Salaam
My Nan passed away last week-we were very close. This has been a difficult time for us all.
The Holy Prophet 
said “people are asleep; when they die they wake up”. IMO the same can be said about those who experience the death of a loved one….I swear, nothing has opened my eyes and made me critically look at my life more than this experience.
Death isn’t a topic I liked to talk or read about….I’d switch off when such a topic was raised, I didn’t like to acknowledge it, so the unexpected death of my Nan hit me hard.
If we remembered death more often we wouldn’t postpone our love or sideline those who are close to us, we would MAKE time for them, despite how busy we may be….. It is said ‘The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone’.
I don't think any type of regret or pain can top this...
Undoubtedly, one does not realize what they have until it is gone.
I learnt that we worry and focus WAY too much on mundane, insignificant issues whilst failing to look at the bigger picture….
Now, suddenly the subject that I was happily ignorant in is something that I REALLY want to know more about….I’ve already ordered Imam Ghazzali’s 'Remembrance of Death'
I’d like to know, what you guys believe in, regarding the hereafter…sometimes, culture/hearsay can delude the facts.
What is said regarding accountability in Ramadan/Friday’s? Can the soul return to Earth to visit loved ones?
Can they hear us by their graveside? Do they really know, 40 days before their deaths that end is near?
What causes them grief and what makes them happy? Can they really visit their other deceased relatives in the hereafter? Why do people say, that crying at their funeral will “hurt” them? What does their appearance at their funeral say about their state? Why MUST the body be buried ASAP?
I’ll inshallah, look into this in more detail…I was just interested in hearing your views.
Wasalaam
[b][color=indigo]Walykumusalaam.
Inna lillahe Wa inna ilayhe Wa rajioon.
Sorry for your loss sis.
Last year november, my 12 year old cuzin passed away. His death was the first in the family and it hit us so badly. As we hadnt had a death in the family, it was hard for us to cope. But gradually we begain to accept that he has returned back to Allah, to whom we all belong and to him whom we will all return.
Its only when some1 close to you departures do you relize how much you really love and miss them.
His death opened by eyes. Made me apperiate my life more and the ones arround me. His death made me even firmer in the deen as it made be more aware of Allahs exsistance. I started thinking more and more about my death, i could be next, how will i face Allah, what will my state be in the grave. How will i face his questions, is he happy with me. Will i be with the pious ones. all questions kept buzzin in my head.
So then i started looking more and more into the deen. I picked up so much death books to see what happens to the dead, where do they go etc etc. I wanted to kno where my cuzin had gone.
Allahmdulliah at the age of 12 my cuzin was very very much into the deen. He was an inspiration to us all and Insha'allah he is a good place now. I dont really see the dead as dead. I just think of them as they are in another better place. We will be joining them anyday soon.
For the 40 day thing. My cuzin recieved so many signs, but we didnt realize. Well hints shall i say. For an example, he wanted a phone and he said to his brother if u dont get it by the 9th of november which was on the wednesday i dnt want the phone, and it was on tht day he died. as he was ill he used to sleep with his mother, and one day he didnt, so he asked his mum how did u find it, and she said not nice, and then he said get used to it cz i wont be sleeping with you anymore.
The prophet pbuh said: This world is a prison for the believers and a paradise for the disbelivers. This hadith clearly indicates that they ahve left the prison, we shud be happy for them in tht sense. It is us who are still stuck in the prison.
From what ive read upon, you shouldnt cry too much or vail as it causes harm to the dead one. They feel the pain. Thats a hadith i think. and when u go to teh grave they can hear you and also they are waiting for our gifts all the time i.e. Quran/charity/hajj.[/color][/b]
Sorry to hear about that (just checked this thread out now)
Inna lillahe Wa inna ilayhe Wa rajioon.
It is comforting to know that she passed away on this blessed month, I supose when my grandfather passed away 5 years ago in ramadhan it helped in a way coz we knew he was in a better place, it was tough but one has to think that they are in better hands....May Allah (swt) bless the souls of all the ummah of the Holy Prophet
who has passed on....
Give my love to lilsis and I will remember you and your family in my duas,may Allah (swt) give you guys patience to overcome such a great loss....
Take care huni xxx
MS: Sorry for you loss sis, our prayers are with you and you're family.
Unfortunate it is to loose someone whom you are close to. Its never easy... because you now REALISE who precious life is and discover what the things that really matter are.
I was once told that the dead can see and hear us from beyond the grave and when we cry for them they cry also, which is why its discouraged. Instead you may read certain verses of the Quran and dedicate the swaab to them.
I do not know if their souls can return to Earth, but if i had to guess i would say no. They're souls do not belong here once they have passed away. But they can hear and see us in heaven.
I really doubt anyone can fortell their own death (unless they're terminally ill and dont expect to make it). Instead we see signs in everyday life and interpretate them as we want to. Death is an uninvited guest who gives no warning nor listens to pleas.
Back in BLACK
Sorry for all of your losses sisters.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.
Death of a loved one really does help put everything in perspective.
Don't know if they do know the end is near 40 days prior to their death. My grandma had cancer so the doctors had already given her an estimate of how long she had. However a few days before she passed away, when she seemed quite well to us, she did say a few things, which only in hindsight give the impression she knew she didnt have long.
Muslim Sister I pray Allah gives you and your family sabr during this difficult time. Take care.
To God we belong and to him we return. May allah illuminate her grave and grant the family patience.
Death is one of things I think we mostly like to ignore. noone likes to think of their own mortality.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raajioon. may she rest in peace.
[b][i]Round and round the Ka'bah,
Like a good Sahabah,
One step, Two step,
All the way to jannah[/i][/b]
Sorry to hear that.
inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raajioon
[b][color=red]Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raajioon[/color][/b]
[color=magenta]May Allah SWT grant her paradise and may you and your family be reunited and may you and your family have sabr in this hard time Ameen[/color]
[b][color=DeepPink]O you who believe, If you help (in the cause of) Allah, He will help you, and make your foothold firm[/color][color=DeepSkyBlue] {Surah Muhammad7}[/color][/b]
i'll be praying for your nan and family, i also had a death in the family on the first night of ramadhan.
Thank you for your kind words guys.
Yeh, this was the first death in our family too: the whole experience hit me hard….from seeing her at the hospital, washing her, attending her Janaza and seeing her being lowered into the grave.….my Nan had loads of dreams too, she was also ill, however death isn’t something we like to think about….so most of us refused to acknowledge it.
The extreme self-regret that I didn’t serve or visit her as much as I could before her death is something that prob stick with me for the rest of my life-And I was supposed to be her "favourite"…. this experience has brought our family closer together and made me appreciate them a whole lot more.
I too, really want to know a lot more about where she’s gone….its depressing that she’s in my thoughts a lot more than she was when she was alive.
[b][color=indigo]Your so right sis. Ever since the day he passed away, i have regreted all them times i didn't go to see him. I wish i could turn back the clocks and go back in time so that i could have spent more time with him.
Death also brought our familys together and made us put all the petty arguments behind. Lifes too short and we don't no when where going to go. [/color][/b]
Baruch Dayan Emet.
Be easy on yourself and strong for your grandmother and the rest of the family. I'm sure you'll make them proud.
God bless.
[size=10]I feel I'm gonna move on back down south
you know where the water tastes like cherry wine[/size]
Salam
May God grant her a beautiful place in Paradise.
I am sorry for your loss.
On special days, God allows the souls of the righteous
to visit their living relatives here on earth.
Your nan would certainly be checking up on you.
Hey, 100. What do those three words mean?
Omrow
Baruch Dayan Emet is something we say when we hear of a death and means "Bless the True Judge". It is an acknowledgement of humility in the face of what we do not understand, a prayer for the departed to be accepted into Olam Haba, the next world, and an affirmation of commitment.
Also wishing our friends Muslim Sister and MuslimSisLilSis chayim aruchim, a long life.
[size=10]I feel I'm gonna move on back down south
you know where the water tastes like cherry wine[/size]
inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon. sorry to hear of your loss MuslimSis.
it must be of some comfort to know that your Nan passed away in the most blessed of months, and she is with Allah who loves us 70 times more than our own mothers. i'm sure you must already be doing so, but i was going to say make lots of du'a, because the one thing that benefits those who have passed away is the du'a and actions of their pious children.
may Allah grant your family sabr during this difficult time.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
It's true you tend to reflect more on death when someone leaves. I have lost many people close to me but still one doesnt find a way to control or overcome the loss of someone.
The worse however is to lose someone young, my aunt had two daughters one was my age and the other 10 years younger,both died at the same age and due to the same incurable disease. Both looked very much alike almost like identical twins that were born in different times. This hit me the most, only God knows what my aunt went through, all she talks about is both of her daughters, they were like angels that came on this earth for a minimal time and left. May Allah (swt) grant their souls with peace in paradise.
It's odd how Allah (swt) plans someones life, my older brothers mate had cancer and went through chemo and he recovered however when he went down south he got pneumonia and passed away at the age of 21, he had planned everything i.e going to uni to graduate etc but he never did get the chance. He was a very decent guy who was loved by loads, his funeral was filled with people. May Allah (swt) bless his soul with peace.
It is said if there are 40 people (i think) at a person funeral then that person is forgiven. I also believe that when you sent a gift i.e. Quran/durood/salam on behalf of a dead person then they receive this gift and are told so and so has read this which makes them pleased and lessens their punishment (if they have any).
When the son of the Holy Prophet
passed away he said (I’m paraphrasing here)… “the heart aches, the eyes are wet with tears but the tongue will only say that which pleases Allah (swt)”.
I find it so unbelievably frustrating the amount of rubbish that people come out with when they visit the family of the deceased….they wail and utter so much crap, I cant help but think…you didn’t even know her or visit her for years prior to her death. So, what’s with all the drama?
Not ONE member of my entire extended family said anti-Islamic comments at my Nan’s funeral….NO ONE raised their voice when they cried…yet, ironically it was the people who hardly visited her who made the most noise.
Salam
A few actors aside, most people are genuinely overcome with grief.
So, please don't dismiss their behaviour so quickly.
Its not often drama, but true sadness that makes people shed tears.
Weeping is good according to Islam.
It has so many benefits.
Omrow
Wise comment. I attended a funeral this afternoon. A fairly young mother to a wonderful family. On seeing the children it was hard not to cry. There is also a determination to be a little stoic despite the sombreness and move on with good humour. They all seemed to demonstrate a little of this even through their anguish.
[size=10]I feel I'm gonna move on back down south
you know where the water tastes like cherry wine[/size]
I disagree.
One can be extremly overcome with grief without neccessarily having to make a song and dance about it.
Nowt wrong with weeping....however, lamenting/criticising Fate and Allah (swt) is wrong....and doesnt even make sense if you hardly knew the person who passed away.
[b][color=indigo]End of the day, it depends on that individual. People deal with stuff in different ways. [/color][/b]
That doesn’t make it right though does it…
Shia people also wail and beat themselves to manifest their extreme grief regarding the tragic events of Karbala.
However, their grief does not justify their anti-Islamic actions.
[b][color=indigo]Yeah i no, i meant that they should be allowed to grieve in which way they want aslong as they don't contridict the teachings of Islam.
Not all shia people beat themseleves.[/color][/b]
Salam
The human soul has a need to grieve.
People who suppress this need to mourn are actually doing harm to their souls.
Sorrow is a natural emotion. And God does not silence it.
When someone you love dies, its a very distressing time.
You can be greatly saddened.
That is right time to wail and lament.
You ought to cry all you want.
And its good to let it all out.
Omrow
noone is asking others not to grieve. or not to be sorrowful.
What is being asked is for people not to make a scene. One that is at times made by people not too close to the deceased, and not close family.
It is not a competition.
On the men's side at a funeral, everyone is always discussing politics. It's pretty weird how that works.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
There is nothing wrong with crying but bawling and saying things which are just stupid and pointless is wrong.
What helps the soul is by reading the kalma and durood/salaam while standing at their funeral, this is both beneficial and peaceful for the soul that has left this world. It's wrong to beat yourself up, it is due to this that janaat-tul-Baqi is closed and women aint allowed to enter and also why women can't get proper access to the grave of Prophet (saw). People need not get carried away like that, they should try to control themselves and remember Allah (swt).
Angel. I was not talking about the souls of the dead.
I was referring to the souls that angels have not yet taken.
For the umpteen time Omrow, there is NOTHING wrong with crying…..one may cry to their hearts content, and yes it IS good for the soul.
However, it is WRONG to criticize the will of Allah (swt) and it is WRONG to harm oneself….regardless of how sorrowful one may feel.
We wont be held accountable for what our heart feels or how many tears our eyes shed….however, we WILL be held accountable for the actions of our tongue and hands.
The thing you mentioned are acts that should NOT be done at ANY time.
No one is diagress with you on that.
Not even Christians and Jews.
Why do women love to mix topics.
God !
Does everyone believe in the fact that when a person's day of death approaches, a leaf with the person's name on it falls from the tree beneath God's throne…..and then after forty days have passed, the angel of death comes to claim that persons soul?
Does the person “know” that that their time is near…? The only reason why I’m asking is cos my Nan really ‘really’ wanted her family to visit this Summer….she didn’t take into consideration our school/uni/work commitments….she also distributed her gold to family a few weeks prior to her death-or maybe I’m reading too much into stuff?
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