Aslamoalaikum Everyone.
I am writing this letter to my uncle. I am not trying to be weird or commit any sort of sin, I am just writing my feelings down that have been stuck in my heart for 4 years. I am trying to take the weight of some of my feelings and my hurt off my shoulders.

This letter is for my loving and amazing uncle who passed away from brain tumour. I loved him a lot and the day that he passed away I completely broke down, but Alhamdulillah I've realised that he is in a better place now.....

Dear Uncle,

My heart still aches with sadness, my secret tears still flow, for what it meant to lose you no one will ever know. Your place of rest I visit. Your flowers I arrange with care. But I can hardly bear the heartache, when I turn and leave you there. It’s a lonely place without you, nothing is the same, I feel a longing deep within, every time I hear your name. When you lose someone you love, the hurt is hard to hide, but when I turned away from you, the hurt is deep inside.

With tears in my eyes, I whisper I’m sorry that I didn’t spend my time getting to know you and understand you. It is not an excuse that I was only eleven, It is not an excuse that I was scared, It is not an excuse the way I made up excuses to not see you, to stay away. I just couldn’t see you, because I knew that you would see me cry, you would see how scared I was and you would feel bad.

Since you left, everything in my world has turned inside out. Everything shattered to the ground and broke, it’s like you were the bond holding all of our families together, but since you’ve left it’s gone. It’s been so long since you left us, you know for a time it just felt like you were still on a course in Germany, but after a while I finally realised that you were truly gone from this world. I know more about you more than I did when you were alive by our side. I guess some things don’t always stay secret huh? All I can say is that I think you were the bravest and most courageous man in the world. I miss you so much and I wish you were here. Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened if you were here and I wouldn’t be hurting. But I’m not being selfish Chachoo, because I know you are at peace now, I know that you are away from the pain life gave you, and I’m sorry for all you had to go through.

Chachoo I want you to know that I loved you a lot and so have done everything in my power to keep the promise that I made you. Your sons are not only my cousins, but my brothers and no matter how much they hurt and annoy me, they will always be my brothers and I wouldn’t sacrifice anything for that. I promised you that I would look after them and I will. Right now, they are all downstairs playing on the xbox and I’m up here writing you a letter. I know that this was your dream, to see your boys grow up, grow through the stages of being teenagers, become independent young adults, learn from their mistakes, meet their partners, get married and have children. I promise you as long as I’m living, you can see all of this through my eyes.

Me, well your little niece has grown up. I am no longer the girl, who would run into your big strong arms every time she saw you. I ended up going to the school that you and dad told me to go to and I can fib everyone else, but I know I can’t lie to you. The truth is that I hate it there, no matter how much I try, I just don’t seem to fit in. Let’s just say that I’ll be glad to leave and go to college and start afresh.

I want to say that I’m not quite sure where you are, but I know that you’re not that far, because you will always be in my heart forever. I want to thank you for taking the time to put a smile on my face, for taking the time to be there when we all needed you. Thank you for helping us all through so many things. Thank you for taking the hours, out of your own precious days to make a little more sunlight shine on us. Thank you for being a generous soul and a beautiful spirit in a world that could use a million more people just like you.

I pray every day to have your courage and strength to go through all the obstacles in my way. I pray for your sons, to make you proud. I pray for everything between our families to be right again. I pray for happiness to capture our hearts once again and sink the hatred.
All my love
Your loving Neice.
xxx