong then but now it is
My English is not very good
There is a lot of stuff wrong in the world, most of it is exclusive to Muslims
My English is not very good
like you said "muslims". NOT ISLAM. so its the people that need to change. and YOU are the people.
and yeah... ive also always known that the marriage between Aisha and The prophet (pbuh) was something from Allah subhanahou wa ta'ala. I think Jibreel came in a dream.
who are we to question what Allah has predestined? There must a greater wisdom behind it that we cannot grasp.
also..you're first post. about "especially muslims living in UK, EU, USA" well dude...we shouldnt even be here...
the line between disbelief and belief is very thin. watch where you tread.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Why not?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I said Muslims because its the people that make the religon
You said that you always known that the marriage between Aisha and The prophet (pbuh) was something from Allah subhanahou wa ta'ala. I think Jibreel came in a dream.
But why did Jibreel tell him to marry her for him self, Why did Jibreel not tell him to marry her to some one else?
My English is not very good
Careful there. If you wanted to ask questions, you could go even further "why did God create us?", "why was the prophet
in arabia" and many others. If the questions are real questions to learn, then that can be useful, but if they are there simply to cause hurdles and not to accept Islam, that is a problem.
As for reasons, there could be many. Hadhrat Aisha Sideeqa (ra) has been responsible according to some sources for explaining something like 2/3 of Islam - she was close to the prophet
and had access that others didn't and hence was important in explaining the various ahadith and verses of the qur'an.
Not if you do it properly. We have the qur'an and sunnah and that is what we use for guidance. Rejecting them would be creating a new religion that is not Islam.
To me it seems that you have some concepts inside your head and instead of melding them around religion, you are attempting to meld religion around them - that way does not work well.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Asking a question increase a persons knowledge and gets rid of confusions
Just because she had more access then others to certain things does mean she can marry some one much older then her and as far as being close goes she could have stayed close to him like a daughter she did not have to marry him to stay close
I am not rejecting the whole religion just certain bits of it like incest cousin marriage child marries, keeping money and land in the family
To me it seems you are trying to defend incest cousin marriage by saying that we should not question religion because the religion said so
My English is not very good
You're the one to call cousin marriage incest.
My stance is that who is allowed to be married and who is not allowed to be married is defined in the qur'an.
I do not override the qur'an.
The prophet
is also sinless and so is hadhrat Aisha (ra) and I do consider your position to be very close to unbelief if not unbelief itself - you cannot call the prophet 
wrong, say the qur'an is wrong (or not the word of God) and still be Muslim.
WHen something is from the qur'an and sunnah, our task is to understand it and use it to make sure our view of the world fits around it. WHat we are NOT supposed to do is to use what friends and others say and use that as right and then try to reject the bits of Islam that you're non Muslim friends do not agree with.
(and no, I am not supporting child marriage, as ummul mu'mineen hadhrat Aisha (ra) was 19 at the age of marriage.)
Why do you feel you need to decide over other people's marriages? If you don't want to marry your cousin, then so be it, I will support you in that. But going further to outright ban it, consider it wrong, that I will and canot agree with you on.
(is someone telling you to marry your cousin?)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Cousin marriage IS incest It should have never have been allowed in Islam
Aisha RA was 9
Just because she had more access then others to certain things does mean she can marry some one much older then her and as far as being close goes she could have stayed close to him like a daughter she did not have to marry him to stay close
I am not rejecting the whole religion just certain bits of it like incest cousin marriage child marries, keeping money and land in the family
Its good to know that you will support me in banning forced marriages
no comment to your last question sorry
My English is not very good
Please think about what you are saying. This is kufr. You are saying either that the Qur'an is not the word of God or that God is wrong - either statement is kufr.
We cannot choose to reject verses from the qur'an. SOme of which are:
[qs:4:22]
[qs:4:23]
[qs:4:24]
[qs:4:25]
Not if you read the historical books. and even if she was 9, the prophet
STILL wouldn't be wrong.
The last two are not religion.
but if you reject even one verse from the qur'an, you are no longer in the fold of Islam.
There are bits where you cannot pick and choose - you have to accept the qur'an in it's entirety or you are not Muslim. There are no two ways around it.
To be Muslim you have to accept Islam in its entirety. and this has nothing to do with cousin marriage. Either you accept it all, or you are not a believer. The trick is finding out which bits are culture and which are Islam, then you are free to reject the culture.
EDIT - deleted last bit of post as I confused forced with cousin. I would support a ban on forced marriage - Islam does not recognise such a marriage as valid.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I know what I am saying
Quran IS the world of god, but it should NOT have allowed incest cousin marriage
If she was 9 why would it still NOT be wrong?
The last two are not religion but what I keep saying is they are conceded a part of religion by the Pakistani's
I do accept Islam but NOT incest cousin marriage
My English is not very good
erm... are you sure you know what you are saying? you are saying there that the qur'an was wrong to allow it.
That is a troublesome notion as since you believe it to be the word of God, you are saying that God (swt) is wrong.
Please just sit back for a second and think about this before continuing the discussion. Are you sure you understand the consequences of what you are saying.
Because the prophet
is ma'sum and incapable of sin.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
U muppet
The quran is NOT wrong cousin marriage is
My English is not very good
Cousin marriage is wrong the truth hurts
Your not verified ha ha ha so you are the muppet
My English is not very good
The Qur'an does not ban cousin marriage so it is not wrong.
I'm kinda amazed though; you believe God and the Qur'an is right yet think the Prophet's (SAW) marriage should not have been allowed.
As humans we must accept that somethings are beyond our comprehension. And we do NOT know better than Allah (Swt).
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
If the qur'an allows it...
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Just because the Quran does not ban cousin marriage does not make it right, it was never right, never is and never will be
My English is not very good
The Qur'an and hadith ban anything that is NOT right.
Everything is allowed unless forbidden is the rule.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
It doesn't just not ban cousin marriage - it outright allows it.
[qs:4:24] says that those people that have not been banned for marriage in the preceding section are allowed to be married.
It is not just allowing it through ommission, but actually saying it is allowed.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
If they knew the negative effects of cousin marriage that we do now then I am sure it would have been banned in the Quran
I am a Muslim but a non- practicing one so please tell me what the Quran say about
knowingly putting you’re children’s lives and there future generations lives in danger I ask this because its a proven fact that if people marry there cousins generations after generations the risk in them having disabled children increases, and as the Pakistani have been doing it for ages and ages the risks must be very high yet they choose to ignore all advise given to them by doctors
My English is not very good
They were known.
There is a hadith on how marrying cousins can result in weaker offspring, and there was a case of a tribe which had many childen with illnesses and they were told to marry from other tribes.
(I don't plan to post further in this topic - the positions from both people will not be changed, even with additional information or knowledge etc.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
That is just utter greed in my view
My English is not very good
Brother/Sister, who is this "they", you speak of?
Allah (swt) is the creator of everything. He is the all-knower, He exists outside of time and any of his creation.
This means that He knows every problem, every scientific discovery and everything in this world. He knew what would happen in the future and what was happening.
He knows about the links between cousin marriages and illness.
It is not a proven fact that cousin marriages = disabled children. I am a living example of this and so are many many others.
However generations after generations, yes ofcourse the chances increase and so it would be silly to risk it. Even the other article you commented on about cousin marriages - the QA, mentions it would be better not to marry cousins in such cases ( I think it did anyway, sorry for the mistake if it doesn't)
But it Islam does not rule out cousin marriages also there may be links to it and disability, illness etc but at the end of the day not every cousin marriage couples have ill children. For me, personally anyway, this is where the belief of "God testing us" comes in - I mean even a couple who are not related can have ill/disabled children. It just happens. It's God's will. TBH I personally would avoid risking it myself though.
But the other important thing is that although Islam does not rule it out - it also does not say it is a must or recommend it. It is simply just allowed.
Therefore it is just culture which asks children to marry their cousins and any parent who thinks it is a must, should be corrected.
(P.S I am sorry for losing my patience and getting angry in my first few replies to you)
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
If there is a hadith that cousin marriage can result in weaker offspring THEN WHY WAS IT NOT BANNED?
My English is not very good
If there is a hadith that cousin marriage can result in weaker offspring THEN WHY WAS IT NOT BANNED?
My English is not very good
Because that was a time of scripture and the prophet
was present.
If cousin marriage was to be banned, it would have been either through the qur'an or through hadith.
Neither happened and cousin marriage was allowed.
Remember that genetic defects can occur in babies that are NOT from cousin marriages too.
If there is a high risk in a specific case, there is a greater onus on the people to avoid it, but overall, what is halaal is halaal.
(and here I was looking to not respond any further... we are just going in circles and i don't think you will be convinced to accept the body of evidence allowing it.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Thankyou for at least saying I personally would avoid risking it myself though.
The risks get higher because if 1 of the parent has a mutated gene it is most likely that the other parent has it as well because they share the same blood, If they are not related the chances are less of both being carriers because there blood is different
Thank you for the apologise may Allah forgive us all
My English is not very good
There is less chance of genetic defects in babies that are NOT from cousin marriages
As you your self have now said if there is a risk it is better to avoid it thats just what I am saying as well so we agree
My English is not very good
Like I said - Islam doesn't openly recommend or make it a vital condition for marriage, so since you can see the risks are getting higher by every generation then it's fine for you to say no to cousin marriage.
But please do not think it's Islam's mistake.
Have you got proof for your statement that there is more chance of babies with defects being born to unrelated parents?
Because there are certain genetic disorders which are more prevalent in certain races this means that they have many babies with defects too and its not less common.
I believe it is God's will and a way to test people. Yes I am re-iterating that.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
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