Salaam

Thought i'd share diz wiv u!

What does Islam say about having Boyfriends or Girlfriends?

Islam strictly forbids us to have [b]any kind of relationship with a Non-Mehram [/b]( people you can get married to). Whether it’s [b]just a friendship [/b]relationship or love relationship or even fiancé relationship.

Before Nikkah, no contacts should be indulged between a man and a woman. Cause; remember when two people are alone (a boy and a girl) the third person there is the Satan (Evil), who always encourages you to commit sins and as a result it leads to Jina/Fornication.
And as Muslims we must be knowing that Fornication or Adultery, (sex outside marriage) is Haram in Islam. It is considered to be one of the major sins.

Dear brothers and sisters in Islam, are we so pious that we can afford to carry these sins with us to the Hereafter? If you ask me, I’ll have to say no, because I know that, the weight of my sins are way heavier then my rewards, so therefore I can’t afford to commit those sins, and I am sure neither can you.

Many of us claim that they are not doing anything wrong, just by talking on the phone or chatting on MSN, writing mail or e-mailing, with their boyfriends or girlfriends. But we have to realize that, it is still wrong to do that, because we are still in contact with a non-mehram, which is again strictly prohibited in Islam.

And some others say that it’s ok if they talk to their fiancé or future husband/wife, but what is the guarantee that, this person will end up being your life partner? Then why, waste our jewels or modesty, unnecessarily?

Allah Tallah has mentioned it to us that, “the jina of the ear is what you hear, the jina of the tongue is what you say, the jina of the mind is what you think, the jina of the hand is what you touch, and the jina of the eye is what you see”. Is it still not clear enough that by any sorts of contact we are still committing sins?
By saying “I love you” to any boy/girl, we are committing the jina of our tongue, by hearing something like that from someone, we are committing the jina of our ear, and so on.

So therefore, dear brothers and sisters, its time we wake up and open up our hearts and ears and turn back to Allah’s command. We can’t allow the devil to take over us. The person we sacrifices for the sake of Allah, surely Allah will grant them happiness.

This is especially for Women:

Allah Talla has given us (the women) the best jewel we could have, and that gets lost when we expose it in front of other men. The women’s bodies are like the rose petals and if touched or seened to much over and over again, it will loss its lustre. Would any of us keep our diamonds displayed in public? Then, why is it that we are displaying our bodies to others.

We have to remember that, whatever Allah Talla commanded us to do that is what is best for us.

AND LET ME REMIND U AGAIN CLEARLY THAT ……..

1: Kissing, not allowed in Islam
2: Huging, not allowed in Islam
3:Talking on the phone with non-mehram, not allowed in Islam
4: Writing mail,…. still not allowed in Islam

NOW IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THE POINT IS PRETTY CLEAR DON’T U THINK???

And remember to do Istikhara Salah before you decide to marry anyone, cuz Allah is All-Knowing, and He knows what we know not. Like a person by their Iman, not by how they look, or what they have or what they are.

May Allah Talla give us the ability to stay away from these evil acts and bless us with His Mercy and guide us on the right path. Ameen.

"Judda" wrote:

My mummy told me that it is sin to be friends with a girl. But c'mon its all innocent. There must be something wrong with u if u want to jump into bed with every girl u c. Is there anything in the koran and hadith which condemn friendship with the opposite sex?

[b]Taken from Issue 1 of The Revival Magazine:

Q. What Does Islam Say About Relationships? What's Wrong With Having Boy/Girlfriends?[/b]

A. In the name of Allah the most Beneficent and Merciful.

Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.

Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.

Whilst working or studying is commended and supported by Islam, the values of guarding one’s modesty and chastity are even more important.

All men and women have a responsibility under the Shariah that they do not attract the other sex for whom it is unlawful to do so. The measures taken are clear and that all men and women must wear clothing, which are modest and loose.

It is as much haram for a man to wear tight clothing, which would expose the shape of his bodily contours, which are haram for him to show as it is for a woman.

The hijab is the head covering and the reason why this is emphasised for a woman is because her hair and head are also recognised as Awrah (parts which she must cover). As for the man the best way he can protect his modesty is to lower his gaze (as well as cover his body which would cause a sexual attraction).
Looking at the Opposite Sex

Allah says in the Holy Quran regarding lowering the gaze:

"Tell believers to lower their gaze, and tell the believing women to lower their gaze. (24:30,31)

Imam Al Quduri the great Hanafi Jurist states "It is not permissible for a man to look at a woman who is not his wife or un-marriageable relative except for her face and hands (because of the necessity of her need to deal with men in taking and giving and the like). If a man is not safe from lust, he may not look at her face except for when it is demanded by necessity. (Quduri)

The above tells us the strict ruling of looking at a woman never mind having a relationship with her.

The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has said that the eye that looks at a woman (non Mahram) or vice versa with intent of lust or a relationship is the eye that commits fornication (zina). In a lengthy Hadith he says

"The fornication of the two eyes is an evil glance. The fornication of the two ears is the obscene talk. The fornication of the tongue and hand is the touch and grasp. And the fornication of the two feet is the steps taken towards evil. The heart desires and longs and the private parts abide with or does contrary to it". (Mishkat ul Masabih, Abu Dawood)

Teenage Pregnancies

Teenage relationships start off as friendship and eventually can lead to fornication. This is why the Prophet of Allah said "When two people (illegally) are together alone then the third is shaitaan" (Bukhari).

We see in today’s day and age the consequences of such actions. Great Britain has the highest amount of teenage pregnancies in the whole of Europe. In 2002, 37,232 girls under the age of 16 became pregnant, this figure has risen every year since.

In 2003 the figure was 40828 and in 2004 the figure has reached a record level of 42400. Allah wants to protect the young male and female from such actions.

In fact the Prophet of Allah has said "one of the seven people who will be under the protection of the shade of the throne of Allah on the day of judgment when there will be no shade will be the young man (or woman) who was approached by a respectable beautiful woman but he replied `I fear Allah`. (Bukhari)
What's So Bad About It?

Young Girls and boys must realise that fornication (sex outside marriage) is one of the worst sins for a Muslim. The Prophet of Allah has said "The greatest sin after polytheism (shirk) is the man who commits fornication with a woman who is not his legal wife" (Ibn Kathir, Mishkat).

In fact it is so serious that the greatest of gifts, which is Imaan (faith), is removed from the fornicator until the evil act is finished. The Prophet of Allah said "Faith comes out of a person whilst he commits fornication" (Mishkat).

It has also been stated in another hadith related by Imam Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and Baihaqi that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said “When a servant in Allah engages in fornication, his faith leaves him, for it is like a piece of cloth covering his head (and is removed), and when he finishes his sin, his faith returns”.

Another point to take in to account is when young men and women look for a suitable partner, even if they were themselves involved in such acts, they will want a partner who was pious and had protected their chastity, hence, modesty and Haya (Shamefulness) is a part of Imaan as advised to us by our beloved Prophet. (Bukhari)
Mahram or non-Mahram?

Islam categorises and defines the relations from the opposite sex who are not allowed to be a marital partner and therefore are known as Mahram. All other types of relations or people are regarded as non Mahram hence marriage is allowable with them and therefore individual contact is not permissible unless it is open and necessary or the person is beyond marriageable age.
Mahram - people who you are not allowed to marry

(Extracted from Reliance of the Traveler) It is unlawful for one to marry one’s ancestors, descendents, parent’s descendents, or the first generation of one’s grandparent’s offspring, meaning one’s paternal or maternal aunts or uncles. One’s un-marriageable kin (mahram) are those one is forbidden to marry forever.
For a man:

* Mother
* Grandmothers (paternal or maternal) and on up
* Daughters
* Daughters of his children, children’s children and on down.
* Sisters
* Daughters of brothers or sisters, their children’s daughters, and on down
* Mother’s sisters, grandmothers sisters and on up
* Father’s sisters and father’s fathers sisters and on up
* Wife’s mother, Wife’s grandmother
* The wives of his father, father’s father and on up
* The wives of his children, children’s children and on down.

All the mentioned relatives are unlawful to be married. However, the first lot are due to blood relationships and hence it would be incest.

The last four are unlawful due to the fact of his marriage, i.e., wife’s mother (she was lawful but became unlawful when he married his wife) and this is what this means and will now remain unlawful for him even if he was to divorce his wife. The same applies with the other three.

Also, all of his wet nurse mother’s kin made un-marriageable to him due to being breast fed by his milk mother.

It is also unlawful for a man to marry both of these together (whilst being married to the other):

* A woman and her sister
* A woman and her father’s sister
* A woman and her mother’s sister
* He may marry the other if he was to divorce (or by death) the first partner.

For a woman:

* Father, grandfather and on up
* Son, son’s son, daughter’s son and on down
* Brother
* Father’s brother, meaning the brother of any male ancestor
* Mother’s brother, meaning the brother of any female ancestor
* Brother’s son, sister’s son, or any other descendant of brothers or sisters
* The husband of her mother, grandmother and on up
* The husband of her daughter or other female descendant
* Her husband’s father, grandfather and on up, and the husband’s son and descendant’s

Also, all of her wet nurse mother’s kin made un-marriageable to him her to being breast fed by her milk mother.

To conclude: Mixing freely with the opposite sex (non-mahram) without necessity is not allowed in Islam. Having a boy/girlfriend is totally haram. We need to understand what relationships are allowed and what are not.

We ask Allah to protect us and help us guard our Chastity.

"Judda" wrote:

"sunshi9_Kuri" wrote:

Many of us claim that they are not doing anything wrong, just by talking on the phone or chatting on MSN, writing mail or e-mailing, with their boyfriends or girlfriends. But we have to realize that, it is still wrong to do that, because we are still in contact with a non-mehram, which is again strictly prohibited in Islam.

what about me talking to girls on the forum?

lol... good point

"Judda" wrote:

dave have u got any mates that r muslim girls?

The ones here... I have muslim friends that are guys but thats it.

Unless you count my friend Ahmed's mother - she's awesome. One of those neighborhood moms.

Actually I take that back - one girl from Pakistan but spent most of her life in NYC.

Really nice girl, she lived on my floor second year.

Hated indians which was somewhat awkward cuz she would go off on them totally randomly.

lol I believe she had a cambodian admirer.

She prayed 5 times a day and all that but never wore any kind of religious dress.

I didn't really know she was a muslim until she mentioned it one day.

"Judda" wrote:

lol someones mother?

she must be quite an age, how old is she?

what do u c in her?

don't u live wid ur mummy and daddy?

as for pakiz they all hate indians ironicly they copy all thier customs on thier wedding day

I'd take a guess at early 50s.

She's awesome, always made cookies for us and stuff, never yelled at us while we were chilling.

He went to a different school though and we have fallen out of touch.

I think his dad lost his practice too which is kinda rough.

I "live" with my parents most of the time back home but don't see them all that much.

lol pakistan is a fake country they are all basically the same people and have been historically connected going back to Alexander (not the whole continent of course). There are still muslms in India that call themselves Indians - I think Fareed Zakaria's father was a big muslim politician in India.

"Judda" wrote:

mate did u take it a step further wid da muslim girls?

or do u think ppl are just making a big deal about all this social segragation thing?

i think its all OTT

lol no I didn't.

She was a very pretty girl but there are limits to social interaction that i've pretty well got hardwired in me from birth.

I think that the concern for muslims is that not everybody knows the limits, and rules - thus they attempt to completely avoid it.

I don't necessarily agree with it but that stems from a fundamental difference in faith between us.

I firmly believe that if the option of sin is taken away from us, so too is our free will and therefore we cannot choose God, but are rather left with no other option. This runs counter to my religious precepts. Obviously that has it's limits - you know how I am on the subject of second chances and rapists.

yeh thats the danger..

u try and keep to the topic, and interact with other users by what they post.. but u end up posting stuff thats got nothing to do with Islam.

i don't think there is anything wrong with a girl discussing Islam with a man, as long as they both stick to the topic. anything else.. i don't know.. depends on what it is..

a girl recently told me after having had a chat about parda in voice, that a girl should hide even her handwriting from a non-related man, for her writing style and words could cause a man to have impure thoughts about her.. he might think.. "gosh her writing style is so nice, she must be a very nice woman.." bish bash bosh, u've sinned.

saad thing is, u DONT KNOW whos really a man, and whos a girl on this forum.. u think u know, but ur kidding urself. think about it logically..

If a sister disguised herself as a brother, that'd prob imply she dont want any man to know it thus eliminating chances of zina, good on her. But if a brother disguised himself as a sister.. lol.. dats low, he should be stoned

but its minor in my opinion, i wudn't stress, it happens everywhere.. at work, school, college,.. the forum in my opinion shud be the least of ones concerns when it comes to staying away from zina.

"khan" wrote:

a girl recently told me after having had a chat about parda in voice, that a girl should hide even her handwriting from a non-related man, for her writing style and words could cause a man to have impure thoughts about her.. he might think.. "gosh her writing style is so nice, she must be a very nice woman.." bish bash bosh, u've sinned.

Personally i think even thats a bit OTT.

But i do agree with you that in the case of this forum we're only accepting what the other members say about themself as truth, bcoz we have nothing else to go on. But then again it would be pretty sad to go around imitating the opposite gender... sad ... and perhaps a little disturbing.

"sunshi9_Kuri" wrote:

Islam strictly forbids us to have any kind of relationship with a Non-Mehram ( people you can get married to). Whether it’s just a friendship relationship or love relationship or even fiancé relationship.

Really? didnt knw that last one?
Not that ive been alone with my fiance ... well no occation i can remember anyway. Well unless you count when we were lil kids?

"Judda" wrote:

Why?

There are bigger and more obvious places where it can occur....e.g. in your mind... actually that raises an interesting point. What about thinking about some1? Would we necessarily count that as zina?

Islamically, there's on such thing as having a 'fiancee'. You're either married or not. There is no inbetween

"Seraph" wrote:

"sunshi9_Kuri" wrote:

Islam strictly forbids us to have any kind of relationship with a Non-Mehram ( people you can get married to). Whether it’s just a friendship relationship or love relationship or even fiancé relationship.

Really? didnt knw that last one?
Not that ive been alone with my fiance ... well no occation i can remember anyway. Well unless you count when we were lil kids?

"Judda" wrote:

Why?

There are bigger and more obvious places where it can occur....e.g. in your mind... actually that raises an interesting point. What about thinking about some1? Would we necessarily count that as zina?

Aph i refer you to the above post.

Answer my question?

"Seraph" wrote:

"Seraph" wrote:

"sunshi9_Kuri" wrote:

Islam strictly forbids us to have any kind of relationship with a Non-Mehram ( people you can get married to). Whether it’s just a friendship relationship or love relationship or even fiancé relationship.

Really? didnt knw that last one?
Not that ive been alone with my fiance ... well no occation i can remember anyway. Well unless you count when we were lil kids?

"Judda" wrote:

Why?

There are bigger and more obvious places where it can occur....e.g. in your mind... actually that raises an interesting point. What about thinking about some1? Would we necessarily count that as zina?

Aph i refer you to the above post.

Answer my question?

I don't know that thinking of someone would constitute an act of zina.. unless they're rather insalubrious thoughts, which you would hopefully know not to allow into your head.

But, I'd be lying if I said I know for sure. If you and your 'fiancee' spent time together as kids, that's a whole different matter. You were kids.

"Aphrodite" wrote:

Islamically, there's on such thing as having a 'fiancee'. You're either married or not. There is no inbetween

... so you literally announce your intention to marry and bam you're married?

How is that possible?

"Constantine" wrote:

"Aphrodite" wrote:

Islamically, there's on such thing as having a 'fiancee'. You're either married or not. There is no inbetween

... so you literally announce your intention to marry and bam you're married?

How is that possible?

No. You announce your intention to marry and when the time comes, you marry. But until that person is your spouse, they are not your 'fiancee', but still a non-mahram.

"Aphrodite" wrote:

"Constantine" wrote:

"Aphrodite" wrote:

Islamically, there's on such thing as having a 'fiancee'. You're either married or not. There is no inbetween

... so you literally announce your intention to marry and bam you're married?

How is that possible?

No. You announce your intention to marry and when the time comes, you marry. But until that person is your spouse, they are not your 'fiancee', but still a non-mahram.

Fiancee isn't a religious position... it's just saying you are affianced which meant assured in french. It's just a word to describe the waiting time, it doesn't give you special priviledges or anything.

I mean it sounds like you stil have waiting time in between when you announce and when you are married right?

"Constantine" wrote:

"Aphrodite" wrote:

"Constantine" wrote:

"Aphrodite" wrote:

Islamically, there's on such thing as having a 'fiancee'. You're either married or not. There is no inbetween

... so you literally announce your intention to marry and bam you're married?

How is that possible?

No. You announce your intention to marry and when the time comes, you marry. But until that person is your spouse, they are not your 'fiancee', but still a non-mahram.

Fiancee isn't a religious position... it's just saying you are affianced which meant assured in french. It's just a word to describe the waiting time, it doesn't give you special priviledges or anything.

I mean it sounds like you stil have waiting time in between when you announce and when you are married right?

Usually, yes, but it's not a requirement as such. But heck, wedding cakes take time if you're going to do them well

mmmmm cake

Any excuse really for a cake.

deleted

"yashmaki" wrote:

Sorry but i think that's madness!

Madness you say.... madness.... no it is merely the foolishness of the untame.

"yashmaki" wrote:

Writing style? Does that include handwriting too? I better not leave my grocery list lying around in case it entices someone. (Then again i don't need a grocery list coz according to some i'm not meant to ask for veg, coz the grocery man might take it as a flirtatious gesture....excuse me while i have a good hearty laugh...looooooooooool)

Now unless you're a pyschologist how can you know whether it's female writing or male? So in theory a man could pick up another mans handwriting and think gosh that's a beauty wonder if the woman is a beauty too.

Well couldn't a woman also pick up a note written by a male and think mm nice writing wonder what he looks like?

This is insane, what's the solution to this "fithna"? Let's ban all writing? Or sisters hide it under your hijabs lest a man looks upon it? lool

Sorry but i think that's madness!

good one yash

if it isnt women's voices asking for the price of milk turning them on its curly wurly handwriting of girls :roll:

Are some fonts girlier then others? Are some more masculine too? We should be careful ya know....

Personally I find Times New Roman pretty sexy.

Especially emboldened in size 8 font.

Windings is a close second.

I think Bauhaus 93 or Castellar are good ones if you want to repel people though