Ok, I’ve been advised to make a forum thing on this topic. I’m not sure whether there’s already been a topic on so; but if there has , I haven’t seen it. A couple of years ago, I went to Afghanistan, which was so not my choice, but I had to go to a funeral. We stayed there for about a fortnight. There were a couple of girls I really got along with. We used to sit and talk. They wanted to know things about England, Egypt, Italy , Arabia, Sweden, etc and how they were like. They’ve get shocked at the stuff I’d say. I told them about stuff. They’d cover their faces with their chadors and look down. At the time they used to call me ‘khush shanz’ (lucky). I really never understood why. One of the girls had a younger sister, she’d bring a slate to me and a chalk and ask me to teach her English. I asked her about school. She said her Dad didn’t want her to go to school. No Education! A life without education?! Ok, I was being kind of a hypocrite there. As my education stopped at 15; but circumstances were different there. My parents always stressed the importance of education, so it was really, really, really hard to believe.
People came to visit us often, so there was mostly gatherings where everyone would be together. I remember this one girl. She came in, approx. 9 or 10. She was carrying a baby on her hip. I was like “Aww, sibling love”. My Mother looked at me and said “No, that’s the child’s Mother.” I wanted to believe my Mother was joking; but my Mother isn’t someone who jokes. I was shocked, like wth! I asked my Mother how on earth did she get married so soon and how?! My Mother replies, ‘No’ one cares about things like that here. No’ one cares. I think her Father owed some money to the other guy, and he gave his daughter instead; and asked for no dowry instead. Again, I was like total bs. Imagine a life like so? Hard to imagine, right. Every time, I prayed, those 2 girls I’d remember. I used to think to myself; “Gosh! I had dreams. Really big dreams! And, they got shattered because I had to marry ’him’. And, at a young age as well.” After all that, I stopped thinking that.
I went to Pakistan , recently. I saw children begging on the streets! It was traumatic. Never have I seen things like that! I remember one boy, who went to this bunch of boys; asking for money, and they just pushed him away. He fell to the ground. He went to the same bunch of boys again. They pushed him again. No Self-respect. So, hold on a second. They had enough money to spend on cigarettes and Hookah. Enough money for drugs and beer. Yet, not enough for a little orphan? I am ashamed to stay they were Muslims also. I tried talking sense into them. Tried telling them that they’re wrong. Tried telling them to go and hang themselves (a bit extreme, I know…). Tried quoting Qur’an Al-Kareem. But, it didn’t work. The only thing that I gained were stalkers. I knew then, I had to do something. Give these people a life. A better life. Sanctity of life.
I thought of adoption. Of course, I didn’t tell anyone about it, at first. I wanted to weigh the pros and cons first. Everything was pointing to ‘Yes, do it!’ I talked to my parents about it, they were like “That’s a very good idea. But, will you be able to cope?” Which pretty much meant ‘, no, you’re not going to be able to cope.’ Yes, I understand, my parents sponsor children, build orphanage, schools, institutions; make provision for people to got to Hajj, etc. Not everything is about money. Sometimes, you have to give time too. Sometimes, time is the most valuable thing you can give. And, I’m willing to do so…as I have so much of it(!) I’ve seen the houses, (if you could call them that), that they live in. The servants in Egypt and Arabia live in mansions compared to these people.
In Pakistan, at night, we can see people using packaging as shelter. In Afghanistan, the homeless hide at night. Because the darkness is a criminal’s best friend. Thieves walk around, taking ownership of people, not things; regardless of whether it’s a boy or a girl. It’s nice to know that we can change that. So, those are pretty much the reasons, why I want to adopt.
People who know about my decision so far say to me ’Isha, Masha’Allah! You can have kids! Why do you want to adopt?” I know that. But, why have more, when we can’t handle the ones there are? Though, people have told me “Adoption isn’t allowed in Islam!” I doubt whether that’s true, but people anger me when they say that. Because why wouldn't it be?. Yes, I’ve heard that if you adopt a girl, she will be non-mehram for your husband. And, if you adopt a boy, he will be non-mehram for you. But, the only way we see them is as children. Our intentions are pure. Our intentions are selfless; we’re not doing this because it will get us into Al-Janna; but because children will get a better life and a better future will be guaranteed. And, also the child will know that we’re not their biological parents. I have no intentions of hiding it’s identity from it. Ya Habibi selam-alayka said, “The best house of Muslims is one where an orphan is cared for and lives in kindness and respect. The worst house of Muslims is the house where an orphan lives and he is ill-treated".
In 33;4, Allah establishes in this Ayah that adopting a child does not make him child of the one who adopts him and that this practice does not have any weight in Shari’ah. "Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter? And He found you wandering, and He gave you guidance. And He found you in need, and made you independent. Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness, nor drive away a petitioner (unheard). But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!"
(Qur'an 93:6-11) If anyone knows of anything that is relevant for me to know or whatever, please let me know. My Mother told me to sleep over it, and I really don’t want to regret this decision. Some people say Adoption is haraam, but I believe it is mak’ruh.
As well as so , I have a lot of time on my hands. I have nothing to do. The twins go to nursery; and I’m always home on my own; I’m quite an obsessive cleaner. Please, I don’t want to do that. Someone like me who absolutely hates sporty stuff. I’ve extended my gym hours, to 1 hour 45 minutes a day; and I now go for 3 walks a day. I also am going to the library often; and have read so many biographies and books about people. That they’re so depressing and disturbing; they make my blood pressure rise. I’m an artiste; sometimes doing calligraphy, portraits, tattoo art, etc. Trying out new dishes. All sorts. I waste my time doing so. Wouldn’t it be best to adopt, then? Look, I’ve got all the time. I think I’m getting an obsession with exercise, cleaning and reading. I’m turning into someone I never would want to be! I mean body art? Something I never was interested in! Reading? Never had time for it. And Facebooking? Like my Brother said, ‘Facebook is for people who don’t have life’. He’s right. You get one life; I don’t want to waste mine; I couldn’t get the education I dreamed of, I couldn’t find a career in Design like I wanted. I let those dreams go. I want to grab this one before it goes too. Most people think I’m stupid; I don’t know , maybe I am. But if being stupid is about taking on someone’s else’s burden happily, then call me stupid.
the "adopting" that isnt allowed is when you change the kids name and say its your kid etc..
i believe the more appropriate english term for what is permissible is "fostering".
there's also issue of heritage.
and the whole mahram/non-mahram.
im just saying general stuff, i dont really know anything.
im guessing there's something in the whole "if you can have kids..."
would need to look into it and see what the Shaykhs say.
i want to foster when im older. inshallah.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Tashkor for your advice.
Insha'Allah, you will do so.
...
Yes, I'm thinking of asking my Gramps about it. But, again, I'm afraid it might be the "If you can have kids...." situation....
Love is a serious mental disease.
Still dont get what the big deal is between fostering and adopting
at the end of the day a kid is under your responsibility.
sounds great.
go for it.
My friend's family fosters, the child stays with them for a while (could range from a few weeks to months to years i suppose) then they're moved to another family, maybe you could consider doing it this way? Although attachment grows and it'll prob be hard for you to let go, on the plus side you're helping them (as you want) but also not actually 'adopting' them as your own children and you'll get to help a number of children.
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Thank You!
Someone who agrees with me!
Love is a serious mental disease.
That's why i want to adopt. Because i know, I won't be able to let go.
Thanks for your advice.
Love is a serious mental disease.
Are you saying Islamically?
If yes, then as Lilly has mentioned, adopting a child would mean you treat it as your own; the child would lose his/her real identity, they wouldn't know who their real parents and siblings are and also if you don't breastfeed the child then theres also issues of you being a parent to the child yet you're a non-mahram to them. In Islam there is no such thing as adoption and only fostering is allowed. (afiak)
@Isha, you say you would tell them they are not you're real children, so how would you treat them? and what would you make them call you? aunty?
Also adoption would mean signing papers, legally becoming parents - which as i said afiak, isn't allowed in Islam...
P.s a lot of the people begging on the streets of pk are con artists.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I have considered adoption myself and I think I might go ahead with it ...at some point. Its a very long process especially taking a child on from another country ,you got to show proof of income and that you can look after them financially, you got good accomodation etc etc the list goes on...
In regards to identity, I think although you adopt the child it does not necessarily mean you are taking away their real identity, that will always be with them and I think it doesnt mean you wont allow them to find their real parents and family lineage.Obviously you have a choice here, but in some situations fostering is better than adoption and likewise.
I also have family who foster children and that works out well also. It is difficult to let go but sometimes its just got to be done.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Women who can't have children... and adopting itself is a highly commendable act.
I'd say go for it..
Your helping a child have stable environment - education - and a better future
There are so many children who have no one in the world who grow up thinking the worst of humans because they have seen the cruelty of life - becoming an adult from a young age. Those children need someone to take care of them - to let them be children
Those children might have psychological problems e.g. trust issues, instability etc - definitely will need a lot of counselling. So you will have your hands full.
Good luck and I am 100% for what your doing.
"The love of this world is the root of all evils" Prophet Muhammed(PBUH)
It's the maternal instinct that kicks in - women are more caring - more emotional than man. Women are more likely to help anyone especially children.
"The love of this world is the root of all evils" Prophet Muhammed(PBUH)
+1 waita go Nasra hehe
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
The Prophet Muhammad
adopted himself. Zayd was an adopted child of the Prophet. Their are shariahs when it comes to adoption of a child but it is allowed.
^ Sheikh Musa Admani
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
the British way of adopting is not the same as that:
1. the child will have inheritance from his/hber real parents,
2. the new parents are not allowed to take the childs wealth.
3. the new parents are not allow to give preferred treatment to fostered children over their own.
4. in inheritance, the fostered child will not inherit from the foster parents.
5. the child should know who the real parents are and hiding this information is not allowed.
6. the foster parents will have to observe the normal rules of hijab unless the child was suckled before the age where it could eat solids.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
The idea is that adoption IS permitted in Islam.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
depends on what people mean - fostering as a term seems to be a better fit to what is allowed, but once again not perfect as it is considered temporary sometimes.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
argh.
Lol.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Yes, I know about the Mahram issue. And yes I also know about how Zayd was adopted. I have a Sheikh and Scholar as a father so I learn from him.
TBH I said what I wanted to...no more comments from me.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
and repetition.
Remember: the loudest voice wins.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I don't know if you have heard of him. Google him. Sheikh Musa Admani.
Lol yeah it goes work through communication, but there is only so much you can say to advise people, then its up to them. And I realise I didn't particularly say much, but I think what I did say should be contemplated before an opposition is raised.
But as far as I am aware adoption is allowed in Islam and yes there are restrictions, but the restrictions doesn't mean adoption is not permitted. (hence the Sheikh said there is a Shariah on adopting).
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Lol! Hm, I'm happy to know that
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Its just a case where there are some details lost in translation between Islamic adoption and British adoption, that I think it is good to mention that they are not identical and that after adoption there may be restrictions that they may not have expected with the riginal cursory glance at things.
It is the same eg with how sometimes people say to christians (especially catholics) "Muslims have saints" - they do, but not in the same way. there is no official beatification of saints in Islam, unlike in catholicism where for someone to become a saint, there are things that the church as to do to make it so.The Islamic version of saints is just people (living or dead) who are or were pious and close to God - the Islamic word for saint is "wali"m which us short for "waliullah" which means "friend of God" - so there are similarities and differences. Sometimes it may be ok to say that there are saints, but at other times, especially when say talking to a catholic with conviction who is trying to learn about Islam, differentiating is very important.
(this is a real case that happened on this site a few years ago when a catholic was asking questions about sainthood etc, thinking that it was the same in type etc.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Good explanation!
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Thank You so much!
I appreciate the support. I need all that I can get at the moment. I talked to my family about it. This time they're not on my side...
Love is a serious mental disease.
Yes, yes, yes!
That is my soul purpose. I don't know why others can't see it. Sure, it doesnt happen in this country, but that doesnt mean we act oblivious to it, right?
I've never had to beg for food or shelter or anything, so why should they have to?
I'm 19 ;for crying out loud, never have i had to earn, why should they have to?
I am more than willing to do so. I have absolutely no problem with it.
Tashkor.
Love is a serious mental disease.
[quote=Ocean]But you'll be dividing your love... between a foreign child (around whom you'll be treading ever so carefully that he/she'll prob get most of your attention) and your own children./quote]
I kind of understand your point there. But, if you have enough love to give, you should go for it then, right...?
Love is a serious mental disease.
Do you mean you should or should not give the adopted child significance in your will?
Love is a serious mental disease.
There also numerous amount of hadiths that say that Adoption is permissable. Some, I have mentioned in the post above.
Love is a serious mental disease.
Aye to all.
Love is a serious mental disease.
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