Adoption? What do you think?

Ok, I’ve been advised to make a forum thing on this topic. I’m not sure whether there’s already been a topic on so; but if there has , I haven’t seen it. A couple of years ago, I went to Afghanistan, which was so not my choice, but I had to go to a funeral. We stayed there for about a fortnight. There were a couple of girls I really got along with. We used to sit and talk. They wanted to know things about England, Egypt, Italy , Arabia, Sweden, etc and how they were like. They’ve get shocked at the stuff I’d say. I told them about stuff. They’d cover their faces with their chadors and look down. At the time they used to call me ‘khush shanz’ (lucky). I really never understood why. One of the girls had a younger sister, she’d bring a slate to me and a chalk and ask me to teach her English. I asked her about school. She said her Dad didn’t want her to go to school. No Education! A life without education?! Ok, I was being kind of a hypocrite there. As my education stopped at 15; but circumstances were different there. My parents always stressed the importance of education, so it was really, really, really hard to believe.

People came to visit us often, so there was mostly gatherings where everyone would be together. I remember this one girl. She came in, approx. 9 or 10. She was carrying a baby on her hip. I was like “Aww, sibling love”. My Mother looked at me and said “No, that’s the child’s Mother.” I wanted to believe my Mother was joking; but my Mother isn’t someone who jokes. I was shocked, like wth! I asked my Mother how on earth did she get married so soon and how?! My Mother replies, ‘No’ one cares about things like that here. No’ one cares. I think her Father owed some money to the other guy, and he gave his daughter instead; and asked for no dowry instead. Again, I was like total bs. Imagine a life like so? Hard to imagine, right. Every time, I prayed, those 2 girls I’d remember. I used to think to myself; “Gosh! I had dreams. Really big dreams! And, they got shattered because I had to marry ’him’. And, at a young age as well.” After all that, I stopped thinking that.

I went to Pakistan , recently. I saw children begging on the streets! It was traumatic. Never have I seen things like that! I remember one boy, who went to this bunch of boys; asking for money, and they just pushed him away. He fell to the ground. He went to the same bunch of boys again. They pushed him again. No Self-respect. So, hold on a second. They had enough money to spend on cigarettes and Hookah. Enough money for drugs and beer. Yet, not enough for a little orphan? I am ashamed to stay they were Muslims also. I tried talking sense into them. Tried telling them that they’re wrong. Tried telling them to go and hang themselves (a bit extreme, I know…). Tried quoting Qur’an Al-Kareem. But, it didn’t work. The only thing that I gained were stalkers. I knew then, I had to do something. Give these people a life. A better life. Sanctity of life.

I thought of adoption. Of course, I didn’t tell anyone about it, at first. I wanted to weigh the pros and cons first. Everything was pointing to ‘Yes, do it!’ I talked to my parents about it, they were like “That’s a very good idea. But, will you be able to cope?” Which pretty much meant ‘, no, you’re not going to be able to cope.’ Yes, I understand, my parents sponsor children, build orphanage, schools, institutions; make provision for people to got to Hajj, etc. Not everything is about money. Sometimes, you have to give time too. Sometimes, time is the most valuable thing you can give. And, I’m willing to do so…as I have so much of it(!) I’ve seen the houses, (if you could call them that), that they live in. The servants in Egypt and Arabia live in mansions compared to these people.

In Pakistan, at night, we can see people using packaging as shelter. In Afghanistan, the homeless hide at night. Because the darkness is a criminal’s best friend. Thieves walk around, taking ownership of people, not things; regardless of whether it’s a boy or a girl. It’s nice to know that we can change that. So, those are pretty much the reasons, why I want to adopt.

People who know about my decision so far say to me ’Isha, Masha’Allah! You can have kids! Why do you want to adopt?” I know that. But, why have more, when we can’t handle the ones there are? Though, people have told me “Adoption isn’t allowed in Islam!” I doubt whether that’s true, but people anger me when they say that. Because why wouldn't it be?. Yes, I’ve heard that if you adopt a girl, she will be non-mehram for your husband. And, if you adopt a boy, he will be non-mehram for you. But, the only way we see them is as children. Our intentions are pure. Our intentions are selfless; we’re not doing this because it will get us into Al-Janna; but because children will get a better life and a better future will be guaranteed. And, also the child will know that we’re not their biological parents. I have no intentions of hiding it’s identity from it. Ya Habibi selam-alayka said, “The best house of Muslims is one where an orphan is cared for and lives in kindness and respect. The worst house of Muslims is the house where an orphan lives and he is ill-treated".

In 33;4, Allah establishes in this Ayah that adopting a child does not make him child of the one who adopts him and that this practice does not have any weight in Shari’ah. "Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter? And He found you wandering, and He gave you guidance. And He found you in need, and made you independent. Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness, nor drive away a petitioner (unheard). But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!"

(Qur'an 93:6-11) If anyone knows of anything that is relevant for me to know or whatever, please let me know. My Mother told me to sleep over it, and I really don’t want to regret this decision. Some people say Adoption is haraam, but I believe it is mak’ruh.

As well as so , I have a lot of time on my hands. I have nothing to do. The twins go to nursery; and I’m always home on my own; I’m quite an obsessive cleaner. Please, I don’t want to do that. Someone like me who absolutely hates sporty stuff. I’ve extended my gym hours, to 1 hour 45 minutes a day; and I now go for 3 walks a day. I also am going to the library often; and have read so many biographies and books about people. That they’re so depressing and disturbing; they make my blood pressure rise. I’m an artiste; sometimes doing calligraphy, portraits, tattoo art, etc. Trying out new dishes. All sorts. I waste my time doing so. Wouldn’t it be best to adopt, then? Look, I’ve got all the time. I think I’m getting an obsession with exercise, cleaning and reading. I’m turning into someone I never would want to be! I mean body art? Something I never was interested in! Reading? Never had time for it. And Facebooking? Like my Brother said, ‘Facebook is for people who don’t have life’. He’s right. You get one life; I don’t want to waste mine; I couldn’t get the education I dreamed of, I couldn’t find a career in Design like I wanted. I let those dreams go. I want to grab this one before it goes too. Most people think I’m stupid; I don’t know , maybe I am. But if being stupid is about taking on someone’s else’s burden happily, then call me stupid.