Dave even in the west there are still families who do things the old fashioned christian way if u like. ask the fathers permission to marry the girl. You can't just propose to the girl her father has to accept you too? i know many ppl like this. I think that's how it should be if u want a good relationship with the in laws show a bit of respect.

did u have to get annette's fathers permission Dave ?

"yashmaki" wrote:

Dave even in the west there are still families who do things the old fashioned christian way if u like. ask the fathers permission to marry the girl. You can't just propose to the girl her father has to accept you too? i know many ppl like this. I think that's how it should be if u want a good relationship with the in laws show a bit of respect.

did u have to get annette's fathers permission Dave ?

There was absolutely no way in hell I could have married Annette without her fathers permission, he wouldn't allow it and she would have backed out if I didn't (they are very close).

lol it was the second scariest day of my life. I got grilled, I had to bring all my account information, he had already looked up my criminal record (fights, things of that nature) so I didn't need to bring it, he talked to my psychologist, I had to bring all my medical information, and he called my pastor - while I was in the room. So basically after passing his 360 evaluation I was allowed to talk.

He indicated this by saying "Speak"

And I talked for about an hour about everything and obviously it was a little odd because I was telling him things he already knew, he's known me since I was a little kid for Gods sake. So without cracking a smile when he was finished listening to me he called my father and had like a 30 second conversation that went something like this

"Jack?... yea.... yea... I've got your kid here... yea... he wants to marry Annette, what do you think about that?"

A couple more "yeas" and he hanged up the phone, glared down at me and asked why I didn't tell my father - that was difficult to get around.

The whole process took maybe four hours... it was excruciating. Makes perfect sense though. I'm going to duplicate it completely when some bozo comes to steal my daughters.

lol ironically since getting married and especially since they found out Annette's mother is pregnant (I've affectionately nicknamed the coming baby "Surprise!") I've seen a completely different side of my father in law than I have seen in like... the 13 years I've been intimidated by him...

And I'm no wimp! This guy is that frightening when he wants to be. He's flipping huge, always has this cold aristocratic stare and is not afraid to get physical. He actually threw me across the room (I'm over six feet tall and at the time was probably 210) once because I brought Annette back from high school in a blizzard.

Never did that again...

lol actually this screen name is a bit of an inside joke about him...

Anyway, while at the same time basically being the bane of my existance for 13 years I've been able to see from great distances that he really is one hell of a father. They have all these fun little things they would do together, like little traditions... evening family basketball games... he went to every last school choir performance (and they didn't have a place so close to our high school like my parents did), ballet thing, cheerleading event and activity Annette ever did.

In many ways I'm taking a lot of my cues from him, he really got it.

I think it's kind of a nice tradition, asking the father that is, since it gets you to think about how prepared you are... maybe not always in that detail... and it gets you to think about how you are going to have to reorient aspects of your life to make your role as husband and father number one.

wow

and i thought the asian family grilling system was bad :shock:

but its a good thing

fact is

young girls are naive

they dont think about the obvious i.e. have u been previoulsy married, do u have diseases, a criminal record etc etc

thats why they need someone who cares about them to do it for them

i think every dad shud ask for stuff like, degree certificate, CRB, medical records etc etc

hey dave u better be careful bout what u say now that annette's here. haha just kidding bet she already knows you're scared silly of her dad. ur post was hilarious, thanx for posting that experience up!

that story reminds me of Ben stillers father in law in meet the parents , funny film

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

wow

and i thought the asian family grilling system was bad :shock:

but its a good thing

fact is

young girls are naive

they dont think about the obvious i.e. have u been previoulsy married, do u have diseases, a criminal record etc etc

thats why they need someone who cares about them to do it for them

i think every dad shud ask for stuff like, degree certificate, CRB, medical records etc etc

It does seem over the top but it makes sense. What he wanted to know was whether I really love Annette (which even he conceeded was fairly obvious), whether I could take care of her (thus the reason for checking my finances, job status et cetera), and whether I would be good to her (thus the reason for inquiring about any criminal background, mental health et cetera).

He also wanted to know I wouldn't give her any weird diseases and whether I was suitably religious.

I'll worry about all those things when my daughters get married, I think all fathers do - few actually have the audicity and courage to take the "ludicrous" steps necessary to satisfy their concerns, Annettes dad did - and I will too someday.

I mean I guess you could argue it's unfair to ask those kinds of questions or to deny somebody if they had a disease, or if they weren't the right religious background, or didn't have enough money to support a family. BUT when it is your children "equal opportunity" flies right out the door, that's pretty clear from the moment you first meet them. And if these things really matter to you then you'd be a coward not to stand in the way for the sake of being agreeable.

But anyway, lol I kinda left that whole thing out when I mentioned my proposal... I did so great with the Rockefellar center and everything getting grilled by her dad just wasn't as cool

"*DUST*" wrote:

hey dave u better be careful bout what u say now that annette's here. haha just kidding bet she already knows you're scared silly of her dad. ur post was hilarious, thanx for posting that experience up!

lol yes she knows and has always enjoyed it. Largely because I've got such a high opinion of myself and go out of my way to vainly project an image of aristocratic machoism that just melts when I run into this guy.

I couldn't berate him though, he raised a perfect daughter and you can see why... a lot of young girls in this country grow up with too many rough edges because of bad parenting and unisex feminism or God knows what else. One of the most attractive things about Annette is that she has always been a true girl, optimistic, sensitive, caring, polite and very innocent - because he father was not afraid to create boundaries for her and shelter her from the bad things outside those boundaries.

Kinda makes you wonder how I ever got into the picture!

I think I learned a lot from their family... I see a man who does the above, creating boundaries and protecting his family from whats outside them, I see a wonderful woman making what is inside those boundaries warm wonderful and nurturing and I see a person jump out of the box when everybody is ready who is the way people should be. I don't know much about her parents, where they come from, or how they met but they are an anomaly - they seem to "get it" and I dunno where they learned it from.

I'm trying to copy it... I mean I don't get giddy over trips to Disney land or first Teddy bears merely because I'm eccentric (note: I said "merely" that doesn't mean I'm saying it's not true).

Speaking of which we leave tomorrow! Which means (knock on wood) I will have survived my first trip to mexico without getting into any trouble at all!

Heres a romantic thought your parents proposing on behalf of you weird it sortov reminds me of oh yeah pakistani weddings!!! literally but i doesnt suprise me :roll: