By Sajid Iqbal & Irfan Khan

Jamal goes to visit Ali in prison…

Ali: Jamaaaal!!! Holy cow!!! Is that really you?

Jamal: Salaam Ali. Yep it's me bro… and I ain’t no cow.

Ali: I can’t believe you's come all the way from Egypt to see me! Raas man! You're not a dodgy Mullah after all!

Jamal: No, not as dodgy as you bro… hahahaha.

Ali: Yo I ain't dodgy aiight, I’ve got style! So how are ya man… you all pimped up and that? you been strutting your stuff on the Taliban catwalks!

Jamal: I'm good, Alhamdulillah, I’ve had a wicked time, met some really good people. But what about you, how are things bro?

Ali: Life is friggin' beautiful! What do you think it’s like man?! Food here tastes like leftover kebabs. I'm locked up with some crackpots. Their idea of having fun is trying to feel me up… and shower time… I'm not dropping that soap EVER again!!! So yeah Jam life is hunki dori!

Jamal: I wish I could do something to help. I could get you shower gel instead of soap if that helps…

Ali: THAT'S NOT FUNNY JAM!!!

Jamal: I'm sorry to hear that, I'll make Dua for you Inshallah…

Ali: I'm dying in here and you're gonna just do Dua… what the …

Jamal: I spoke to Big Sam, ya know your solicitor… he said you should be out in 2 months coz of you're good behaviour.

Ali: Two more months!!!! I could make a good few grand in two months…I got time to make up… got bare competition Jam…

Jamal: …and end up back in here after a month! Wake up Ali! What’s it gonna take?! Get rid of all this drugs and gangsta crap! You’ve got two months to sort your head out before you get out. Have you not learnt anything whilst locked up?

Ali: Course I have, me learnt big time. I has learnt about credit card scams, deals on wheels, and me made enough contacts.

Jamal: WHAT!! That’s not what I meant, I was hoping you had changed and learnt your lesson?

Ali: Yeah me learnt how not to get caught next time Jam. Next time…

Jamal: You ain’t changed one bit have ya? Still tryna act all gansta! What's it gonna take to sort yourself out? Seriously bro…

Ali: Don't you start your usual lecture about good and bad… and heaven and hell… and love and peace… and flower power… hahahhahahah!

Jamal: Fine… I’m off… you enjoy life when you get out…

Ali: Woah!!!! I didn't mean go… I mean…uh… chill out Jam. You're always telling me to be a good Muslim. I will… one day… not yet… but one day… soon. Why you gotta get your beard in a twist for? You know what people say about me and you? They call us angels. Yeah, angels Jam, angels. You’re the angel on my right shoulder…

Jamal: …And your the angel on my left shoulder!

Ali: That’s what I’m sayin’, a pair of angels!

Jamal: Ali, somehow I don't think that is what they meant. Listen bro. I'm only here coz I've known you for bare time. You're a mate and my Muslim bro. I don't wanna see you locked up again. You gotta change your way of thinking… from today… coz tomorrow may never come Ali.

Ali: What d'ya mean ‘way of thinking’… I don't like thinking too much… you mean not dreaming about Pammy Anderson and Aishwariya Rai…

Jamal: Bro, I mean think about your life. It's purpose. What got you locked up? What kind of life are you living? Dealing drugs, acting like you're some kind of gangsta, playing around with women and all that is no respectable way to live Ali.

Ali: Playing around with the gals gets me bare respect….. trust me.

Jamal: That's not respect bro. In the sight of Allah that's the third biggest sin! And that's Who you're forgetting all about! Show Him (swt) some respect and He (swt) will bring so much proper respect and happiness in your life that no drugs or acting like a gangsta can ever bring you!

Ali: How do I show God respect. I can’t give Him a high five or hug Him or anything now can I… ya know what I mean Jam…

Jamal: You respect Him (swt) by respecting His (swt) rules and not the rules of da hood.

Ali: So what are God's rules?

Jamal: They’re easy bro. Firstly understand and appreciate that He (swt) is your Creator. He (swt) made you so He (swt) wants you to live according to His (swt) laws…

Ali: Yeah I know God created me… just tell me the rules man…

Jamal: Ok… whatever you do make sure it’s Halal and not Haram. So if God and His Prophet (pbuh) have said do this or that is good, then do it! But if God and His Prophet (pbuh) have said no, that’s wrong, stay away, it’s sinful… then stay right away from it. That's all the rules.

Ali: Raas! Two rules… dat’s sick yo… me can act upon two rules Jim! Then God's gonna give me all the respect and good stuff yeah???

Jamal: Let me break it down for you

Ali: to do Halal and no Haram means; no drugs, no alcohol, no girlfriends, no dodgy dealings, no tryna be a gangsta…

Ali: Hey…that's cheating Jam… that's loads of rules!! I knew you were a crafty Mullah…

Jamal: Bro, all that is doing Halal and staying away from Haram… the two rules I mentioned.

Ali: I gets ya… but dat’s too solid man!

Jamal: Ali… you've not exactly got much to do here apart from playing hide and sick from the lads… so why not use these two months to start acting on these two rules a bit at a time. Now if you make the intention that you wanna start a new life, then God will help you. Ali, you get rewarded just for having the intention to do good… before you even do it!

Ali: Can't I just have the intention… and still chill?

Jamal: Ali…

Ali: Ok… it was worth a try.

Jamal: The more Halal things you do… the more life becomes easier, more meaningful and successful. Now make a list of all the Haram stuff you do and then make a list of all the Halal things you're gonna start doing…

Ali: You mean like 'My name is Earl'?

Jamal: Yeah kind of… but with better facial hair.

Ali: I know bare Haram things I do… but what Halal things am I gonna do?

Jamal: There's loads bro; do Wudhu, start your prayers, read the Quran and these other books on Islam which I've brought you. Try to cut down on your swearing, lying and cheating and try being more respectful to your parents, give charity, get a Halal job and work hard. Ali we can do anything we want as long as it’s not Haram.

Ali: Woah!! I'm Ali not Mother Teresa!!!

Jamal: Bro if I can do it and hundreds of other brothers who were just like you, then so can you.

Ali: You really think so…

Jamal: Of course. Just make the intention. Allah (swt) only makes things Halal and Haram for us because it helps and benefits us. It’s not to make things dificult for us. And remember Ali you're doing this for YOU. So that you have a happy and peaceful life. So your parents can be proud of you. So your future wife and children love and respect you. That can be all yours bro… if you start from today.

Ali: Yeah man I want all that! Ok Jam, I'm gonna give it a shot. If nothing else it will help me stay away from these sad batty boyz in here!

Jamal: Right then bro I better get going, but before I go, here take some of these books on different Islamic topics and please read them.

Ali: Yeah alright, hows about you bring me some papers next time?

Jamal: Newspapers? Yeah I will do.

Ali: Nah yo, some Rizlas man!

Jamal: Bro, I hope that was a joke. You take care and I’ll see you again, Ali can you pass me that pen I just dropped.

Ali: Do one!!! I ain't picking that up… I already fell forthat one before! Never again, never again…