To my fellow young brothers seeking marriage, ask yourself an honest question. If a sister were to offer you a proposal, and she was wealthier, more educated, and more accomplished than you, but older as well and previously widowed (or divorced) with children, would you seriously consider that proposal? And would your family approve or be supportive of that kind of proposal?
It's not surprising if your answer is no – and perhaps you have some legitimate concerns, but I would wager that most brothers would probably reject that proposal in a heartbeat because that's not the kind of woman they or their parents envision when they think of the ideal spouse.
But if the question is reworded to, “Would you consider a proposal from Khadijah [raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her)] ?” the answer suddenly changes – what brother would say no to this hypothetical, out of reverence for one of the most honored mothers of our ummah - but considering the previous question asked, this answer feels disingenuous because truthfully, in our day and age, women with the same disposition as Khadijah [raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her)] have immense difficulty trying to marry.
Place yourself in the mindset of a young Muḥammad [ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him)] and for just this moment consider how radically different his sunnah was from the current stigmatization of sisters in the same position as Khadijah [raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her)] .
Khadijah [raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her)] 's Age A sister's age is a huge determinant of her eligibility, as societal constructs strike points against her for merely being older. Our cultural norms and traditional standards dictate that wives should always be younger than their husbands, and age gaps as wide as a decade between them are still seen as acceptable, whereas a wife who is more than a couple of years older is seen as an anomaly – something unusual and frowned upon.
To add to the pressure, the notion of “biological clocks” is usually brought up as the supporting argument for why elder sisters are seen as less desirable, because apparently a woman's fertility is somehow paramount to the success of her relationship. As a medical student, I can see how this could be a legitimate concern when a woman is reaching physiological menopause or when her advanced age could increase the risk of fetal congenital conditions, but simply as a man – a sister's fertility is not something she can control on demand, and to dismiss her as arbitrarily being “past her prime” is not only hurtful and insensitive, but demeaning to her womanhood.
Khadijah [raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her)] was reported to be older than the Prophet [ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him)] , and our beloved Rasul [ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him)] was not repulsed in the slightest by that fact, nor did he call into question her fertility or subtly suggest that she was past her prime – he nobly reciprocated her respect for him.
http://muslimmatters.org/2014/04/21/would-you-reject-a-proposal-from-kha...
Marrying someone older is a daunting prospect.
Generally I would guess that for men, the idea generally goes the other way.
(ive changed the title slightly.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
The original has that title, but yes I was thinking something like the current title would be more appropriate.
I understand why men would stay away from marrying women who are divorced/widows with kids. I reckon it takes a man of great character to be able to look after another's kids, If they don't have kids then I think it's wrong to overlook them.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
With all the reading and gaining knowledge that people do, I find the discrepancy between their 'knowledge' and what they apply to their own life decisions surprising/upsetting.
I think that is the difference between the average and the extra-ordinary person. Although, my viewpoints are not advanced/developed enough to judge who is the average and who are the extra ordinary.
As those quotes go real knowledge is that which wholly transforms an individual. A lot of us just read and "know of" things. When it comes to reading online, I sometimes feel I'm not even remembering things properly because I just think I can access it whenever I want so I don't take it all in :/
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Practising what you know to be right or best is not always easy.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.