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These days, men are not capable of looking after more than one wife
Published by s.b.f on 24 February, 2013 - 16:55
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i dont really know, i hope not. They should learn to? its not very difficult is it? just have enough resources and be fair/just and try and hide your preferences as much as possible/not make them obvious/dont make your wives hate each other.
i think you really have to know yourself and sort yourself out before you get into marriage, now if you're going ot get into marriageS you need to be super stable. i dont know why, just sounds like a good thing to have.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
These days, why aren't women capable of looking after themselves?
discuss....
Back in BLACK
That's not what the title says.
Make your own blog/forum thread!
We were made as inter-dependent species. We need *each other* - it's not just women needing men. That's the truth that some like to deny.
As for the title - was this not touched upon in your other thread? Why so much interest in this topic?
I don't know if they're capable or not, it depends on the individual but they're probably not. These days a marriage with one wife barely seems to last, never mind with two. I think that's due to reasons like not following sunnah...I was going to give more reasons but thats a blanket reason.
I don't think it's a real concern since especially in this country it's rare for a guy to be married twice.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Lol i know that. I was just answering your question with a question of my own.
Back in BLACK
Also its illegal in this country.
Back in BLACK
What a question :S
Who says women aren't capable of looking after themselves?
There are millions of working women providing for their own families and bringing up kids single-handedly everday
Women have become less dependant on men compared to how it was 50 odd years ago
Have to look at it all subjectively as it depends on the character of the man and the woman in the relationship. If a man of average wealth enters into marriage with say women who desire materialism and their thirst for 'things' is never satisifed and yes there are both men and women like this. Then regardless of how 'great' the man is, his married life isn't really going to be that great. Problem is people enter into marriages with completely different life plans and expectations to each other and tbh are never really that compatible to start out with...But people can always change and adapt and i guess that's one of the keys to success that spouses have to learn and adapt to each other. If there's no give and take on both sides it's literally going to end up in tears and a lot of paperwork.
Or on the other hand he may be in a perfect relationship with his first wife, no problems whatsoever, however a second wife can come and literally destroy his life. So point i'm getting at, it's not all down to the how 'good' of a man the husband is in regards to his character, deen etc etc, it's also down to the wife and weather she's willing to accomadate and share her husband....(i think i've strayed from the original post :/)
You do see that typical example now days where a man has upto 3 or 4 wives and he can't even support the first one and lives off benefits and handouts of all sorts and even if he can support his first wife...he more than likely will never be able to support his second and third wives. I just think it comes down to a mans resources, his imaan and the goodness of his heart...Allah knows what's in our hearts and the struggles we go through. Have to say though if a mans barely raising his first household successfully then he really shouldn't be throwing himself into the fire by messing someone elses life up.
HEAR HEAR!
there is still hope for the mankind (notice little m)
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Its quite simple really.
Well the title of this thread seems to imply that women require looking after. So my question is, in this day and age why arent women able to look after themselves? Why do they need a man to look after them??
Back in BLACK
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
No offence, but thats a daft comment.
Inside a marriage between a man and woman, it is implied that they look after each other.
I mean, please let me know if you're not expecting that for when you get married.
Of course women require looking after. As do men. You're a family. You look after each other. Do people have to actually admit that out loud.
If you dont look after your wife, dont blame her if shes looking at someone else with intentions she shouldnt have. I'd say the same to women too.
You see brothers all the time, when you speak to them they either have a few wives here, or a wife abroad and a wife here...i don't think polygamy is as uncommon as some people think it is
Nah, you must live in a weird place
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
You can't say no offence & then offend the person! Booz no offence but that is a daft question (see wat I did there... Yep u got served missy).
This is a typical example of man hating women shouting at the world bcoz lifes not fair. Its pathetic.
Your question is a generalisation of epic proportions. Everyone's different, welcome to the world we live in. I've met some really strong and hard working girls & then I've met some lazy ass 'please take care of me' edyotic girls. By your logic I should label all girls as pathetic edyats.
Abetter question is how many women today would actually share their partner? Going with ur assumption all guys are the same & want the same thing (as a lot of women constantly rant about); guys wouldn't care & IMO could handle more than one wife. If one annoys you go see wife no2. But in my experience its the women who have a hard time stomaching the fact that they're not their husbands one and only.
i don't question that a family should look after each other. What I question is your tone in implying that its the males who can't handle drama queens that are women.
All my friends & family know im there to help them out as & wen needs be. But im not here to babysit them. i'd rather they deal with their own sh*t & actually learn somthing. Its the same if i had a wife. I can't have someone who is soo insecure that she needs me to babysit her all the time. Shes not a child. She should be capable of dealing with things herself.
END OF CONVERSATION
Back in BLACK
Nah, you must live in a weird place :p[/quote
Haha yup stayyy faaaaar away!
[/quote]
All my friends & family know im there to help them out as & wen needs be. But im not here to babysit them. i'd rather they deal with their own sh*t & actually learn somthing. Its the same if i had a wife. I can't have someone who is soo insecure that she needs me to babysit her all the time. Shes not a child. She should be capable of dealing with things herself.
END OF CONVERSATION[/quote]
Erm is that your idea of a good marital relationsip...wtheck dude she's your wife and assuming you've only got one to take care of, she deserves your full attention no matter how stupid the issue may seem to 'you'. what exactly do you mean 'she should be capable of dealing with things herself', people get married for that extra security, that they actually have a shoulder to lean on when they need it...call it a romantic vision of marriage if you want but that's how it should be. People have become too individualistic and forgotten that people deserve love and care, especially your family. If you think that people should only come and ask for your help when they need it, why should they have to ask for it, you should be the first one there to help tbh when it comes to family...i dunno tho maybe that's just me.
Lol, seraphim.
Im not offended by your comment because there is nothing to be offended by.
You should know me better than to assume I am talking about the whole clan of men that ever exist. Nevertheless, I should have clarified that point.
Also, I never asked a question. I made a statement to promote discussion.
Whether it is daft or not is your opinion and you can say its daft because its not something Im likely to get touched by.
The reason I made the statement is that too many Muslim walk around with the phrase: 'im Muslim, I can have more than one wife'. I know most of them are saying it for the comical purpose. Its just that its said so often that its become one of those stereotypes that Islam gets associated with very easily. As though, that is what Islam is all about. I don't think I'm wrong when I say that there might be certain Muslim men out there including certain men in my own family who have not considered all the criterias that they have to fulfill in order to have more than one wife. And therefore using it as an 'Islams says its allowed' excuse, go about upsetting everyone to fill their own desires.
Correct me, if I'm wrong.
I have yet to come across a man who I think or feel is mature enough to look after more than one wife just as Islam dictates.
Don't tell me my argument is pathetic when what I have merely tried to do above is reiterate that in a marriage, men and women are expected to look after each other.
Now maybe your definition of 'looking after a person' is different to mine. And I am just not understanding what the heck you're trying to say because of it.
Also, what logic did I propose about women exactly?
I am actually astounded that from the title of this blog, you have assumed that I have in some way made women look like damsel in distresses. You're right. There are hard working women out there and lazy ones. And its not you alone thats met both crowds. Iv met the lazy ones too. Iv met husbands who have laughed at their wives harshly because of how lazy they are. Yet, however harshly they talk about them, they still look after their wives as expected of a husband.
When I read your answer, and if you were a stranger to me, I would not have bothered replying. Why you come across as socially clueless I have no idea. But rather than assume I had a tone with my replies, please read again and see that I was actually speechless that you questioned why a man needs to look after a woman. Its almost lol-able.
Hang on...who said women needed to be babysitted by their husbands?! What woman would want to be babysitted by their husband anyway? What does Islam saying about husbands and wives looking after each other? What does human nature say about husbands and wives looking after each other?
Do you think when I said looking after that I meant their wives expect their husbands to feed them and answer to their every call or something? Im really confused at what picture you have in your head.
But if you're going to reply to this, then define what looking after a wife means first. Then at least we have a foundation for an argument.
I am not a man-hater.
I do not hate or disapprove of men have more than one wife.
If there is such a man out there who has more than one wife, has excellent character and his wives are happy, then I would be ashamed of myself to not recognise that he must have something special about him to be able to do that.
But the reality is, and I strongly believe that men (and just because you might argue with me, I am going to say this one more time again, I am NOT generalising), in this society and time are not capable of handling more than one wife. I have a feeling that you’re going to oppose the word: ‘handling’. Do so, if you want. But I hope you can see my side.
Don't end the conversation as though your word is the last word. Because I can't even take it seriously as an argument to begin with.
It is just you... i refer you to Feefs earlier comment 'you must live in a weird place' lol.
Back in BLACK
As long as there are no further question, you're wrong LOL
Only you would insult someone else and then get offended yourself. Sully-rabbit lol (see what i did there? :D). What really grinds my gears is women go around saying 'we dont need no one to take care of us, we independant. Independant Women!' and then they turn around and expect a guy to take care of them. How are you independant? I blame Beyonce
and it was THIS that i found pathetic. Which is what seems to be implied by your title.
Muslims are people. People are not perfect. Therefore they cant be held representative of Islam. They SHOULD, dont get me wrong. But they cant. Im pretty sure everyone knows this.... trust me. We had a meeting about it lol.
I personally dont go around evaluating people for their suitability to marry more than once. But off the top of my head I know 2 people who could probably handle it. But you cant seem to think of anyone. Might i suggest this is a matter only someone whose put into that situation could answer. Not for us to judge.
Im choosing to interpretate "take care of" as babysitting them. Thats not what i do, thats not how i roll and thats not what i find attractive in a woman. You have certain responsibilities to each other ofcourse but both should really be pulling their weight (and yes that is also a FAT joke lol). Human nature doesnt say anything about husband and wives looking after each other. Coz human nature imo isnt pro-marriage. Marriage is a religious/cultural phenomenon. So lets get that right. And Islam ofcourse is pro-marriage.
I actually personally know 2 guys who are currently married with two wives each. And tbh, and im sure they wont mind me saying this; theres nothing special about them lol. They just split their time and earnings between both wives, both families etc. Now go stand in the corner and think about what you've done missy!!
You need 3D glasses to see it... lol.
END OF CONVERSATION!!! FOREVER!!!! NO MORE ADDDING!!!
EXIT STAGE SERAPHIM
Back in BLACK
What do you mean human nature isn't pro-marriage?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
We sometimes feel like we have all the power we need to deal with things ourselves. But trust me life eventually knocks everyone down in different ways. That strength, independence we feel today wont always last, and only then will you wish that you had that shoulder to lean on...regardless of how we've treated people in our life some of us will always have people's rahma open to us ...but tha doubt and that one question will always be there....'do we still deserve the rahma of our friends and family'...I think becaus we've become enticed in such an individualistic society that we'he forgotten to cherish the people and things around us that truly matter...family will be family...and they deserve to be cherished.
i second TPOS' question abt the human nature not being pro marriage.
i also wld like to point out that this isquite a nice example to show beauty of Islam. Seraph doesnt wanna "babysit" his wife and others are saying its not babysitting its looking after.
and we have the answer in Islam. there are specific things a guy gotta do. like bring the money in. there arent that many responsibilities actually, but these are his musts. just like a girl got her musts. even if the guy CAN cook/look after the house, its the girl's primary role and just like a girl CAN earn, its the guy's primary role.
roles being a gender's "must" doesnt mean the other gender cant DO them. it just means that this is what is expected from you. Islamically.
i wanna become someone who can look after herself and who just happens to let a guy feel useful every once in a while. one special guy he's gonna be eh? life shld be interesting.
indenpendance is something i would say look out for. make sure you strike the balance with that as well. dont be too independant. you dont know when Allah might just trial you with jus that.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
That's well said.
It might just end up being a slap in the face lol.
It's about WHO were dependent upon too.
well said
a slap in the face indeed....
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
But this isn't a matter of what women expect is it? This isn't about what men expect is it? You reminded me in this thread not to generalise. So listen to your own advice and say instead that 'some women go around saying....'. Of course these people exist. But this is more about the duties of a man and a woman in a marriage. You seem to have geared the title of the blog to suit whatever you thought was pathetic and seemed to not have left room for other options.
1. You can choose to interpretate 'take care of' however you want. But why you interpret it that way is not logical to me. That sounds pretty pathetic to be honest. Im pretty sure its expected of both the man and the woman in Islam to pull their weight. Just as equally as you might find a woman who expects to be babysat unattractive, a woman might find that quality in a man unattractive. A woman might also find a man who thinks taking care of her the same as babysitting unattractive too. Be careful with your words. A word of advice.
2. What the heck does 'human nature isn't pro-marriage' even mean?????!!
3. Are you sure the word: 'marriage' and 'phenomenon' should be in the same sentence? And then you carry on to say: So lets get that right. Well...to be honest, how the heck do you expect any of us to 'get that right' when we don't know what you mean?
Just because you dont see anything special about them, doesn't mean they aren't special.
The problem is the "wahhabi-modern salafi" doctrine and their founder of this "sect" aka scholar abdul wahab + ibn saud
They have exploited islam, just so that they can hold onto their monarchy (which islam came to remove, as we are all equal)
The financial backing was taken by storm when ibn saud brainwashed people to believing his way of thought and they continue to spread their ideology.
Hope that answers the questions
Even hillary clinton has said this
Please refrain from adding your opinion to threads which hold no relevance to what you want to say. Instead, create on account on TheRevival and you will be able to create your own topics.
Here's something i came across a while back. It's titled: 'One bride for five brothers'. Seems like she's capable of looking after more than one husband! :O
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4846650/Young-mums-sex-rota-wi...
Oh back to the point...
No they are not capable of looking after more than one
They oppress women, tell them they cant drive and work
Even though thats against teachings of islam
Just so they can keep their filthy monarchy
These wahabis just glorify their muppet master ibn saud and the rest of the wacky clan of dummies
Hummas pls be to refrain lol, you sound like a saudi lover. Hope i didnt offend
You know better than to quote from the daily mail.. *smh*
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