why don't you sit down and talk to them? Explain to them that greasy desi aren't what you are interested in, and ask them if they want to see you happy? If yes then let them know what is your happiness, if you make one wrong decision then you will be miserable for the entire life.

All I can say is what I said last time...

It is a tricky situation.

Someone will get hurt. There is no ammicable way out.

Now you have to decide whoo you wanna hurt.

Oh and take take your parents to a scholar. Any scholar. That should be a big help.

Marry your boyfriend!! - effectively that nullifies any chances with your parents greasy choice.

Besides i'm sure your boyfriend loves you very much and will make you very happy and in time that will make your parents happy.

I dunno much about how Asian parents react to this kinda thing since this whole arranged marriage thing is waaaay foreign to me - but I highly doubt if you took matters into your own hands they would never forgive you.

Nobody's that harsh

"Ramz" wrote:

I'm a bengali girl looking to get married to my Pakistani boyfriend. My desi parents are trying to set me up with desi guys. :roll:

I have to sit through meetings with greasy desi's. I don't believe in arranged marraiges so how can I explain to my desi parents that I only want to marry for love?

Any advice will be appreciated.

Explain to your parents that simply because they had no choice doesn't mean they have to inflict the same misery on you. Point out you know they love you, and they had better be responsible about this. Enough is enough. If they don't like it that's a choice they're making, whether they love you regardless was never your choice. And if you don't say that, marry the Bengali.

I have ten hot tips on how to get out of an arranged marraige

I'll post them up 2moro

watch this space... :twisted:

Bengali ppl are very stuck in their traditional ways. Even if that means putting their reputation before their childs happiness so be it.

I agree with Admin totally someone will get hurt. I've witnessed this before with Bengali girls I know of. I didn't want to give much advice to the, because unwittingly they may tell their parents. Then the parents will come to my folks saying your daughter knew my girl had a boyfriend, she encouraged her to date :roll:

This is what I said to my mate well she wanted the truth, but the truth hurts. Ask yourself these questions honestly write them down. Don't post the answers here it's very personal. Then look up the pros and cons which out weighs the other?

1)Do you think your parents will agree? If yes great! If no are you willing to go against your parents wishes and marry without their consent?

2) Are you up for the possibility that your parents or even siblings may disown you? Is this guy worth such a loss? (Personally I don't think any guy is worth it).

3) Your parents may agree to get you married to this guy, but the reality is your relationship will no longer be the same, especially if they grudgingly agreed so you wouldn't carry on dating. (friend I know her parents don't respect her no more. The love they once had is no longer the same. No trust there at all. She's extremely hurt, but so are her parents. She knows she in some ways bought this upon herself)

4) Are you not concerned about the character of your boyfriend? If religion is important to you, doesn't it worry you that he was willing to date you knowing that it is against the faith? Do you feel confident he will be a positive role model to any kids you have in the future? And a good loyal husband to you?

5) What about his parents, do they know about you? Have they given their consent for this marriage. Will they accept you?

6) Are you ready for the cultural shock? Are you up for all the Pakistani cultural rituals, in addition to the Bengali ones? Religions should be the most important thing, but cultural aspects can cause trouble. Are you willing to make compromises meet halfway?

I don't mean to put you off, but these are things you will have to face, so think about them. Try not to go grey mulling over them loool

Seriouly I pray Allah guides you to the best decision for your future happiness.

P.S Bengalis and love? Lub kitha marus! Thoore shafee lagayah ami zellaw jaymu, izzat arro boro. looooooooool=
What you talking about love! I'll strangle you to death then go to jail, my respect/reputation/self dignity is greater than all that :shock:

Love isn't a deciding factor in getting married not for traditional Bengalis. It's all about the money, status, anything so they can brag about their new son or daughter in law. :roll: BTW religion is a big no no to these ppl. Unless of course they take their religion seriously. I've only met a handful who do, sad or what. Even those who claim to take it seriously still put money above all when it comes to marriage. "so how many restaurants do you own, 1 is that all?"

yashmaki,

That made me feel sick to my stomach. Think I'll go to bed.

"100" wrote:

yashmaki,

That made me feel sick to my stomach. Think I'll go to bed.

why do u say that

Love aint the be all and end all

the girl in this mess needs to be realistic-yash asked some good Q

of course her parents are wrong to force her to meet guys she dont want to marry-but she's not exactly perfect either

:o which part all of it. I was being realistic though, I'm erm Bengali I have inside info I know what I;m on about.

Sorry didn't mean to make you sick :shock:

Not the love, the willingness to live a total non-life. I think you in particular do understand. But zombify away, it's not my problem.

a non life? Don't get me wrong I'm not saying she should compromise for a marriage without love. Everyone deserves to be loved and marry someone they choose. And regardless of whether a person sins I still think they deserve the best in life.

But our actions have consequences. We all have to make sacrifices. I'm just highlighting it's not going to be easy as she may think. It's not as simple as saying I want to marry person x otherwise I'm leaving you dear mother and father. Least it wouldn't be for me.

I had an arranged marriage. But mine was arranged via my brother. I met the guy a few times in the presence of my parents and brothers respectively. I don't think I have a non life as you say. I think real love blossoms within marriage not outside. That's my view. I'm not imposing that on this sister. I;m just trying to make her aware of her parents views, they won't understand all this love issue. Well i doubt they will coz most of them didn't even see each others faces forget meeting up.

The islamic view to marriage is similar love after marriage. Course love at first sight is possible.

[img]http://spaces.msn.com/rte/emoticons/smile_yawn.gif[/img]-Zzzzzzzzz.

ignore him yash

he has bad eyesight

hence the rose tinted glasses :roll:

mm :roll:

yeah i'll ignore him

Why in this day and age is this sort of thing still going on??

You'd think that the elder generation would have realised by now that they're in the UK they cant force their kids to anything they dont want to do. This is one of the reasons the governments looking into as to how they can stop such things from happening.

Ramz...sis... seriously... kick up a fuss... stamp your foot... refuse to eat or sit with them... they'll eventually break... if not turn on the waterworks.

Life is confusing.

But one thing that someone wrote that I think is particularly noteworthy is the fact that even if parents grudgingly accept the child marrying the person of their choice it changes things forever.

Yeh, they might accept him/her, invite the person over, go through all the customs and ways of maintaining relationships that are prevalent in our society, but I dont think parents will ever feel the same about the child again.

I think its harder for girls than boys. For me alhamdulillah, my parents are great in that they dont force me to marry any1, but for girls its a different issue. I dont think its a good thing to put your own happiness above your parents, cos I couldnt live with having lost the love and respect that my parents give me.

I understand at times, you feel you can do anything for the person that you care about, but I think if you take a step back, then it seems obvious that you cant hurt your parents in that way, no matter how much it pains your own heart in the process.

And that pain, of strangling your own love for the sake of your parents, is a deep pain that perhaps words cant describe, but parents are the doors to paradise.

Perhaps, ALLAH will open up a way which is best for all.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

ignore him yash

he has bad eyesight

hence the rose tinted glasses :roll:

Hence the fuming, more like. Ignoring it, between sisters (teeheeheeheehee), is what I would call 'rose-tinted'.

The thing about marriage is it is about the rest of your life.

I would never allow another to make that decision for me.

If I make a mistake i will pay for it. However I do not wanna pay for anybody elses mistakes.

Taking the other side:

You cannot choose your parents, but God has given you the right to choose your spouse.

How can you live with someone who cannot respect your decision?

"100" wrote:

[img]http://spaces.msn.com/rte/emoticons/smile_yawn.gif[/img]-Zzzzzzzzz.

That's totally uncalled for.

You cannot give frank appraisals of peoples' lives, and then ignore them when they tell you more about their thoughts.

I didn't ignore anyone, Constantine. It was more than called for.

not really.

You basically said she is happy leading a non-life. she replied. you snoozed. she was told to ignore your snooze.

No, I didn't 'basically' say that. I wrote what I wrote.

I agree with what you have posted previously, I think the questions you have addressed are thought provoking, and I agree no guy is worth making your parents miserable.

"yashmaki" wrote:

But our actions have consequences. We all have to make sacrifices. I'm just highlighting it's not going to be easy as she may think. It's not as simple as saying I want to marry person x otherwise I'm leaving you dear mother and father. Least it wouldn't be for me.

It is true our actions have consequeces and we do make sacrifices. I guess one has to address the pros and cons, and a family is a great part of life, I can't imagine being without mine!

"yashmaki" wrote:

I think real love blossoms within marriage not outside.

totally agree with you there

"100" wrote:

No, I didn't 'basically' say that. I wrote what I wrote.

It's not your place to tell people what you think of their life especially to women.

TEN HOT TIPS ON HOW TO GET OUT OF AN ARRANGED MARRAIGE

1-Uni Bum

staying on in higher Education is very succesful in avoiding an arranged marraige all u have to do is get into Uni (thats easy-just choose sociology :twisted: )

Work hard in ur first year, take a year out to travel, complete sec year, take another year out to travel, finish ur last year, mess up ur last semester (just tell ur teachers that ur emotionally traumatised by ur parents trying to force u into marraige :twisted: )

take a year our to travel, do ur masters, then ur FINISHED!, take a year out again, spend some time "struggling" to establish urself

by this time u shoud be 29 or 30 well past the sell by date-ur parents will be so desperate to get rid of u they will wed u to whoever u want

2-You dark horse

As an asian u should know that no guy wants a girl who is darker then the average cup of chai. So visit the tanning salon, wear gold to make u look darker :twisted: and put on weight

if ur not "slim and white" then no one will want to marry u

3-Holy Moly

No one wants to marry a religious extremist. Sprout views of terrorism and everyone will run away frm u

4-Be A bum

If ur a guy-get a crap job. No dad will give u his daughter. And if ur a girl do NOT learn how to cook and clean and make ur extreme radical feminist views clear. No guy will want you

5-BE HEARTLESS

just tell the guy/girl that ur parents are trying to set u up with that u NOT INTRESTED. do everything under the sun to make them go off u

6-Big up single life

tell ur parents that remaining unmarried is good for u as an evil son/daughter in law will just "take u away from ur darling parents"

7-Commit suicide

this is a great cry for help. It gets ur point across and parents realise how serious u are. There's one draw back though.

Your dead.

8-Dress Down

If u a guy dress either like a freshi or a black guy. If your a girl dress like a tart-whilst guys do like to bog at such woman-no guy will make u his wife

9-Insult the potential mother in law

Nuf said.

10-Just say NO!!!

if ur a girl and ur parents are strict then just call up someone-either a scholar or an organisation that will help u out of this mess

if ur a guy, just be a MAN and put ur foot down. After all what can they really do?

But just remember after u have said no NEVER take a holiday back home. unless ur really stupid and cant see whats being plotted.

GOOD LUCK

"Admin" wrote:

How can you live with someone who cannot respect your decision?

Another great post, but you have to look some people's parents might not be as understanding as other's parents. But when we are young we don't think with our heads but our heart, and as they say love makes you blind, you have to access, I guess what means the most to you, your boyfriend or your family.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

TEN HOT TIPS ON HOW TO GET OUT OF AN ARRANGED MARRAIGE

1-Uni Bum

staying on in higher Education is very succesful in avoiding an arranged marraige all u have to do is get into Uni (thats easy-just choose sociology :twisted: )

Work hard in ur first year, take a year out to travel, complete sec year, take another year out to travel, finish ur last year, mess up ur last semester (just tell ur teachers that ur emotionally traumatised by ur parents trying to force u into marraige :twisted: )

take a year our to travel, do ur masters, then ur FINISHED!, take a year out again, spend some time "struggling" to establish urself

by this time u shoud be 29 or 30 well past the sell by date-ur parents will be so desperate to get rid of u they will wed u to whoever u want

2-You dark horse

As an asian u should know that no guy wants a girl who is darker then the average cup of chai. So visit the tanning salon, wear gold to make u look darker :twisted: and put on weight

if ur not "slim and white" then no one will want to marry u

3-Holy Moly

No one wants to marry a religious extremist. Sprout views of terrorism and everyone will run away frm u

4-Be A bum

If ur a guy-get a crap job. No dad will give u his daughter. And if ur a girl do NOT learn how to cook and clean and make ur extreme radical feminist views clear. No guy will want you

5-BE HEARTLESS

just tell the guy/girl that ur parents are trying to set u up with that u NOT INTRESTED. do everything under the sun to make them go off u

6-Big up single life

tell ur parents that remaining unmarried is good for u as an evil son/daughter in law will just "take u away from ur darling parents"

7-Commit suicide

this is a great cry for help. It gets ur point across and parents realise how serious u are. There's one draw back though.

Your dead.

8-Dress Down

If u a guy dress either like a freshi or a black guy. If your a girl dress like a tart-whilst guys do like to bog at such woman-no guy will make u his wife

9-Insult the potential mother in law

Nuf said.

10-Just say NO!!!

if ur a girl and ur parents are strict then just call up someone-either a scholar or an organisation that will help u out of this mess

if ur a guy, just be a MAN and put ur foot down. After all what can they really do?

But just remember after u have said no NEVER take a holiday back home. unless ur really stupid and cant see whats being plotted.

GOOD LUCK

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

I think possibly that is the best thing you have written.

May ALLAH make you and all muslims laugh in the highest paradise.
ameen.

There's too many romantics on this forum :roll:

I would NEVER choose to be with someone at the expense of my parents happiness

if they aint happy with me then I aint happy either

lol lilsis

do they actually work?

"Med" wrote:

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

I think possibly that is the best thing you have written.

May ALLAH make you and all muslims laugh in the highest paradise.
ameen.

Thanks med

but ^^^I didnt write that-it was written YEARS ago

author will remain annoymous :twisted:

"Amber" wrote:

lol lilsis

do they actually work?

dunno.

None have been tried and tested. But I'm sure they work