Salaam
The text below is a bit of a rant, so bear with me please…
Why is it that if one wants to be bad it’s incredibly easy for them to do so, however if they wanted to be good it’s sometimes next to impossible?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot for the last few days…..I’ve noticed that if I want to be “good” its as if I have all the odds stacked against me, yet if I want to be “bad” its incredibly easy.
For e.g. if I say to family that I want to take all the kids to the cinema, they encourage me to go and even pull out the money……yet if I tell them that I’m going to some Islamic programme/Dhikr they pull faces and make silly comments……
If I’m getting ready for a wedding they make comments and tell me not to cover my hair-yet if I told them that I’m going to dye my hair blond, cut it short, wear a sheer Sari, bear my back and midriff I’m sure most of them wouldn’t bat an eyelid…….
If I’m sitting reading a book whilst the family is watching some crappy Bollywood film they all start on me……
If I don’t contribute to petty/shallow discussions they all start on me for being “too quiet”- Is that even a reason to start on a person?!!
If I’m with people who are telling me about some x-rated incident, its so much harder to tell them that they really shouldn’t be doing stuff like that-in case they take it personally……
This takes place out of the home as well….I’ve been dying to get into any Islamic School for some time now, I have plenty of experience and am even willing to work voluntary yet not one school is willing to offer me a job…yet every other place that I’ve applied to such as, retail/bank etc have all called me for an interview…..but I’m not interested in working in such places, so I don’t turn up to the interviews…..
I used to think that if one wants to lead a good life they need to overcome their desires and practise self-control in restraining from the forbidden….but its not as easy as that….external factors such as family/friends and society etc have always bothered me more…..
In the past whenever dad had said I can’t do something/go somewhere- I went anyway, without his knowledge….A few months ago I told him to drop me of at someone’s house cos there’s a Mehndi going on….there was no Mehndi it was an Islamic meeting in the presence of a prominent scholar…..
These things make me feel bitter and this is a negative emotion…I dislike all negative emotions… it takes a lot of energy to fight and be stubborn/rebellious and do stuff undercover…I give up at times, and this is wrong too…..
Anyways share your thoughts on all of the above…
Wasalaam
I agree with much of what Lady Muslima has stated.
Truth is that Islam has been left in the books by most people.
I try to get outta going to family functions cos they have music blasting and intermingling. My relations say that i should change with the tiems and that i am being unnecessarily rigid and extreme. Sometimes i start thinking that maybe i am being rigid cos no1 else acts like this in my family but then i remind myself that there is no rigidity in my action.
Now i am starting to challenge those who object to my behaviour. I say to them to bring one shari proof that mixing is permitted or one fatwa from an authentic scholar and then they shut up!
Other day at a relatives ''50th birthday bash'' my grandad wanted me to go and read quran and make the dua but i just said no im not reading at a birthday.
My dads mood went right off and i just legged it home. Next day my grandad and dad go that i shudda read, y was i donig that, i was apparently doing rong. First time in my life i replied tomy dad and grandad respectfully and said that i dont htink i don any thing rong. I go to my grandad that ur saying to me i dont rong but reading quran there was no obligation but no1 cared abt their namaz and no1 said any thing.
When they realised that i wasnt gonna be quite and say that yes i was rong they just wen quite lol.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
i know what you mean Muslim Sister the bad way is made so easy and the good way so hard. the worlds gone topsy turvy.
i wish there was an island with like minded individuals, all sincere and spiritual and we talked about meaningful things when we wanted to and kept quiet when it suited us.
thats exactly how i feel that family and friends are there to drag you away from the good light and they dont even realise it that they are damaging our souls. the only crime we have is we are sensitive to the calling of our soul - which yearns islam and all that is good
The darkd side wioll tempt you. But we need to remember while it may look appealing, it lacks substance.
Life is hard. Its a test.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I would never advocate cutting of from family/family functions etc
Family has rights over you as well…..whatever they’re like.
I’m sure it’s possible for you to attend all family functions…weddings/B’days etc without getting involved in whatever’s going on around you.
its the job of family to do a persons head in
that what they're good for
person shud just do their own thing
Sometimes feels like you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.
:roll:
but a person should IGNORE
trust me-I ignore at least 99% of what my family tells me to do
cos its my life-not theirs
Paki families esp are very vocal in how they think a person should be living their life
some time ago my dad said No to my sister going to some one year course in Pakiland
if I was her I would have grabbed my passport and just went and gave him a call when I got there-cos its not as if she asked permission for sumin wrong
i'm a bit more thick skinned then her-it dont bother me if people are upset with me...esp if I dont feel I'm in the wrong
It is a bit of a minefield. You need your family's support and understanding. If you keep ignoring them or defying them then they're gonna be defensive towards you.
Thankfully I have some strands of 'modern' thought in my extended family. If one half doesn't like what I do, the other will.
Ofcourse its easier to be bad than to be good.
Being bad only requires you not to give a damn and think souly about yourself. Whereas being good requires you to care about others and sometimes put other people before yourself or going out of your way to do "the right thing".
Bottom line: Its not always easy to walk the right path, when its soo much easier to go with the croud especially if they're doing bad. People need to stop acting like sheep and think for themselves about whats right and whats wrong.
Back in BLACK
parents love their kids-they can never be defensive towards them
if anything parents should not get too controlling out of fear that they may push their kids away or make them defensive
I dont advocate cutting from family but haram functions are not gud. I still go to visit regularly and also help out when and where i can but that doesnt mean that EVRY invite i get im gnna accept it. To make an extreme example if my cousin who is same age as me goes we having a family funciton for the cousins in a club cos its his 20th bday shud i go? In the same way haram functions are not permitted just to maintain family ties, there are other ways to fulfill the relations rights.
Bdays are haram functions anyway so no discussion on that. But as for weddings I was taught that if u get invited and u knw its gonna have haram activites then u can go and admonish or advise the people against this activity at the wedding. However if u do not have the courage to do this at the actual wedding or u knw that the ppl are so intoxicated with the ''happiness'' that they will not listen then do not attend.
Basically just cos i dont like going to these things and that i intend to refuse outright when i become hafiz doesnt mean im neglecting my duties to my blood.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
I agree with you.
There’s a fine line to be drawn between keeping ones parents happy and not compromising your own beliefs either.
So if I want to do something which isn’t wrong and they’ve said No….I don’t see anything wrong with doing it behind their back….what they don’t know can’t hurt them.
But I wouldn’t go as far as defiantly walking out in front of their face…that would be blatant disrespect.
I too have a “mixture” of thoughts in my family, I always tell mum where I’m really going/what I’m really doing…whilst the rest of the family are left in the dark
Good point.
1-who said B'day are haraam? where does it say that a bunch of people getting together, cutting a cake, exchanging some gifts is haraam? IF haraam stuff goes on in B'days such as alcohol, drugs, mixed dancing etc THEN it becomes haraam
dont make up stuff
2-if ur brother/sister/close cousin were getting married and u knew that the wedding would have music/mixed gathering etc and u wer told not to preach and make a scene-would u refuse to attend?
1. Our Teachers. I refer you to Islamic Dawah Academy Leicester amongst others. The shari basis for prohibition is established. I never said cutting cake, getting together, giving gifts is haraam, did I? I said Bdays are haraam and amongst the strongest but not only reason is that it is imitation of the non-muslims, personally I will not get into proving its hurmat. The ruling is clear and if your personal opinion is that it is gud, or even if your teachers think it is gud, then thats ur view. I am not implementing my thoughts on others, just saying that i dnt need to justify staying away from bday parties cos they are prohibited anyway. I am not here to argue just to give my view.
2. About making stuff up alhamdulillah i have not made up stuff in that post I think. If ur opinions on bday differ, u must surely have heard that other ulama are of the opinion that it is prohibited? If u have heard other ulama say it is prohibited then u have no right to say i made anything up. If u havent herd this that bdays are haraam from some ulama then u shud first ask that is this the view of ulama, rather than accusing a simple follower like myself of making up stories or fatawa or anything else. It is hurtful!
3. If it is a case where I cannot refuse to go due to close relation I play a number of tricks. The most important being that I attend for a while, give my salam to as many ppl as possible and eat. Then I leave. After a few hours come back again and give salam to as many ppl as possible and then leave. Works out well, cos i save myself a great deal from the sin but relatives think that i been there all the time.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
i agree...i also wanted to go to a one yr Islamic course in Pakistan this yr but because of parents i have put it off yet....Insha'Allah in the near future. sometimes you have to make sacrifices for others...esp for your parents because at the end of the day if we hurt our parents then we'r not pleasing Allah Almighty...as long as your parents aint telling you 2 do anything against the teachings of Islam then i think anything can be sacrificed for them.
A true believer should not care about the lusts and desires of this world so if your family wants you to sacrifice a little of your time or energy then it shouldnt be too hard for us...as long as we are pleasing Allah Almighty by pleasing our parents...and Insha'Allah more blessings are received this way.
lots of things are imitation of Kafir
I had fish n chips for lunch today just like the Kafir do-was I wrong to eat just like them?
I have shouldr length hair like the Kafir do-am I wrong to keep it short?
I wear jeans sumtimes at home-just like the Kafir do- am I in the wrong?
I'm using the computer which is most prob a Kafir invention-and billions of Kafirs around the world use it to-am I wrong to imitate them? :roll:
and regarding ur second point-I find it very sad that u wouldnt stay the entire time in ur bro/sisters wedding
I'd be heartbroken if my family refused to stay the full time at my wedding-
thats very sad-my sisters in the same boat as you
i often tell her to just grab her passport and go-she has money in her account
she- like u also thinks that her being there wont be accepted if her family is upset with her
apprently worship shouldnt inconvenince others
I try to find a compromise by having masala fish and chips.
LOL
I compromised by dipping my chips in the mango chutney
1. As stated before I refer you to the ulama. If you study in a madrassah you would know as a basic principle that one of the points considered when classifying an act is who are its orginators, what was the purpose of its origination and also if it a salient feature of a certain culture community or religion etc. Again I refer you to the Ulama.
2. I am touched you have such sympathy for my relations! But I consider it an honour that ALLAH has given me the ability to refrain from the evil at weddings, even though it may be my close kith and kin. I pray ALLAH increases me in imaan islaam and ihsaan.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
WHICH ulema's? I am not a deoband-I do not hold the opinion that B'days are haraam-so why do u keep on referring me to them?
May ALLAH also give u love and compassion for ur family and fellow human beings.
but sister you wouldnt want to upset your parents or cause them any sort of pain because that goes against the teachings of Islam...the course in Pakistan is really good and beneficial...it is what the youth of today need but if my parents are not totally happy with me going then i wouldnt just go anyway. if i did do that...i would be just thinking about myself and no1 else...thats not what our mentality should be....we should be ready to make all sorts of sacrifices in our lives because we know that we cant always get what we want...this life is a test...and we have to go through pain and sufferings and if it means i have to suffer by still being here for another yr or so...and not in Pakistan then i am ready to do it because Insha'Allah Allah will accept my sacrifice and will reward me in the hereafter.
I am not a deoband either, because deoband is the name of a place. Its like saying y are u a England?
Doesnt make sense.
Further my point is not referring you only to deobandi ulama. Even barelwi ulama and salafi scholars knw the prinicple of imitation of non-believers is a major shari concept.
My point is that by you chatting about fish n chips, jeans, computer etc u tried to discredit the premise that imitation of kuffar is a valid objection. My answer to you is that talk with the ulama and u will discover that acutally imitation of non believers is a valid premise not one to be scorned or mocked at.
Again i am not enforcing my view on you because this age is one where it is best to refrain from ppl. So believe what you like, i am only putting what i have been taught on the table. Accept or reject is your choice, it makes not the slightest diference to me.
Ameen Thumman we also pray that ALLAH fills me heart with love and respect for my relations and for muslims and humanity.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
deodand/deobandi-whatever
I know we both disagree on most things,
in fact most members on this forum disagree with u
seems like MOST of us dont follow the so called "TRUE ulema" :roll:
but like u said-SO WHAT?
but there's nothing wrong with discussing ur intresting beliefs
so explain to me why/how B'days are haraam?
I see where ur coming from-
problem is Kuri-a LOT of things upset them....does that mean kids shud live their lives EXACTLY the way parents want them to live?
parents get upset if u dont marry the person they want u to marry, they get upset if u dont choose the course they want u to do in Uni, they get upset if u read a book and cut ur hair :roll:
and why shud kids always make sacrifices?
parents shouldnt dictate their kids lives to them
As stated before I refer you to Islamic Dawah Academy Leicester. They have an informative leaflet outlining the basic stance on Bdays. The reason I refer you to that leaflet is because it explains the issue clearly and concisely and also has the explicit backing of an Alim.
If I were to start explaining a number of problems will arise.
1. I dont know the FULL explanation.
2. If I explain piecemeal it makes our stance look weak because I dont present it in its full depth.
3. We hope that writings from an Alim will have more effect on the hearts of the muslim public compared to the sribbling of a layperson such as myself.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
so u shouldnt make sweeping comments that u cant fully back up-
do u really think I'd go out of my way to Leciester and visit the Islamic Dawah Academy?
i find it difficult to go to Manchester and visit cousins-even tho I love that place
Obedience to parents is a MUST.
Yes parents always have an opinion on EVERY issue in their kids lives but thats their right.
Unfortunately youth today are extremely careless in their attitude to their parents and i am including myself at the forefront of such ppl. Our parents have done so much for us that we will never be able to repay them.
Sacrifice your happiness for your parents happiness and inshaALLAH ALLAH will fill your life with happiness also. I have seen from many people who are today great ulama and enjoy honour and respect and have pious children. And simply they attribute their success to the duas that their parents and teachers gave them.
Let us pray that ALLAH Rabbul Izzat grant our parents the ability to forgive oue insolence and disrespect and may HE ta'ala fill us with obedience and humility.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
EVEN in matter in which they are clearly in the wrong?
Is this a salafi forum where every statement has to have daleel akhee daleel?
If that is the case i shall refrain from saying anything at all because I freely admit that many of the thinsg I do I do not have proof for. But I can take you to people who can provide proof such that you will drown.
Furthe who said anything about visiting Leicester. We now have email and the fone and also internet. The website may have that leaflet online, or they will atleast have a fone number or email adress on the web. Contact them through there and they will inshaALLAH assist you with any free literature that you require.
PS i am not a student of Mawlana Saleem Sahib, nor am I a bayat to him. I merely mention his organisation as they have a leaflet on the issue. Do not attribute my foolishness or ignorance to Mawlana Saleem Sahib or other people connected with the Academy.
Become obedient to the Chief, Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam, so ALL chiefs become obedient to you.
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