Marriage is supposed to be a time of happiness, right? A time of joy? A time of unity? A special bond between 2 families , not 2 people, right? Well, not as far as I’m concerned… my wedding will take place on the 14th October! Yikes! Everything was supposedly to run smoothly. Location, theme, hosts, everything was decided! Ok, I may be slightly tedious; but I really really absolutely loathe attending wedding functions. But, no doubt, I’m going to have to attend this one. So after buttering them up I talked to my parents/in laws, if it could be just a small reception. Where the doll and guy sign papers; and wahey they’re legally bided by Islamic law and British law . But, no, they weren’t having that. I didn’t tackle the situation after so.
Some days ago, I found out that the groom’s side wanted to conduct the wedding as it was the only son. And the bride’s side also wanted to host the wedding as she is the youngest child. Though, I found out that their so-called conclusion is to have 3 wedding functions! Yes, that is right, 3!?!?!?!?!“$*(!“?!?!?@!“£“ One In Pakistan, One in Arabia/Egypt and the other for friends in England. Both of the parties are too stubborn and will not heed a word I say! Can you imagine so???? Someone like me, who hates wedding functions, but has to attend 3!? Sheer luck,Just ridiculous!
Any whom, yes, from my knowledge most people on here ( this site) are Indian/Pakistani; similar to my in-laws, right? Except the thing is that I don’t exactly know much about this specific culture, I’m sorry. I have some Indian/Pakistani friends. One of my friends showed me pictures of her sister’s wedding, and what a traditional Pakistani wedding was like. I asked my other friends, whether this was serious, she said “Yeah, this is it”, with a straight face. It’s all really beautiful and gorgeous, but just... not me. The embroidery is lovely; but really heavy! And I know it’s supposed to be an occasion with great pomp. But, is there an alternative to this? And, I’m pretty sure that there are other Indian/Pakistani girls like me, who can’t handle all the decking up. So, what do they wear instead?
I’ve been given the colour scheme, wait for it! Red and Green!? I personally didn’t think these 2 colours go together. But, when I saw the different tones, it was good! If anyone knows anything about any good Indian/ Pakistani bridal dresses, please let me know. Any links for websites or any other useful info, please let me know. Also, something that will go with my skin tone. And, less flesh in the show if possible. Sorry for my ignorance, but I’ve never experienced an Indian/Pakistani wedding before; therefore I don’t know what will look good, and what won’t. I’m pretty surprised at myself, that I’m so calm and not panicking, at how many days are left! Aaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhh!
Ok, back to the subject. These are just some pretty good ideas I’ve come across.
I’m ok with the Arab dress. I’ve got 2 options, which one do you think is better? I won’t have to worry so much about the one in Arabia; that’s in November. But any whom, my mother was saying that we’ve got to be alert about what we do, and how we do it. Because some of our traditions may ‘upset’ the in-laws. What does she mean by that??? I’m always told the ‘what‘, but not the ‘why’. She said they may oppose the veil ! Hello, everyone knows that a Arab bride must wear a veil to show her modesty!
Also, what other things are a definite no-no for Indian/Pakistani families? Please let me know. Please, please, please, do not hesitate to tell me anything that would offend them, or anything that make me look …loose. As far as I am concerned Indian/Pakistani people are very spiritual people and have their own unique way of connecting with Allah…It makes sense in my mind, I just don’t know how to phrase it. Sorry! I don’t want to do ANYTHING that will offend them or their traditions.
…But, the biggest problem, I’ve been told about is that ok, having children before the (???
) is casual in our traditions. However, no at all permissible in India/Pakistan, right? So, what on earth do I do with the children? What am I supposed to do? Do I leave the children ? I kind of understand their perspective, but is it really that big a deal????
…
Do let me know everything that is expected from the in-laws, and anything that should definitely NOT be done. I want all standards to be met. Any recommendations, any advice, I'm all ears.
Shokran Jazeelan.
3?!!! woah! wow! - and the asian weddings are like 7 days long!
For the asian bridal dress have a look around Birmingham or Southall.
and yes having kids before marriage is a MASSIVE deal for asians...i thought it's haraam...
But no, why should you leave your children?!
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Blackburn and Bradistan also have loads of bridal shops.
Back in BLACK
???
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
ok like 4 atleast
nikaah, mehndi x2 baraat, walima but she may not be doing all that
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
May god give you strength sis, hope you're really happy! hope it all goes well and you enjoy yourself!
oh god, this forum feel so REAL and close to the actual thing its scary...i've never being involved with planning a wedding, let alone MY wedding.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Is this for real?
Way to go on putting people off marriage. What a waste of 7 days.
There's loads of misconceptions about asian weddings - rememeber, every asian family is different.
In a typical asian family you have the nikkah (signing of the wedding contract - usually from the girls side) function. Walimah (dinner from the boys side of the family.
Many family these days are combining the costs and doing just one function - Nikkah and Walimah function together.
Depending on the family - you may have a henna night (not obligatory). It can be just the girls side or just the boys side getting together. Or they may combine it.
The dress is also subjective to the family you're marrying into - many girls these days are opting for a western type dress, but again it depends on the family.
A wedding can last a few days to a week - again it depends on the family.
I'm not sure what you meant about children - most asian weddings have loads of children running around.
7 days long?!
Are you serious?!?!?!?!?!
I was planning to fly in 2 days before the wedding festival!
Love is a serious mental disease.
Err, guys. I feel really ...uncomfortable saying this. But I'm going to have to correct you. Nikkah, I believe in South Asia (India, Bengal Pakistan, Afghanistan, etc...) is legalising the wedding?
But in Arabic, or Islam actually Nikkah means having intercourse legally.
Yes, we've done the Nikkah Islamically, but no, we havn't done aq'd qiraan(what you guys would call the 'Nikkah').
what is baraat?????????????????????????
Love is a serious mental disease.
So it is a MASSIVE deal?
Geez, shouldn't they follow religiong more and cukltture less.
Relgiong lets you have children after the Nikkah, however they are assuming Nikkah to be something else.
Love is a serious mental disease.
So there i was trying to sleep but laying there thinking of lots of random stuff when i suddenly though of this ^ and what this [potentially] means. I was so freaked out i had to come back on and comment here!
So if sex=nikkah=marriage then all those people that have sex "before marriage" are actually married now??! :s :S
Also if that is correct then how would it be haraam - its not a relationship outside of marriage then is it?
:/ :S
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
She didn't mean that nikah=intimate relations, but that nikah allows intimate relations.
Which is true.
I would also consider that the marriage. the meal, celebrations etc are not the marriage IMO, but the Nikah.
Like how people can get legally married in the UK by going to the registry office - they do not need a lavish celebration, but most will have something to celebrate the union.
Maybe its considered otherwise from other places? I had not heard that before though.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
OK, I have some questions...
if nikah is different in arab cultures... what does it equate to?
Is it like dating? What is marriage in arab culture then?
Nikah not being marriage seems to confuzzle my mind...
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
When the people go to the brides house and have a feast thingy.
Walima is the other day when the grooms family provide the feast.
Or the other way around.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I wouldn't assume so. It is not haram. The nikkah is just to symbolise you both becoming one, in front of the community .
That's if they've done the (actual Islamic)Nikkah ceremony.
Love is a serious mental disease.
Ok, so going to Arabia/Egpt (not decided yet), that would be the baraat?
And, going to Pakistan, would be the Walima???
Love is a serious mental disease.
I don't know so much about traditions myself, I considered it to be the same for all Muslims. :S
Anywhom, the Nikkah, you have Reading of the Fatiha (engagement. We've already had that. Where the guy comes and asks for her hand in marriage from the Father. After the agreement, everyone recites Fatiha. (ayah in the first juz). evryone drinks Sharbat, sweet drink fro sweet times, or whatever....
(This has happened)
...
Then they have the Kathb-ul-Ki'taab ceremony. The actual thing.The official thing; done infront of witnesses and a sheikh has to be present, (usually done my my gramps).It is like the Fatiha, but a promise to Allah, of how they will care for and nurture each other....
...
Dating comes in later, when the Father agrees to give his daughter to the guy of his choice.
But, my family, personally don't appreciate the 'dating' stuff, and neither do I, so I wouldn't allow that.
To be honest, I thought everything is the same, but I'm wrong. Anywhom tell me about the Indian/Pakistani traditions.
Love is a serious mental disease.
I hate weddings too, the poor chap is heading towards the gallows and everyone is sooooo happy, cheering, singing, dressing up, spending thousands, just to take away the mans last smile.
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me.
-Imam Al-Ghazali
No no no, his last smile will be after the BOOM BOOM SHAKE THE ROOM
Back in BLACK
Sometimes, not always.... after that it's all downhill.
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me.
-Imam Al-Ghazali
That really depends on the man.
Back in BLACK
I didnt know i was such a monster... So my 'husband' wont ever smile? I was looking forward to dissing each other n seeing who'se the biggest smartarse... Oh.now im sad..
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
(hums ne-yo's song)
Yes lilly, you are the devourer of souls. Slowly but surely you will break him into ikkle bikkle pieces... something to look forward to then
lol.
Back in BLACK
No, no, not you Lilly, you're different...
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me.
-Imam Al-Ghazali
Hey take it easy with the Lilly OK! OK!
She is my fan, and I don't like people MESSING with my fans.
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me.
-Imam Al-Ghazali
You assume too much
Back in BLACK
No seriously, she say's she can't wait to be in my STRONG, POWERFUL, GREEN ARMS.......
I think she might even be in love, woman just so weird. They like different.
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me.
-Imam Al-Ghazali
ZDC are you on any sort of medication? ... you might want to consider it.
Back in BLACK
Yep, I forget to take my shot on my @rse, please help (Rolls down pants, and waits...)
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me and sometimes opposes me.
-Imam Al-Ghazali
Keep waiting. Inshallah by the grace of Allah (swt) im sure someone will help you... ¬_¬
(Takes out shotgun, takes aim... BANG) lol
Back in BLACK
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