Salaam
Hope everyone's okay.
We've had a few threads in a similar field: pet peeves, likes, being humbled and other personality and experience topics. I don't think this one's been covered before, my apologies if it has.
I thought we could do one about major fears and debilitating weaknesses. Be careful here, remember the dignity of the reader if you choose to post your experiences.
Here's mine. No I'm not an alcoholic, AlhamduLilllah . For me though my weakness is still very debilitating:
My name's Dawud and I'm scared of people.
I don 't quite know how it came about but pretty much since the age of 10 I've been terrified of the unknown and the unfamiliar. I don't like change and sometimes it frighhtens me. If something in my life changes I start reminiscing and if something is abpout tro change I get apprehensive. I've learned to block that out a little bit, but usually its acting to make myself feel comfortable.
With new people though it a million times worse! I don't know quite what terrifies me exzcept that its related to egocentricity, I think they're going to look at me, judge me, see the truth of my inner awkwardnesses. This too I've sort of learned to blag (pretend) that is not too much of a problem but I'm still very helpless. This specifically is a problem when I'm applying for jobs or I want to ask one of my teachers something. I just feel scared out of my head! If I have to do it, I like to know two or three days in advance; why? So that I have enough time to psych myself up for it. To me thats quite pathetic on my part.
Sometyimes I just feel that I've let down the child I used to be. That I failed to live up to his expectations or have half of his ambition. 
If i'm so afraid of being awkward and ungraceful (I sometimes physically cringe when I see someone of TV do something silly because I'm overwhelmed with embarassment even though its not me.) why am I exposing myself on a piublic forum? Because I want to do just that, expose myself. If its not hidden I'm hoping I can better deal with it head on.
And I wanted to do it now before my nerve failed.
Feel free to add your own stories/ experiences or even advice however I should warn you, other peoples pity is like crack cocaine to me. Insha Allah Ta'ala if you want to tell me how pathetic I am I will be able to take it on the chin.
Lord I am helpless. Help me!
Kudos Dawud. I'm sure you'll make yourself big when it counts, like this thread.
[size=10]The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.[/size]
[size=9]Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)[/size]
Just to make Dawud feel more comfortable and less outta place i thought id add mine.
Hi im Seraph and in real life i make jokes at inappropriate times. I know this probably doesnt come through on the net (though i thats entirely due to the 'Delete' button and having to think a post through before posting it).
One of my work colleages was telling me how she was apprehensive of going back to the mother land as she feared she may get married off (the girls only 16) to which i said bring back some picture snaps of the idiot you get hitched to. I guess i could have been more sensative... its especially bad around new people. But im learning to tone it down a little as i get older. If i had to guess id say its a defence mechanism of sorts to stop me from loosing it.
I also have this innate need to help people. Some guy falls over and everyone laughs... and i go and help him up (even if he looks dodgy). I see someone struggling with an assignment i'll go talk to them about it. Someone doesnt feel too great about their chances of passing an exam... i go over and explain statistically they only need toi score like half marks on each question plus the marks from their coursework will see them through. And so on... The problem is if i dont do it... it'll bug me for the rest of the week and make me feel bad. So its not entirely selfless... ergo im only doing it to make myself feel better.
Im also aware of how ungraceful i appear sometimes... though im never awkward (self-delusions help). This one time when i was at the mosque reading Juma prayer i was squashed between these two elderly guys... so im sat in a way where my feet are facing forward... anway the old guy next to me turns around and says: '(in urdu)if i tell you something will you listen?'... to which i raised an eyebrow and replied: '(in english)maybe'... my dad was sat infront and he heard us talk and started laughing... the old guy just didnt want me to sit that way as my feet were facing towards the Kabaa.
Theres probably a half a dozen more problems with me... but i guess those will do for now. Feel free to comment... tho its not like i give a frack (oh and thats another thing... i dont give a frack about many things as i have a carefree attitude).
Back in BLACK
I'm very sorry to admit all this. My name's Mr Honey's Day Out-Winterbottom aka The Great 100 and I delay and forget important things. I think this is the worst confession so far on this thread.
More than once my wonderful sister has called me up after Shabbat and asked where I was for lunch. Oops.
I was supposed to be the headline act at a poetry event on an evening I decided to check out a new poetry night on the other side of town.
I have kept my friend waiting time and again for edited instalments of his book.
Probably the worst, I called my parents to get the date of an old friend's wedding, the invitation for which had been sent to their house. I had missed it by two days. :oops: He's forgiven me, but it'll be a long time before I can forgive myself.
Something in my unconscious mind is being purposefully awful. Diaries have gone unheeded and notes unchecked. Plans dissipate. Apologies are no substitute for delivery.
[size=10]The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.[/size]
[size=9]Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)[/size]
i lack motivation, a aim and a purpose
dont bother me
but it bothers everyone around me
I can be lazy a lot, especially when it comes to physical work or activities (bar football).
I also tend to judge people too quick, and categorize them into this type or that type.
I also can be very mean towards my siblings without realising the effects. I do that a lot.
I also cant say no to friends
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
Well if we're admitting stuff....
I'm claustrophobic and hemophobic (not mine, other people's).
He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition, burns a picture to obtain the ashes!
whats hemophobic? or u mean homophobic?
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
lol probably that too... hemo means blood
He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition, burns a picture to obtain the ashes!
Salaam
Dawud,
I used to have a problem with public speaking. It used to terrify me. It was the idea of being the centre of attention and having all eyes on me used to do my head in…give me sleepless nights, and make me sick.
However, since I was little I wanted to be a teacher. And failure is never an option for me. A major part of teaching is all about being in front of an very critical audience on a daily basis….and 50% of the assessment of the PGCE is based on teachings observations where University lecturers come and observe you and judge the way you talk, your body language, rapport with the class, subject knowledge, confidence, how you manage a audience etc etc
I needed to get over this issue…and it was my mum who got me out of it by basically throwing me in the deep end.
If anyone needed someone to lead a school assembly on Islam. Mum would sign me up for it. If anyone needed a speaker for a massive programme. She’s sign me up for it. If anyone needed a Mosque guide for a bunch of Year 11’s or non Muslims. Mum would sign me up for it.
I used to rant and rave and kick up a fuss. But I never got out of a commitment. Cos I don’t like letting people down.
The first few times I spoke in front of an audience. It was hell. I stammered, got red, spoke too fast and absolutely hated it.
But then the more I did it…the better I got. Now, I get marked ‘outstanding’ for my lesson observations (and that’s in front of a tough Year 6 crowd). And being the centre of attention isn’t even an issue now. I don’t even mind doing speeches anymore - whatever the audience.
I read up on this – I love self-help books (I’d like to write one, one day). And basically, the best way to ‘get over’ any social issues you may have is to confront it head on (that’s the way people deal with OCD as well).
In other words, do whatever it is that you hate….and before you know it, you’ll get used to it. It won’t be a big deal anymore. That’s what mum did with me.
But you have to actually do something about it. Problems, that you don’t deal with never go away. Visit social get togethers, parties, talk to people you don’t know. Strike up a conversation with people you meet on the bus/train. Ask random people for directions – even if you’re not lost.
But make an effort. Live up to all that you thought you’d be when you was a child. Letting yourself down is the biggest disappointment of them all.
I don’t understand your extreme fear of being judged though….after all, aren’t you a convert? Someone who turned his back on his religion/traditions much to the disapproval and disappointment of friends and family?
Wasalaam
Good thing I don't have an issue with public speaking.
Coz reading that I would struggle:
1. I don't mind failure.
2. I don't mind letting people down. (Unless they are right there then you have to like defend yourself... and I do not like defending myself...)
However saying that I find a good tip for public speaking is make sure you project your voice. It's surprising how many people don;t do that. Even simple team meetings where you cannot hear the team leader etc can get annoying.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I'am the opposite.
I have a issue with accepting failure. I cant even comprehende the thought of me not succeeding in something that's important to me.
Failure is something that I cant deal with...thats why when I got rubbish grades at AS level...I was up at 5/6am throughout my A2 year, revising for my resits so that I could pull my grades up and get into Uni....When I failed my driving test a few times. I was obsessed with practising and taking lessons, so that I'd get through it next time - thats all I did....I was the same when I needed to pass my maths to get into my PGCE course, and also complete the course.
(I was the joke throughout my undergrad/postgrad cos I always completed assignments weeks before the deadline).
Although this over preparation has always worked to my advanatage...I know this is a serious flaw. I shouldnt be so hard on myself.
1) i have a short fuse.
2) I too have a fear of speaking in public for the simple reason i dont like to be the centre of attention and i dont like people staring at me.
3) I have a fear of cheese and onion crisp (i know im a freak).
4)I hate to admit it when im wrong (which is very rarely) and i love a good argument.
many more and could be here all night so wont bore you with the rest.
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
I hate it.
I avoid confrontations like the plague.
I'm the worst person ever to return something at a shop, complain or even fight for my rights.
But if someone is taking the p*** than most of the times, without me even having to say anything, I usually have someone there to fight my battles.