Salamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,Before you can be a decent therapist,
or a facilitator... and this is really important for
parenting too, by the way...Before you can be a good therapist, you need
to have gotten over a substantial portion of
your own luggage.And since no one is perfect, and you'll
always have faults... you need to have a system
whereby you can cleanse and enrich yourself.This starts with loving yourself.
Then it proceeds to you feeling so self sufficient
that you begin to host others.Unfortunately, many therapists go into the profession
with the thought: "if I can cure the world, I will
be cured".This harms them ultimately. It harms their
clients and it slows and stagnates the process of
therapy.There is no way, absolutely no way that a therapist
can remain impartial in a session. No way.They will, by their very presence, influence...
for better or for worse... but they will influence.Now psycho-analysis and psycho-therapy and some
forms of counseling all claim that therapy must
be fully about the client.... that the therapist must not
jump-in at all. That the therapist is only there to
facilitate and not to provide answers himself.... that the answers come from the client/patient.
And that if they were to come from the
therapist... that this would be manipulation.While this sounds lovely, it's garbage.
Sorry.When you look at light, the very act of looking
at it changes it. If you look at it in one way
it's a particle, if you look at it another, it's
a wave !!So the very act of being there. The very act
of clearing your throat... it will affect. It will
manipulate.When a therapist asks:
"And how does that make you feel?"They are in fact manipulating the client.
The therapists ignorance of this fact is
a disaster (in and of itself), but their ignorance
of that fact doesn't mean that it isn't a fact !So... just by being in a room, you will influence.
And if you're carrying a ton of emotional
and psychological garbage with you, then guess
what... you'll offload it onto your clients.And if you can't handle your own garbage, what
makes you think you can handle someone else's ?PLUS... when you see client after client and you
have no way of disposing of garbage, their garbage
will overburden you and become, with time,
your garbage.Can you see ?
So this is the correct procedure:
Love yourself and help yourself
Love others as a result
Help those that you loveAnd this is the wrong procedure:
I'll feel better when others feel better(They won't if you don't and then you won't
because they haven't !)Can you see the difference ?
It's huge.
All the Prophets (pbu them) were chosen
because they were pure on the inside.

Not to purify them by making them wage
through other people's garbage.No... they were pure, they knew how to
purify themselves, so now go purify
the selves of others.This is a big deal.
Allah asks in the Quran as to why we say
that which we do not do... and how Allah
despises this act.May Allah safeguard us from His Wrath.
AbdelRahman Mussa
154 middlemore rd, birmingham, west midlands b31 3un, UNITED KINGDOM
Comments
I'm not sure if this email will make sense on its own, or send the message across properly, (e.g the loving yourself bit) his emails are like continous stories.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
True dat yo.
Back in BLACK
Wow. These are such true and meaningful words, and i enjoyed reading it. I can't believe i followed it through and actually understood what the reader was saying. I love garbage in whichever shape or form, even if its my own or a close friends'- just grateful for it. Allah doesn't give you more than you can handle. He knows you already have the tools to get through!
So from this, the main lesson to take away is 'Love yourself and help yourself, Love others as a result and Help those that you love'. But i have a tincy question. How far are you supposed to love yourself before you begin to have pride and a hell of a lot of self importance which obviously increases your ego (which isn't really liked in Islam)?
loving yourself correctly wont lead to you being full of yourself. thats loving yourself blindly.
blindly, as in your ignore your falls and stumbles and mistakes and misgivings, misjudgements and all the mis- that ever were. you become big headed when you think you're right all the time and you cant fall.
loving yourself, thats abt being able to look at yourself in the eye in the mirror. it goes up and down. sometimes you can ,sometimes you cant. u just got to work on WHY u cant...
loving yourself is abt being happy when things go good and picking yourself up, dusting yourself, putting a plaster on and checking you're healing properly when you fall.
in my opinion, loving yourself is when you can look at your day or your week and be happy/proud of yourself. liking the person who done all that that week.
if you dont like that person, then you need to change that person and stars doing things that wld make you like that person
if you dont feel nothing abt yourself...then you need to define yourself, start doing things and finding your place in this big bad world and seeing how you wanna fit (if you wanna fit) in there.
and the "liking". how do you define it? how do you know if this is something you shld like or not? well... that's by liking what Allah likes and not liking what Allah dislikes. you cant go wrong if you align your likes with ur maker/builder/creator. trust me. He knows better.
now. all that i said above is utterly and totally my opinion. except maybe that last paragraph. so take it or lump it. but please dont be mean.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
This us what I meant by u guys probably not fully understanding the blog as it is really part of a continous story.
I shall explain what loving yourself means, later. Lilly is along the right line
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
just control? who's the one who sounds like a robot now.
there is such a thing as truly hating yourself and not being able to meet your gaze in the mirror. it exists. even if you havent experienced it. so stop calling people vain and arrogant because you got your definition of "love" wrong.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
to justify what...
and i see, you hadnt read any of the comments. still no where in the original post was there anything abt loving yoursel equating to becoming vain/arrogant.
ignore my annoyed-ness. ill get over it. you know how you always write something and for some reason i always read it..bent so i end up thinking you mean something that you actually didnt mean at all and im pretty sure this is what happened again but i replied (above) faster than i thought and now seeing your reaction i realise that i shld have stepped back.
sorry!!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Salaams,
In the end we are all one Ummah and therefore we are all responsible for the progress of the Ummah. A person should always give the best advice he can give.
But the advice should be sincere, and given with the intention of guiding that person onto the right path. Deen was defined by the Prophet (PBUH) as "wishing well and doing well [to others]". Therefore the ultimate goal of any advice should really be to promote what is good and shun what is bad.
It doesnt take an experienced mind to do this. Sometimes a clear mind can also help. And Islam is a shining light in the night that helps clear our thoughts and shows us the path. So we shouldnt let the Shaytaan whisper doubts into our ears before giving advice, like 'what will the other person think?' or 'What if they dont like my advice?' As long as its to promote good and done in a gentle manner then I dont believe theres anything wrong with it.
Allah (swt) knows best.
And I heard as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying come and see and I beheld, a pale horse. And his name that sat on him was Death... and Hell followed with him.