By Shaykh Muhammad Salim Ghisa
Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and woman, which makes each other permissible for them to enjoy and live happily. Allah has described, in the most moving and eloquent terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is filled with security, love, understanding and compassion:
And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and woman, which makes each other permissible for them to enjoy and live happily. Allah has described, in the most moving and eloquent terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is filled with security, love, understanding and compassion:
“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
Marriage is also an important part of the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)
The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has also said as narrated by Ibn Masud (May Allah be pleased with him)
“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at non permissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
However, we also find that in today’s day and age that there are many marriages that are improper or unfair and can make a person’s life miserable. These marriages are either forced or arranged against a person’s will. Islam does not support in any way a marriage where either the man or woman is unhappy with the set up.
We find that some people use their power of authority and cultural understanding (baradarism) to arrange such forced marriages and then hide behind the religion of Islam to justify their actions.
Arranged marriages
Arranged marriages are allowed and promoted in Islam as long as they are accepted by both the bride and the groom. One of the conditions for the Nikah (marriage ceremony) to be valid is both the man and woman are asked independently of each other as to whether they agree with the marriage or not. If either of them say ‘no’ then the Nikah cannot continue , however, silence is regarded as consent. (Radd ul Mohtar).
The parents have a responsibility to ensure that both couples are compatible and do not arrange a marriage merely for their own social or personal reasons (i.e. 'she's my brothers daughter, lets get our son married to her'!). If the latter is the case then they will have to answer to Allah. The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) gave the strictest orders with relation to the rights of others. He said
“'Truly Allah has totally forbidden disobedience (and the subsequent hurt) to mothers, burying alive daughters, with-holding the rights of others, and demanding that which is not your right.” (Hadith Muslim 4257. Recorded by Mughirah b. Shuba).
When a suitable partner is chosen then four things are considered, out of which one should take importance and this is the religious practice of their prospective partners. Whilst the following Hadith is in relation to choosing a woman, it refers to both sexes: the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said
“A woman (or man) may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is religious, lest your hands be rubbed with dust!” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Although the Prophet advised the young Muslim to look for a religious partner, it does not mean that they should ignore their preferences regarding the physical beauty. The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) encouraged seeing a prospective partner before finalizing the marriage, so that a Muslim does not find his/herself trapped in a marriage with a woman/man he/she finds unattractive.
Al Mughirah Ibn Shaibah said “I got engaged to a woman at the time of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He asked me “Have you seen her?” I said “No”. He said “go and have a look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility is established between you.” (Nasai)
Therefore, in the above situations we find that Islam promotes love and compatibility between husband and wife and recognizes that these are vital ingredients in a successful marriage.
Forced Marriages
Whilst we understand the importance of love and compatibility we must also ensure the approval of both parties. However, one must also recognize that forced marriage is a problem occurring today and Islam condemns it to the highest degree. The issue of forced marriages is not one that is limited to some Muslims, but Hindus, Sikhs and other religions also acknowledge it as a problem.
As explained above, Islam regards marriage as a right of the individual and therefore others cannot make the decision for them. If a woman/man is forced in marriage then the marriage would not be valid and would therefore need to be cancelled. However, daughters and sons should also recognize the rights of their parents and come to an agreed solution before the marriage takes place.
If this does not happen then those who forced the marriage and those who allowed it are both guilty and have committed a major sin. The following incident clarifies the position of forced marriages in Islam;
Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”
He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
At first, the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) told Al Khansa to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concerns of fathers for the well being of their daughters is well known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her in to marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Love Marriages
Marriages that are done due to a couple falling in love with one another are acceptable but are usually an unlawful way of approach. Meaning, that two people of the opposite sex start a relationship and then decide they want to marry. However, one must also realize that this is happening and therefore if a couple are in a relationship they must either get married immediately and save themselves from sin or separate.
If the father/ mother is aware then they should ensure that there is a successful outcome and if there is compatibility between the couple, they should try and ensure that the marriage takes place as soon as possible. Mere excuses, such as they are from a lower cast etc are not acceptable. However, valid reasons such as religion must be taken in to account.
Abu Hurairah narrates that the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said “when one with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage then accede to his request. If you do not do so then there will be temptation in the earth and extensive corruption”. (Tirmidhi)
Secret Marriages
Secret marriages whilst recognised are severely disliked in Islam and even Haram when it goes against the will of the parents. The reason for this is that it means that those who are responsible for them are not advised of it and the couple will go against their parents by doing so. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has clearly stressed that the will of the father is the will of Allah (Bukhari) also how important it is to obtain the dua of one’s parents.
Whilst we recognise that sometime parents need to be advised, this should be done by asking relatives to intervene, or the local Imam or anyone who may have an influence over one’s parents and they can agree. Insha Allah a marriage can only ever obtain spiritual comfort if the dua of one’s mother and father is with them.
Whilst the secret marriage may be valid it does not mean it is right and blessed.
May Allah give us the ability to understand the sacred concept of marriage and the Islamic approach towards it.
What is the best way to find a partner in the UK? To find out and to read more articles on marriage visit: www.therevival.co.uk/marriage.php
Comments
it will inshaaAllah be easier for you to break up now. during Ramadan, you wont have the devils to come and make you more depressed. jusst remember you're doing this for your own good and you're gaining the pleasure of Allah. and right now you're disobeying Allah. end it the sooner the better so you can go back to Allah and He will ease your heart and make your pain go away. only He can do that.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
assalamoalekum to all,
i am 22 year and i loved a boy. actually we both love each other. but the problem is he is hesitating to tell his family about our relationship. his ammi(mom) arranged his marriage to some other girl and he does want to go against his ammi's decision.
but i love this boy and want to spend my entire life with him..
what should i do???
should i directly go to his mom and tell her about our relationship??
or should i first tell this to my family and then my family talk to his family??(because i know my family will understand me and agree with my decision)
i don't want to spend my life with someone else because loving someone and marry to someone else is not ok for me.....
please solve or give me suggestions for this problem in light of quran (islam).....
Wa alaykum salaam
Is he happy with his decision to keep his mum happy? If he is then you will have to find a way to forget him.
I think you should get advice from your family and then do istikhara, then if you still think want to talk to his mum, do that
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
wa'alaikumsalam, i dont think you should chase this boy, he doesnt seem to care much. or maybe its the way you've toldd your story. dont chase after him. if he's not meant to be, Allah will definitely help you forget and get over him. dont fear that.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Hi,
Im currently writing an essay on how religion affects marital stablity and I really liked the information I found on this website, however, after reading your comment I started questioning its validity. Where did you get your information, do you have a source? Or are you just familiar with the culture? I'd really love your input, I don't what to include false information in my paper. Thanks!
Hi Mattie,
Could you quote the person/comment you're referring to so that person can reply.
*Disclaimer* the views of the posters do not necessarily reflect those of The Revival/this article.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Hi
I'm sorry is this comment for me? I get emailed comments but I'm never sure who they are aimed at.
If it is for me then check out sheikh shady alsuleiman's videos on YouTube.
You can research his achievements if you want. To prove that he has the knowledge and isnt false.
PS I may interpret it differently, so it's best to listen to him from his videos.
No problem.
Im currently writing an essay on how religion affects marital stablity and I really liked the information I found on this website, however, after reading your comment I started questioning its validity. Where did you get your information, do you have a source? Or are you just familiar with the culture? I'd really love your input, I don't what to include false information in my paper. Thanks!
Hey, Nad is an unverified member who posted that comment in 2009, I don't think this poster will come back to reply, unfortunately. However I'd like to try and help you out
I don't think Nad's comment contradicts the article, though I think the article could've used better wording in particular places, e.g. it should've said arranged marriage is encouraged rather than simply saying "it's allowed", but, yes, the article and Nad's comments are essentially the same, and it is what Islam teaches.
Btw "arranged" can mean 2 people see and know each other, for example if they work or study together but then they need their families to formally arrange it. Perhaps the writer of the article was thinking of differences within "arranged" marriage - the writer may have been specifically thinking of parents arranging it all by themselves, by finding potential partners then asking their children. But obviously I can't know exactly what the writer was thining.
Any way, if you need sources for specific statements with Nad's comment or the above article then let us know and we'll try to help you out
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
excuse me my muslim brother. cn u tell me hw to post my questiom on this site???
Start a new forum topic? (go to forum >> general and then click add new topic)
Or if you want confidential advice, email the editor.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
i got married with my girlfriend, but my parents knew this metter earlier, they dont have any excues about it, bt i got married just because i am afraid about "jina" thats why i got married secretly, i know my parents will br dissapointed to know about this, bt i didnt know what should i do, my parents wants me to get married some more years later being an well carriered person, i guess i was wrong when i did this... but whatever i did that i found best for me that time, just because i wanted to get ride of jiina !
Have you not told your parents?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I dont want to sound cruel but:
This is what happens when you place more importance on the self than on Allah (swt), Islam etc.
I thnk your parents would have been disappointed as soon as they knew you had a girlfriend. And if they happily acepted or ignored that fact then I doubt this secret marrage will be too far a leap for them.
And I heard as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying come and see and I beheld, a pale horse. And his name that sat on him was Death... and Hell followed with him.
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu Brothers and Sisters.. I am a 24 year old boy and I love someone, she loves me too.. Actually we know each other from our childhood and liked each other. Recently her parents wanted to fix her marriage and decided to marry her to her cousin. After knowing this, she told her parents that she did not want to marry him and told them she wants to marry me. But her family members did not agree. Her parents agreed to her brother's love marriage but they are against our love marriage because she is a girl. Few days back they forcefully engaged her to her cousin. Before the engagement, her brother(who loves someone and is going to get married to her) threatened her to get engaged and told her that he would do some harm to me, so she got scared for me and my family and got engaged. And the cousin whom she got engaged knows about our love and that she does not want to marry him but still he sent his marriage proposal. So my questions are :
1. What should we do now ? I was in shock when I came to know about the engagement.
2. Why do our parents and family members don't understand us, we are their children, forced marriage is haram in Islam, how can we be happy if they force us to marry someone else ? Why don't they think about this ? I am a well educated Muslim and from a good family too.
We don't know what to do and trust only ALLAH (SWT). Any advice would be of great help and if possible, please do dua for me.. Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu.
An engagement in itself in no way "confirms" a marriage contract. It is simply a verbal agreement, a proposal that one would like to marry the other. An engagement can be followed up with a nikaah and walima, but it can also be broken and there is no sin or blame for doing so.
In my personal opinion and I am not suggesting this is the best opinion is that you should speak to the parents of the girl, rather than her brother and tell them that you wish to marry her. The girl, herself needs to speak up and say that she does not want to marry her cousin and give genuine and proper reasons for not wanting to. She needs to mention that forced marriages are against what Islam teaches too. If she is finding it hard to speak to her parents, tell her to speak to her aunty or uncle and they can pass the message on.
Parents and other family members feel they know what is best for every one of us. Just remember that even if she does get married to her cousin, it isn't the end of the world for you. As you mention, you're a well educated Muslim and you come from a good family. There are many other girls out there who you may like and who may be suitable for you. Try not to be close minded and have your heart fixed on one person alone as you are only making it more difficult for yourself. Pray to Allah and ask Him the All-Hearing to do what's best for you. It might seem hard to accept but Allah always has something even better planned. May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.
Thank you for your reply.. I was waiting for many days to get the reply and help from someone. In Shaa Allah I will try to do what you said and In Shaa Allah everything will be fine. Thanks again
I noticed how you'd come online and I assumed that you were waiting for a response and so, I apologise for taking my time and delaying my response to your questions. There is no need to thank me at all, just make dua for me, that's it. Stay happy and smile!
Good response Hummus.
Just to add, in this world we often don't get what we want and even with the right intention things go wrong.
You can make your intentions clear and leave the rest to God. If it works out, mashallah. If not, inshallah you both will be lead to what is even better for you.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Thanks You for your advice
LtS is going to rant below.
i use to read this thread and think "ah man..how do they end up in situations like these..."
and now.... urgh. people i care about are hanging around that dangerous zone... makes me annoyed.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Hello
I am wondering if you can help me?
My father got me into a force marriage nearly 26 years ago - for my fathers sake I went ahead with the marriage because of the pressure put on me at the time, I was only 17years of age and I was forced into a marriage that I never wanted. I was forced to marry my fathers brothers daughter. I have tried my best to work the marriage and we have had some good times but also some really bad times aswell. I also feel black majic has had a big role to play in life which has not been helpful at all.
I have now come to a point in my life where it is completely unbearable, I have tried my best to remain in the marriage but 26 years later I have realised I will never be happy in the situation I am in. in fact this is mental torture as my wifes family are not compatable with me at all. I have repented to Allah for all my wrong doings and I want a way out as my life is like torture on a daily basis. I am so lost in myself and want a way out - is there anyone out there who can help me?? At the age of 42 I have now realised what has happened to me and beginning to find out some home truths about my wife and her family - I just want a way out!!
Please any help will be greatly appreciated!!
Your post is 4 years old, so I don't know if my answer is still valuable for you.
From what you've described, I really don't think he can take good care of you. And I strongly suggest you to clearly talk to your parents that you're not willing to get married to this guy. If nothing works out, send a message to the guy somehow that you're completely not interested in getting married to him. Hopefully once the guy will know the ground reality, he'll understand. It is unfair to the guy as well that your parents give him the hope of getting married to you whereas in reality you don't want to get married to him. So let him know as well.
Assalamu alaikum brother,
I would suggest first to list down your top 3 problems with this marriage at this stage of your life. Also ask your wife to list the top 3 problems as well.
Sit down and talk to come up with a solution to solve only those 3 problems. Make it a joint thing. Look for the future, do not keep reminding yourself and your wife about what happened in the past.
If you can't come up with a solution, go to a marriage counselor. Some imams do marriage counseling services. I know Sheikh Yasir Birjas from Texas who is a well known islamic marriage counselor in Texas. He is very practical, understands the issues of Muslims family life very well. He has experience of knowing people from different parts of the world. I'm not sure where you live, but I strongly recommend you to get in touch with him. But of course try to solve the problem yourself.
In my opinion your top problem may not be the forced marriage you had. It may be something else. Just look for it. May be you should get involved in doing things that your wife likes to do. Support her for things that matter to her. I cannot suggest any specific things because your post is very general. You need to list down your top 3 problems brother.
Assalamu alaikum.
Your Reply cleary depicts that arrange is more encouraged wether it is enforced to do for a man or women . well that why today Islam is loosing its real attractiveness when you say only arrange marraiges wether they keep a gun on your forehead to do it or you will be bullyied by you family or society ..........
But according to me any kind of enforcement in marraiges is haram so you should stop depicting a cruel pictures of islam
Assalamualaikum dear brothers and sisters.
I am from Bangalore. I met a Muslim girl from Assam last year, while I was employed at my organization in Delhi. She happens to work as my subordinate. I liked her and found out that even she felt the same about me. Accordingly, I spoke to my parents on this issue and sought their approval for marriage. My parents had a preconceived notion that this girl has turned the mind of their obedient son and also had a generalized notion of people belonging to her region. They opine that people from that region have weak taqwa and are Muslims only for namesake. They consider her to be a bad human being as she met a namehram and uses modern western clothing. They opine that she is not letting go of me as she will not get a better groom, and wedding expenses will also will not be borne by her father.
My parents feel that it will bring bad repute to our family and every relative Will speak ill about me and my parents.
I have been trying to convince them by arranging a conversation between her father and mine, but to no avail. My family feels that I should sever all ties and marry as per their choice. I cannot, on one hand, go against my parents, and forget about her on the other. Currently I have informed her of the situations at my home, but, I feel my parents are being unjust as their opinions are based on some notions and her Facebook profile. They have not even met her as they stay at Bangalore. Does being from a region where Islam reached late make her less of a Muslim? She follows saum-o-salat normally although at times her pronunciation is a little wrong, which she is working on. Isn't her niyyat more important.
As of now, my father has stopped talking to me. My mother is appreciative of my sacrifice but she cannot support me as her farz is towards her husband. I tried convincing my mother at least by speaking to an Imaam. Our Imaam sahab initially was unbiased, but now started saying bad generalizations on people from Assam.
I have tried isthikhara in different ways as per different advices. My heart urges me to go ahead in this endeavor. My mother too tried but derived a negative meaning for her dream. I feel that I will not be able to do justice to any other lady as I want to marry this girl. I seek help in this regard.
Assalamualaikum
Wa alaykum salaam. Have you done completed istihkara? what was the outcome from it? Remember along with istikhara it's important to get the advice of those you trust and know want best for you.
Your parents seem to be rejecting the girl based on nothing but prejudice and that is definitely wrong. It's unfair on you that they aren't listening to you and letting you decide.
However I would advise you to try your best to not get too close to this girl because if you dad doesn't start talking to you again then you will have to make a decision - is this girl worth losing your father over?
The closer you get to this girl the harder it will be to let go of her. And Islamically you shouldn't be close to her anyway.
Have an open mind about the girls that your parents introduce you too. If the level of religiousity is important to them then they may well pick a good partner for you and you shouldn't reject her just for this girl because that way you can have a good wife as well as keeping your parents happy.
May Allah make it easy for you, ameen.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Assalmo alaikum
I belong to a muslim pakistani family. a year back i met a christian White guy who helped me through a very hard situation i was dealing with at the time. Long story short we fell in love. I am 24 and he is 26. I told him that i cannot marry him because i am muslim and he is christian so we have no future in response to that he offered he will revert for me. But i said to him i do not want him to revert for me I only want him to accept islam and its rules if he wants to from his heart. So he started looking up and started reading about Islam and later started reading Quran with translation as it holds all the answers to all our questions. During this process my parents found out and told me that if i want to be with him then i should leave my family. Its been a year now and the guy is reverting this month and is doing it purely because he wants to from his heart. I have told my mother and have also told her the guy wants to come to my house with his parents for a proper proposal and wants to marry me but my parents are still not agreeing as they are worried about what others will say. they also think its a wrong decision and I fail to understand how this is a wrong decision only because he does not belong to our community? But Islam says not to differentiate each other based on colour. Allah knows best He may even prove to be a better muslim than any of us and i pray that he does. Now I am in a situation where I wish to marry this guy and my parents dont want me to and i do not want to disobey them either. My mum says live for others but I do not understand who are these others she wishes me to live for because Islamicaly our lives should only be devoted to Allah. I don’t know what to do anymore which is why i am seeking help here I really do hope you can advise me better. Allah knows what is in my heart and after all this if i listen to my parents and in future they ask me to marry someone else they think is suitable for me I know i will not be able to love him with my heart which i think will be not fair on the other guy.
Unfortunately you are in a really dificult situation there.
Its too easy to say that it is easier to stay away from these complications than to extract yourself from there, because hindsight is 20:20.
If you tell him you won't marry him, will he still accept Islam?
My opinion is that converts are often the best Muslims, but even Muslims have to make a conscious choice that Islam is the truth and that they follow it.
Converts have more pitfalls because they know a life without Islam and can fall back into old habits, especially if the conversation was not heartfelt, but born Muslims can also make the same choices of distruction.
You need to talk more with your family and friends - because what you decide will have consequences.
Feelings can warp your logical thinking, but this is not necessarily a bad thing.
What you need to know is that in a few years time when your current feelings have matured/passed have you still made the right choice?
Many parents will say things about disowning you and not do it, but I am also aware of a situation where the grandparents did not visit their daughter when her son was dying in hospital or attend the subsequent funeral - you need to figure out which group your parents fall into and if you can live with those decisions.
You also need to decide which path will lead to the more fulfilling religious lifestyle and what is greater protection for you and your offspring - I would consider it selfish if you make a decision that any children you have are less likely to be Muslim.
That does not mean that not marrying this person would lead to better chance of children with Muslim upbringing - our communities are rotting away and a convert may have a better understanding of Islam and how to embue its importance to any children.
I do not know the right answer but Inshallah you will find it and quickly.
It is a tough situation, and those reading that have not experienced something like it yet, remember not to put yourself into a place where you may go into the same situation, because it is natural to fall for someone that you interact with.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
[quote=Nad]This article is a bit hypocritical and slightly out of Islamic context at some places. Islam encourages 'arranged marriages' and discourages all other type of marriages whether it be Forced Marriage/Love Marriage/Secret Marriage. Male/Female in Islam are allowed to say 'No' to an arranged marriage on the basis of wealth,beauty,deeds e.t.c but not for another man/woman as often is the case nowadays. Islam strictly prohibits relationships between a man and woman and does not allow flexibility in this regard because it brings immorality in the society. This article is highlighting the flexibility prohibited in Islam. Islam does not allow man and woman to sit in each others company without the presence of a Mahram and you aint falling in love with a person without getting to know which can only happen after marriage in Islam. So please have a balanced approach, discourage Forced Marriages but at the same time also discourage Love/Secret Marriages.[/quote]
Salam Alaykoum.
We are living in a totally different society a lot of things have changed.
Why is it when it comes to any other thing we disregard the real practice of Islam and Sunna except when it comes to relationships ?
How long does the man and the woman have to live together before they can finally fall in love ?
In my own experience there was never "true love" in arranged marriages usually it's one way or nothing at all, people tend to get used to each other.
They accept because they believe there's no other way.
Personnally if I don't have feeling and love the girl I can't marry her which means I can't get married, I don't want to get married to "A girl" .
In this case I will remain a bachelor all my life, I cannot see the point in getting married without love and true feelings.
Let's face it, it's a rare thing to hear of a true love between two people in an arranged marriage.
1) On one hand marriage cannot be forced right ? From several hadiths
2) No secret marriages which means the father has to agree in that case where is the answer, what if a father never gives his consent then ?
3) Why does he need to give his consent ? If we follow the following Hadith:
<blockquote>Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”
He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
</blockquote>
Now judging from this Hadith what are we supposed to do, he told her go and marry whomever you wish, even though her father disgreed and wanted her to be married to his nephew ?
You see on one hand it says this, on another it says something completely different, contradiction?
I doubt very much that these is a contradiction either some Hadiths are not authentic or perhaps some were modified.
I cannot understand this logic.
You MUST have the consent of the parents.
But Nobody can marry you by force
I don't understand this logic quite honestly, and if me as a Muslim have difficulties in understanding something like this how on earth are we going to convince anyone else to understand it ?
I don't see the equality on both sexes, I am pretty sure that Allah swt made us equal but some people want to make it as if a woman will always be under control either her guardian (father, brother cousin etc..) or Husband
In other words a woman will never have her freedom to decide for herself what she want, she has to always be obedient to x, y and z.
I can see why some people keep on attacking Islam we give them reasons to attack it. We give them a platform to stand on.
If the only way to be with a girl is to marry her first and then "maybe" fall in love with her, than it's a gamble in some ways.
The majority of couples they have children the first year of their marriage they won't even have the time to be together to get to know each other and they will both spend their time caring for their kids, by the time their children have flown the nest, it's time to die.
Wonderful life.
Anyway (very depressing)
Salam Alaykoum
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