can you all help me perfect my poem thanx

The cries of the people around
Fill my subconscious
I see my family laughing
While I am unconscious

My life flashes before me
Visions and all
No hope or no glory
As I started to fall

It started as a struggle
As you must have guessed
A punch and a kick
From north, south and west

My feelings go crazy
The anger the hate
While a bullet hits my heart
As if it were fate

I grabbed my own chest
To feel my heart beat
As the blood just kept flowing
Right down to my feet

I looked all around
Whilst still in pain
The feeling of agony
Like being lashed by a cane