Assalamu alaikum

the point several ppl made about not judging ppl, i disagree, i think Islam gives us clear guidelines to enjoin the good, and forbid the evil. This is with regards to ourselves and those around us. This would involve a certain amount of judging ppl. Of course it should be done with the correct manners, but the bottom line it involves judging others.

Regardless of what Islam states, the fact is we are judged in every facet of our lives. Work-on how well you perform, interviews, how you dress, how you speak, how you carry yourself, in court rooms, if you go to apply for citizenship, before marriage, how you select close friends etc etc. It's unfair for certain members here to suggest that I am a judgmental or even harsh person and the rest of you are innocent lambs. We all judge others everyday it's a part and parcel of life, how we do it is more important, not whether we do it or not, because that is a resounding "yes" all round.

Ya'qub wrote:

Cos she's more likely to reply with a thought-out argument than you?

You know why that is, dont you.

She is a good thinker.

It is obvious from her statements.

i'm sorry but i don't think it's possible as a human being not to judge. It's like someone saying i've never lied in my life or even exaggerated the truth ever so slightly.

i.e if my mum saw a mate of mine dressed provocatively,maybe pierced tongue, eyebrows, tatoos, short skirt, low cleavage, she might say "i don't want you hanging around with a girl like that, in Islam you are like the companions you hang around with" ultimately she will have judged that girl rightly or wrongly, but she has every right as a parent to try and guide me as she sees fit to be a law abiding muslim daughter. Don't parents do this sort of thing everyday with the best of intentions.

we are programmed to do it, it's inbuilt trait to an extent, and the rest conditioned.

It's not simply judging ppl on sin. At a work interview for example whether you like it or not your appearance will be judged as well as your credentials. I recently read a newspaper article where a manager loved a prospective candidates CV, character etc, and would have given that individual the job had she presented herself in a more serious and professional manner. Instead she came dressed in a sexually alluring outfit that was fit for a hen night. So although he knew she had the qualifications, he did not think she had common sense to i dunno attend a major corporate job looking fit for the occasion. it's like wearing a shirt and tie to a beach party you just don't do it. I don't know about you but i can see his point, and i agree with him. I don't think he's a bad person for judging the woman, she should have been wiser in her choice of clothing.

Another popular example searching for a prospective marriage partner asking him questions, looking to his appearance etc etc all these involve judging the individual. Asking third parties what the individual is really like, same thing judging.

So i'm not talking about the seven deadly sins im talking about everyday banal activites in our lives where we are judged, and we ourselves judge others.

I agree with you about backbiting, and demeaning ppl etc it's a great sin in our faith but unfortunately gossip is like bread and butter in newsagents. Hello, OK, News of the World and other trashy tabloids, mostly built on gossip the thing we hate, yet it seems to be the nations bestsellers why? Do we really hate it, or simply hate it so long as the gossip does not concern us? I think most gossip is down to idleness, or a lack of some sort in a persons own life. But some ppl genuinely relish it and others make a living out of it.

Doesnt judging people require you to give a crap about something?

Or give two craps even. Your mom cares about you so she dont want you hanging out with the the wrong type of people. You disapprove of something someone does bcoz you give a crap.

Therefore the solution is obvious.

Dont giv a crap.

i give a crap about my family and friends so i will advise them, just as they expect to advise me. I love my friends and family, if i claim to want the best for them i.e jannah why would i not advise them if i see them making a mistake. Or try and make them see how they've done wrong to someone else. There is nothing wrong with this. I'd expect my family to guide me in the same manner, that's what ppl who claim to love each other do. I think not giving a crap is turning a blind eye, and reflective of a lack or love/respect. I'll give advice tactfully if i think I am capable, and have the authority to do so given the situation, but each person will ultimately decide if they follow or reject that piece of advice, because it's their free will and their life, i can't decide that for him/her. That's fine i respect.

As for strangers that's a different issue. i wouldn't go around advising them. Like someone mentioned passing judgments on ppl in the street, i don't think i have the authority to do that, that certainly is none of my business. There is a time and place to give strangers dawah and i don't think it involves targeting ppl on the streets.

I think i need to think more of what i say like yesterday my friend was talking about something and i just gave an honest opinion but she was like "stop going all spiritual on me, ur pissing me off" i was like i ddnt mean to just saying it how it is.

i try to only give advice to ppl who i know won't take it the wrong and know i do mean well, not just having an "holier than thou" attitude. or if some really needs it and if someone asks for it.

i think its horrible having a "holier than thou" attitude as it makes the other person feel bad.

i agree with Hajjar about the whole judging ppl thing and think prejudging is normal/ok too but what is wrong is the discrimination based on the prejudice.

lol

I agree with You. I'm sure your friend advises you at times, because she cares about you, and it's likely her thoughts will reflect her beliefs, which I take it are not on a spiritual level. I'm sure you take her advice on the chin, without disrespecting her, she should treat you in the same manner.

In the past friends and family have made me feel like I'm perhaps preaching when giving my opinions on things, but i don't think I have been i've merely given my thghts, and if they reflect religious views maybe that's because religion is a huge part of my life, so it's hard to omit that when speaking my mind. I don't see why i should be made to feel guilty about this, or apologize. If it's fine and dandy for friends and family to regurgitate their non religious views on me on a daily basis, why isn't it fair for me to do the same?

To be honest I sound all rebellious and brave on page, but I've come to a point where i just keep quiet, i don't give much of an honest opinion to anyone, they have to literally ask me otherwise i just sit there like i can't speak. I think me and my friends aren't so close anymore coz of this, i mean i rarely contact them now, because i feel like i have to always keep tight lipped, so as not to offend, and when we do speak i let them do most of the talking. This has made me think maybe i need friends who are of a like mind, we've changed and perhaps have to go our own ways, that's a sad part of life.

I like holier than thou people cos they give gud langar shareef.

whats langar shareef?

You wrote:

That is not the same as "holier than thou" as "holier than thou" also requires an element of "I am better than you".

Did you tell your friend "well, your decadent ways are pissing ME off!" with maybe a slight straightening of the neck to go along with it? Next time do so. Could be fun.

LOL

Hajjar wrote:

I agree with You...

In the past friends and family have made me feel like I'm perhaps preaching when giving my opinions on things, but i don't think I have been i've merely given my thghts, and if they reflect religious views maybe that's because religion is a huge part of my life, so it's hard to omit that when speaking my mind. I don't see why i should be made to feel guilty about this, or apologize. If it's fine and dandy for friends and family to regurgitate their non religious views on me on a daily basis, why isn't it fair for me to do the same?

yeah i know what u guys are tryna say, but i dont wna seem all preachy or offend anyone cuz that might just turn them off/away but then on the other hand i wana give my honest opinions and good advice otherwise might aswell not say anything innit?! (actually i dont say much anyway lol)