i have this memory, i dont know if its accurate or just glossed over to make it look cool in my head and worthy of retelling in a revival blog. (which i totally ruined now)
so anyway, this memory is of my 16-ish years old self. pondering the difference between lonely and alone. having learnt about it the "life" way.
since then ive been careful of my usage of those two words and also highly aware of their difference and how they each feel in everyday living.
Ive always enjoyed having some alone time. just doing nothing or doing something that needs doing, that has clear goals and that has a clear end point but by myelf. (like hanging the clothes out to dry, or shopping with a shopping list..stuff like that)
while revising and studying, i noticed that i didnt like being alone. i just wanted a presence there, they could be getting on with their own thing, i just wanted someone there. im still unsure as to why that is.
it made me think that maybe this is slightly hypocritical. let me just say that this blog and the idea/thoughts behind this are very new and not thought through. im just clearing my head a bit
what it feels like is that i like being alone when i know there's people around (who want me around/would miss me/need me/etc..)
but i dont like being alone when given the opportunity to be alone (time to study, being left to housesit and other such cases)
the second case just sounds like some form of loneliness to me, which i can deal with. but the first scenario makes me feel like a hypocrite.
im probably blowing this out of proportion. its not like i run away from all social interactions. actually, what i think it is is that social interactions are held quite highly in today's society and are quite full on and very important. someone who isnt too keen on them, who has a low threshold of acceptance for such interactions might be seen as a partyruiner/sulky etc.. but actually arent. they just dont like social interactions that much right? but what happens is that they are made to feel like they arent "right". so when they "run away" from this heavily laden social interactions lifestyle, society makes them feel like they actually enjoy being alone. which they prob dont, but they think there's something wrong with them because why are they "running away" then? so they accept that. "yes, maybe i just dont like people that much, maybe i do like being by myself".
well actually no, go stuff yourself society! im perfectly fine! i like people, i like myself! just coz i dont want to party all the time, dont want to live up to your everchanging standards, can find enjoyment without the need for social interactions doesnt make me "wrong". it makes me different from the rest of mainstream society. but just different. neither better nor worse, neither righter nor wronger.
humans are like the electromgnetic spectrum. some people really dont enjoy themselves when they're alone. others highly do. so what?
and so i am not a hypocrite. im just someone who likes to be left with her thoughts sometimes with a slight streak of loneliness added in to spice things up a bit.
**in the process of being further figured out**
Comments
Being alone and wanting to be alone is an okay way of trying to have some time to yourself i think. At times we need them and it's just the way we work - the complexities of it all. But like you said, there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness is no good because it feels like no one is on your side, the whole world is against you and you have absolutely no one caring for you or willing to listen to anything you say. Now, that is not nice.
It's like being a grape. Being alone and being a grape is when you can be yourself but you're still part of the remaining bunch of grapes. But being lonely whilst being a grape is when you are hooked off from the bunch and you sit all alone in your own plate whilst the rest of the grapes that you once knew are in another plate. I don't know if this is an awful way of trying to describe the way i see it lol, but it makes sense in my head!
Lol @ at the grape analogy, but yeh, agreed. LTS you don't need to feel hypocrital
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
grape analogy doesnt work. some of the loneliest times ive had were surrounded by many many people.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
*Grape analogy needs to be adjusted*
Why did you feel lonely?
because im an ungrateful sulky sort of idiot? that just wanted to be sulky and ungrateful?
lol. thats one way of seeing it. and theres other ways. they're all rights and wrong to different extent. who can explain loneliness?
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Lonliness is where you feel a ''lack of presence'' of individuals. Given an opportunity to be alone does NOT make you a hypocrite. There's a time and place for everything. Social interaction and other important stuff. Too much socializing has its lows too. A break is good. This blog reminds me too much of myself.