Lilly wrote:

welcome to TheRevival!! will you be sticking around? love your picture..looks a bit like Mr potato from Toy Story.

Thanks, hmmm, it depends, I dunno, we'll see how it goes.

Lilly wrote:

a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.

Yh omg, how unreasonable and spoilt to expect monogamy from your husband. 

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.

Yh omg, how unreasonable and spoilt to expect monogamy from your husband. 

that is exactly how i feel. and unlike you, no sarcasm intended.

Lilly wrote:

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.

Yh omg, how unreasonable and spoilt to expect monogamy from your husband. 

that is exactly how i feel. and unlike you, no sarcasm intended.

Well you're wrong. Its perfectly reasonable to expect a man you're sharing your life with till you die not to have sex with other women! Its one thing simply accepting its allowed in Islam and that it is a right of men given to them but you're the only female below 50 and british who I've ever heard who acts like insisting on monogamy is the bad option. 

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.

Yh omg, how unreasonable and spoilt to expect monogamy from your husband. 

that is exactly how i feel. and unlike you, no sarcasm intended.

 

Well you're wrong. Its perfectly reasonable to expect a man you're sharing your life with till you die not to have sex with other women! Its one thing simply accepting its allowed in Islam and that it is a right of men given to them but you're the only female below 50 and british who I've ever heard who acts like insisting on monogamy is the bad option. 

aint british

and im not insisting that monogamy is bad. im just saying it shouldnt phaze us so much.

and Allah wouldnt have made it that way if there was no good in it. its true its a sacrifice for the 1st wife, but theres not that many men out there wanting to get remarried anyway. so calm down and please dnt get annoyed at me...

wanting monogamy at all cost..isnt that kinda selfish?

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.

Yh omg, how unreasonable and spoilt to expect monogamy from your husband. 

that is exactly how i feel. and unlike you, no sarcasm intended.

 

Well you're wrong. Its perfectly reasonable to expect a man you're sharing your life with till you die not to have sex with other women! Its one thing simply accepting its allowed in Islam and that it is a right of men given to them but you're the only female below 50 and british who I've ever heard who acts like insisting on monogamy is the bad option. 

aint british

and im not insisting that monogamy is bad. im just saying it shouldnt phaze us so much.

and Allah wouldnt have made it that way if there was no good in it. its true its a sacrifice for the 1st wife, but theres not that many men out there wanting to get remarried anyway. so calm down and please dnt get annoyed at me...

wanting monogamy at all cost..isnt that kinda selfish?

edit: as i said. im just a teenager, who's never felt so strongly abt any male to feel like i cnt share him. if he's such a great guy, then i wouldnt mind sharing him, especially with a friend (to be or already) LOL. if he isnt such a great guy then.. LOL

Lilly wrote:

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

RI_RS wrote:

Lilly wrote:

a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.

Yh omg, how unreasonable and spoilt to expect monogamy from your husband. 

that is exactly how i feel. and unlike you, no sarcasm intended.

 

Well you're wrong. Its perfectly reasonable to expect a man you're sharing your life with till you die not to have sex with other women! Its one thing simply accepting its allowed in Islam and that it is a right of men given to them but you're the only female below 50 and british who I've ever heard who acts like insisting on monogamy is the bad option. 

aint british

and im not insisting that monogamy is bad. im just saying it shouldnt phaze us so much.

and Allah wouldnt have made it that way if there was no good in it. its true its a sacrifice for the 1st wife, but theres not that many men out there wanting to get remarried anyway. so calm down and please dnt get annoyed at me...

wanting monogamy at all cost..isnt that kinda selfish?

edit: as i said. im just a teenager, who's never felt so strongly abt any male to feel like i cnt share him. if he's such a great guy, then i wouldnt mind sharing him, especially with a friend (to be or already) LOL. if he isnt such a great guy then.. LOL

No it's not selfish. And its not at any cost - call me naive but as far as I'm concerned a guy shouldn't marry a woman if she's not enough for him. 

And frankly I think its really weird that those women hang out and live in the same house and stuff knowing full well he's bed hopping between them. But maybe that's just me.

I dnt think any guy gets married n think "i cnt wait to find no. 2". Guys havr feeling to. N they fall in love n love their wives too. We're talking like theyre jut after one thing...

Someguys will just get bored of their wives or there will be something wrong and she cant have kids. So the guy will marry a second wife.

Happens.

Lilly wrote:

I dnt think any guy gets married n think "i cnt wait to find no. 2". Guys havr feeling to. N they fall in love n love their wives too. We're talking like theyre jut after one thing...

It might not be just about that, and they may love em all, but you can't get away from the fact that he'll be sleeping with them all. Its pretty random and odd to not mind that the love of your life is going around 'loving' and probably impregnating, other women before and after you. Hate to be crude, but thems the breaks. 

All I can say is your husband to be is a very lucky guy lol. 

Maybe you're just having trouble accepting that some people can like more than one person at a time. And some people actually put their beloved before themselves.

Food for thought.

Lol yeh that must be it. 

I just love the polygamy threads, so much....passion in them.

i know right!

it is something worth discussing and its interesting.

well, any marriage talk is usually very passionate lol.

UH OH - Son of NS just saw this post and has told Mrs NS.

I think Mr NS may be sleeping the garage tonight.

erm one of you described the idyllic set up, you could share the domestic chores with the second wife, child care responsiblities. but one important factor intimate relations was not mentioned. yes we may not want to think about it, but im sorry to say this its a fact that men have sex on their minds more than women. but what muslim woman would fail to remember her husband would be intimate with wife number 2 x number of nights and wife 1 x number of nights. i just couldnt be married to a man who wanted more than 1 wife on that basis alone. course there are other reasons but that thought would throw everything else out the window for me. yes i find it sicking to think of,  i know i shouldnt but i do, and im possesive.  i left my parents and siblings to marry this man, and had kids with him, i just could not share him. Sharing chores like dishwashing doesnt entice me in the least id rather do double the dishes and keep my man for myself thank you very much. 

i do however respect women who feel like its a good life choice for them, i just dont think i could do it.

asian women know if you want to share domestic chores just keep 3 generations of the same family together and a few sister in laws and you will see domestic bliss at its best. in laws bickering or arguing over which woman did the cooking for cleaning or more work. whhy one gets to go out the work and other is a sahm etc etc, im sure the same problems would occur with co wives sharing a house ahh bliss

ps. sbf has your friend married yet or is this hypothetical? i just think no matter how headstrong and even if she is more into her career or hobbies it will still irk her somewhat to say the least she is a human being after all.

s.b.f wrote:

Northen Southener wrote:

UH OH - Son of NS just saw this post and has told Mrs NS.

I think Mr NS may be sleeping the garage tonight.

mature 40 year old

Oh if there was an "unfirned" or "block" button on Revival........

s.b.f wrote:

My friend says she can handle having a husband who wants another wife. Her view is that there is more to the world than a husband. And whilst she wants to fulfil her obligations of getting married and having children she also has other ambitions in this world that she would like to fulfil. Shes very headstrong about her point of view.

thats exactly how i feel. i tried developping on that just now but just deleted the paragraph. it was getting into something that sld be on girl forum.

I think it's important to add here, that, the Prophet himself had more than one wife in order to help the women - for reasons like being outcasts or weak etc because of being divorced or widows etc. Just thought I'd add that incase someone gets the wrong idea.Really so it was to ehlp the women ? What was the reason then to marry and consumate a relationship with a 9 year old ? I assume she was also in need of help ?

Abu wrote:

I think it's important to add here, that, the Prophet himself had more than one wife in order to help the women - for reasons like being outcasts or weak etc because of being divorced or widows etc. Just thought I'd add that incase someone gets the wrong idea.Really so it was to ehlp the women ? What was the reason then to marry and consumate a relationship with a 9 year old ? I assume she was also in need of help ?

 

 

Are you stupid? Oh silly question. It answers itself considering your minute knowledge of Islam.

Women who wished to help the Prophet (Peace be upon him) were encouraged to marry him, once agreed by both sides of the family. Because of the culture in which they lived in at the time, no-one (unlike today's sick minded people), saw anything wrong with it. And why should they? Once a female reached the age of maturity, marriage wasn't a taboo. 

Aisha's (May Allah be pleased with her) father actually encouraged her to marry the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and it was welcomed by everyone, so why assume her marriage was because SHE needed help? She wasn't forced to marry against her own wish. In fact, she was blessed to be asked for such an offer.

Today the age of marriage can't stop changing and it is rare to hear about marriages at a young age. In my opinion, society has gone so DUMB and ignorant, that they don't mature until they're, what, 30 odd, hence the criticism. 

There was wisdom in the Prophet's (Peace be upon him) marriage as it showed a great example of  family situations and love, and the qualities Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) had ultimately proves this. 

Thanks for clearing that up , Please excuse my ignorance but there are a few points that need further examination ;

Women who wished to help the Prophet (Peace be upon him) were encouraged to marry him, once agreed by both sides of the family. Because of the culture in which they lived in at the time, no-one (unlike today's sick minded people), saw anything wrong with it. And why should they? Once a female reached the age of maturity, marriage wasn't a taboo. 

HMMMM how exactly would the women help him ? Would they kit themselves out in armour and fight on the battlefields? Also your assertion that todays "sick minded " people would object to it well surely a marriage of a nine year old infant to a 50 something man would rightly attract some censure especially as it is generally acknowledged that the marriage was consumated when Aisa was 9 ....

The reason for marrying her was to build a stronger alliance with Abu Bakr and not any altruistic fervour and if people wait a bit longer to get married these days then perhaps thats the price of evolution where there is seen top be more to life than getting married and knocking out  6 kids in 6 years !

Maybe it's just me but I find it sort of disrespectful the tone used to describe Aaisha (ra) and our prophets marriage. It's as If we are speaking about joe blogs down the road. You don't have to love the idea, but as muslims we should respect it and understand it was the cultural norm then. You only have to look at indopak countries to see it still occurs today, I think more so due to poverty. But history shows that marriages were often made not just in islamic history but in any  monarchy for example to forge alliances between tribes and countries, unfortunately it wasn't about love love love, although it may have been a part. One thing that hasn't been mentioned is there is Hadith, for those who believe in them that our prophet had a revelation in a dream about marrying aisha(ra), and prophets dreams are not like the dreams us regular people have. But if you don't believe in Hadith then you won't accept that argument.

personally I don't see why we should feel forced to explain these things whenever aisha(ra) marriage is raised by some Muslims and non muslims they totally disrespect her and brand our prophet with dispicable names. It's ironic really because the same society allows underage sex, a society where parents encourage their kids to have b/f from a preschool age then expect them not to break the laws when they're 12, it's farcical. so kids today are ok to have sex but not marry, lo and behold you get kids to marry you are deemed a sicko but kids having consensual sex with parents knowledge is morally acceptable?

most parents want their children to get married, especially if they cannot hold back from sexual activity. I think it's foolish to wait till your Middle Ages to marry unless as a muslim you know you can control yourself. Most humans need a partner earlier in life, its a 'natural instinct'. Btw there's nothing wrong with marrying young if you are mature and that is what you really want. Also nothing wrong with having 6 kids or 10 if you are going to support them financially and raise them well. These days people look down on stay at home mothers and couples who want lots of kids. I say none of your damn business if the couple are raising them well and providing in every way. If others want to buy houses and get the latest cars and gadgets you won't be judged, but don't judge those who prefer a loving husband and children over material wealth and loneliness. 

Abu wrote:

Thanks for clearing that up , Please excuse my ignorance but there are a few points that need further examination ;

 

 

Women who wished to help the Prophet (Peace be upon him) were encouraged to marry him, once agreed by both sides of the family. Because of the culture in which they lived in at the time, no-one (unlike today's sick minded people), saw anything wrong with it. And why should they? Once a female reached the age of maturity, marriage wasn't a taboo. 

HMMMM how exactly would the women help him ? Would they kit themselves out in armour and fight on the battlefields? Also your assertion that todays "sick minded " people would object to it well surely a marriage of a nine year old infant to a 50 something man would rightly attract some censure especially as it is generally acknowledged that the marriage was consumated when Aisa was 9 ....

The reason for marrying her was to build a stronger alliance with Abu Bakr and not any altruistic fervour and if people wait a bit longer to get married these days then perhaps thats the price of evolution where there is seen top be more to life than getting married and knocking out  6 kids in 6 years !

 

 

 

I agree with Hajjar.

Why do you care how the women helped him? Why does that need to be justified to anyone? Why can't you just accept that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) married a young wife? Why the hell does that seem like such a problem? Not only referring to you, but everytime this topic about Aisha (RA)'s age and marriage is brought up, it always causes unnecessary doubt. Are you generally curious? Sounds to me like you have a problem with it.

Don't get what you mean by the evolution and knocking out kids so I won't bother.

yeah, dont bother.

I think there is a difference between marrying a young wife and a child but hey thats just me ......It happened many years ago and I dont really care for it but those who do , well good luck to them however facts are facts , a 56 year old man married and had a physical relationship with  a 9 yr old child ....That might be palatable in Rochdale but nowhere else.