Quote:

And back to the “Paki ting” another thing that annoys me is the competition when it comes to gold….even when attending a small get together it’s kinda funny how much gold some ladies wear.

i know what you mean

mum tried to make me wear gold to parties while back, and weddings, but i prefer fake jewellery you can get from high street, esp earrings, and much better than gold.

i only wear gold if someone close in family getting married- twice thats happened

There's another kind of tikka, from what I know it's called a "Bindhi Tikka".

Its like a chain across the forehead and in the middle the actuall tikka is supposed to be very small, like a bindhi.

My cousin wore it on her wedding, i thought it looked quite nice. But i think that too is a bit old fashioned.

Does anyone know what i'm talking about? i[size=9] know my description is not that good.[/size]

"MuslimSister" wrote:

"fizzy1" wrote:

mum tried to make me wear gold to parties while back, and weddings, but i prefer fake jewellery you can get from high street, esp earrings, and much better than gold.

Exactly, stuff from say Accessorize or even Claires can look really good too.

Plus its not as expensive as gold, so you can match jewellery with your outfit and have different designs.

[size=9]MS, I read your articles, I especially liked "The Gift Of Youth".[/size]

"MuslimSister" wrote:

I think I know what your talking about...

It's linked to the Tikka isnt it? So altogether there are three chains going across the head?

Personally, I think its a bit OTT. But I suppose it can look good.

Yea that's the one.

I don't know about wearing it, not really me but it looked nice.

"MuslimSister" wrote:

[size=9]Thanks Sis, where did you read them. In Yuits website?[/size]

I don't know Yuits website, I read them on Minhaj Sisters website.

got these beautiful earrings from Mikey

big, and metal design, but got turquoise opaque pieces, and see through blue diamonds in the design, looks v ethnic, but prefer those to any gold earrings

looks good with a lengha

It's not just a paki thing it's an all together indopak thing this obssession with gold. It's all about showing off wealth and status. Ironically a lot of parents get their daughters sets on loans, so it signifies debt and extravagance to me nothing else.

Apparently those sets where you get like a triple set of necklaces and each one is longer than the next, are popular as wedding sets. Yeah nice if you like things in your face. Less is more don't wana look like that guy from the A team.

My parents nor mother in law know that i've sold most of my wedding gold, apart from the sets my near and dear ones gave me, with mutual consent from my husband. I'm not wearing it and it's just sitting there in a bank safe. I've never been mad about jewellery. Putting it on taking it off, too much hassle especially if you clean and cook a lot, too much bother for me.

For a special occasion it's nice to wear a delicate piece though. Although silver can be nice only down side it tends to tarnish more easily than gold, so you have to get it polished up a lot. Gold with whtie gold or white stones look pretty.

Anyways I also remember my mother saying why's your neck and hands empty put on some jewellery, she doesn't say it anymore though. My mother in law was the same when i first got married, but she'd complain to my mother. Apparently her sons hayat was being reduced coz i didn't wear at least some bangles or a necklace. I don't believe in that nonsense, in fact i know that's a hindu concept, so I rebel against it all the more :roll: How do they expect me to walk around with some bangles which are hardly "casual", even if i'm uncomfy in them? I have to admit the ones my mother gave me are gorgeous, white gold with indian gold and a few white stones in between, not chunky. But i'd rather save those things for special occasions not for every day wear.

Bengalis dress up just to pop down to the doctors surgery. They pull out a flash sari and the gold. Anyone would think they're off to a wedding not for a medical Anyways just an observation i've made.

"yashmaki" wrote:

My parents nor mother in law know that i've sold most of my wedding gold, apart from the sets my near and dear ones gave me, with mutual consent from my husband. I'm not wearing it and it's just sitting there in a bank safe.

.

I'd do that too-

but not all my jellewary just the OTT one that I obvioulsy will not be wearing ever again-

Btw why do u say that a married girl not wearing gold and reducing her husbands status is a hindu thing?

i had to sell my wedding gold to buy bedroom furniture

i'm sorry to hear that seema, if you had known me i could have given you a free set. In my culture the brides parents have to provide all furniture for the house, that includes kitchen appliances like washing machines, fridge freezers, cooker etc, plus bed, wardrobes, sofas you name it. One catch they don't give you a house. So you end up going to in laws and have two sets of furniture looooooool. Well if they wana waste their money leave them to it, complaints don't deter them.

I'd rather have a flat then the furniture-thats what many girls are askin for these days

but its rude to suggest sepeation straight away in our culture

"yashmaki" wrote:

i'm sorry to hear that seema, if you had known me i could have given you a free set. In my culture the brides parents have to provide all furniture for the house, that includes kitchen appliances like washing machines, fridge freezers, cooker etc, plus bed, wardrobes, sofas you name it. One catch they don't give you a house. So you end up going to in laws and have two sets of furniture looooooool. Well if they wana waste their money leave them to it, complaints don't deter them.

:? :evil:

how many of you have lived with yr in laws once you married? and how many are planning to move in with your in laws?

"fizzy1" wrote:

how many of you have lived with yr in laws once you married? and how many are planning to move in with your in laws?

most people live with inlaws in the first few years of marraige-

some move after the house get tight and they have a few kids

some move earlier cos of the continious fighting and game playing

but nowadays girls move out earlier-

personally I aint fussed

one marraige I know broke up cos guy refused to move out-one marriage I know is on the rocks right now cos guy wont move out

but then again if u end up marrying either the eldest or youngest son u end up staying with the in-laws>>>>thats the way it seems work

"muslim_kuri" wrote:

but then again if u end up marrying either the eldest or youngest son u end up staying with the in-laws>>>>thats the way it seems work

not always-

sumtimes even the ONLY son refuses to stay with parents-or chooses to leave with wife :shock:

things are diff in this country-houses are smaller

people are more reserved and value their privacy

"muslim_kuri" wrote:

but then again if u end up marrying either the eldest or youngest son u end up staying with the in-laws>>>>thats the way it seems work

lol nah.

my parents r so cool - they feel its important for newlywed couples to have their own space and time to get to know one-another. so they rented out a flat for my eldest bro once he got married, and recently he bought his own flat.

"Aasiyah" wrote:

my parents r so cool - they feel its important for newlywed couples to have their own space and time to get to know one-another. so they rented out a flat for my eldest bro once he got married, and recently he bought his own flat.

thats kool

"Aasiyah" wrote:

lol nah.

my parents r so cool - they feel its important for newlywed couples to have their own space and time to get to know one-another. so they rented out a flat for my eldest bro once he got married, and recently he bought his own flat.

Thats good! Thats what my parent say when my eldest brother gets married.

i know alot of guys that just refuse to move out even though they've got so many kids and the house is tight..

one my mum mentioned just couldnt bare to live without his mum

i think its best to move out coz you need your own space even though you'll have more work to handle espec with the kids so maybe thats one negative point.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I live with my mother in law, father in law never met him sadly passed away years ago. My husband is the only son so we both have to stay live with her. Putting her in a care home or leaving her in Bangladesh isn't an option either of us would consider.

Luckily my mother in law doesn't boss me about. She doesn't do any domestics at all, she's too old and frail for that. So i'm left to my own devices. She will never complain about any dishes i make. Sometimes you can cook the same dish but it might come out slightly different she never says a word, she always say it's delicious lol.

I manage to get my own space when husbands at work and mother in law is fed i relax in my bedroom. If my mother in law was a chatty person i'd spend more time with her, but she doesn't speak unless you start the conversation, and you always have to lead it or she just goes quiet.

Course there are negatives but no one has life perfect do they. She has to be told repetedly to do things, otherwise she doesn't do it. She needs help getting clothes on sometimes.

She is mobile, but walks so slow, husbands forces her to walk fast when we take her out.

I admit sometimes i get irritated or angry coz she needs constant instructions but i never raise my voice at her, i've never spoken rudely to her i think i'm quite patient. My husband loses it sometimes though, i have to remind him she's old and we may behave even worse if we reach old age. But it's been tough for him, he's been looking after her alone way before i was on the scene, takes a decent man to do that.

Looking after my mother in law has made me realise i could have loved my own mother more. I should have done her laundry, made her bed, run a bath for her. Make breakfast for her. Sure i cooked and cleaned but i don't think that was enough considering what i'm doing for my mother in law. It makes me feel so guilty, i feel like i lost some valuable opportunities to make her comftable and happy. Luckily i still have time to do that. Not to the same extent but when i visit and stay over i'll make sure i do exactly what i do for my mother in law for my own mother and father, they deserve it for bringing me into this world and raising me.

Wow that is good

May allah be please with you for looking after your mother in law and having Patience.

I'm a bling bling girl. Luckily for me my culture demands that I'm always decked in gold in weddings, parties.

I know my parents wont let me down on my wedding day. They have too much to lose if they did that. This is one aspect of my desi culture that I do not criticise

Doesn't it ever get to glittery though?

lol it seems like people get a little caught up in the sparklyness and create gaudy monstrousities.

Like those absurd chelengks that the sultans used to give to british commanders in the napoleonic wars.

"Ramz" wrote:

I know my parents wont let me down on my wedding day. They have too much to lose if they did that.

What would they lose girl?

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

"Ramz" wrote:

I know my parents wont let me down on my wedding day. They have too much to lose if they did that.

What would they lose girl?

reputation i assume... :?