But would a mere apology mean anything?

ok, I accept you forgiving yourself. It's good to be free.

Why are you reading my mind again? I was gonna post this, its a scene from somewhere in my book. Possibly. It's just part of an early draft. But it's linked to this topic. There are other bits mentioned, but you don't need to understand that for the point of this scene.

Eidur sat on a small stool in his father’s shop. He had now been sitting for quite some time, while his father paced slowly to and fro in front of him. He’d expected his father to be angry, and the stern expression on his face suggested that he was. But Eidur had also expected him to give a lecture and shout at him, to rant about things such as Responsibility, Maturity and Patience. Eidur was well aware that he didn’t possess any of the characteristics which his father deemed worthy, and had braced himself for an hour or two of nodding solemnly and promising never to be so reckless again. But the silence with which he was now faced was a lot more difficult to deal with. Every now and again his father would stop and draw in breath, as if he was about to begin his rant, before sighing heavily and continuing his methodical pacing. Did his father expect him to speak first? What would he say? ‘Sorry’ seemed like the obvious place to start, but Eidur was not in the least bit sorry for what he’d done. It wouldn’t be right to start the conversation with a clear lie, would it? His father paced some more, four slow steps and then a pause, followed by a sharp turn that made a sliding noise on the shop floor, then four footsteps back again.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh. Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
Eidur thought back to how the Elite guards had spoken to his father. He’d handed them a rather large sum of money, but there was a distinct lack of malice or threat in the way they’d talked to him.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh. Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
‘Does the word ‘sorry’ mean anything, even if we don’t feel it? Is it worth saying it just to make the other person feel better?’ Eidur thought about what he’d say after ‘sorry’, if he did indeed decide to start with it. Perhaps it would be best to wait for his father to speak first.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh. Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
Eidur thought about how Candles had been lead away from the shop, towards his parents’ house. Eidur had tried to smile at him to offer encouragement or support, but Candles had ignored him in quite deliberately. He’d never seen his friend so angry with him before.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh. Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
‘And what if we are genuinely sorry? What value is telling someone this? Isn’t it better to show them a change in ourselves instead?’
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh. Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
The money he’d given to the guards was obviously some kind of fine, or perhaps a bribe. Eidur hadn’t seen exactly how much his father had given them, but from what he saw it was more than he’d thought his father owned.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
‘Sorry without action is meaningless, but sorry with action is unnecessary.’ Eidur wished his father would say something. Anything.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
Maybe his father would understand him. He had been part of the Uprising after all. Maybe his father wasn’t even angry… A quick analysis of his body language brought a swift end to that flight of fancy, however. Eidur was pretty certain his father wasn’t about to be sympathetic.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
‘On the other hand, saying sorry works in the short term, because it acts like a promise that I’ll change in the future.’ Eidur was momentarily pleased at this. Then he realised that he didn’t want to change. He had no intention whatsoever to happily accept life in Ubhtiin.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
Seeing the world as it stretched out to the East had only made Eidur want adventure more. It was as if he’d seen the Land of Dreams whilst still awake.
Tap, tap, tap, tap… swoosh.
Maybe he should just forget about the apologies, and tell his father that he didn’t want to work in the shop. But he knew what his father would say. He’d ask Eidur what he planned to do instead, to which Eidur would have no realistic answer.
Tap, tap, tap… tap.
Eidur looked up to see his father staring strait at him. He couldn’t work out if his face was displaying anger or disappointment. Perhaps it was regret. Or it could even have been pity. At this stage Eidur didn’t really care which of these it was, he just wanted his father to say something. His father stood and stared.

sbf wrote:

"Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life."

i like that.

+1