Salaam
There’s always been a massive stigma attached to marriages from “back home”.
I’m speaking from a girl’s point of view (guys may feel free to differ). I have a massive stigma attached to this type of marriage too…this is cos of personal experience.
My mum was brought up in this country and my dad was from “back home”. Their marriage isn’t exactly what I’d describe a “happy marriage”. I feel that the only reason why they have remained married for 22 years is cos mum is extremely tolerant by nature…she can take a LOT of crap.
In my opinion there are cultural elements that exist which can make people very incompatible. I feel this is truer for women who marry men from back home….I’ve also personally witnessed many nightmare marriages in my community usually cos the husband from back home exerts culturally embedded authority over his wife….domestic violence is also very common.
So maybe I’m generalising and tarring all guys from back home with the same brush, I KNOW you get good and bad people here, there and everywhere but this is just my personal opinion based on what I’ve seen…
The way I look at it……I’ am “home” so “back home” wouldn’t be MY home….
Interestingly though, when guys marry girls from “back home” such marriages are more likely to succeed. All my uncles have married girls from “back home” and they’re very happy.
But what’s wrong is parents pressuring their kids to get married to someone from “back home” so that ties would be made stronger....some parents feel a “financial obligation” towards their family from back home…..a cousin of mine and an uncle (who are extremely westernised) are being pressurised at the moment…..why do parents over look compatibility?
My friend just recently got out of a nightmare marriage to a guy from “back home” AFTER her older brother ended his marriage to a girl from “back home”….parents don’t even learn from the mistake from one child, and continue making the same mistake over again with the rest of their children.
In my town this is a massive issue…parents are forcing their kids to get married back home….these kids have a stigma attached to this type of marriage….kids have been through school making fun out of “freshies” and when they can not take marriage pressure any more they run away….
When David Blunkett advised all Asians to avoid getting their kids married back home, this caused uproar….but at the same time this was seen as relief to those kids who have parents who have “promised” them to people in some village as soon as they were born….
SO, can marriages from back home work? And why do more girls have issue with this kind of marriage then boys do?
Is cultural compatibility a problem, or should Islamic compatibility be prioritised? DO parents have a financial obligation towards their family “back home”?
And why do many people make fun out of “freshies”?
Are we so westernised that we have lost our connection with our roots? Would more marriages from “back home” solve this problem?
My thoughts on all of the above is not back and white. But please share your thoughts.
Wasalaam
i dont buy any of the rubbish i hear about marrying back home....nowt wrong with it IMO
as long as the 2 are happy, and theres an understanding
mind you...im not keeen on the idea
but thats not to say i would say NO, i jus reckon its hard to find sum1 on a similar wavelength to you. but maybe im wrong
my view might jus change when my time comes
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
and Pakistan is my Home.....i would love to go back at a later stage in my life
i can happily say im from both countries......and i like both countries and can see myself living in both countries
it is a prob 2day, 2 many of us are trying very hard to forget where we came from. soon we will have lost all identity
and freshies are jus funny 2 laugh at, even tho its snide
they should learn English if they want to come here, thats my only concern
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
If pakistan is ur hme its like me sayin Greece is my hme, but no its just my birth place
I alwayz say 2 every1 Allah (swt) has gt my owse coz i cant get any peace wereva i go even if i went 2 Greece my truble wuld b Islam as im used 2 it ere plus they hardly hav gt many muslims there apart 4rm pure paki men (no offence 2 any 1).
About marrying a paki if his 4rm pk then im certainly sayin no coz i h8 the place (mainly pple). Even if i explained u the whole reason y u wuldnt understand, its just too much.
"Duniya toh badalti rehti hai...Ey mere Quaid tuh kabhi Na badal janaa"
everyone has diffrent experiences i guess
I like my country, not neccesarily some of the people but they cant put me off a country that was made for the freedom of muslims
and i wernt born there, but i love visiting!!
cant stand this country for too much long either...
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
LOL
did anyone watch the film east is east
when the boy said "I aint marrying a [EDIT] Paki".
pls explain Muj
p.s the above was edited by myself-not some Mod
i love pakistan....die to go there for a holiday
wouldnt like to live there permanently though
nor would i mind getting married 2 someone from there....if they dont know english thats no problem,aslong as i can get on and communicate.
ive seen alot guyz here have really bad habits toltally gora like..so i'd rather get married 2 some one clean from back home.
the only issue for them once here is a JOB.
it so stressful when girls cant call over their guy from back home
sometimes years and years go by and they cant geta visa
someone i know waited TEN years for her guy to get a visa
in the end she divorced him
really? thats what you think!! ive seen em all...
its a common misconception - all those from pakistan are goody-2-shoes
guys/girls here and there are the same.....you get some black sheep but equally theres decent guys
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
salaam
i got married from back home. I even got married to one of my cousins. And you know what, alhamdulillah...its great!
when i was aked to consider my cousin from Pakistan, i thought NO Way, there will be too many problems, issues, language barrier, culture etc.... but once i got more detaisl about my wife and we spoke on th ephone and through email, i realised that there isnt much of a gap, change, difference etc...
Now ive been married one andd half years and there never has been an issue that my wife is from back home...or any problems have occured bacuase of that.
the only issue that comes to mind is that the person coming from pakistan, especially women, will be really homesick for the first few months...but then its up to the husband to comfort her and make her feel welcome, happy etc.
So if you are positive, open minded, committed, sincere and also honest with yourself then once you have agreed to go ahead with it then you should never look back and make it work.
If on the other hand you dont fancy it all...then NEVER agree to it...dont go in half-hearted....
Anyone considering it should first of all get to the person as much as poossible, whats sh elike, her personality, behaviour, is sh eisalmic, secular, has she got a good reputation....
also make sure you see her picture before hand and try to have some communication, whether over the phone, email etc so you know if language will be an issue or not and it breaks the ice etc.
Also before you make your decision it is ikmportant you do duaa istikhara....that will confirm your decision. I did istikhara, so did my wife, and also my mum and everything was looking good!
So, the bottom line is there is nothing wrong with marrying back home but it depends on what kind of a person you are and of course what your future wife/husband is like aswell.
wasalaam
Ed thats free-mixing
Astagfirullah!!
lol, joke..............i agree with em, it aint the same for every1
i'd hav no probz with people from back home, jus depends on certain circumstances
i can see the reason for people on the other side of the wall not agreein to back home marriages as well.......its not easy to take the 'risk'
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
I think it ain't as bad for bloke in the uk as they less picky then girls, plus the girl from there are generally well mannered unlike the blokes, I sure it not the case in all marriage but in the majority it true.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
gosh dats ages.....i wouldnt have waited so long
Mr Ed is usually diff for guys
for some reason men marrying from back home is more succesful then women marrying from back home
true that.....you gotta watch out for the ones who would rather cut out the middle person and marry the red passport!!
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
nor would I
but this does usually take YEARS
not worth the stress IMO
Visa are giving in months in some cases but most are done in a year. The hold up is normally only down to one side messing up the application on purpose so they don't go through
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
my sisters got married from pakistan at a very young age ...at 16 and 17 coming out of madressah they were like kids.
there were enough problems in their marrige but alhamdulillah they've got a kid each now and have started to get along
so i guess my mums learn her mistake thats why im not put up yet
my sisters husbands visa got done within 1 year
heard its gonna take longer these days
yeh newly wed girls dont want their hubbys to come over so they mess up the application on purpose :roll: :roll:
so why agree getting married in the first place :roll:
cos their mother was a drama queen who threatend to kill herself if her daughter never married her sisters smelly son
This is, in fact, religiously discouraged, as far as i'm aware. Though it is also totally permissible, [i]mashallah azz wa jal[/i].
why is it discouraged?
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
I think the younger the child is married the better provided its within the law. For me before I would never even consider marrying form UK because the girls here are too modern and advanced and those women who are mashaALLAH Alima or Hafiza tend to get married into their own families and also to Hafiz/Alim. Now maybe considering it, but I doubt that such alima/hafiza would marry into a ghayr family.
Personally I think I need to marry some1 who has atleast same level of religoius education as myself, preferably even more so I think the best solution if to marry from back home. Plus I am pretty old fashioned and I dont like all these modern things tthat are going on, they dont sit well with me; compatibility wise I think I fit with a back home person.
The issue of taking jokes about freshies and mangies is a stench of arrogance. People in UK think that they are better than their relatives in the village back home because we have burgundy passport. It is disgusting. I have seen that people from UK go back home and flash their money around and are extremely arrogant and show off that they from UK. The flip side of this is that people here think they are too gud for the smelly freshies and see it as a failure to get married from back home. I met one person and he asked why I was gonna get married from back home and is it cos I cant find any1 here? I replied that actually Im not too interested in any1 here and back home is my first choice.
See people think its cos no british person would marry them so thats y they have to go back home but thats not necessarily the case.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Taken from the Ihya.
"The eighth quality is that she should not be a close relative, as that would lessen desire. The Prophet* said, “Don't marry close relatives for then the child is born scrawny”;59 that is to say, weak; such is the weakening effect it [marrying close relatives] has on desire."
salaam
It is well known that prohibited marriages are outlined in detail in Verses 22, 23 and 24 of Surah 4, entitled "Women", or "An Nisaa." The first of these verses starts with a clear order: "Do not marry women whom your fathers had married...The second begins with a simiclear prohibition: Forbidden to you in marriage are your mothers, daughters, etc. When the list is complete, the third of these verse states: And lawful to you are all women beyond these, for you to seek out, offering them of your possessions, taking them in honest wedlock, and not in fornication, etc." [b] Marrying your cousin is totally lawful according to the practice of the Prophet who married his own daughter, Fatimah, to his cousin, Ali. Had there been any restriction on the marriage of cousins, the Prophet would not have allowed such a marriage to go through.[/b]
wasalaam
Salaam
A person should get married wherever they want. They have every right to choose what culture they wish to get married into.
My only reservation with guys from back home is the fact that all the guys I personally know from back home are way too cultural, sexist and backwards in their thinking…but I accept that one can find good and bad people everywhere and that it’s very, very wrong to generalize.
One thing that’s also common in my town (and I’ve seen this up north as well) is when proper bad boys…..the type with no future/job or education…the ones involved in dodgy activities and have even done time……the type that no family would want to give their girl to…go back home and marry a very young girl from a poor family…only to bring her here and make her life hell….and the girl takes it cos she feels that she has no choice.
Wherever/whenever a person marries they really should find out as much about the person as they possibly can (without crossing the line!).
Wasalaam
people who are trying to portay marrying back home as being a bad thing need to look at themselves. have they experienced marriage themselves to be passing such a judgement?
marriage is a very sacred and personal issue. there are too many people out there quick to judge a couples personal life. its not right.
there's no right or wrong answer when it comes to who, where or when one should marry.
what I do say, wether ur a doctor or a drug dealer, before u marry ensure you understand what your getting yourself into. ensure u understand ur role as a husband or wife once u get married.
Its not rocket science, as the last fortnights discussions on mens and womens roles have outlined. Roles, guidelines for a man and wife are quite clear in Islam.
[b][i]Round and round the Ka'bah,
Like a good Sahabah,
One step, Two step,
All the way to jannah[/i][/b]
Mirror.
Pot.
Kettle.
Black.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
my friends v modern uncle recently married a girl from back home
assuming that she'd be "quiet obedient" etc
she ended up maxing out his credit card on purses and spends all her time swearing at his mum and mates
the fool deserves it-he's a playa
he assumed that a girl from back home would be quiet and would accept his crap
overall the girls frm back home are more respectful then the girls from here
but good for nothing guys shouldnt take advantage of this
I agree with above post.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Pages