I'm home for the christmas holidays and already my family is driving me up the wall. I'm so grateful that I can live on campus in Uni.
Does anyone else ever hate their families? Does anyone ever feel embarrassed by them? Does anyone ever wish they had a different family? Does anyone like me think that their family is disfunctional?
My family is sooooooooo backwards and cultural. It was them who made me anti Islam because I thought that Islam was strict and all about forced marriages. My own reading changed my thoughts on this.
Why havent our desi elders made an effort to integrate into society? Why do they hate they gorey way of life and pass on this wrong thinking to their children?
Does anyone ever feel they got the short straw when God was assigning families?
this is 1 sad scenario that faces soooo many sisters that i know...their families follow tradition/culture or anything but Islam but do it in the name of Islam...really ticks me off!!! these sisters jus like you sis have discovered the real Islam by themselves and thats the only reason their putting up with it and just bein patient. i thank Allah everyday that my parents aint like that and i pray 4 all the sisters and brothers who go through hell everyday because of this clash between tradition/culture and Islam
depends what you mean by the 'gorey way of life' because our way of life is different to theirs so this fact in itself is not the problem...the problem starts when parents start giving off vibes that they are the bad guys and we and them can never live together in peace...which is nonsense because looking at our history theres plenty of proof that Muslims and non-Muslims can live in one society side by side in peace.....and most elders just dont seem to grasp that idea
I think at time it natural at times too hate the things that are close too you, but trust me, in the time of need these are the only things that will give you comfort. I look back at my childhood and i remember a million time wishing i was the only child, because i couldn't stand my brothers for whatever little reason, but now that i have mature, i look back at those time and know that they were the good times.
I think it the family job to annoy you and irrirate you and keep ur feet on the ground, once you appreicate ur family, they will become the one thing constant in ur life. Which people from the asian background should really appreciate.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
by gorey way of life I'm chatting about the fact that they have an issue with me eating fish n chips instead of rice or wearing jeans instead of a sari or speaking English instead of Bengali.
And the fact that I'm anti blindly marrying who they wish me to wed.
They need to integrate or at least let their children integrate.
i agree...families can get really annoying and at times you even wish your siblings away :!: lol but at the end of the day your family always has your back...their always there when your in need of support...no matter how many ups n downs a family goes through they still come out the other end as one and thats pretty amazing stuff
So what can a person do? Is it wrong for a Muslim girl to get her own place and live on her own?
yes...
it is
wrong.
Back in BLACK
yes
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
having fish n chips-no biggie just tell them you dont like rice
regarding clothes-most sisters i know prefer wearing jeans and in general western style clothes but while at home they wear asian clothes for their parents...a little give and take goes a long way...
speaking english- hmmmmm i have that prob i find it much more easier to speak english at home rather than punjabi...amongst sis n bro we all speak english but i try 2 speak punjabi with mum n dad mainly because if i stop speaking it altogether it'l feel as though a part of my identity has vanished...be proud of your Bengali background and language :!:
being against blindly marrying someone is not the gora way of life it is the Islamic way of life :!:
Why?
I'm living on my own atm (In Uni). Right now I'm home for the holidays.
I dont see what would be so wrong if I continued this independent way of life.
Different thing.
Staying in halls (or a Dorm if ur American) at Uni is majboori... meaning you-had-little-choice ... after uni you have a plain and simple choice.
Either return home... where the heart is... and convenantly so is the family.
Or live on your own and get up to whatever you want.
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To me living on my own would mean getting away from all the emotional blackmail of my parents as they try to get me married to guys that I dont want. Thats all.
I wouldnt be getting up to anything stupid. If I wanted to go pubbin and clubbin I could even do that in my Uni campus but I choose not to.
Then it appears you've already made your choice.
[size=7]
just remember you make your bed and then you lay in it.[/size]
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I havent made my choice. I havent completed Uni yet. This is just something that I've been recently thinking about. I still dont understand what you're implying with the tiny writing.
hahahaha
you will in time.... .....
[size=5]This is small writing with no new information[/size]
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nah she wont - even with screwed up eyes you cannot read that :!: :!:
Its a simple choice... dont see why she cant simply make it.
Her emotions are getting the best of her.
women :roll:
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dont start rolling your eyes at us women and instead just admit that the writings is wayyyyy 2 tiny and it would make life sooo much more easier if you just typed the full post in normal font size :!:
lol
:roll::roll::roll:
but wheres the fun in that??
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tut tut MEN! :roll: :roll: :roll: :!:
why do women hav to always spoil everything?
get home tired... cant sit and play xbox have to get up and go shopping or something or other... :roll:
lol
me off topic for once...
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lol it must be our speciality..we jus soo good at it and most of the time probs do it without realising so no apologies :!:
its kool uv had your little rant...let it off your chest...breathe in.........and breathe out..there you go all better now!!!!
yes all better thanx
Back in BLACK
Salam
You are not alone kiddo.
Many others are going through similiar torments.
Just be patient. Time will heal.
Lets be realistic. We muslims are newly settling in this country. Naturally, there will be all sorts of problems. We will be facing many challenges. We have to be wise and handle them like mature adults.
Things always get worse before they get better.
When a new generation is born, there are bound to be pangs of child birth.
The future is very bright.
Omrow
The Future is Orange
Back in BLACK
One thingto note is that everyone has a diferent point of view.
But labeling one backwards and another forwards will not make a diference.
Its give and take.
Bith views will have positive sides, and negative sides.
Instead of getting into arguments on specifics, just waffle on about generics...
and if the convo goes the wrong way, you can always make a quick excuse and go into a dif room.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
yes at times BUT i try being grateful for what i have seeing people are in much more worse situations than me...
actually i am grateful.
to feel better alwayz think of those who are more unfortunate and we should actually thank allah s.a.w for what we have...we shouldnt say/think "if only" and focus on the things we dont have.
be of the very few servants that are thankful.
hmm. i know people like yourself who were brought up in more of a cultural atmosphere and then discovered true Islam. IMO going to live away from your family is far from a solution, in fact it will probably worsen the situation. the people i know made a steady effort to influence their family, ofcourse the changes were slow, but subhanAllah it just took one member of the family for the rest to become more practicing muslims. dont give up. at the end of the day, we are all human beings, prone to error. give your family a chance... take them with you along the path of Islam.
here's a possible explanation:
most of our parents probably came here for economic stability, not with the love of the West in their hearts. they sacrificed everything they saw as dear for us, their children, to have a good education and succeed in life. ofcourse when they arrived here, the Western lifestyle mustv been a big shock to many. they did not know how to bring up their kids in such an atmosphere. they probably tried (in some cases over-zealously) to make their children aware of their 'own' culture... and what was expected of them. if parents felt they were failing in this 'cultural education' of their kids, they mightv resorted to attacking the opposing cultural system - that of the West.
(...if that makes any sense ;))
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
I live in a massive family. I have zilch privacy. I think I would love my family more if I lived away from them. I might prolong my Uni education and stay longer on campus if things continue to be this bad.
perhaps a little distance would be good.
as much inclined i am to believe parents hav our best interests at heart, experience tells me they are more human than any of us and thus prone to mistakes due to emotions clouding their judgement.
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