yup you got that right, you're certainly old fashioned. But yeah each and every person to their own views.

Just saying though, would you rather your wife be holding the hand of a stranger or would you rather be there yourself trying to comfort her. I mean come on it's your kid thats about to enter into this big bad world we live in, show some emotion, there's nothing wrong with a guy wanting to comfort his wife and if tradition and culture is against it then forget tradition and forget culture.

It's best to remember one thing, upon marriage you take into account and accept certain responsibilities. To quoute from the Qur'an where it says in Surah al-Baqarah:

'They are clothing for you and your are clothing for them'.

What i understand from this is that the bond between husband and wife is not something just of tradition or a formality of some sort. Rather its a bond where one protects the other in regards to both a physical and mental nature.

I get that some people think a fathers place is at  home when the wife is in the delivery room, or sitting outside somewhere in the waiting room sipping on some coffee...well no, i don't get guys like that.

lol there's nothing wrong if a guy gets emotional at the time when his little boy or girl is entering into this world, taking their first breath, indeed its Allahs gift and favor upon you. So it's ok to shead a tear or two and to observe that special moment in the delivery room. If i was to ever have children i would think alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with a gift and a favor that many others in this world never attain.

Not saying guys should be emotional all the time ofcourse not, but in this specific scenario i think something's out of place if there's no effect upon the husbands heart and he feels no inclination to get in that room and to hold his wifes hand while they watch Allahs blessings upon them enter into their hands.

agree with Suhail...would just add though, would all women want their husbands in the delivery room? if so then they should be there.

Seraphim wrote:

But I dont think its appropriate for guys to be in the delivery room (minus the doctor anyway). 

Why not? 

1) It's your wife

2) She's giving birth to your child

3) Who else has seen her body wholly if it isn't the wimpy husband?

4) As if she's gona be happy sitting alone in the room with random people walking in and out on her having a baby

5) Out of all the people in her contacts list, normally the husband is who she would want in there with her. 

6) Nothing in Islamic literature (as far as I've been told) to say otherwise. 

7) I am just talking about husbands. 

Seraphim wrote:

But thats not the "in" thing apparently these days. Now a days fathers are just cacking themselves to be in the delivery room for that special moment (yes im using my sarcastic voice).

And what? 

If you're actually scared of being in the delivery room, then why don't you just say that instead of looking down at those who are.

Every woman that I've asked so far including my mother actually lol-ed at the idea of a man thinking standing outside the door till the baby weeps. 

Do you realise how....pathetic those men sound? If they owned up to being a scaredy cat, fair enough.

Not cool, Seraphim. Not cool at all. 

Seraphim wrote:

Maybe guys should be in there; its there kid, but is that really an excuse to go looking up your wife yahoo? 

That's actually the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

So your wife is just been in labour four many hours. You know in a lot of pain. To get your baby into the world. But really..is that important enough to see your wife's yahoo?

HOW OLD ARE YOU? GROW UP. GET YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT. YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO SHOULD SEE THE YAHOO. NOT STRANGERS. 

AND IF YOU'RE THAT DISGUSTED BY YAHOOS THEN WHY ARE YOU MARRYING A WOMAN IN THE FIRST PLACE. 

AS IF ITS THE YAHOO THAT IS THE BIG ISSUE HERE. 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh. But if you give a good reasonable reason then, Im happy to work on that. 

Foysol89 wrote:

agree with Suhail...would just add though, would all women want their husbands in the delivery room? if so then they should be there.

Foysol, I believe that is the most sensible thing I've ever read from you. I am capable of compliments, see?

The embarrassment of showing some emotion isn't the reason sephy gave for why he doesn't want to be there.

And for the reason he gave, it is fair enough if he thinks he shouldn't be there.

Plus it can generally be hard/uncomfortable for another person to be there - and stop them from being of comfort themselves cuz they're so scared/nervous etc

I wouldn't mind if my husband didn't want to in with me.

I say that now. Lol.

EDIT: just seen Sully's reply (lol at the emotion )
But yh, islamically you're not meant to see each other fully naked/private parts...

TPOS wrote:

islamically you're not meant to see each other fully naked/private parts...

Do you realise you dont even actually have to stand at the end of the bed?

You can just stand at the side and talk to the woman throughout to calm her down or give support.

Some men stand there the whole time without even looking at the 'yahoo'

Yes I realise that, but I was just talking about that cuz that's what he was talking about.

Can you find me the hadith/source that says a husband can't see his wife in THIS situation? 

wait, I missed something else there...

forget the husband.

male doctor?

If there is already a man in there...

TPOS wrote:

But yh, islamically you're not meant to see each other fully naked/private parts...

You're not? i did not know this...if possible could i get a link to something i.e reference?

I've definitely read about it. Not saying it's haraam but disliked. I'll try to remember to find more info to share here.

Going back to the topic, not everyone wants their husbands with them, I know people have asked their mums/sisters/cousins to go with them.
And if the guy doesn't want to go, then he should be free to do so IMO. He's not resale going to be doing some special job and the doctors are the ones who make sure everything is alright.
I imagine once you're in the room, you only have priority, don't know or care what is happening around you. Doesn't matter *who* is holding your hand. I imagine you come back to your senses when it's all over. Someone's who's actually had a baby can say if that's what it's like or not.
But yh - personal choice.

I wasn't there when my son was born. It was an emergency c-section under general anesthetic and the doctors didn't allow me into theatre. I waited "outside the door" walking up and down for the duration then a nurse brought my son out to me and I did have tears in my eyes.

When my daughter was born it was more of a relaxed situation. Local anesthetic c-section and they did allow me to be in the room. I was sat on a chair by my wifes head behind a screen holding her hand and keeping her hair out of her face as she had a drip on the other hand. When my daughter was born I had tears in my eyes again and was given the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord.

The first time, my wife wasn't awake so me being there wasn't too important. The secone time I think it was. Don't know how, but sharing this experience, going through it together, as one really does strengthen your bond as husband and wife (don't know about others, but I feel it did for us)

As for not seeing eachother fully naked - I've read this somewhere too (can't remember where). Apparently when you're fully naked, it attracts Shaytaan.

I'll try to see if I can dig up the book I read it tin. Watch this space.....

The way I see it is simply that if a man really loved or cared for the woman he was married to, he would be able to put aside his discomfort and try to help and be there as much as he could for what will be without a doubt the most painful experience of her life. 

I needed a laugh, thanks.

Golden Darkness wrote:

I ahve never heard that husband and wife are not allowed to be naked in each others presence. In front of who else woul dthey be ?? O__o It makes no sense to me and i have never heard of it? and i will defoo be watching this space for  a qur'anic reference or a hadith! 

Well well.....

Look what Shake-Ul-Google has just told me:

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/13486

As it turns out, I was completely wrong. Oops......

(but I'll still try and dig out the book where I think I read that it's NOT allowed)

i thought we were talking abt guy doctors and nurses...

hence why i voted nay.

but as for the husband.i dnt think it would be uncomfortable for a guy to be there...except if his excuse is that he cannot BEAR to see his wife going through so much pain... *cough cough*

if there is no assurance of my getting a fully female delivery room..then i'd much rather give birth at home me think...but me just chattin' coz me just a kid still.

Lilly wrote:

except if his excuse is that he cannot BEAR to see his wife going through so much pain... *cough cough*

LOL

Seraphim wrote:

This question arose out of a random conversation I had about 2 weeks ago. Tbh I didnt really think much about it at the time as the comment was made in passing but the other persons reaction was HILAROUS! Why they cared so much about what i thought ill never know.

Did you ever think that maybe your view sounded a bit arrogant and as if you were superior than the rest of the human beings for having such opinions?

Seraphim wrote:

Firstly saying a man was there for the inception and therefore he should be there for the delivery is not an arguement. What you're ACTUALLY saying is 'haha you were there for the fun part so NOW you have to deal with this sh*t too!' sounds more like revenge to me lol.

What's the need to be so pessimistic about this?

Facts are the men were there for the conception. So why not be there for the whole thing too? Exactly what is wrong with that train of thought? 

Yeah its painful. Buts another fact of life. Get over it. 

Seraphim wrote:

And yes i know women have to carry the child for months and suffer through that and then theres giving birth, so your arguement is the guy should suffer too? Not many humanitarians in here i guess.

Actually pathetic.

Like I said get over it.

You're never gona actually suffer the pains. So boohoo for those men who can't handle the rest.

Seraphim wrote:

Secondly to people who seem to think having the guy there is super soothing, because shes scared... well guess what i bet he's scared too! So therefore i disagree that his presence shall help because in most cases his anxieties are simply going to be transferred to her. Making the thing far more difficult than it needs be. If anything id say the guys in the way.
I asked a midwife about this and she said the exact same thing. The guys in the way, should just let the mother to be and the hosp team deal with it. She told me how this one chap who claims to be an expert on childbirth (read all the books etc), and during his wife's last birth, he managed to stand on the gas and air tube for the majority of the labour so she didn't get the benefit of it. He still thinks this was hilarious.
Im not saying she should do this alone, im not saying that. I just dont think the guys the best person to do it. The obvious alternatives for a birthing partner (i believe thats the correct term) would be the girls mother, sister etc.

You do realise that its situation dependent?

I realise that there will be women who are still horrified at the thought that her husband will see her in such an 'ugly' state. Fair enough.

But you're talking about those few situations where you think you and the midwife are right about. 

How do YOU know in most cases HIS anxieties are simply transferred to her?

'Making the thing far more difficult than it needs to be'

Seraphim wrote:

Thirdly: being in there with her does not show you love her. The entire hospital teams in there with her... do they love her?

Sorry, how old are you again?

Are you like missing the point are something?

That question is not even an argument.

It's not a case of 'I need to be there so she thinks I love her'. 

It's a case of: 'If anything, I know her best and I know what she will want when she needs pain relief'

For example, in most cases that Iv seen the husband is rubbing her back, legs etc etc etc. 

Seraphim wrote:

Just coz you are allowed to gaze at your partner doesnt mean you should walk around the house naked. 

Don't actually think anyone here said that. 

They were asking necessary questions.

Seraphim wrote:

Thirdly: being in there with her does not show you love her. The entire hospital teams in there with her... do they love her?

The difference is the guy has a choice. Durr  

stop forcing guys to be/not be in the delivery room.

husband/wife relationship is different (like any other relationship) between two diff people. if they're relationship is one that would have the hubby in delivery room then so be it. if the relationship is one where the guy would be better off not in the delivery room (not because he's a wuss and whatnot but because the girl got a bff or she's close to her mum or blah blah) so be it.

leave the poor mother-in-labour and father-in-stress alooonnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

im pretty sure no wife in her right mind would think "ha you jerk, come and suffer as much as you can with me". what kinda relationship is that?!?!

(btw Seraph, did you know your invention article is getting published?!)

Seraphim wrote:

Rawrrs_isarollingstone wrote:

Seraphim wrote:

Thirdly: being in there with her does not show you love her. The entire hospital teams in there with her... do they love her?

The difference is the guy has a choice. Durr  

 

And this is a problem because??

Who said it was a problem? :S its the difference between someone having to be there and wanting to be there, thats why its a big deal for some people. 

And no one's forcing anyone, for one thing everything that was said was pretty much on the basis of IF she wants you to be there, you should be there, if the woman doesn't, its all moot and you're fine. 

But if she does, it just seems a bit douchey to say "No wife, I pose a potential threat. Plus its gross, so I'll be right outside" is all. 

Forget society, I'd want my husband to be there and I would/will be extreeeemely upset/mad at him if he wasn't there for me at that time, whatever his excuses. 

Seraphim wrote:

Ohayo Lilly-chan, always the voice of reason

Allow people the choice of doing what they want and to HELL with what other people think.

"Lilly" wrote:

(btw Seraph, did you know your invention article is getting published?!)

No they dont tell me anything anymore. I dont think they've ever heard of intellectual property. I'll allow it though, since thats the reason it was written.

voice of reason?! ROFL. voice of the dumb and straightforward more like..

and intellectual propertY?! seriously? i stared at that thing thinking "how am i going to EVER fix this?"