Salaam
Is what I said to one of the boys in a school I was working in who was crying his eyes out because the other boys had taken his toys…
I’ve never said this to little girls though.
As Muslims we all try to live our life doing what’s “expected” of us by Islam.
However, as always when it comes to gender issues sometimes things get a bit cloudy.
I agree with the statement that “A Man should be a man and a woman should be a woman”.
However, what exactly are women expected to act like and when do men start acting like women?
I can understand the clear cut differences in dress and mannerisms….but what about how one chooses to live their life?
Different people make different choices in life…just because other people’s choices aren't the same as ours…this doesn't invalidate their choice...
I know a couple, the wife works and earns good money whilst the husband is a “househusband”…Islamically, is anything wrong with that? So maybe it’s not ideal but if the husband and wife don’t have an issue with this, then no one else has a right to condemn or judge…
If a guy chooses to spend his time in the kitchen, does that mean he’s “acting like a girl”?
If the wife brings home the money and the husband stays at home and looks after the house and kids, does that mean the wife “wears the trousers in the house”?
If a guy is considerate enough to help around the house…do the cooking and cleaning etc is he “feminine” or does the “wife have him under her thumb”?
If the husband is considerate enough to consult his wife before he makes major decisions....Is he not “manly enough”?
Is a woman only acting like a REAL woman when she spends ALL her time at home totally devoted to keeping a immaculate home and keeping her husband happy? Is she any less of a “real woman” if she does the above as well as pursuing some of her own interests too?
If a man chooses to talk about his feelings or is moved to tears when something deeply upsets him...Is he not "manly" enough?
Are the roles and responsibilities of boys and girls black and white? Doesn’t the culture, time and society play a role in this?
So, yeah I just want to know when YOU think a guy starts to act like a girl and vice versa.
Wasalaam
Have you seen a man cry?
for a woman, its just waterworks. Nothing that far from the ordinary.
For a man its a total emotional breakdown. a catastrophic event. You have to be totally hopeless. Near suicidal to let some tears out.
Don't know why though, but its the way it is.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
However men can cry just like women in happiness.
I can't stand that soppiness.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Good topic, i kind of agree with what admin is saying. It seem men are much more incline to keep their feeling bottle up, which lead to them being fustrated at times and at time angry. I sometime wish it was easy as having a quick cry and everything being normal but for men this isn't a solution but the beggining f the problem, i guess it just the way it is. We just take from the older generation. Showing feeling is a sign of weakness where men are concern. Reading about the sahabi, it seem quite a few of them were not afraid to show there feeling, but at the same time, no one could question their manliness, but time have definitely changed.
The role of men and women, in society IMO should be more define then they are currently, it seem that there a motto of late, whatever ever a man can do women can do better, well at least from the feminists. This is wrong IMO, but i guess this has only came about because women role were really restricted for such a long period of time. There is room for flexibilty, a man doing the housework should not be seen as any less of a man, and women should definitely have some interest outside the house. But if it come to a question over women being the provider and man staying at home, i personally can't see a man being able to cope with that over the long term, i personally see it as going against man nature, even though some do it. It IMO corrupts the family based that has long been establish. Have nothin against women working, but being the sole provider, i personally can not agree with.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
True yuit.
Men get angry instead.
crying is not a weakness, even though alot see it as such.
so yuit; you think this is more to do with the role of men and women?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Men not being able to cry and prone to anger is more of an biological response then emotional.
when there is a certain situation , your pituitary gland in your brain releases certain hormones
for men its mainly testesterone which which produces the 'fight' response which makes them more confrontational, angry therefore less likely to feel sad and cry but get mad and break something.
whereas for women its mainly oesterone which produces the opposite effect 'flight' response , where women are likely to avoid confrontation and have more feelings of sadness and cry.
however some situations are so unbearable for men that they hormones may have a breakdown and hence the total emtional breakdown the admin was talking about
I think gender roles are influence by mainly social factors, there is a lot of pressure for both males and females to conform to their certain gender roles, e.g. a man should be able to work and support the family, and a wife should cook and clean.
So its mainly nature, and not nurture then?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
sometimes neccesity forces people into such situations
sometimes its personal choice
nothing wrong withit
and regarding men crying....IMO being "cry babies" likes girl is not "manly enough"
but I havent really ever seen men cry-dad cried once when someone in family died and I heard he cried a lot in Hajj...in arafaat and when he saw the kabah
but overall I didnt know men cried-never really come across it
salaam
nothing rong with a man being conciderate and helping around the house i have an uncle who helps his wife in the kitchen when they have parties and dinners and the rest of the aunties really appreciate it and say to their husbands " dehko kuch seekho" lol ( means look and learn).
how ever i did hear that it was haraam for a man to sit at home and the wife to be the "bread winner " so to say. pls correct if am wrong but am quite certain.
and if it means that when guys help their wives around the house are to be classed as "under the thumb" then i think all guys shud be under the thumb.
during Ramadaan at our local Minhaj mosque Shaykh Ramadaan once gave a short bayaan on like the importance of women and in that he sed something along the lines of if the males nowadays new how much importance women have in islam instead of cumming home and waiting for them to bring them a cup of tea they would tell their wives to sit while they made the tea.
as a psychologist I am inclined to say nurture plays a part as if a man is brought up without a father he may cry more or show more emotions like a female
this is due to the social learning model which states you learn behaviour due to observing role-models e.g parents
However the facts and evidence points to nature being the main reason
it is debatable but it is fair to say there are individual differences and everyone has different upbringings (nurture) that may effect them
I didnt know that
in my parents first three years of marraige that was the set up
mum was a qulaified nurse-dad was frm Pakiland and his qualifications did not get him work here
so for the first three years of marraige mum worked-sole breadwinner
whilst dad went back to Uni and looked after me and older sis who were both under 3 at the time
someone had to look after the kids
at that time this was a neccessity...someone had to work-they had just brought a house-had two little kids to feed
I don't think what they did was haraam
islam is a way of life
and correct me if im wrong islam states men should provide and protect and women should bring up children and maintain the household
and correct me if I'm wrong
if the man cant get work and the wife is more then qualified-
should the family starve just cos the woman should clean the house?
personally if my wife was a oxford graduate and earning big time
ill be more than happy to let her work and ill just chill at home
any oxford graduates girls here wink
salaam
am sure in such a given situation its permitted not like ur father was sat bone idle he was studyin but again am not sure
yes, nurturing the children is the islamic responsibility of the mother BUT 'maintaining the household' isn't - the woman has the right to get a maid for cleaning, cooking etc. as her main responsibility is bringing up her children properly.
if she does the cooking and cleaning, that is extra reward for her though.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
even so-I still dont see the problem with "househusbands" if the husband and wife dont have an issue with it
I think its wrong to call a man at home "bone idle"
there's 101 things to do at home-just ask a housewife how hard her work is
However, in ur situation you talking about 3 years, while ur dad went and study, in this situation it no biggy. But your can't possibly think that over the 20 years of ur life, if the situation would have remain the same and ur mum stay the only breadwinner would it have been ok and acceptable to u? There definitely a stigma attach too it, i know if it was a boy in this situation he wouldn't be able to take everyone taking the mick out of his dad and in time would lose a certain amount of respect for him. Most men feel they need to have a certain authority and providing for their family is a must in having that, do u think ur dad would have accepted being a stay at home husband?
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
no i know theres alot to do at home as a wife, am a daughter and i know the responsibilites involved. however when Allah (swt) has given the males the role to go out and earn then that he shall do
if a man wants to be a house huband thats his choice
but preferably no man wants to do that
also i dont think its a househusband is a good role-model for kids
imagine someone asks you what does your dad do?
you say house-husband
pretty embarassing for guys
In my perosnal opinion-men should work
I can not respect the man who don't work
as soon as dad found a job-mum quit work
however-thats just ME and MY family set up
there are some families out there where the wife earns more money then the husband so the husband sits at home and takes care of the family-
I just think that if it works for them-and they're happy with the situation it aint no biggie
each to their own
lol. in cases of necessity like u mentioned, i dont see anything wrong with that^.
BUT islamically, it is the husband's [b]responsibility[/b] to provide for his family, and it is the wife's responsibility to give tarbiyyah to her children, after all, a child's first madrasa is meant to be the mother's lap...
women are also made with the perfect qualities to look after children - they are sensitive, caring, comforting etc. and ofcourse less likely to lose patience when the kids are naughty!
ofcourse the father loves his children just as much, but he doesnt necessarily manifest it in the same way, as the guys pointed out, they are less open with their feelings and emotions. the comfort a mother provides to her child is like no other.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Of course every situation is different. The prophet
situation with Khadijah (ra) come into my mind. But saying that I think most men today feel the need to provide, it something that ingrain in us from a young age and it the structure we are brought up with, so in most cases it would be too hard for men to take, not working and living off their partner earnings.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
aasiya ur genralising
not ALL stay at home mums are there for their kids-
some mums are terrible mums-their physical prescence makes no diff to the kids tarbiyah
cos they spend their day in front of the soaps munching all day
I agree with u yuit
at the same time there are many "bums" out there too
not every man feels this responsibility to work and provide-some are more then happy to live off wifes earnings
in fact some MAKE the women work whilst they just chill
oh ofcourse, cant deny that - such women will have to answer to Allah for not fulfilling the responsibility they had towards their children.
BUT women who arent at home half the time dont necessarily fulfill this responsibility either.
women who have the choice of career vs. housewifery and choose the latter are the ones i was referring to in my last post - because its their conscious choice, to devote their time to their children, ofcourse inshaAllah they'd make great mums. (obviously not saying that working mums arent great mums either - my mom was one until recently ;))
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
so basically-
women HAVE to look after kids
men HAVE to work
but a woman working dont make her any less of a woman
and a man doing the housework makes him "TheMan"
I hope SOM1s reading this.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
again, I hope SOM1s reading this.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
I actually dont really know my view bout this, i think its "normal" for a man to provide for his wife and islam does give that responsiblity to a father/husband to do so. However i think women (well i knw i do) get tired easily which is why i think the male should bring in the income.
I have never heard my dad complain bout work but when me and my sis get home thats all we ever do, also if you have kids it does get a bit tough but those who can work and look after their kids, i think good for them ( i knw my cuz does) and at the same time she can look after her daughter fine.
If a women wants to work then she should there aint nothin wrong with it.
Moving back to the topic, when i see a man cry it really breaks my heart coz they dont cry so often and it often is if they have a [b]total emotional breakdown. a catastrophic event, totally hopeless or near suicidal [/b]
The few occasions where i have seen men cry i automatically start crying whereas watching women cry doesnt really do anything coz us women cry over liitle things such as missing our fave tv programme, if someone shouts at us etc etc
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