"MuslimSister" wrote:

Salaam

The Asian community does have a lot to be proud of…

As a community we welcome strangers into our home, we never leave guests without feeding them, we have unshakable family values and many are fiercely passionate about our culture.

So why is it that when it comes to the idea of adopting a child/baby all alone in the world, we don’t want to know?

Most of us have been lucky enough to have a mum and dad who we’ve taken for granted.

If someone has been trying for years and is unable to have a baby…is there something wrong with adopting a child?

I think adoption is largely a taboo act…a lady was telling me that if the parents gave their child up for adoption then obviously its cos the child’s past is shameful…..

But does it really matter how the child came in the world?

Is it right to hold an innocent child accountable for what his/her parents have done?

I know Islam says a lot about orphans and their rights…but I’m not sure what Islam says about adopting children.

A family friend of mine is desperate for a baby and she’s been married for 10 years…it’s a lonely life, but I really don’t understand why she just doesn’t adopt.

Is our love only for our “own”?

And does religion play a part in this? Naturally one would want to bring up their child as a Muslim…however say that child was mature and wished to stick to his/her own faith, would it be right to allow this?

The main issue that confuses me is that of this Mehram/Non Mehram issue….hypothetically speaking would I need to do pardah in front of my adopted son? Would sisters need to do pardah in front of their brother who was adopted?

…is the above mentioned reason, the reason why Muslims shy away from adoption?

Share your thoughts.

Wasalaam

Adoption is allowed, encouraged even, in Islam. BUT, we are not allowed to give an adopted child our name. Taking care of a child borne to someone else promises huge rewards. The status of orphans is elevated higher then you and I, in Islam.

On the point of Mahram - an adopted child is not our mahram, unless of course the adoptive mother suckles the child in infancy, in which case the mother does not have to observe pardah with a boy and the father is not halaal to a girl if she was suckled by his wife.

An adopted child also does not have the same rights to the adoptive parents' property as their birth children. If the parents wish to share their material possessions/wealth equally between birth and adopted children, it's their decision - but one that needs to be consulted upon with the birth children.

But I do agree with you - in Asian communities, the idea of adoption is frowned upon greatly. I think a lot of the attitude goes back to when they were 'back home' and the orphans they saw were street kids and 'lower class' - looked upon as lower, lesser human beings God, I know of someone, naming no names, who thought themselves a better person just for having parents - and when I pointed out our beloved Prophet Muhammad was an orphan, all I got was 'well, he was different. God didn't mean all orphans are special' It's a very selfish, arrogant world we live in

I alway love the idea of having two kids and adopting one. But I agree that there is a stigma attach to having kids in the muslim community, I know of people who have spend thousands on try to have babies with all these treatments, but they still don't like the idea of adopting and don't even consider it. I think it come about honour near the end, which is a pity.

I have a friend who's adopted three kids - all of different nationalities. They're all teenagers now and they'r such a beautiful family. The only kid that gives them probs is their only birth child

I'd love to adopt someday and Insha'Allaah, still plan to. I'm registered to foster kids too as more often then not, kids in foster care are the most disadvantaged in our immediate society

do u foster kids Afro?

how does this work?

Not at the moment as my life's far too hectic, wouldn't be fair to bring a kid into this mayhem at the moment! But I am registered as a carer, so Insha'Allaah, when things are a little more settled, I will start fostering

You need to register your interest with the local authority fostering and adoption service; they screen you, have police screenings done on you and anyone living in your household, come round and check you out, check out your household and support etc. then make a decision based on all of the above re whether you are suitable to be a carer or not.

if i (God forbid) couldnt have kids

i would never hestitate to adopt

i dont have a stigma attached to adoption

i would never live a lonely life-I'm crazy about kids

"MuslimSister" wrote:

Salaam

The Asian community does have a lot to be proud of…

As a community we welcome strangers into our home, we never leave guests without feeding them, we have unshakable family values and many are fiercely passionate about our culture.

So why is it that when it comes to the idea of adopting a child/baby all alone in the world, we don’t want to know?

Most of us have been lucky enough to have a mum and dad who we’ve taken for granted.

If someone has been trying for years and is unable to have a baby…is there something wrong with adopting a child?

I think adoption is largely a taboo act…a lady was telling me that if the parents gave their child up for adoption then obviously its cos the child’s past is shameful…..

But does it really matter how the child came in the world?

Is it right to hold an innocent child accountable for what his/her parents have done?

I know Islam says a lot about orphans and their rights…but I’m not sure what Islam says about adopting children.

A family friend of mine is desperate for a baby and she’s been married for 10 years…it’s a lonely life, but I really don’t understand why she just doesn’t adopt.

Is our love only for our “own”?

And does religion play a part in this? Naturally one would want to bring up their child as a Muslim…however say that child was mature and wished to stick to his/her own faith, would it be right to allow this?

The main issue that confuses me is that of this Mehram/Non Mehram issue….hypothetically speaking would I need to do pardah in front of my adopted son? Would sisters need to do pardah in front of their brother who was adopted?

…is the above mentioned reason, the reason why Muslims shy away from adoption?

Share your thoughts.

Wasalaam

As far as Islam is concerned, the Holy Prophet (SAW) had adopted a male and his name was Hz Zaid bin Haritha (RA), so according to this hadith it clearly shows that it is a very good deed to adopt a child as its a sunnah.

There is another renowned hadith: that Holy Prophet (SAW) said: He whoever looks after an orphan, would be with me in heaven like this (he (SAW) lifted his index finger and middle finger and held them together.

I will get the exact reference for this hadith for you, but as far as I know its in Bukhari and is sahih.

I believe if a person truly wants children and for some reason can't have children then they should adopt the child because if they truly want a child then they should be able to adopt a child and love him or her no matter what. I know someone who loves kids but can't have have and I am always arguing that she should adopt a child and give love and affection which she possesses but i dont know what is preventing her (maybe the husband doesn't agree!!)

Personally I love kids and I hope to adopt kids even if I have my own. I feel that everyone deserves a chance in life and a child should not be judged in regards to how they came into the world or what their parents are like, its not their fault and I believe everyone deserves a fair chance in life.

Also in the Holy Quran it says that "there is no compulsion in religion" meaning that you cannot force anyone to accept Islam, but the people have to research themselves and accept with their own free will.

"Amber" wrote:

Personally I love kids and I hope to adopt kids even if I have my own. I feel that everyone deserves a chance in life and a child should not be judged in regards to how they came into the world or what their parents are like, its not their fault and I believe everyone deserves a fair chance in life.

.

thats a nice post Amber

and I agree with u

the more I think about it-the more I want to adopt kids too even if I have 6 of my own

I will break this stupid stigma attached to adopting kids :evil:

Adoption should be encouraged, I think its good some ppl would adopt even if they had kids of their own, really amazin thing to do...but moreover those ppl who cant have kids should defnitley take up this option, they can make a difference to a childs life and those who cant have children can give love to that child..its a beautiful thing.

p.s. it would be nice to hear what the males thought bout this?

Would you like to adopt a child? would you encurage your wife to do so?

yes why not!!

kids are kids, theyre all beautiful

even tho they always cry when they see me

Inshallah ive always had it in my mind i would like to adopt a child, and i want a black kid if possible....simply coz i knw a lot of paki parents look down on black people and diss em :evil:

I think the new genertaion, like most of us here, dont understand the stigma attached with adopting children. thankgod

you see in asian movies and dramas the emphasis grannies have on having a grandSON or the importance of having your own SON and daft stuff like that. if you can take an adopted child as your own and treat it as your own.....whats the diff between ur biological child? nothing much really

as you may know as i've mentioned it before my husband and i have adopted a child last november, and want to adopt another one

i love him to bits i cant think that i would love my natural child more

when i found out we could not have children i wanted to adopt straightaway but we had to consider the decision seriously as we had been married for a very long time and become used to selfishness

our friends and family have been especially supportive

i feel that i have been blessed for being in a position to adopt

however i must say that it took 3 years and a lot of paperwork and meeting with social workers who have to be very intrusive - after all they are responsible for giving the child the home he needs

also babies are very rare and older children are the only option for most adopters - this puts people off as the children all come with various problems - due to the nature of adoption ie the various reason they are up for adoption

MashAllah, fantastic topic.

I think there are many asians who adopt children. I know for sure there are many involved in fostering.

Less privaleged children are just so beautiful. My mother had been involved with children with certain disabilities since I was very young. It used to be weird watching the neighbours giving us strange looks when bringing these children to our house.

We've had children with autism, downs syndrome, I gotta tell ya they can be a real pain in the neck some of them they will keep pushing you, keep on poking until you see red.. lol.. but the thing is, thats what its all about. I mean a lot of these kids need to be loved rather than ignored.

A couple of the kids still come around now, after all them years they've kinda become part of the family, and we get upto normal stuff families do, joke about, eat together, go out, even argue and fall out at times.

When you spend a lot of time with children with disabilities you begin to see beyond a persons physical appearance. I used to just sit and think for ages, how must the world look to them? What If I was born like that? How does it feel?

The way I see it, Allah created the less fortunate to test those who are fortunate. Its perfectly possible that my kids can become orphaned at any time, its perfectly possible that I may have a child with a disability.

I think Muslims should definatly get involved.
http://www.barnardos.org.uk/

does it matter it a person adopts/fosters non Muslim kids?

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

does it matter it a person adopts/fosters non Muslim kids?

will you not bring them up as muslims?

I am confused...

"Admin" wrote:

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

does it matter it a person adopts/fosters non Muslim kids?

will you not bring them up as muslims?

I am confused...

ur assuming that all kids that are adopted/fostered are new born babies

in many cases older children get adopted too-by then they may already have chosen their own religion

or they may be anti religion-

then what?

social workers make a big thing of this and when adopting they make sure that the childs religion is the same - if u are prepared to take a child of another religion then u have to agree to bring them up in that religion - which is very hard

great topic Muslimsis, i was thinking about it recently too.

its true that theres a stigma attached to adoption in Asian and Arab culture. However Islam applauds it. I would love to consider adoption, even if i have my own kids inshaAllah. as Darth said, adopting a kid of a different race would b a great idea, as Islamically racism is just not on, and we need to get this element of bias out of our generation of Muslims. if kids grow up with siblings of another race, they will never b biased in this regard iA.

"seema*" wrote:

social workers make a big thing of this and when adopting they make sure that the childs religion is the same - if u are prepared to take a child of another religion then u have to agree to bring them up in that religion - which is very hard

I've not looked into adoption further yet, as I don't feel my environment is stable enough yet to be able to take time out of work etc. to spend with another child at home; but wouldn't it be based also on whether you're adopting or fostering and the age of the child? If you adopt a baby or toddler for instance, you are the legal parents and the birth parents cannot state the child be raised in their faith can they?

Aph here in Sheffield they do try and make sure that you follow the birth parents wishes esp in religion, in other places they may have different criteria.

however as our social worker did say you have the right to do as you wish once the adoption is legal but they do frown on it

in my case the birth parent wanted the child to be brought up knowing both religions Christianity and Islam and then to make his own mind up.

we had to jump through all sorts of hoops to convince them nothing would be forced upon the child

i feel that after sep11 adoption has become more difficult where non muslim social workers are involved as most see Islam as oppressive and are reluctant to place children in such environments

we had to change our social worker to a Muslim one after a year of being ignored

"seema*" wrote:

Aph here in Sheffield they do try and make sure that you follow the birth parents wishes esp in religion, in other places they may have different criteria.

however as our social worker did say you have the right to do as you wish once the adoption is legal but they do frown on it

in my case the birth parent wanted the child to be brought up knowing both religions Christianity and Islam and then to make his own mind up.

we had to jump through all sorts of hoops to convince them nothing would be forced upon the child

i feel that after sep11 adoption has become more difficult where non muslim social workers are involved as most see Islam as oppressive and are reluctant to place children in such environments

we had to change our social worker to a Muslim one after a year of being ignored

Then the social workers are letting their personal views cloud what the law says, which is that any person(s) who adopt a child assume [b]full parental rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority that a parent of a child has by law. [/b] When a birth parent gives up a child for adoption, unless they apply for parental rights/responsibility in court, their rights to the child are negated.

true Aph but its like this first they spend all that time assessing you and all this comes in then. when you actually get the child they give you another 6 months a year to see how things are going before you actually apply for adoption in court and become legal parents. and all this time you may get up to 2 visits a week from them

of course once the child is legally yours you have the right to bring her up as you wish

"seema*" wrote:

true Aph but its like this first they spend all that time assessing you and all this comes in then. when you actually get the child they give you another 6 months a year to see how things are going before you actually apply for adoption in court and become legal parents. and all this time you may get up to 2 visits a week from them

of course once the child is legally yours you have the right to bring her up as you wish

Oh, that's what I meant - after you are the legal parents of the child. Of course, there is a year after the child is put up for adoption in which the birth parent has the right to change their mind and take their child back without having to apply in court.

Seema if you dont mind me askin how young was your son when you adopted him?

"MuslimSister" wrote:

By the way is it true that it is incumbent on the parents to inform their child that he/she is adopted?

Wasalaam

Yes

what does that mean? :oops:

"Darth V-Hayder" wrote:

what does that mean? :oops:

what does what mean?

It means the adopted kid must be told it is adopted.

You cannot withold information regards the true parents.

Achaa now i get it

yeah i always wanted to know that, coz in indian films they always create a bug fuss when they find out when their parents adopted em etc

so Islamically we have to tell them? that can lead to problems cant it?

"Darth V-Hayder" wrote:

Achaa now i get it

yeah i always wanted to know that, coz in indian films they always create a bug fuss when they find out when their parents adopted em etc

so Islamically we have to tell them? that can lead to problems cant it?

Such as?

And wouldn't there be even greater problems when the child grows up and finds out for themselves?