I've spent my last 24years pretty much listening to whatever my parents told me to do...of course, if I listening to everything they told me to do...I would have been a doctor/medical student, with a long plait to my waist (my dads hates me cutting my hair), a whizz at cooking, cleaning and sewing and homely in my ways..

Which I'm clearly not.

I suppose there's a massive difference between disobedience to parents and disrepect...the latter is def not allowed.

And TALK to people that you trust. If they're Muslims, it's an added advantage. It will help you get through this, Inshallah.

MuslimSister wrote:

I've spent my last 24years pretty much listening to whatever my parents told me to do...of course, if I listening to everything they told me to do...I would have been a doctor/medical student, with a long plait to my waist (my dads hates me cutting my hair), a whizz at cooking, cleaning and sewing and homely in my ways..

Which I'm clearly not.

I suppose there's a massive difference between disobedience to parents and disrepect...the latter is def not allowed.

Which is why I wanted to talk about obedience to parents (my previous post above), rather than scratching the surface and limiting our discussions on disobedience to parents. Each person has their own threshold.

So how far would you guys go in serving, obeying and pleasing your parents, and being kind and honourable to them? (lets put disobedience on haram orders/actions to aside for the time being on this one).

How do you serve your parents? How do you treat them honourably? What do you do for your parents?

Over 50%of people have votedthat Allah (swt) NEVER allows disobediance to parents.

I wonder what their opinion would be of Prophet Ibrahim (as), who obviously DID disobey his father (who tried to gethim toworship idols).

Noor, can I borrow, you rolling eyes?
:roll:

Thanks

Of course you can, Yaqub, my dear.

I'll put the topic of obedience of parents into perspective:

Imam Ibn al-Jawzi (who studied from the likes of Muhyddin Shaykh Abdal Qadir Jilani, and wrote 700+ books on Islam) reports in his kitab al-birr was-silah (the book of doing good and nurturing relations):

"Children, no matter how old they get, should not look their parents straight in the eye, walk in front of them, speak first when they are present, or walk to the right or left of them, unless they make such a request. Rather, children should walk behind their parents just as a servant would do with his master."

Amal wrote:

I'll put the topic of obedience of parents into perspective:

Imam Ibn al-Jawzi (who studied from the likes of Muhyddin Shaykh Abdal Qadir Jilani, and wrote 700+ books on Islam) reports in his kitab al-birr was-silah (the book of doing good and nurturing relations):

"Children, no matter how old they get, should not look their parents straight in the eye, walk in front of them, speak first when they are present, or walk to the right or left of them, unless they make such a request. Rather, children should walk behind their parents just as a servant would do with his master."

Really? So I'm not allowed to say "Hi, Mum." or "Hi, Dad." And I'm supposed to act like a lolwy servant? What a joke! It's really sad how people who should know better can make Islam seem really bad.

My relationship with my parents is alot like a relationship between friends. Especially now that im older and pretty much self-reliant.

I respect my parents for what they've done for us by keeping us on the straight and narrow. But more than my respect, its my love for my parents that dictates how I behave towards them.

I still use the polite and respectful greetings towards my parents. But we also share a fun side. Where we tell jokes and laugh at each other.

I wouldnt describe myself as their slave. Mostly bcoz they dont need me to be. They're quite happy for me to be able to just take care of myself and they can take care of themselves too. Ofcourse I help them out with stuff all the time, they dont need to ask me. Ill just do it. For instance every morning ill ask my mom if she's had anything to eat yet (she sometimes goes about her day without eating... which is really bad for her considering shes diabetic) and if she hasnt then ill make her breakfast. If she has than thats fine.

I dont know if my relationship with them is ideal. But i do my best to keep them happy, and if they ask something of me and i dont see any REAL reason to decline than ill do it. Even if i cant really be bothered at that time, ill still do it.

Omrow wrote:

God orders all of us to be fair and just even if that means its against our parents.

EXACTLY.

I refuse to argue with my parents if what they are saying is fair and theres nothing Islamically wrong with it. Even if its inconvenient, i will still do it as i dont have a REAL reason not to.

But im of the opinon you should be just to everyone, not just your parents.

Salaam

I don't think obediance to parents is a set in stone rule like "Don't partake in idolatry." Rather I think it's more of a life rule like, "don't eat those bright red berries."

Personally, my view on authority is that, if it is fair, it is embraced and accorded proper reverance. If this love and reverance is in place then the people willingly accept the authority and are well nourished under its discipline. If the reverance is lacking (it could be through injustice of those in authority) the authority is likely to be met with hostility and seen as something to be repelled. So my stance is:

"Parents, be fair to your children and make the effort to earn their love and reverance. Children, obey your parents and make the effort to understand where they're coming from."

Ditto.
Hey some people said disobedience is NEVER allowed, why don't they come forwards and explain their view?

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) told us that we should be kind to our family even if they're unkind to us (that doesn't mean let them walk on you).
Gandhi once said: "Be the change you want to see in the world."
If your parents treat you like dirt, hard as it may be, YOU have to keep your cool, YOU have to be the better person.

wednesday wrote:

Dawud wrote:

"Parents, be fair to your children and make the effort to earn their love and reverance. Children, obey your parents and make the effort to understand where they're coming from."

So who goes first? the Parents or the Children?

Three answers:

1./It's advice to two different parties, so both should go first (with their individual advice).
2./The one with more guts or the one more willing to improve will naturally go first.
3./Seeing as the parent achieves sentience long before the child, the parent should go first. Although as the child grows older, this difference evens out.

Choosing partners is about compromise too, let your parents have a say but also put your views forward. If I had decided to find a guy on my own I doubt I’d get very far, thanks to my parents I am married to an amazing guy.

The key is to have a good relationship and make your parents feel a part of your life ie let them have a say and then tell them what you think.

Its important to be respectful to your parents as they have brought you into this world and have done hell of a lot.

However with some parents there is no reasoning, which is unfortunate as they, will hold on to culture which can be against religion but they wont hear of it.

I suppose many if not all of us will be able to handle our children better regarding marriage issues as our society now is more open as opposed in the time of our parents.

LOL
I like how he subject about marriage came up!

When Parents disagree, it's USUALLY because of stupid reasons, such as caste and race
which I think is disgusting
if the person their child has chosen is unsuitable because they are a bad person, eg a druggie, or a non practising muslim etc, then ye I get the point

It doesn't matter how strict parents are, as long as they show you they love you, and you understand why they make their decisions about your life, you'll be fine with it.
obviously you'll still have tiffs, but you'll get over it.
No Major disobedience.
That's my view.

Young Anonymous Muslimah wrote:

It doesn't matter how strict parents are, as long as they show you they love you, and you understand why they make their decisions about your life, you'll be fine with it.
obviously you'll still have tiffs, but you'll get over it.

Even if you totally disagree? Even if that decision that YOU have to make will affect the rest of your life?

The Lamp wrote:

Young Anonymous Muslimah wrote:

It doesn't matter how strict parents are, as long as they show you they love you, and you understand why they make their decisions about your life, you'll be fine with it.
obviously you'll still have tiffs, but you'll get over it.

Even if you totally disagree? Even if that decision that YOU have to make will affect the rest of your life?

for example...?

Like marriage and career. There you go two examples.

Young Anonymous Muslimah wrote:

It doesn't matter how strict parents are, as long as they show you they love you, and you understand why they make their decisions about your life, you'll be fine with it.
obviously you'll still have tiffs, but you'll get over it.
No Major disobedience.
That's my view.

well, if you understand why they've made the decisions, that should be fine.

But anyway, you would choose your own marriage partner (with guidance from 'rents) and you'd go for the career you've chosen (again with guidance from 'rents)

So even you believe that, ultimately it's your choice and parents shouldn't make that decision for you?

Oh yeah parents can advise and recommend but it has to be YOU who makes the decision.

I would tell them what I want to do, and if they object they need to say why.

Yes, I probably would but, I think we're getting hypothetical here.

Well, this really was'nt a hard question now was it?
'Does Allah allow disobediance to parents?' well, shame on those people who voted God does allow disobediance and all the rest of the answers. And what happened to you people who wrote 'Oh i dont know?!' I think you need to learn some more about Islam, and even more dissappointing and STUPID if you ARE muslim and you did'nt know that! Go and do some research, i kmean duuh helloo its one of the BASIC commands.

Instead of ranting and acting all superior like, maybe you should inform and teach us?

and there ARE documented situations where you are allowed to disobey your parents.

One is when they ask you to go against god, another is forced marriage.