young people have this "need" to fit in. It's called peer pressure.

apart from that can't really comment. does seem strange getting orders from others.

Oh, and us guys are a dangerous thing. Give us an inch, we will take a mile. Always gotta be careful.

[color=indigo][b]Assalaamu'alaikum sis and welcome to the forum

In Islam we're not meant to talk to the opposite sex (non-mahrams) without valid reason so being friends with them is a no. We're only allowed to speak with them when it's regarding something and not just everyday chit chat otherwise that'll be classed as free-mixing. You can talk to your male classmates but within limits of course and your friends are right, these type of friendships do sometimes lead to premarital relationships which are totally haram.

I no you said you see these guys as your family but even still, they're not your mahrams. You can end up marrying one of them.

There's nothing wrong with being outspoken and there's absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your opinions, as long as you do everything according to Islamic manner I really don't see what the problem is.[/b][/color]

Quote:

[b]Q. Are females allowed to have male friends?[/b]

[b]A.[/b] In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessing of Allah be showered upon the Prophet Muhammad, his family, companions, and those who follow them with sincerity.

It depends what you mean by “friends.” If you mean “friend” in the Western sense, where you hang out and spend time together and go places, then no, this is not allowed. Islam doesn’t allow free intermingling of the sexes for the simple reason that whenever men and women are together, there is always the possibility, whether latent or actual, of being tempted to do something improper.

That having been said, Islam is also practical. When there is a legitimate need for men and women to work together, they may do so, provided that everyone observes the proper etiquette (adab). The Qur’an describes the relationship between believing men and women as follows, “And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another: they enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil; they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise. (Al-Tauba, 9:71)

In this verse, the Qur’an does speak of the believers as friends. But this is in the spiritual sense, and is very different from the Western concept of friendship.

And Allah knows best.

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

I agree with what has already been mentioned...its OK to have guy as colleagues. However, don't make them your close friends.

However, bare in mind though...no one should make you feel any 'less of a Muslim'.

Also, unless the guys had the room booked or something on...they had no right to kick the girls out of the room.

"yellomellow" wrote:

Let me start by saying that that I'm a friendly and outgoing person a free spirit if you will. It's difficult for me not to get along with everyone. I recently started college and I have had a hard time getting along with the Muslim youth especially the women. I recently joined an Islamic club which includes males and females that share a classroom. A couple days ago there was an incident several female members were in the classroom planning a fund raiser and some of the male members came into the classroom a told us to leave. My first reaction was to laugh, but then I realized some women around me were gathering their belongings and heading for the door. It would have been a different story if they had asked us politely, but command us as if we were children. I was shocked I thought we were supposed to respect each other and Islam treats the sexes equally ? So naturally I refused to leave.
Some of the girls recently sat me down to talk about my Muslim and Non-Muslim male friends. I was told that any friendship with a man would lead to premarital sex and/or drug use. They expressed their concerns about my life as a spinster apparently I'm a pretty girl , but no Muslim man would want to marry me. Keep in mind I have older four brothers I basically grew up on video games and playing sports. I have male friends because they don't judge me based on my appearance or my personal views. There is nothing remotely sexual their like my family. I've been told that I need to stop talking to my male friends, be less outspoken, and be more modest. I believe I'm a Muslim in every sense of the word, but they seem to disagree. I wear a hijab, I pray, I don't drink or smoke, I don't do drugs, and I don't party or go to nightclubs. I've been told all my life to conform to this idea of what a Muslim women should be. Am I less of a Muslim because of my views ? Are they right ? I'm curious am I not allowed to have male friends ?

asalamualikum w.w.

When I first became a Muslim my friend gave me advice which I have since found invaluable: he told me to NEVER judge myself in relation to others, because Allah (swt) alone knows what is in our hearts.

I myself have some close friends who are girls from my old life, and I have found it almost impossible to abandon them now just because I converted. For me it doesn't give a good impression to them that Muslims suddenly abandon people who they've known for 10 years, and also in some cases I'm the only person who is likely to make da'wa to them.

The sin that you have to avoid is obviosly Zina, and anything that might lead to this. As long as you're NEVER (never never ever) alone with a guy and you don't flirt/lead guys on, and also if you remember that YOU alone are responsible to answer to Allah (swt) on the Day of Judgement, then you should just ask yourself deeply inside what you think is right.

If you stop having male friends with the intention to please Allah (swt), then insha'Allah you will be rewarded for this. If, however, you stop having male friends to just please a bunch of girls you've just met, then there will be no reward whatsoever on the next life, and it might well make you miserable in this life too.

And also don't listen to them regarding marriage. If theres one group of people who DON'T know what type of a woman guys want to marry, its women! I know plenty of guys who don't want a quiet, submissive girl who always does what she is TOLD to do.

And Allah (swt) knows best

assalamu alaikum,

I agree with the advice given, but i know what yello means i myself grew up really outspoken, mum always said i was too loud like "the boys" need to be more "feminine". But it was a part of the way i was socialised i guess i grew up with five brothers what did they expect?

I'm also distrustful of female friends from experience they tend to be b..well you know that female dog word which is banned here. They tend to get jealous of one another, and then usually gossip about you. Even the closest of them seem envious of something once in a while. But with guys you know where you stand, no need to worry about appearances and keeping up with the jones'. guys aren't known for chit chating like girls either. So i understand what ur saying however it's not the done thing if you wana take the Islamic perspective.

Having said that i still avoided having male friends coz i knew it wasn't right, and it too had it's negative elements. At uni i did have one male friend it was purely platonic least i thght until he aired his feelings then i thght right i have to cut him off. Sounds harsh? Well it was the only way otherwise he'd think i'm holding a torch for him with the continuing friendship.

So i wouldn't encourage it.You're young you haven't seen any problems yet but as you get older you will realise many of these male friends you have, actually hold feelings for you that aren't platonic in the least.

"yashmaki" wrote:

I'm also distrustful of female friends from experience they tend to be b..well you know that female dog word which is banned here. They tend to get jealous of one another, and then usually gossip about you. Even the closest of them seem envious of something once in a while. But with guys you know where you stand, no need to worry about appearances and keeping up with the jones'. guys aren't known for chit chating like girls either. So i understand what ur saying however it's not the done thing if you wana take the Islamic perspective.

Having said that i still avoided having male friends coz i knew it wasn't right, and it too had it's negative elements. At uni i did have one male friend it was purely platonic least i thght until he aired his feelings then i thght right i have to cut him off. Sounds harsh? Well it was the only way otherwise he'd think i'm holding a torch for him with the continuing friendship.

So i wouldn't encourage it.You're young you haven't seen any problems yet but as you get older you will realise many of these male friends you have, actually hold feelings for you that aren't platonic in the least.

i totally second what sis yashmaki has said, she took the words right out of my mouth!
1. from my experience though you may take your male friends as platonic friends, believe me, they wont all have innocent intentions - most of the guys ive come across in my life have always had alterior motives :roll:

2. Girls can be a headache and pretty annoying, psychologically draining as well :shock: But not all girls are like that.. make friends with girls that are similar to you and your character - and you may find that you can hang around them more easily than you do with the guys..!
overall, just be conscious of the islamic guidelines in relation to male-female relations..