Assalamualaykum Sister,

From my understanding (which could be correct or incorrect) I believe he can have up to four wives but MUST have the permission always from the first wife before taking another.

Salam

Saima. You must be not doing something right; and that's made him look else where.

I suggest you take a hard and fair look at your recent behaviour over the past few months or years.

Find out what have you done wrong.

You must have done something to cheese him off.

Men only eat out when home cooking is not good enough for them.

Therefore, learn to cook how he likes it.

Its not too late.

Omrow

"Abbas" wrote:

Assalamualaykum Sister,

From my understanding (which could be correct or incorrect) I believe he can have up to four wives but MUST have the permission always from the first wife before taking another.

Actuallly thats not strictly true.... He doesnt need her permission to get married again (although it would be advisable).

But as the Omrow said: If home bryani wasnt great then he's bound to go looking for a decent takeout.

"Seraphim" wrote:

Actuallly thats not strictly true.... He doesnt need her permission to get married again (although it would be advisable).

Salam Seraphim,

Do you know of any trustworthy online sources that I can look at to find out more about this topic as it interests me.

I'm not sure what Islam says about this permission issue...however, I do wonder what kind of wife would stick around after her husband did something like this behind her back.

Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Polygyny in Islam:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited. In this brief answer I will use the term ‘polygamy’ with regards to a man marrying more than once, due to its widespread usage.

Polygamy is one of the main targets for criticism on the part of non-Muslims and even some who claim to be Muslims. However, polygamy is not something that appeared with the advent of Islam, rather it was present in human societies since the very beginning, and was practiced in many parts of the world.

Before the advent of Islam, polygamy had been practiced unlimitedly in many parts of the world. A man use to marry several women at one time. Even the Prophets (upon whom be peace) were not immune from it. Sayyiduna Ibrahim (peace be upon him) had two wives, Sayyiduna Ishaq and Sayyiduna Musa (peace be upon them both) had many wives, Sayyiduna Sulayman (peace be upon him) had several wives whilst Sayyiduna Dawud (peace be upon him) had hundred wives. In fact, there are only two prophets who never married, one being Sayyiduna Isa and the other Sayyiduna Yahya (peace be upon them both).

Historically, the Jews and Christians were polygamous. The ban on polygamy in Christianity is a man-made prohibition, not divine law. Polygamy was also practised among the Persians, Greeks, Arabs and Hindus. Unrestricted polygamy was permissible in all the religions before the advent of Islam.

When the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) brought the message of Islam, polygamy was still a widespread and well-established custom. It was practiced without any restriction or limitation. Due to this, a man would marry many women, but failed to fulfil their rights, and the women who were in his marriage were oppressed and treated unjustly.

Islam came and banned the ill-treatment of women. It limited unrestricted polygamy that was the custom of the times of ignorance. It also laid certain conditions in order to practice polygamy.

The following verse of the Qur’an was revealed:

“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).

The circumstances in which this verse was revealed illustrate the sincere teachings of Islam regarding polygamy. It was revealed after the battle of Uhud, in which a significant number of Muslim men were martyred and as a consequence, many women were widowed and their children orphaned. To safeguard the new Muslim community, this just and compassionate law was revealed, and it remains in effect until the end of time.

Islam requires men to take full care of the orphan's interests and property, but if they felt that they could not do justice to them as custodians, then they were advised to marry other women, up to a maximum of four.

Also, the Qur’an conditioned the permissibility of marrying more than one wife with justice and fair treatment. It is a grave sin to treat the wives unequally. Any man who wishes to take a second wife also has to meet the important condition of fair treatment of all his wives. The verse quoted above includes the command to treat wives equally, and anyone who is unable to do so should marry only one wife.

Equal treatment includes all social, economical and physical needs. It is very difficult for human beings to be completely fair, a fact which is recognised by the Qur’an:

“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)... (Surah al-Nisa, 129).

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

“A man who marries more than one woman and then does not deal justly with them will be resurrected with half his faculties paralysed” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

However, this refers to aspects that are within the capacity of a man such as equal treatment with regards to social, economical and physical needs. As far as the inclination of the heart is concerned, then that is beyond the capacity of a man.

Wisdoms behind polygamy

There is much wisdom why men have been given the permission to polygamy. I would just like to mention a few:

2) It is a known fact that there are more women than men and that they have a longer life. More men die due to wars and other incidents. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

If we restricted men to having only one wife, then there would be many women without husbands. Especially, when a woman is divorced or she becomes a widow, at times it is very difficult for her to remarry. In permitting polygamy, there is a solution to this problem. These women will have someone to look after their social and economic needs.

2) At times, the wife is incapable of procreating and the husband desires to have children. Polygamy can also serve as a solution to this problem.

3) Some men are not satisfied with one woman. Recognising this need of a man, Islam permitted them to marry more than one wife, rather than falling into the trap of adultery and fornication.

In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

At times, the woman may not be able to fulfil the physical needs of her husband due too illness. By permitting polygamy, the door of extra-marital affairs is closed.

The above are just some of the reasons and wisdoms behind the permissibility of practicing polygamy. This is the decision of Allah, and we as Muslims must accept it.

Allah Most High says:

“It is not fitting for a believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have any option about their decision. If anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path”. (al-Ahzab, 36).

Therefore, in light of the above, if your farther was able to marry second time and he treats both his wives justly, then there is nothing Islamically wrong with that. The age gap is of no significance, as long as he is able to fulfil the rights of both wives.

It is his responsibility that he treats both his wives justly. Failure to do so will amount to a grave sin, as mentioned earlier. Explain to your mother and other family members that your farther should not be confronted with regards to his actions, as he has not committed a sin. Having patience will bring great rewards for your mother.

However, your mother has a right that she is treated justly with love and respect. Your farther should not forget all that she has done for him over the years. It will be difficult for your mother to swallow this, but the rewards for accepting this are immense and who knows, it could be a means for her to enter paradise. May Allah keep us all steadfast on Deen, Ameen.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, UK
www.daruliftaa.co.uk

"MuslimSister" wrote:

I'm not sure what Islam says about this permission issue...however, I do wonder what kind of wife would stick around after her husband did something like this behind her back.

A better question is what drove him to it?

Prevention is better than cure.

http://themajlis.net/Article149.html

"saima786" wrote:

"Seraphim" wrote:

"MuslimSister" wrote:

I'm not sure what Islam says about this permission issue...however, I do wonder what kind of wife would stick around after her husband did something like this behind her back.

A better question is what drove him to it?

Prevention is better than cure.

If that was the case than I wouldn't be disscussing it in the open!!!! Right now he's sat here!!! laughing his head off!!

just stick to the subject!! We're disscussing this coz it's an intresting subject...not coz my hubby is having second thoughts!

You're right... it was Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Candlestick

If I remember correctly Hanafi Fiqh allows the man to get married without the permission of his wife. Having said that I do believe Allah (swt) doesn't allow a man to just take off and decide "I wana marry that girl coz she is gorgeous" (He shoudnt be looking at another woman anyway!). Allah (swt) Himself says in the Quran "you can marry up to four, but if you cant treat them equally then you should only marry one"( I aint quoting just summarising).

Now lets look at this logically, what man on this earth can in this society while working, having children to look after is possible to have more than one wife. Now if he buys wife one a house, then he has to do same for wife 2/3/4. If he buys car same rule applies, same applies for time etc. So if a man can't do this he can't get married to more than one woman, if he does have more than one wife and treats them unequally he will be punished by Allah (swt).

A lot of people say it's sunnah to have more than one wife, I take your point but no man can be like our beloved Prophet (saw), he gave his wives equal time/wealth etc. He aslo married due to helping widows/divorcess never out of his own desires. So men should realisticly think before they jump the gun and decide they want more than one wife. To me personally in this day and age a man cannot keep two women happy or more than two!

Salam

When God allows you 4 women, then first wife has no right to stop you.

Women are never pleased to see their husbands take on another woman.

Its natural for them to be jealous.

Just as men are very jealous if their wife even looks at another man.

But rules are different for men and women.

Woman cannot take on second husband.

But a husband is allowed to marry 4 wives simultaneously,
provided he can be fair to each one.

Sorry. These are not my rules. These are God's rules.

If you have an issue with these allowances given to men,
then dont be nagging the males.
Rather address your complaints to the Almighty.

Prophet Muhammad had 13 wives.

He still faced endless headaches from previous wives.

But he did not care.

He went ahead and did it anyway.

Every wife wants to be her husbands one and only love.

That is a fair wish. Khadija had that wish too.
And she loved the Prophet so much that he
did not take on another wife until she died.

Had she been a source of annoyance, he would have certaily brought home another woman, something which he did with others.

But she did not annoy him at all. And he loved her more than any other woman.
And although she did not mind him marrying
another, younger, woman, he did not want to do that.
She was enough for him. Now, thats true love.

Omrow

"Omrow" wrote:

Every wife wants to be her husbands one and only love.

That is a fair wish. Khadija had that wish too.
And she loved the Prophet so much that he
did not take on another wife until she died.

Had she been a source of annoyance, he would have certaily brought home another woman, something which he did with others.

What do you mean by that?

He's just being stupid.

The wives of the Holy Prophet were there for the Prophet and he loved them all and vice versa, this can be seen from the life of the Prohet (saw). Allah (swt) wouldnt have made them the wives of the Prophet had they had the ability to annoy the Prophet (saw). When you love someone you can't bear to hurt/annoy/upset them.

"Angel" wrote:

He's just being stupid.

Lol! Thanks Angel.

Omrow - fancy writing such a thing.

No worries sis, at times Omro talks a load of rubbish which is why it's best to just ignore him...(he does it to get attention, I bet you half of the things he says he dont believe himself but he likes to stir)

i agree with Omrow no beating about the bush. Regardless of what school of thght you follow the consensus is the man does not need his current wifes' permission to remarry, although he should seek it to maintain good bonds.

I don't think it's "impossible" to treat two wives equally although i once believed this. The reasoni think that it's not "impossible" is because Allah allowed it via the "quranic verses". If in His Almighty Wisdom he had thght "no man" would be able to treat more than one woman justly then the verse would never have been sent, or it would have been abrogated by a subsequent verse later on in the Quran,as many other practises are i.e mutha.

Once again i agree with Omrow it's natural for a woman to feel jealous, i wouldn't be pleased about it, but it's allowed. If a man feels he can treat two wives justly it's his right to marry two. The law is simple carrying it out can be hard, but if he wants the blood, sweat and tears let him jump in the deep end.

"yashmaki" wrote:

the man does not need his current wifes' permission to remarry

[b][color=indigo]Really? :o

I always thought he'd have to ask the first wife then if she said yes then only would he be allowed to marry...[/color][/b]

"Noor...*" wrote:

"yashmaki" wrote:

the man does not need his current wifes' permission to remarry

[b][color=indigo]Really? :o

I always thought he'd have to ask the first wife then if she said yes then only would he be allowed to marry...[/color][/b]

Apparently if you write it in your marriage contract "no wifey number 2 or wifey number 2 only with permission" then he needs permission from yourself:P however I dont know if that is valid though

Salam

Some muslim clerics are so harsh that they have said
that a wife who forbids her husband from
marrying another woman is indeed a bad wife.

She should be dumped immediately.

She is not even a believer. She is Satan.

How dare she even try to overrule God !!

Omrow

[b][color=indigo]He's a weirdo sis, just ignore him.[/color][/b]

Of course, I do not agree with such harsh judgements.

I simply put it down to jealousy on
part of the women rather than unbelief.

"saima786" wrote:

I get the feeling someone is an attention seeker!!!

Please dont get those feelings.

[b][color=indigo]Omrow your the most weirdist person i've ever come across![/color][/b]

Thanks noori.