first of all, habits acquired in childhood are enduring and will remain with a child life-long, therefore from an early age its neccassary to keep a close eye on the habits a child picks up and develops..

some points..

before the child starts talking, well just say when its born recite quranic verses and the names of ALLAH , kalima tayyibah etc..to the child. the childs mind is receptive so will retain what it hears.

have fixed times for their eating..otherwise they'll pick up irregular eating habits..

teach them the islamic etiquettes of eating,drinking, sleeping entering leaving toilets etc..

its important to befriend ur kids and not make them hate u or do stuff behind ur back

be approachable

thats true, mum acts like one of us, ppl cant believe she is our mother cuz she is on a level

she doesnt act like the scary parent but like our sister and is approachable and has a giggle with us, that way we feel we can confide in her

You may be surprised to know babies can actually recall things they heard when they were in their mother's womb. Tests have shown babies for example who were read a certain book, recognised aspects of it when it was read to them after birth. Since babies can hear sounds from about 19 weeks in the womb this theory may have some credibility.

So I would suggest expecting mothers to read as much Quran, and do as much dhikr as they can during pregnancy, coz education certainly starts in the womb

I've heard stories of pious women who have turned out young children with immence levels of piety. And most of these women were immersed in the worship of God before, throughout and after the birth of their child. So mothers have a huge role to play.

Course i'm not down grading fathers! I won't add any further rules because I don't have kids so I'm not really qualified to make suggestions.

the best way to bring up your kids is to have them whilst ur young. because whilst we are young, we have the energy and patience to deal properly with kiddos, and we wouldn't have forgotten our own childhood.

from around 12-15 years old i was a proper rebel (well mentally atleast - my parents never gave me the chance to implement my rebellious thoughts :wink:). teenage years are the same for most. so when i was 14 i started writing a diary. i was able to vent, and wanted these thoughts to be with me when i faced raising my own kids - i dont ever want to forget what it feels like to b a kid or youth growing up in England/America.

yash's post is excellent as always - its true that kids pick up SO much. expecting them to suddenly become the most pious kids at age 13 is ridiculous. implementing Islam from a young age is important. kids have an attachment and fondness for what they learnt/remember from earlier on in life. so if they remember hearing Quran, their parent's praying Salaah, their mother wearing hijab etc. then this will all come naturally to them inshaAllah. none of these things can be implemented with harshness.

aww fanks sis always so sweet

"yashmaki" wrote:

aww fanks sis always so sweet

To have pious offspring the home must be islamic.

It is the parents responsibility to bring the children up correctly. At the momet kids are sent to school for 6 hours and then spend time on tv and upto no good. Parents send them to madrassah for 2 hours in the evening, 5 days a week = 10 hrs and expect these 10 hrs to be sufficient for upbringing kids on islaam, its not.

The child's upbringing begins in his mother's womb. The mother should necessarily recite Quran and keep her tongue moist with Quran. Then after the mother has to ensure she has good thoughts and behaviour with the child, especially at time of feeding. Feed with the name of ALLAH, in serenity and the child will grow with imaan inshaallah.

Overall, children have to be kept busy with wholesome activity, for boys this can include physical activities and for girls more indoor activities. Time should not be left free for them to do as they please. Every act must be beneficial.

Essentially they must have islaam governing every aspect of their lives from day 1. Expecting a girl who has never worn a scarf on her head, to be fully veiled when she experiences her first discharge is unbelievabl naieve. The children have to be brought up knowing how to behave at their current age, and also laying the foundations in their minds and hearts about what they should expect to happen over the next few years and how islamically they should be behaving in that time.

A timetable is beneficial, atleast in the parents mind.

Viz daughter will know 2 para by age 6, will know 7 by age 7, by 11 will be hafiza. targets in deen are vital.

"The women is the shepherdess of the home of her husband and her childeren.All of you will be questioned about their flock."

i know some mums nowadays have the thing that their duties just being confined to feeding and clothing...spiritual care of the children is necessary upon her and its the mothers duty to direct full attention towards the deeni, spirtual and moral training of her child.

i know everyones loves their children but true love is only that which bends within whatever direction the shariah points.

another point i'd like to make is..

Never frighten a child. Some mothers, in order to create obedience in a child, scare the child be speaking of ghosts etc. This is bad as the child will most likely grow up with a weak heart.

"sham" wrote:

thanx peeps, Nobodys mentioned discipline

i dont know really..but i'd say when the child commits a misdeed or misbehaves call them to attention immedietly...

do NOT scream at them..POINT out their wrongs and explain the evil as best as you can.

NEVER punish the child in a state of anger...[size=7]that is gonna be hard[/size] coz doing that is an act of injustice..arrange a suitable punishment
once again not in anger..

if the child bullys another or one of his siblings do not over look it...coz ignoring a childs bullying tactics is equal to destroying the child. I know alot of people who dont bother

Discipline:

They shouldnt be beaten when in anger. It is counterproductive and risky. If so angry send them away from room until calm down and then decide on appropriate punishment.

Physically discplining is ok, beating within reason for certain acts is ok.

If reprimand or scolding is needed it shouldnt be in the presence of company, whether they be other elders or other children. It is demeaning even for children but sometimes it is necessary. Generally should be done in private in order to maintain childs sense of selfhonour and respectability.

Too much discipline and the child may break, to little and will run loose.

There must be a middle level. Too friendly with the child results in them saying anything and everything to parents which results in disrespect and no fear of parental authority; too strict results in child not being able to discuss with the parents and also lack of connection means lack of respect.

Medium path: They should feel free to have a laugh with parents and be able to discuss with them abt whats happening, but also should have a fear in their hearts of disappointing the parents.

Better than fear of beating is fear of disappointment. Becuase fear of disappoint indicates a relationship of closeness and respect for parent, fear of beating is nothing more than a physical look out.

"fizzy1" wrote:

thats true, mum acts like one of us, ppl cant believe she is our mother cuz she is on a level

she doesnt act like the scary parent but like our sister and is approachable and has a giggle with us, that way we feel we can confide in her

Salaam

It is SO important to be approachable. My mum is also on a level.

I feel for those people who can not confide in their parents….cos if they’re not confiding in their parents-God knows who they’re confiding in and who’s giving them advice.

Parents should remove ALL barriers…they shouldn’t come across as people that one can’t speak to.

They need to remember and understand what is was like to be young…Aasiya your diary idea is fantastic….many parents just can’t seem to remember what it was like to be young.

I also don’t think its wise or beneficial for parents to go into “preaching” overload…no kid wants to sit and listen to a long lecture on Islam…trust me, kids have extremely short attention spans.

They should lead by example. I also don’t believe in extreme, harsh discipline. It only drives kids away.

Wasalaam

my mum is SO safe that I can easily take her out with my mates and talk about EVERY topic under the sun and not feel the need to shut up cos mum is there

it is due to this reason that she has my total obedience too

I will also befriend my kids-cos it works

Salam

"sham" wrote:

how can one bring up kids the best way,from good habits to good ways
points would be good

No !!

For God's sake do not use points. They are dangerous for children.

Omrow

Bringing up kids is a tough job, what you have to rember is children pick up things easily which is why you shouldn't use any sort of abusive language or expose them to bad habits (you shouldn't be doin that anyway!)

My cuz's daughter has a very good environment if it aint her grandad talkin bout Islam, then its her daddy talkin bout the Holy Prophet and if it aint that then her unlce is always reciting naats. They have mehfils in their house and she sits quietly when people recite naats. She is so cute when we do zikr she nods her head like crazy and tries sayin "Allah", shes so beautiful mashallah and shes just 14 months.

I personally belive a woman should start education her child the moment she finds out she's pregnant, it will help the child a lot.

"Angel" wrote:

. She is so cute when we do zikr she nods her head like crazy and tries sayin "Allah", shes so beautiful mashallah and shes just 14 months.

MashAllah....that made me smile...yea they start picking up so quick,my nephews started saying laillah illallah and hes 15 months.

i've heard even before you teach your kids to say mum dad the first words you should try to learn them should be the name of ALLAH.

Angel Naj I have to agree.

I think one of the best things a persons eyes can see is a small child doing something religious. I swear it really is a beautiful sight.

Like when you go to som1s house and adhan is heard and lil chubby kid goes running to put topi on and get small musallah and then reads namaz.

I seen some really good acting. One kid I saw put topi on and raised his hands to ears, bound them and then was whispering ALLAH ALLAH u Akbar and would look at us sideways, and when they do sajdah!!

SubhanALLAH. Beautiful.

I was in someone's house the other day and she was a Pakistani woman frm back home yelling at her kids who were all under 10-

she was F ing and Blinding at them

I was shocked :shock:

she said to me-wait till u have kids you'll be the same

AS IF :evil:

as kids we used to hear BEAR lectures just when we told each other to "shut up" or "get lost"

so we stopped saying that to each other in front of our parents

foul language must NEVER be tolerated

and parents shouldnt swear in front of kids-esp english swear words in a Paki accent

I remember hearing an elder swearing in english when I was younger. I couldnt stop laffing, sounded well funny.

all excellent points especially about teaching your kids the right manners and islam

I think the hardest thing in this country is to raise a good muslim girl, ask anyone from birmingham , we all know muslim girls who mess about or act islamic at home then mess about when they go outside, I only know a handful of decent girls however guys are jus as bad but are allowed to get away with more anyway all this worries me when as i have 8 nephew and nieces

we have to remember we have too educate and strenthen our kids , the next generation of muslims are gonna have it 10 times harder than us and are likely to be 10 times worser, we need strong , well disciplined , educated muslims for the future.

Children have to be thought about our islamic history and the world, they need ambition and to know they can achieve anything, there is a big wide world out there and we are just on a little crappy island- the world is our oyster

Remeber the first 10-15 years of a childs life will determine there personality, attitude and character

Dont be too strict on your kids but not too soft, teach and lecture them with love , spend time and money on them but do not spoil them, comfort them but do not wrap them up in cotton wool , its a hard world out there teach them to be strong .

All we can do as parents or uncles is guide them to the best of our ability
we can show them the door but they have to walk through it

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

and parents shouldnt swear in front of kids-esp english swear words in a Paki accent

lol...

why emphasise more on english swears in paki accent..than random english swears...

the only difference being english in paki accent sounds well funny LOL..

heard it enuf times

"naj" wrote:

why emphasise more on english swears in paki accent..than random english swears...

It sounder ruder. I don't know why

"naj" wrote:

"sham" wrote:

thanx peeps, Nobodys mentioned discipline

[b]i dont know really..but i'd say when the child commits a misdeed or misbehaves call them to attention immedietly...

do NOT scream at them..POINT out their wrongs and explain the evil as best as you can.

NEVER punish the child in a state of anger...[size=7]that is gonna be hard[/size] coz doing that is an act of injustice..arrange a suitable punishment
once again not in anger..[/b]

if the child bullys another or one of his siblings do not over look it...coz ignoring a childs bullying tactics is equal to destroying the child. I know alot of people who dont bother

I can't rate that post enough.

I would add, don't punish/shout or even look annoyed with a child who commits a [b]mistake[/b] as opposed to [b]maliciously[/b] doing something bad.

Teach them to be truthful from and early age, if we cultivate true tongues, The Hearts will follow suit InshaAllah T'ala.

Can I say anything other than follow the Sunnah, always be kind, endear your children not put fear into them.

and laugh with them.

"Dawud" wrote:

and laugh with them.

just not TOO much dawud...

it hardens the heart

"Dawud" wrote:

I would add, don't punish/shout or even look annoyed with a child who commits a [b]mistake[/b] as opposed to [b]maliciously[/b] doing something bad.

disagree....punish but not in anger but be it suitable, whether its big bad or less bad... cant let them off cause thats being cruel..

of course you have too look annoyed be it little or big mistake, otherwise they wont take you seriously.

Kids are just too amazing for words.

I was looking after my niece just y'day and she saw the karoke lying in my room, so she picked the mic up and said "Aqa" (refering to the Holy Prophet (saw)), she always hears her uncle read the naat "Aqa Aqa merai sonai mahi Madni Aqa" and she loves it. She makes my day, just one look at her and all my stress is gone. May Allah (swt) bless that little Angel, she's a true gem.

Salam

"shawana" wrote:

how can one bring up kids the best way,from good habits to good ways
points would be good.

how to discipline too anything.

Make sure you they do not get love anywhere more than from you.

The moment your child finds love outside his home is the moment that child is lost to you.

I can never undertand how a mother who is able to
sleep or go to work when her young son or daughter
comes home from school and says that they see the teacher more lovely than mum.

Omrow

Lead by example.

Cant say one thing to the kids and then do something completely the opposite.

"Seraphim" wrote:

Lead by example.

Cant say one thing to the kids and then do something completely the opposite.

Yeah being a hypocrite is totally wrong, in that situation it's likely the kid will turn round and say "well why dont u do that?" and the kid has every right to question that cuz if your telling them to do somethin which your doin opposite, the kid wil think there must not be any benefit in this hence they aint doin it themselves.