Islamic Circles Presents:
DIVORCED & WIDOWED MUSLIMS MARRIAGE EVENT
[HOW THE EVENT WORKS - SEE BELOW FAQ AND ETIQUETTES]*
Date: Wednesday 28th June 2006
Time: 6.00 pm - 9.00 pm
Venue: Room 406, 4th Floor, Birkbeck College, Malet Street,
Bloomsbury, London, WC1E 7HX
A special mid-week matrimonial event for those who may be divorced,
separated or widowed, or are open to marrying someone of these
statuses. All Muslims are welcome to attend regardless of ethnicity
or "level" of faith and practice. Mahrams are encouraged to attend
and assist where possible. Profiles of brothers and sisters are to
be displayed on the wall and meetings will be arranged at the venue,
insha'Allah. No attendance means no display of profiles.
*Please note Brothers according to FIFA World Cup timetable,
there is no scheduled football match, so you can turn up!
Prior registration is not necessary, just turn up by 6.00 pm. There
will be a group discussion for about 20-30 minutes, followed by the
meetings. This event is for sincere and serious people only, not
time wasters and people with bad manners. Entry is £10. Mahrams free.
For more information please contact:
Tel: 07092 032 136
E-mail: marriage@islamiccircles.org
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FAQ about Muslim Marriage Events
Please read these notes carefully before deciding on whether to come to the event.
1. Do I have to book in advance? Depends unless specified but ‘No’ in general, simply turn up at least half an hour before the stated time with or without your completed profile card.
2. What will happen at the event? Will there be introductions? How does the system work?
This marriage event is not meant to be a series of talks or a seminar. It is expected that those who attend will be actively looking to get married or be an accompanying family member of someone who is. Insha'Allah the emphasis will be on solutions and getting people together rather than simply analysing the problems.
A person who is interested in participating in the event will be asked to fill in a simple card profile, which will be on display throughout the event. A brother or sister who is interested in a particular profile will contact the designated profile facilitators, normally a married brother or sister, who will try to arrange a brief meeting at an appropriate time during the event. Similarly, if someone would like to enquire about a person whom they or their parents have noticed during the event, they will also be able to contact one of the profile facilitators and take things from there.
3. Do I have to attend the discussion or group sessions? Yes it is compulsory. There are two main objectives for this event. Firstly, to openly discuss and find solutions to the problems being faced by Muslims in getting married. Secondly, to give people the opportunity to meet one another in an Islamic manner within a stress-free setting. You are either part of the problem by being selfish and not participating, or you are part of the solution by getting involved. This event is not for armchair critics and philosophers.
4. Why are you bringing an Islamic scholar or speaker? Firstly, to get them involved because many scholars really have very little idea about how these events work. If they understand the benefits, eventually they will support such initiatives in the community and perhaps even help organise them. Secondly, if you have any questions related to marriage or general issues they may be able to answer them. Finally, Islam and marriage should not be limited to the few moments “when the ‘Mullah’ does his bit during the wedding sermon”. There is a lot more to it than that.
5. What do I write on my profile card? Put some effort into filling in your card properly, just as you make a serious effort when writing your personal statement in job applications. It is one of the first sources from which others will learn more about you. Whilst you are not expected to write an essay, one-line answers will reflect badly on you and suggest that you can’t be bothered or are not serious. No photos will be required or displayed.
6. Will dinner be provided? No, because this will slow down the event and past experience has shown that a lot of unnecessary mess is created due to lack of table manners. However, some light refreshments will be available, e.g. fruit juices, tea, coffee, biscuits, etc. This is not a wedding party but we hope that many weddings take place after this!
7. Is there a charge and why? We are not a large organisation or profit-making venture and have hired rooms in a centre, which costs money. In order to pay for the hire charges and other related costs there will be an entrance fee of £10 or less unless stated. Given that other marriage events are charging up to £50, and bearing in mind that the average costs for weddings often go into the thousands, £10 is very reasonable for a community based project. Think about like this - for brothers, they are saving at least 5 trips to ‘Ambala’ (an Indian sweet shop) and for sisters, no cooking is required and you can meet up to 5 potential spouses under one roof.
8. I can’t bring my parents or a mahram, and I don’t have anyone who can influence them, can I bring a friend instead? No, irrespective of the situation. You need to try harder. Once you get married your friend will not be holding your hand all your life. One needs to grow up and deal with the issues in an appropriate way. Try to open some positive communication with parents and elders by coming to a middle ground. If you are divorced, a widower, or your parents are deceased, then these conditions would not necessarily apply. However, we highly recommend that you bring someone who is married or failing that, come alone. Exceptions can be made in the case of disability or other genuine circumstances. Sometimes we have found that participants have also taken an interest in the ‘friends’.
9. Why are you charging for non-mahrams, such as accompanying friends who are unmarried? Anthropologists have discovered that for almost all cultural groups, from the Eskimos to the Aborigines, it is the male guardian who ‘gives away his daughter’. Even in the West, it is unheard of that a woman gives away her daughter during the marriage ceremony. The Islamic way of life perfectly fits our fitrah (innate disposition), yet unfortunately for many “practicing sisters” nowadays, bringing a mahram becomes a major issue. Perhaps we should prioritise our da‘wah activities so that our parents are given the honour and respect they deserve, not just our managers or organisation leaders. By charging unmarried friends, we believe it will bring more seriousness to the event.
10. Can I come to observe only? No, marriage is a serious issue. It is a highly recommended Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad 
and not to be trivialised. This is not ‘Big Brother’! How would you like it if someone was observing you. For many people coming to such events is stressful enough - they don’t need extra pressure. A piece of advice: if you are married, get involved in helping people get married, if you are not, then attend as a participant.
11. Will there be segregation? This is not an Islamic talk or conference - it is a marriage event where one of the main objectives is to help people find suitable spouses in an Islamic way.
12. When will I get a chance to see and speak to other participants? After the general discussion you will have the opportunity to meet others. Meetings are to be arranged through the designated profile facilitators.
13. I feel that I am not practising, can I still come? Of course you can - you are more than welcome. It won’t be a room full of just hijabis or bearded guys wearing shalwars. We would rather you participated in this event than have to meet a partner in a place of potential vice.
14. What should I wear on the day? Wear whatever you feel most comfortable with. Although this is not an interview or a wedding, first impressions do count so it’s definitely worth making some effort.
15. If I wear niqab will I have to take it off? No, this is entirely your choice.
16. Do I have to stay for the whole session? No, but do arrive on time. When you leave, take your profile card with you. In that way we don’t have to waste time looking for you if someone expresses an interest in meeting you.
17. Why should I take my profile card with me? If and when we organise another event, we have your details so all you will need to do is turn up with your card and place it on the board.
18. Can I leave my card with you and display it at future events? No, from our experiences in running a marriage service and organising marriage events we have found that a lot of time is wasted, anxiety is created and expectations are built if the person is not responding. Thus we have stipulated that only if you are present at the event will your card be displayed. There is also too much administration involved.
19. Can I exchange my contact details with a participant? If you are happy to do so then we have no problem with this, but we take no responsibility for whatever happens afterwards. That’s why Mahrams and family members are important.
20. Will you arrange any follow-ups? If you met someone during the event but did not take their contact details, we can contact that person later on your behalf. However there will be a charge. The reason for this is that previously we had wasted a lot of resources in chasing people who have not had the decency to get back to us. Is this unfair? Certainly not.
21. Will you organise more events? Maybe. We will contact you if we do but you should not depend solely on marriage events. Don’t put all you eggs in one basket and try other channels like marriage agencies, friends, mosques and Muslim organisations. In fact the more pressure that is put on Muslim organisations, the more likely they will be to take the issue of marriage more seriously, which for them is currently not a priority. Do all of us a favour by contacting them and asking what they are doing practically in this regard. Copy us on the e-mails you send. Honestly, this is not a joke - please do this. Here is a list of some of the well known organisations or movements who are not addressing this area.
Muslim Council of Britain (MCB)
Hizb-ut-Tahrir (HT)
Islamic Society of Britain (ISB)
Muslim Association of Britain (MAB)
Darul Ulooms in the UK (Bury, Dewsbury, Nottingham, etc)
Organisations and groups pertaining to different Sufi Tariqahs
22. Unfortunately we do not have crèche facilities. Please do not bring any children and spare us the discomfort of having to turn you away.
23. There will be no refunds, regardless of whether you found someone compatible or not.
24. Full instructions about the format of the event will be given on the day.
25. No audio-visual recording of any form will be permitted during the event and cameras will not be allowed.
26. Prayer facilities will be provided but there is a mosque nearby.
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Muslim Marriage Event - General Etiquettes
Please read through these notes carefully and do not simply skim over them.
One should first purify their intentions, i.e. to seek the pleasure of Allah by fulfilling one’s obligation to seek a marital partner in a halâl way. It should be treated as a form of worship, so that this will set a precedent for one’s willingness to adhere to Islamic etiquettes throughout the event.
1. Listen carefully and follow all the instructions set out by the organisers.
2. Forgive the organisers and facilitators for their shortcomings.
3. Try to be in a state of ablution (wudû’) if possible.
4. The best starting point is to recognise that you are a humble servant of Allah who is attending the event because you, like all the other participants, are looking for a spouse, and therefore want to behave in the best of manners.
• The event has been organised by Islamic Circles who are the compliers and editors of the UK Islamic Events & Notices mailing list. We are a community-based initiative that has been running at the Froud Centre, London since January 2001. We hold Islamic lectures and Arabic classes on a weekly basis, and also organise with a wide range of regular events and activities, including short courses, seminars, workshops on issues relevant to the Muslim community, social gatherings like Eid parties, matrimonial services and events and much more. The organiser’s of the event are married and have no vested interests.
• The matrimonial service was set up in 2003 following a detailed evaluation of the different ways in which Muslims find marriage partners in the UK. Several events have been organised over the past few years catering for a range of people within the Muslim community. A confidential matrimonial database has also been operating in the background.
• It is important to recognise that finding a suitable spouse is a massive problem for Muslims today. It has to be addressed practically, not just through lectures and seminars about the fiqhi (juristic) nature of marriage and the ideal scenario. Education of the whole community is required, including parents and even the ‘ulamâ who also need to work with social scientists such as marriage counsellors and psychotherapists to find realistic solutions. We hope that the marriage event will be a humble product of this. Such initiatives are new to the community, and they need to be tested within the framework of the Sharî‘ah. It will take time for us to fully understand them but they can only improve if people participate in them, take them seriously, facilitate their organisation, and provide constructive feedback.
• Have there been any success stories? Alhamdulillâh we have facilitated many introductions and a number of these have resulted in marriages. Marriage is clearly a sensitive matter and is not something that can be engineered mechanically. The success of such initiatives ultimately lies with Allah. What needs to be borne in mind is that this is an opportunity, and a lot will depend on what you make of it.
Etiquettes Before Entering the Main Hall
1. Arrive by stated time at the latest. After that a charge will be levied on latecomers. Insha’Allah we will start on time. Punctuality is seriously lacking amongst Muslims, especially when it comes to Islamic activities.
2. Payment is by cash on the door only. No payment means no entry to the event.
3. Do make an effort to fill in your profile card properly. It is one of the first sources from which others will learn more about you. Whilst you are not expected to write an essay, simple one-line answers will reflect badly on you and will suggest that you can’t be bothered or are not serious. This applies especially to brothers whose profiles in the past have been very shoddy. If your handwriting is poor it is not something we can take responsibility for, but do ask someone if you require assistance. Profiles will be placed on boards at the sides of the hall.
4. Participants will not be allowed to record the event. Anyone found using a recording device will be asked to leave the course and there will be no refund.
5. If I wear niqâb will I have to take it off? No, this is entirely your choice.
Etiquettes in the Main Hall
1. Put on your ID badge where people are able to see it clearly and wear it throughout the event.
2. Please do not approach any of the volunteers or admin staff for marriage purposes. Spare yourself and ourselves the embarrassment.
3. Fill up the seats from the front.
4. Mobile phones must be switched off or put on silent. If your call is an emergency, indicate to one of the organisers that you need to leave the room to answer a call.
5. Light refreshments will be available, please try not to make a mess.
6. Remain in the main hall unless you really need to go out. This makes it easier for the profile facilitators to locate you if someone has taken an interest in you.
7. You can leave the event at any stage but please return your badge and let us know that you are leaving. In this way we can take down your profile and avoid confusion.
8. When you leave the event, kindly complete the questionnaire as this help us to plan better events.
• Anyone who is found to be uncooperative or is a nuisance, rude, loud-mouthed or disrespectful towards fellow participants or organisers will be escorted out with no refund.
General Tips and Information
1. Try to have a positive outlook, relax and smile.
2. Don’t be shy during the discussion sessions. This is an opportunity to introduce yourself and learn more about the other participants.
3. Be patient at all times. If a profile is being seen to then please wait.
4. Prayer facilities will be provided at the venue.
5. You can exchange contact details if you are happy to do so. However, we take no responsibility in terms of character checks, obtaining references and anything that transpires afterwards.
6. We welcome constructive criticism but not cheap attempts at rubbishing the efforts of other Muslims, because these are ultimately of no benefit to the Muslim community or those who are sincerely looking to get married. We need to try all permissible avenues available, including Muslim marriage events. It is also important not to exert all your efforts into marriage events alone. Try to utilise other means such as friends, family members, community elders, imams, ‘âlimahs, members of organisations, etc.
7. Such events will continue being organised until masjids, Islamic groups, community elders and other married people start organising them.
8. Make du’â and ask Allah for guidance before, after and during the event. Perform istikhârah prayer as and when appropriate.
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For more information about Islamic Circles Matrimonial Service please
contact us by calling 07092 032 136 / 07092 032 763 or e-mail:
marriage@islamiccircles.org / islamic_matrimonials@yahoo.com
Wassalaam 'alaikum wa rahmatullaah.
- Islamic Circles are the compliers and editors
of the UK Islamic Events & Notices mailing list.
We are a community-based initiative that has been
running at the Froud Centre since January 2001. We
hold Islamic lectures and Arabic classes on a weekly
basis, and also organise with a wide range of regular
events and activities, including short courses, seminars,
workshops on issues relevant to the Muslim community,
social gatherings like Eid parties, matrimonial services
and events and much more.