Salaam
Amazing double life a growing trend among Muslim girls
By Claire Coleman
For the past four years, 24-year-old engineering student Sofia Ahmed
has been leading a double life. During a typical week, she will study in her university library by day, then head to any one of Liverpool's many student bars at night. There, she will party until the early hours: drinking, smoking and experimenting with the hedonistic lifestyle of a typical British
undergraduate.But at the weekend, Sofia plays the role of a completely different person; a dutiful daughter of a well-to-do, traditional Muslim family who have raised their daughter to shun such Western temptations.
"Every Friday I get on a train home to Manchester to stay with my family," she says. "It isn't up for discussion; it is just expected. Before I leave, I tidy myself up, make sure I don't smell of drink or cigarettes, and head home to play the dutiful daughter, helping my mother in the kitchen, attending mosque and sitting with my parents' guests."
On Sunday night, Sofia returns to Liverpool and the cycle begins again.
"Within half an hour, I will be slipping into a sexy dress and be on my way to a bar to meet friends."
Does the above 
sound familiar? I’m sure you guys all must personally know people in the above predicament.
I’ve always found this fraud fascinating…its always amazed me the extent to which people can pull wool over their parents eyes….Most parents really are oblivious to the 101 shady activities their little darlings get up to behind their back….simply and only because they’re such good actors…..
It really is shocking to see how easily some Muslim girls can slip out of a mini dress and into the traditional attire….and what is more shocking is how they automatically seem to have the right attitude fit right into their “expected role” as well.
But at the same time whilst some people seem to be experts at lying through their teeth and also being totally guilt free but for others the stress of deceit is too much to handle….
But for many female Muslims like Sofia, this taste is bittersweet. When she graduates this year, she will return to her parents' home, where she'll revert back to the life of a "good girl", cocooned in a close-knit community where drinking, smoking and having boyfriends is considered sinful.
Not surprisingly, many Muslim women students find it incredibly hard to lead this double life. In the case of Malaysian-born Faria (21), a student at Sheffield University, her freedom came with overwhelming guilt.
"In my country, unmarried men and women are not allowed to be alone together. If caught, you can be jailed or fined," she says.
"But because I was on my own, I felt I could enjoy a Western life. I dated and eventually slept with a boy I met here."
For a while, she enjoyed her new-found openness. But soon, she was overcome by feelings of guilt and paranoia.
"I felt anxious throughout our relationship and had to lie to my parents and tell them I spent all my time studying."
"Then finally, last year, I had a nervous breakdown. I couldn't cope with my double life any more. I regret having a sexual relationship. I can't wait to finish my studies and go back to my country to make a fresh start."
"If anyone in Malaysia discovered the truth, my life wouldn't be worth living."……
The thing is…one can NEVER get away with secretly breaking the limits of Allah (swt), such people are eventually named and shamed by Allah (swt) Himself. That in it self should be enough to shake people up….but then again, one shouldn’t avoid sinning because of the displeasure of their parents but rather because of the fear of Allah (swt).
So what’s the answer….obviously locking girls up at home and prevented them from pursuing higher education is not the answer, after all if one wishes to go astray they’ll go astray regardless of how many chains are placed around their neck….
Are the parents to blame? Are they a bit TOO trusting?
To a lesser extent have you guys ever went into schizophrenia mode in your parents presence?
Share your thoughts on all of the above….
Wasalaam
Wow... that's pretty much every muslim girl i've ever met.
Well... met personally, I don't think anyone on here is like that.
very easy to do
comes with culture here
can easily get away with it
keep boyfs under wrap, and suppress it from yrself and others
catches up with you later though
This type of behavious always comes around to bite you in the ass...Did i jus say that...oopz
Its parthially the parents to blame, but people are more effected by their friends, and the company you keep will always have a final say.
People who do this typa stuff, im guessing do so without any feeling of guilt. Guilt only kicks in one month of every year unfortunatly.
This article is solely based on females, But more Male Muslims are doin this then female muslim to my experience.
I know many people who do this typa thing, and whenever i ask them if they feel bad about it, they always say they hardly ever think about whether it is wrong. They feel they have it all sussed, and say once they married or once they hit 40, they will start to become a "proper" muslim
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
been there done that
depends on company
i studied in non muslim area, acted like non muslim person
had boyfriend, did not drink, but doesnt lessen it.
moved away from there, and learnt error of my ways.
will God forgiv me? who knows
the door of forgiveness is always open.
PLus you got an ideal opportunity coming up. The night preceding eid is a night of grea blessing. Get ur stuff for eid ready in day and when the night preceding eid arrives set about pleasing your Lord.
My ALLAH is so Merciful, Khuda ki rahmat bahaaney doond thi hai.
The mercy of God only looks for an excuse.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
what do i do?
Well, depends on your level of religious activity.
But I would say ideally read your isha, and then go to sleep for 3 hours straight away. Wake up around 12/1 and read 2 raka'ah Salatut Tawbah - The prayer of repentance. Just read like normal. At the end make a big dua, pouring your heart out to ALLAH, seeking His Forgiveness, feeling ashamed and making a firm intention never to go near that sin again.
If you can squeeze out a few tears.
If you perhaps cant wake up at 12/1 then no biggie. Just after your isha read the 2 raka'ah of the Prayer of Repentance. make dua as stated above and go to sleep.
Remember, your feeling guilty about it and wondering whether ALLAH will forgive you is infact an indication of your repentance.
If even that cant be done, then do any religious activity you feel comfortable with. Do some dhikr on tasbeeh, or listen to a islamic talk and then just before sleeping make dua. Essentially make dua to ALLAH, and ask Him for everything you need.
All the sons of Man are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent.
If you want mroe advice, as a girl I think it would be a good idea to PM Naj or Yashmaki or MuslimSister.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
well if ur Eid is on Tuesday, as it is for most of us here, then tomorrow is the Day of Arafah on which we should fast.
the night before Eid if u wish to stay awake for ibaadah u can recite Quran, read Nawaafil salaah as well as Tahajjud, make du'a for forgiveness and everything else.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
thank you
what is the prayer of repentance
you're welcome. have a nice Eid!
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
salaam
to be honest i thinks its 50/50 who can u blame?? the parents for not growing up close with the child and not having such a close knit relationship that she feels that she cant tell her parents anything and basically its not respecting their view what they say and how they would feel!!
or the girl for not having ne sort of self control to limit her ways, stay firm and strong.
obviously sitting here and Alhamdulilah never having done nething like that is easy to point fingers and talk of control etc.
but i seriously respect my parents too much to lie or pull the wool over their eyes like that. the guilt would probly kill me thou i sumtimes feel well is that?? is it coz i respect them and their views too much or is what my religion has taught me, everything to do with from respect for my parents to the ettiquets of living!!
wa/salaam
i was away from religion, distant from parents, and pretending it wdnt catch up with me,
later grew closer to my parents and wd never do that to them again and learnt more about religion
when it dawned on me, the severity of it, i cried my eyes out. was reading Qur'an and sobbing
but cant change wt i did, never know if it will be enough to repent, but can only hope
Mashallah!!!
well u realised in time!! and just rember sis Astagfaar is the most beloved saying to Allah (swt)
:!: :!: :!:
^^^^
That is the perfect response to a sin. Its the textbook way one should behave when repenting.
May ALLAH bless us all with tawfeeq to repent truly and sincerely, ameen.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
mostly it can be the parents fault for not raising their kids up islamically teaching them the rights and wrongs..BUT i personally know some people friends, cousins etc.. who i know were raised up good and were practising muslims that when time came for uni they changed big time...
at times its done to fit within the crowd..but overall i blame the evil effects of bad company... [size=7]talking thru experience[/size]
"A pious companion will make you pious whilst an evil companion will make you evil".
poison ivy maybe this link will help you
http://www.inter-islam.org/Actions/repent.htm
its interesting really
when one is sinning, one does it behind closed doors, hiding it from ppl they love and the ones who wd have a problem with it
but on day of judgement it will be revealed to all mankind, all yr dirty sins for everyone to hear, that is what makes me think twice now
of course i dnt want my parents to know, but i am shamed when i think of my grandmother's (god rest her soul) response to my sins.
i think ppl sin, but dnt think of consequences. i didnt
not always parents fault, sometimes but not always, its the ppls environment, friends, culture they are around, relation to religion, relationship to parents, outlook on life and self respect.
well no-one is free from sins ..
yep everyone tends to forget we are being watched and our deeds are being recorded by kiraaman kaatibeen.
Kaatibeen sounds mighty close to the word of book - so i'm guessing that's got something to do with either writing or books.
Kiraaman has got me stumped though...
Hows life Naj?
LEAVE HER ALONE DAVE.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
arite chillin....[size=7]not[/size]
naaa..they are the names of the angels that are in the left and right shoulder of every human...recording the good and the bad..
Ahh sorry to hear that.
So are they writing the books that are either given to your right or left hand on judgement day?
:?:
Its better if u dont know :roll: :roll:
I know bear people who are living a double life-parents need to keep on top of what their kids do
most end up getting clocked anyway
The story is very similar to one about a girl from bradford that i read,
personally i cant lie to my parents, they always know where i am and who i am with....and if they dont know i always tell them when i get home where i have been and who with!
im a very bad liar.....extremely bad....so i would never ever in a million years be able to do what some girls, and not forgetting boys, do.
Ya know sometimes I get the feeling yall are communicating on another wavelength i'm not picking up.
I NEVER lie to my parents-ever
I just omit minor details sumtimes :twisted:
How minor?
I bet she thinks if they do not know, it don't matter. This it must be minor.
I try not to lie aswell.
However I make it abundantly clear I am not willing to answer some questions, and for oterhs I will give a stock answer.
As a rule when it comes to spending, I will never answer...
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
VERY minor insignificant details-
e.g if I buy sumin-they dont need to know how much it was
if I broke or lost sumin-they dont need to know I did it
if my lil sis is crying-they dont need to know I did it
u know that saying "ask me no questions and I'll tell u no lies"
they dont ask-and I dont offer any information
So true.
However, its too bad that fear of what family/society might say if one was clocked frightens an individual more than the fear of Allah (swt)-the One who can see ALL actions and thoughts.
It should be Him whom we should be worried about displeasing.
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