Salaam
I’m sure we ALL know someone who has a boy/girlfriend. And/or smokes, drinks, screws over people, cheats, is involved in fraud of some sort etc etc
These people may just be an acquaintance of yours or maybe a close friend.
SO, what approach do you take with them…?
-Condemn them at every available opportunity?
-Refuse to be their friend?
-Give them an ultimatum?
-Grass them up?
-Ignore the issue altogether? Refuse to acknowledge the issue at all? (hear no evil, do no evil…)
-Have a ‘whatever, its their life’ approach regarding the matter?
-Indirectly/subtly point out their wrong doings?
-Be very much part of their activities? After all you’re not the MAIN culprit..
And how much of a part SHOULD we play in such matters…remind me of the story of those group of people (cant remember which nation it was) who were told NOT to catch any fish on this specific holy day…three groups originated: one group obeyed the order, another group of people disobeyed the order and the last group of people obeyed the order but didn’t try to stop the disobedient people from catching the fish….and it was the last TWO groups of people that were punished as a result.
Wasalaam
To be frankly honest, I couldn’t care less about what they get up to nowadays. What ever I use to say to them, seemed to go in one ear and out the other, so i gave up. And, now that I’ve switched colleges, I hardly ever see them (thnx god) and i don't bother to txt/email them anymore.
I mean, if someone doesn’t wana change then why the hell shall I go out of my way to help them? It works both ways right?
i remember hearing one hadith...i can't recall exactly how it went...
something like: There was a city of people who were very, VERY immoral. They would drink, gamble perform illicit sexual acts, steal etc. So Allah (swt) ordered His angels to bring a calamity upon the city (earthquake/volcano or similar) and to wipe them all out as a punishment for their terrible actions. The angels returned to Him and said something like,
"There is one man who lives in the city. He believes in You and prays and performs good deeds, and doesn't partake himself in any of his community's immoral behaviour. Shall we spare him?"
So Allah (swt) replied: "Does he warn the people what they do is wrong, or try to stop them doing it?"
"No," said the angels, "He doesn't involve himself in their lives at all, and keeps himself to himself."
"Well he is more deserving of punishment than all the rest of them!" Was Allah's (swt) reply.
I apologise if i am recounting this story wrongly, but I am pretty sure the overall gist is the same: my allowing other people to sin, the sin is also upon you and multiplied, because you had the knowledge of what is right and wrong.
Don't just do something! Stand there.
Yeh, I know that story.
Its just so much easier to ignore or pretend it has nothing to do with you - rather than confront the issue.
Esp since I'm big on 'minding your own buisness'
I'm just beginning to realise that it isnt the right thing to do.
well...spying or suspecting is pretty much haram...so i think this only applys to people who are BLATANTLY sinning. plus we can't pass judgement on the individual...its pretty hard.
theres a big difference between getting on ur 'high-horse' and giving someone sincere advice (naseehah)
"The religion is naseehah." The people asked, "To whom?" The Prophet (SAW) replied, "To Allaah and to His Book and to His Messenger and to the leaders of the Muslims and the common folk." [Bukhari & Muslim]
Don't just do something! Stand there.
and also:
"Beware of suspicion for suspicion is the worst of false takers, and don't look for the faults of others and don't spy, and don't be jealous of one another; and O Allah's worshippers ! Be brothers." (Bukhari).
Don't just do something! Stand there.
too right it is. but what are we meant do then? i mean, there is only so much a person can do, right? my old frends hu i dnt talk to anymore are still into all that stuff, i cnt send them a txt out of the blue seying bla bla etc. i personally think ive done all i can to help them, if they dont wnt to change thrz nothing i can really do..? its like the whole towns at it, how we meant to go around preaching to them when we dont no them?! ya allah, guide this ummah! ameen thuma'ameen
you give up too easily noor.
If saving people was as easy as telling them off well... in that case it would certainly be a better world.
What use is a friend who doesnt stick by you.
Back in BLACK
3 years? i thort i did fairly well!
what can i do then? any suggestions? my old frends run from me lol, whenever they see me they hide, no joke. i dnt even talk to them anymore, nowt in common, they have there ways and i have mine.
i think its the case that once u'v told them [b]once[/b] u've done ur duty and there is no sin on you after that. at the end of the day, it is Allah (swt) who guides them or not, and as long as u've made it clear [b]once[/b] that u disapprove/what they do is wrong then u shouldn't preach cos then it might actually push them away.
Don't just do something! Stand there.
One of my Muslim friends who i have known since high school has been dating a non Muslim for nearly a year now. I remember back in college i use to always tell her off for eating sweets with gelatine in them. She sometimes did it deliberately just to wind me up. Once i remember grabbing the sweets out of her hand and chucking them in the bin and i gave her the money she had spent on the sweets. I thought she would realise i was being serious but she just went out and brought more sweets! We now go to the same uni but i only ever see her xmas, Easter and summer holidays on because of the amount of work uni give you and her mum rarely ever lets her out. While we were together in college she participated in some fasts during Ramadan, wore her cultural clothes from time to time but uni has changed her. She now dates, no longer takes part in fasting and lies a lot to her parents. I don’t tell her anymore that what she is doing is wrong as i know deep down she knows how i feel about things like that. Now, my family on the other hand im always preaching to even if they don’t listen.
With me if its family or close friends, if they are doing something wrong then i will speak out but if its someone i dont know then i dont bother for the simple reason that i dont know them.
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
irony of ironies you bring this topic up now, i've been suffering all sorts coz a friend of mine was in this situation. I've been quite direct with her, when she's asked for advice. I haven't taken on a preaching attitude, and i don't always resort to saying Islam says such and such because she's not practising so like Noor said it will just go thru one ear out the other. Anyways to make a point about religious morals you don't have to mention Islam or arabic words. I use other subtle means to get across the same islamic principles.
Anyways i don't think she listened to much of what i said, and same as noor i remained her mate for yrs. she got married recently and up to the marriage date she was still in connection with this dude. I have not told anyone, about this specific detail, but the town knows she was with him, she never hid it. I feel like i did more than enough, if anything i should have said toodle do yrs ago, because she wasn't good for my sense of spiritual well being. And for reasons i don't wish to mention here it turned out i was right, she never really was any friend of mine. She is cushy with a mutual friend of ours simply because that mate is a softy, she lets her hear what she wants to hear, coz she has this attitude it's ur life do as you please. But im not like that so that's why she began to dislike me i suppose. im the big bad enemy. i thght good mates r meant to be truthful not feed you lies?
Like someone already said i don't believe there'd be any sin on me if i washed my hands of her now, coz i tried for a loong time. Now that she's married there's no need for me to remain friends with her, coz there are other issues i have with her, there's no trust there so i can't be friends with her. So i shall walk away and feel good about myself once again, and have zero guilt about it all, coz i know i did my bit.
I think at the end of the day as long as you have tried your best then that’s all that matters. I think in situations like this it is more the responsibility of the parents to educate their child (no matter how old they are coz for some it takes them forever to mature) and teach them what’s halal and haraam. If they don’t listen to their own parents who have fed them, clothed them, sheltered them, forgiven them for their every mistake and gave them unconditional love for many years why would they listen to you.
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy