I checked myself in the mirror for the last time... "First impression is last impression" my mothers familiar saying rang in my ears and I smiled at myself sure that my reflection was sure to attract the right crowd on my first day. I had carefully matched my hijab with my dress and handbag and was sure my jeans were baggy enough.
"Wow, you'll have no trouble making friends," gushed my younger sister. Nervous as I was I shrugged as though I couldn't care less but as soon as she was gone I began reciting the du'a I had been taught to bless me with good company.
As I clambered into the car a couple of minutes later I felt a little more confident, after all uni was meant to be the best years of your life right? My elder siblings had all made their life-long friends there, surely I would have the same luck... Or would I?
It's a funny thing how time can drag when you're looking forward to something, this was not one of those times. Before I knew it my father was pulling up infront of my uni building, wishing me good luck and fighting back tears of pride. I smiled hoping with all my heart that I could work hard and do him proud.
"Alright get a move on, you don't wanna be late!" he chuckled as I pecked him on the cheek.
This was the new big step. University. I stepped out and took a deep breath. The air was chilly and I could feel light drops of rain falling on my cold skin. I wrapped the coat around me tighter and slowly walked inside with my timetable reminding myself of my aims for the year...
1) Work hard...hard enough to get top marks
2) Make GOOD friends (no lads)
3) Basically...have abit of fun...(note to self - HALAL fun - not like college...)
4) Also maybe find myself...
OUCH!!! I had absent-mindedly walked into someone. Typical me!
"Sorry!" I murmured automatically.
"No worries," a pretty face smiled back at me, "first year, right?" she asked
"Erm yea, how'd you guess?" I said and instantly felt like an idiot. Well duh, I thought, it was obvious from the way I was holding the campus map with a confused expression on my face, I might as well have had "fresher" tattooed on my forehead.
She laughed and I realised she was following my chain of thought. "Come on, I'll show you where to go."
I nodded gratefully and followed her down the narrow corridor to a pair of double doors.
"I'm first year too by the way" she said.
I was surprised as she seemed pretty confident. She must have guessed, "I got here early, thought I'd check the place out."
I nodded.
She must be psychic I thought. I hadn't had to talk much... Hmm could she see how nervous I was? Oh gosh I couldn't be friends with a mind reader. I had stupid thoughts all the time... "Okay now stop being stupid!" I told myself; my nerves were clearly affecting my sanity. I began a conversation with her before she thought I was completely mental, that surely wouldn't have been a good first impression.
We both sat down together in the front row of the lecture theatre watching as the hall slowly began to fill with other students ahead of the introductory lecture. My new friend was nice. She was well-spoken and polite, but as we spoke a group of girls in hijaab caught my eye. Phew! Relief flooded over me, it was always a comfort knowing you wernt the only one. I smiled at them making a mental note to go over to them after the lecture.
"Oh my God! What are youuu doing here????" a familar voice interrupted my thoughts and I spun round to see a guy smiling back at me. "I didn't know YOU were on this corse!" he laughed.
I froze. Rewiiiind. This was NOT part of the plan. I had planned to get away from college, but it seemed like it had followed me here. What was my aim again? Ermm I was having trouble remembering now... Oh yes: Make GOOD friends... As in girls... But all that was beginning to dissolve... Don't do it! Don't do it! A part of me protested but it was only a whisper now...
"Jamaaaaaal!!! Omg! Wow! What a coincidence! Ha! Great I know someone!" I laughed and before I knew it he had jumped forward to occupy the empty seat beside me. After introducing himself to my new friend on the left he launched into an account of how he'd ended up on the course. I replied and laughed and smiled... And inside I cursed myself. Shame on you Aliyah! Slipping down that same slippery slope... You had promised to change! You're making a mistake... This is wrong...
The voice of the programme director droned over my thoughts.
Jamaal leaned closer, "I'll tell you the rest at lunch, after all we got three years of this now" he winked.
I smiled feebly before redirecting my gaze to the tired looking lecturer and tried to focus. This wasn't the new beginning I'd hoped for. But hey, what's a bit of harmless chat? It was no big deal... I was worrying for nothing...right? I mean I was in control... It wasn't like last time...I tried to convince myself but deep down I knew it was a lie. What had I gotten myself into?
To be continued...
Comments
That's true but some people find cutting off completely easier.
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Lol, I didn't realise the beginning of Uni caused so many thoughts?
Was this written by someone on the site?
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Oh okay.
Edit: it Is in the magazine.
Why is it in the magazine? To give people advice about uni or just-for-funs?
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Cos it's October?
People started Uni?
People in similiar situations?
Who kisses their dad on the cheek before going anywhere?
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
LOLL I used to kiss my dad on the cheek before he went somewhere.. then i grew up and it seems weird now - quite unfortunate actually.
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
hey! give people a chance!
the only guys i know/talk to are revivalers..and cousins (when i see them every six months of more...) but i need to cut down on this too...
wonder how uni's gona be like
wonder if i'll go anywhere near uni...
so man wonderement to be wondered about...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I can't remember ever doing it. I remember mum kissing me when young though.
I still do it, its called love. And I don't think its weird or strange.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
so many wonderements still to be wondered about... (first thought on reading this old response of mine: I WAS STILL AS HUMAN and Lillyokayish as i am now!)
another one to add to the list: where's part two?
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Part 2 is probably gonna be in the next issue.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
ohhh..i see. you make sense!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
this reminds me of myself and after the to be continued bit it became a very bad thing and afterwards you regret everything..
No point regretting now, just make sure your future is better than your past.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Whens the next bit gna be on ere?
In the next issue, inshaAllah - no date given but sooooooon, so watch this space!
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I notice that this is being posted elsewhere now by the author - and its no longer limited to the first chapter:
http://powerofthepen786.com/newbeginnings.html
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
jazakAllahkhair! i actually cnt wait for chap 6!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I read through all five chapters yesterday and it was my first time reading through them. It actually engaged me, but Noooooooooo, how did she give in so easily? Ah, silly guys that play with her mind!
Edit: Hummus, it's made up. Not real. It's just an imagination to help people who may find themselves in a similar situation.
i am glad to tell you LillyLtS person thingy majig that you strolled through year 12 summer hardly touchign your personal statement, got back to college adn got hit with people doing all sorts of uni-related stuff. glanced here and there and decided to apply to cambridge, worked super hard to get that PS done. then decided to stuff this all and not apply to cambridge. then you strolled through the winter term of year 13 just trying to adjust. after that deadlines started to loom in and you glanced a little bit harder at subjects and universities (you also took part in something amazing namely CHARITY WEEK - which you are alhamdulillah, still part of now). then you applied and submitted your application -finally- the day before the deadlines. one day you get a call/email (cnt remember) for an interview at the infamous Imperial university and you think "STUFF THIS SQUARED". called UCAS and told them you wanted to withdraw your application. got told exactly what that meant, agreed to it all and felt a huge burden being lifted off your shoulders. all that the day before the imperial interview. cold feet alert? maybe. we'll never know. (even though i've done scarier stuff in me life so no regret). you kept a low profile coz you knew you were going to get BASHED for this (and i guess bashed you did get but you can hardly remember). then you strolled some more and completed your alevels and did some other stuff on the side, you got a scholarship for an online islamic studies degree and you're doing that. you've learnt loads. like frikking TIME MANAGEMENT and ORGANISATION and PRIOTARIZING. now you've completed your first year of uni and its ramadan and you came across this thread when admin posted the rest of the chapters of "new beginnings" which you gobbled (as you would) in one go. then you came back on here to do some lillynalysing of the latest chapter (5) because its been going round and round your head since the last time you read it. but while coming back on here you came across all the previous comments and you decided to reply to yourself again coz you'd done it once before so why not right?
and now for the lillynalysing.
so im reading..and im thinking Darn (because damn in a baaad word) this Jamal guy person! urgh
i get to here
urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
BOOYA GIRL! get away from this guy and get in the "hijabi" crew and be like you wanted to be at the beginning! YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU TELL HIM!!!
wait...what.....?!...is this...
OH NO!! WHATCHA DOIN' GIRL!!??!?!
i hate you Jamal, you...you!..YOU MALE SPECIES THINGYMAJIG!!
ha.ha.ha.
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! where is the next chapter!!!!?!?!
now.
rewind a bit. and some analysing.
DO GUYS seriously say crap like:
do they really?! do they really say stuff like this?! IN REAL LIFE?!
if yes then.. the male species is truly wonder-full, i guess though, love makes you do some freakingly crazy and embarassing things. how can one risk that without the safety net/assurance that they'll probably be spending the rest of their life with that particular person -slash- know that that person, because of the beautiful religion of Islam, is basically sworn to secrecy when it comes to stuff like that so even if you do split up they shouldnt be spilling stuff like that around.
seriously? is this really what happens? because i read somewhere that "new beginnings" was based on real life experiences of a few ladies so im taking this as fact/has happened to one of my own somewhere out there. SERIOUSLY?! im no dismissing it, i just need reassurance here i do not want to be rooted on the spot by words, i got the world to change.
"said he breathlessly, letting that last word out barely moving his lips, leaving me wondering if i'd dreamt it or if he had truly said it" says the typical girl from the typical chickflick (im not saying Aliyah is that kinda girl, this line just sounded so typical lol)
ah Jamal, Jamal, Jamal, if i had been there with Aliyah, your face would have long being making one with the plaster of the wall.
actually..this reminds me of soemthing... *just came back from watching a clip on youtube - sobbered up* actually i'll post it at the end of this post.
is this really somthing that happens?
WHY
WHY does that happen
is this some inbuilt female reaction to male attention biological set up?
or is this just some socially constructed response from all the crap we've been watching?
CAN I ESCAPE THIS?!
I want to know the psychology behind this. any reading recommendations?
i just want ot clarify, im not hating on the text. im merely reacting to it. and its bringing out quite strong feelings lol. which is is a GOOD thing. and i hope people will interact with me with this one.
--
ive had a bit more experience interacting with the **male species** since the last (or th eone before)post. i still feel 150% more comfortable texting/typing to them rather than having to actually speak to them. its a whole new form of socializing when it comes to males. i look girls straight in the eye but with guys... to make or not to make eye contact. especially with MUSLIMS guys. because you can tell they're thinking the exact same thing so it leads to *make eye contact* *break eye contact* *remake eye contact coz it might be seen rude to not make eye contact* *ah but he's not looking, so its good, AH CRAP now he is* *great, now he broke eye contact, okay i'll look down* and AT THE SAME TIME YOU'RE ASKING HIM FOR The BROOM/IF HE HAS THIS BOOK/WHERE IS THIS PLACE/explain your situation and what you want him to do about it. My head cannot take this level of multitasking.
and now i just watched ">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAQFwPiNX9U] and i've totally sobbered up. i laughed until about 5 mins in. the last 3 mins sobbered me right up. and for all the goodness in this 8mins clip, i ask you to give it a go coz the 5 mins and then the 3 mins were so worth it in their own way. enjoy.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?