The Holy Qur’an says ““Forbidden to you (for food) are: dead meat, blood, the flesh of swine, and that on which hath been invoked the name of other than Allah…”.
However, the Quran does not qualify those animals one can eat who have died without being slaughtered. Therefore the Holy Prophet made an exception to the above whilst permitting us to eat fish…
And regarding polygamy, I don’t deny that it is the sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saw).
I’m not making it seem like a bad thing, the Holy Prophet practised this noble act.
However, those who wish to follow the sunnah should know that He never married more than one woman cos He was “bored”. He married old women, widows and women to strengthen ties with other tribes.
If a man wishes to marry women for such reasons, then he has my utmost respect.
However, if he gets “bored” easily and is ungrateful then such a man will never be satisfied.
The permissibility of marrying more than one wife comes with a condition…which is justice and fair treatment of all your wives.
But, if you know that you’d be able to financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc be there for all your women and your first wife won’t ever have a reason to complain than by all means go for it…
However, if God Forbid you won’t be able to be fair, then its best not to go there as a hadith states that such a man “will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.”
Wasalaam
Submitted by yashmaki on 6 February, 2006 - 10:59 #92
i think i'd agree to it coz i can't really deny him something which Allah has allowed. But it would destroy me. I'd pretend i was ok, but i'd be so hurt i don't think i'd ever get over it. Oh well tis life, happiness is in the next life not here, i'd just take a resigned attitude. Take pleasure in looking after my kids, get a job, and immerse myself in ibadah, i'd have more free time. That would bring me some happiness. Who says husbands are the only source of joy in life.
I don't think any woman can love her husband as much as they would have done had he been hers entirely. Sharing someone means your idea of love changes. The level of intimacy and trust wil die down. The woman will rely more on herself rather than her husband. So brothers don't expect your wives to dote on you, as they once did. You don't get a second wife for nothing
Submitted by *DUST* on 6 February, 2006 - 11:02 #93
"MuslimSister" wrote:
Salaam
The Holy Qur’an says ““Forbidden to you (for food) are: dead meat, blood, the flesh of swine, and that on which hath been invoked the name of other than Allah…”.
However, the Quran does not qualify those animals one can eat who have died without being slaughtered. Therefore the Holy Prophet made an exception to the above whilst permitting us to eat fish…
And regarding polygamy, I don’t deny that it is the sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saw).
I’m not making it seem like a bad thing, the Holy Prophet practised this noble act.
However, those who wish to follow the sunnah should know that He never married more than one woman cos He was “bored”. He married old women, widows and women to strengthen ties with other tribes.
If a man wishes to marry women for such reasons, then he has my utmost respect.
However, if he gets “bored” easily and is ungrateful then such a man will never be satisfied.
The permissibility of marrying more than one wife comes with a condition…which is justice and fair treatment of all your wives.
But, if you know that you’d be able to financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc be there for all your women and your first wife won’t ever have a reason to complain than by all means go for it…
However, if God Forbid you won’t be able to be fair, then its best not to go there as a hadith states that such a man “will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.”
Wasalaam
very well said MuslimSis.
—
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Submitted by *DUST* on 6 February, 2006 - 11:05 #94
"yashmaki" wrote:
i think i'd agree to it coz i can't really deny him something which Allah has allowed. But it would destroy me. I'd pretend i was ok, but i'd be so hurt i don't think i'd ever get over it.
same here. :? but hopefully the guy would have enough manners to tell/ask me about it before he goes ahead with it, and in this case i'd discuss it with him and make sure he's not doing it for the wrong reasons, which MuslimSis mentioned...
—
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
i think i'd agree to it coz i can't really deny him something which Allah has allowed. But it would destroy me. I'd pretend i was ok, but i'd be so hurt i don't think i'd ever get over it. Oh well tis life, happiness is in the next life not here, i'd just take a resigned attitude. Take pleasure in looking after my kids, get a job, and immerse myself in ibadah, i'd have more free time. That would bring me some happiness. Who says husbands are the only source of joy in life.
I don't think any woman can love her husband as much as they would have done had he been hers entirely. Sharing someone means your idea of love changes. The level of intimacy and trust wil die down. The woman will rely more on herself rather than her husband. So brothers don't expect your wives to dote on you, as they once did. You don't get a second wife for nothing
I totally agree.
I too would accept it, I'm not the type to kick up a fuss and stop someone from doing something halaal...if anything, he'd prob resent me for it.
But like you, my love, respect for him would seriously diminish...when I sumbit myself fully to someone...I expect the same back.
I too, would also become a lot more career minded and active in Islamic work should that ever happen to me.
Like you said, there's more to life then husbands.
Submitted by iRazor on 6 February, 2006 - 12:38 #96
yeh, independent women finally...
i was bouta go into the reasons for more than 1 marriage. but u got there b4 me.
like the hadith says, a person can chose a partner by lookin for 4 thing.....
piety, status, money and looks. Now if all 4 can b found in one woman. then all good. But, im guessin, its normally 1 woman has 2 of the features. hence a good reason for marrying more than one.
And, as i said b4, these aren't my views. I wouldn't b able to handle one woman, let alone 4.
Hayder tho, is sure he can handle a few
—
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
Speaking of independent women…Hadrat Sakinah (ra) the daughter of Imam Husayn (ra), comes to mind.
She was famous for her beauty. The most powerful men debated with her; caliphs and princes proposed marriage to her,
She ended marrying five, some say six, husbands. In her marriage contracts she stipulated that she would not obey her husband, but would do as she pleased, and that she did not acknowledge that her husband had the right to practice polygamy.
She was an intresting lady.
Wasalaam
Submitted by Dawud on 6 February, 2006 - 14:42 #98
Woah so you guys would be hurt if your significant other took another wife (lets say for decent reasons).
I think the question to be asked is, would taking another wife make the husband any less of a husband to previous spouse(s). If the answer is yes, then taking another wife is wrong.
So If the wife has the opinion that the above case would be true then the guy can't take another wife.
Y'know ideally any bad feeling a women would have could become sweet envy in the face of the newfound dimension of commitment a polygamist would suddenly have grasped and embraced. Such that devotedness would never be a question nor taken for granted.
Concepts like sharing a sppouse gone, i the face of such brutal submision and amazingly sweet companionship.
Mais, pour moi? je pense que une (femme) c'est trop de beaucoup! I kid, I kid.
—
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
Submitted by Sirus on 6 February, 2006 - 22:35 #99
Brother Scoop.....Have you no shame! :twisted:
"If there was one valley of gold for the son of Adam, he would long for another one. A man will never be satisfied, only death will stop him from being greedy. Allah retruns to him who repents." (Muslim)
that does not mean its an exucse to keep wanting more, coz thats the nature of man.....have you no self control, and commitment lad!....i dont buy your theories!
Submitted by iRazor on 7 February, 2006 - 01:13 #101
"Fresh Prince" wrote:
Brother Scoop.....Have you no shame! :twisted:
"If there was one valley of gold for the son of Adam, he would long for another one. A man will never be satisfied, only death will stop him from being greedy. Allah retruns to him who repents." (Muslim)
that does not mean its an exucse to keep wanting more, coz thats the nature of man.....have you no self control, and commitment lad!....i dont buy your theories!
Your the one blabbing bout your right to 4 wives etc.
My posting these views was merely a way of tryna understand what people feel about polygamy, as i said in my 2nd post in the thread.
And, my conclusion is that most women on the forum feel uncomfortable with it even tho they wudnt forbid there busband from doing so.
Personally i cant see myself having more than the one wife seriously.
And, I'd like to make clear that i didnt mean to offend anyone with what i said here, except hayder ofcourse, its fun offending Hayder.#
—
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
Submitted by Sirus on 7 February, 2006 - 01:19 #102
we'll see....we'll see
and i better be your best man :twisted:
—
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
Submitted by Dave on 7 February, 2006 - 02:28 #103
"yashmaki" wrote:
i think i'd agree to it coz i can't really deny him something which Allah has allowed. But it would destroy me. I'd pretend i was ok, but i'd be so hurt i don't think i'd ever get over it. Oh well tis life, happiness is in the next life not here, i'd just take a resigned attitude. Take pleasure in looking after my kids, get a job, and immerse myself in ibadah, i'd have more free time. That would bring me some happiness. Who says husbands are the only source of joy in life.
I don't think any woman can love her husband as much as they would have done had he been hers entirely. Sharing someone means your idea of love changes. The level of intimacy and trust wil die down. The woman will rely more on herself rather than her husband. So brothers don't expect your wives to dote on you, as they once did. You don't get a second wife for nothing
I don't usually like to comment on subjects that there is no reconciliation to, but your post is exactly why I believe polygamy cheapens the institution of marriage. To me marriage is about recognizing "the one." Somebody so meant for you that it could be no other way, on a religious level I believe that as a husband I am electing to take care of and love a daughter of God - his special creation, who I was created to take care of, just like Eve was created for Adam and Adam was commanded to take care of Eve - Gods special creation.
To say that there is even a possibility of more than one not only cheapens that idea - but destroys it utterly. Some point to the polygamous relations of the prophets and patriarchs in the past however I and Christians only see that as the immoral excesses of these men (ie King David), or the necessities of the time (ie Hagar).
Others make the ridiculous argument that because men are weak and some cheat or look for sexual gratification outside of monogamous marriage it's a justification for polygamy. But how is that any different than saying because some men chose to be gay there should be gay marriage? It's bringing down the moral bar to meet the depravity of man.
Polygamy is beyond foreign and wrong to me, and this concept that women should set aside - even feel guilty about - their exceptions to the institution/idea of it is doubly offensive.
Submitted by yashmaki on 7 February, 2006 - 08:56 #104
Well polygamy is alien to me also, and i've never promoted it as a grand thing. But i think you're failing to recognise that early Christian teachings did not hide that their own prophets had polygamous relationships. There are still many Christians around today who support polygamy.To make out it's just a part of Islam as if we like to cheapen our women is a complete insult.
Our prophet hardly cheapened the wives he had, they chose to marry him.
We live in a society now which teaches us one man one woman for life, but does secular society truly live up to this ideal? Most have adulterous relationships on the side. Most think it's perfectly ok to have a partner and flirt with another person. But if polygamy is permitted in your faith what are you going to do deny that it exists? I'm not ashamed to admit it exists and is allowed. I make no apologies for that
I think it can make a woman feel inadequate but saying it cheapens her is going a bit too far. To me men and women in promiscuous relationships are cheap. I could never allow a man to date my daughter then discard of her like she was an empty soda can, she's worth more than that. Marriage is hardly a degrading act polygamous or otherwise. Ultimately a woman has a choice as to whether she wants to stay with a man who takes on another wife. Some muslim men may say otherwise but no one can force her to remain in a marriage if it's killing her emotionally. Also women can stipulate in their marriage contracts that their husband will not take on another wife. Personally i haven't coz i know my husband doesn't want another wife, couldn't handle another wife, nor support her financially. He's content with me right now and that's all that matters to me.
P.S BTW the brothers bought this issue up, i see you take no offences to the comments they made. What is this pick on Yashmaki day?
Submitted by Dave on 7 February, 2006 - 14:11 #105
I understand that your prophet was a polygamist - which is why I shy away from such conversations, but acquiscence through silence is not something i'm no board for. Polygamy is one of the big problems I have with your religion - and you can consider this one of the rare opportunities I am open to dawa.
This is not an insult, it's a reality of Christian doctrine. What you believe is as insulting to me, as what I believe is insulting to you in this matter - it's a touchy issue. However to clarify Polygamy cheapens Christian marriage based on:
Quote:
Recognizing "the one." Somebody so meant for you that it could be no other way, on a religious level I believe that as a husband I am electing to take care of and love a daughter of God - his special creation, who I was created to take care of, just like Eve was created for Adam and Adam was commanded to take care of Eve - Gods special creation.
You cannot recognize "the one" and at the same time provide for the possibility that there can be others - concurrently.
I'm not hiding polygamy in the bible, I already addressed it. The examples of polygamy in the bible were either out of commandment from God - such as Abraham taking Hagar and his other wives, or out of sin - such as Solomon and David with their hundreds of wives, which in some way or another led to their downfall. Christian doctrine is that Eve was created for Adam, and Adam to take care of Eve. Monogamy is our "natural state" the way God intended, and the only leniences we are given on commandments is that which God's mercy affords us - commandments are not rewritten to take account for the weakness of men.
There are "Christians" who support Polygamy, however they are wrong and not mainstream, the Christian religion is monogamous based on the bible, not based on the notable exceptions of it.
The bible is not the Qur'an, the prophets in the bible are not perfect people - they are examples of humans, and not angels or Gods or perfection. Thus the existence of Polygamy in the bible does not make it a part of the religion - just the opposite, Solomon's polygamy led him to idolatry, David's led him to murder.
Islam is different, like Christianity Polygamy is in Islams holy texts, unlike Christianity it is sanctioned and elevated, this isn't being unfair it's simply how it is.
I do not understand this argument that men in wedlock still cheat - ergo there is a need for multiple partners. How is that [i]not[/i] cheapening marriage? Isn't that taking a holy institution and infusing a nod to the weakness of men? Women cheat in almost equal proportions - why not allow them multiple partnerts for that reason? Men still cheat even in Polygamous relationships, does that mean there is a need for more than four? Isn't it possible infidelity is a weakness with individual people, rather than a reflection of our natural state?
It seems like you're having trouble trying to explain Polygamy on it's own terms. But that's not any different than what muslims have argued in the past to me - it's always "well compared to blah, polygamy is okay." There is never a stable or strong position on Polygamy that is based on the thing itself. Dating, Cheating and the like are examples of the excesses secular society, and there is very little that doesn't look good in comparison. I can still say dating or cheating is wrong and incorrect... but how does that strengthen Polygamy or demonstrate a need for it?
And before the language get's too broad - I didn't say Islam cheapens women, or that muslims cheapen their women - i'm simply talking about the institution itself. I suppose by logical leap you can infer that through accepting Polygamy Islam cheapens women - but I didn't say that and I don't intend to address it.
But the fact is you already told us how you would feel if your husband wanted another - you didn't say you would feel cheap but you did say it would destroy you and you would be hurt and never get over it - but pretend to be okay with it because Islam allows it. So how is it wrong of me to draw the conclusion that Polygamy makes a woman feel cheap? - or to use the word you did, how is it wrong of me to draw the conclusion that Polygamy "destroys a woman?"
lol and no it's not pick on Yashmaki day - i'm sorry if that's how I came across. I was springboarding off your feelings should you have to share your husband and the question was open to everybody.
Specifically everybody named Hayder :D.
Submitted by salaf on 7 February, 2006 - 14:16 #106
Monogamy comes from Greek Roman customs.
It has nothing to do with the Bible.
There are places in one of the "law books" (Deuteronomy etc) that talk about a man having more than one wife in the context of inheritance or something like that.
Submitted by Dave on 7 February, 2006 - 14:19 #107
"salaf" wrote:
Monogamy comes from Greek Roman customs.
It has nothing to do with the Bible.
There are places in one of the "law books" (Deuteronomy etc) that talk about a man having more than one wife in the context of inheritance or something like that.
That's exegeisis. Christian Doctrine regarding monogamy is based on Adam and Eve and the early Christian community - not Jewish law, or the Greeks.
Who were Polygamists incidentally, Commodus had a house of over 100 women and young boys - where are you getting monogamy through Greeks and Romans?
100man can answer for the Jews.
I'll explain Christianity.
And you can talk about Islam.
Submitted by 100man on 7 February, 2006 - 14:31 #108
Applying to a man, though not a woman, it was still held in Maimonedes' time that there was no absolute ruling against polygamy, that the Torah, while not sanctioning it, does have examples and laws relating to it, and no prohibition. Nonetheless polygamy was frowned upon, no great rabbi had more than one wife, and a neat formula was found in 1000CE that only if he obtained the permission of 100 rabbis in three different countries - an impossible challenge - a man could take a second wife. This ruling took a while to catch on with the Sephardim (Middle Eastern, Spanish/Portugese and African Jews) but is more or less universal. The Yemenite Jews were in complete isolation and even still justify polygamy, although modern Sephardic authorities carry a ban. I am indebted to [url=http://www.shamash.org/lists/scj-faq/HTML/faq/08-06.html]this[/url] source.
—
[size=9]Whatever you do, know that I will always love you. Or else.[/size]
Submitted by Berachia on 8 February, 2006 - 10:50 #109
In this regard, the aim of Islamic Law is to maintain decorum, and thus there are certain allowances, which have and do benefit certain communities and individuals.
However for a society which, in essence, regards this life as the be all and end all, and has no real conviction of its hyperbolic nature, polygamy will perhaps be regarded as completely unreasonable, or even vile.
Clearly, to seriously consider the opinion of those who are confused over their very existence, and in fact mostly bereft of reason, would be foolish in the extreme.
It is best, for most of us, if we believe, to just let them be.
Submitted by Omrow on 13 February, 2006 - 00:39 #110
[b]Idealizing your spouse good for you [/b]
Sunday 12 Feb. 2006
After a lifetime together, children have been born and taken their toll, bodies have aged, passion might dwindle, but not love. There's no age limit on love.
Clinical psychologist Norm O'Rourke says the opposite may be true: love may help sustain people in their later years.
His research has shown people who idealize their partners later in life, who unconsciously choose to remember only the good things, have fewer incidents of chronic disease.
O'Rourke, an assistant professor with the Department of Gerontology at Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, B.C., is now recruiting couples who he will follow over three years to try to find out why.
"In the lab, we're looking at physiological processes that might be related to this idealization process, which seems to be related to superior physical health outcomes. This is one of the most interesting aspects of this work from my standpoint. Why are people who idealize a spouse more likely to have fewer chronic health conditions?"
He is focusing on the partner in the relationship who idealizes the most. O'Rourke says their view of the relationship has no effect on how the other person sees it. They may or may not idealize. If they do, it could be to a lesser degree.
To find out more, he is working with couples to find a common point of disagreement. Financial issues are most common and then there's sex, in-laws and children.
"Basically, we're asking them to have an argument," says O'Rourke, who has funding for his research on love from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research.
His lab has been set up to resemble a comfortable living room in which couples are asked to discuss various ways they might resolve their issues.
He tapes the conversations and studies facial expressions and body language in addition to what the couples say to each other.
O'Rourke also takes samples of the hormone cortisol before, during and after the discussion to measure stress levels. If cortisol levels spike over the course of the discussion and remain high, then he knows that stress levels have increased significantly.
From early results, O'Rourke has noticed where one or both partners idealize their married lives, they don't fight as much as they discuss.
"They approach the talk as an opportunity for growth, to learn something new. They listen and remain calm and rational. They approach it as more of a challenge than fight," he says.
O'Rourke assumes that within these couples, cortisol levels remain relatively low — and so does the stress.
This is an important finding, because high cortisol levels are significantly associated with illnesses such as heart disease.
O'Rourke says whether people will end up idealizing their spouse in old age depends on their personality factors.
"The most important one seems to be the absence of trait called neuroticism or a tendency toward negative emotional responding," he says.
"People who are higher in the trait of neuroticism tend to be more on edge, more prone to depression."
O'Rourke says people who aren't neurotic are more easy going, and more likely to idealize their spouse and approach arguments in a calm, open way.
"You know, those people who can withstand travails of life without too much hardship," the psychologist says.
O'Rourke said these people who engage in marital aggrandizement, or idealize their partners, hold an unrealistically inflated or exaggerated sense of how good their relationship has been. They don't believe they've had any problems in their relationship.
"It's interesting, there's specific personality traits that seem to be associated with this tendency as opposed to descriptive features of the relationship.
Socio-demographic factors have nothing to do with it, he said.
"There's no gender difference, there's no socio-economic difference, there's no religious difference, there's no educational difference," said O'Rourke.
To learn more about the phenomenon of marital aggrandizement, as O'Rourke likes to call this process of idealizing one's spouse, he intends to follow couples over time. O'Rourke will watch how their health changes and what factors predict these changes.
Submitted by iRazor on 14 February, 2006 - 21:23 #112
"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:
so whats ur point omro? :roll:
i doubt ur other half wud idealise u
u have to be worhy of idealising
Wow, that was harsh.
LilSis, U hav no heart
—
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
salaam
The philosophy of the marriages of Prophet Muhammad
Introduction
In the early part of eighteenth century, the Christian writers started with new tactics of attacking Islam. They aimed, through publications full of lies and slanders, at diverting attention from the noble framework of Islam and degrading the exalted person of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (May peace be on him and his progeny).
The basis of that adverse propaganda was the books written by Christian writers of the fifteenth century. A writer had written a book under the title 'Refutation to the Religion of Muhammad', which became the source of later writers against Islam. These writers were unacquainted with the real facts about Islam, due to their ignorance of the Arabic language in which Islamic history and holy books were then available.
It is not strange, therefore, to see them writing against the Prophet of Islam, accusing him of lust because he had married a number of wives, whilst other Muslims were restricted to a maximum of four at a time. (They perhaps forgot that the writers of the present Bible have openly accused their own Prophets of having committed adultery!)
Of course, by misinforming their Christian brothers, and slandering the Prophet of Islam, they hoped to cause a set-back in the fast progress of Islam. But these tactics did not succeed much. We find a number of learned and fair-minded Christian writers defending the Holy Prophet against such slanders, in apologetic language.
Undoubtedly these stories of slanders are totally unacceptable to the Muslims, since part of their faith is to believe in the infallibility (Ismat or Sinless ness) of the Prophets.
But at the same time it is imperative to acquaint the non-Muslims with the true facts.
Verdict of history
Unbiased historians, both Muslims and Christians, are agreed that the number of marriages contracted by the Prophet of Islam was not as a result of lust or to satisfy the sexual desires. If this had been the case, he would not have married the twice-widowed Khadijah, 40 years old, at the youthful age of 25 when one is full of emotion and sexual urge.
Prophet Mubammad lived together with his first (and, at that time, only) wife, Khadijah, happily for 26 years with great mutual affection, despite the fact that young and beautiful girls of Arabia were easily available to him and were keen to be married to the Prophet. Not even once, during that period, did the Prophet take another wife. Undoubtedly he would have at least considered another younger wife simultaneously with Khadijah if he ever suffered from lust and fondness of young women, particularly when the country's customs wholly approved unlimited marriages.
Critics Dumbfounded
Let us look at the life history of the Prophet of Islam. During the prime of his life, he remains satisfied with an aged and twice-widowed wife, and does not even think of another. Then during the last ten years of his life, after passing the age of fifty, in his old age, when he is surrounded by various difficult problems of the newly-born Islamic State, he starts marrying a number of wives.
Ask these Christian writers why this phenomenon?
What logical answer can these critics give to this amazing question?
Was it not a difficult exercise and heavy burden to marry widows and support their orphans? Was it easy for a perfectly dignified man in the person of Muhammad to marry women of different outlook, characters and tribes, including some of much younger age who were still unaware of the full responsibilities of life?
Let us ponder over the reply to these questions as given by a famous western historian, Thomas Carlyle in his book "Heroes and Heroes Worship". He says in effect that contrary to what his enemies accuse him, Muhammad was never lusty and sexualize and that it was a slander only out of prejudice against him and this indeed is a great injustice.
John Devenport says, "and it may then be asked, is it likely that a very sensual man, of a country where polygamy was a common practice, should be contented for five-and-twenty years with one wife, she being fifteen years older than himself".
List of wives of the prophet of Islam
After the death of his first wife, Khadijah, he married upto twelve wives in the following order
Let us examine the circumstances and conditions under which these marriages had taken place.
In principle, it can be stated that the marriages were contracted with one or more of the following objectives-
(1) For the sake of caring for the orphans and looking after the poor widows. These were some Muslim women who had earlier enjoyed high dignity in the Arab society. But on the death of their husbands, their status and even faith were in jeopardy, because their tribal chiefs would take them back and compel them to renounce Islam, thus converting them back to polytheism.
For example, Sawdah had migrated to Abyssinia where her husband died, and she became absolutely without helper. It was the time when the Prophet had lost Khadijah, his first wife; so he married Sawdah.
Likewise, Zaynab daughter of Khuzaymah, was an old-aged widow, who after the death of her husband was inflicted with poverty, despite her being amiable and being known as 'Ummul-Masakin' (Mother of the poor). The Prophet married her to uphold her dignity and she died of old age only after two years of that marriage.
(2) For the sake of enacting a new law and eradicating injustice by the ignorant tribes. For example, Zaynab bint-Jahsh was the daughter of the Prophet's aunt. She was married, at the recommendation of the Prophet to Zayd ibn-Harithah, the freed slave and adopted son of the Prophet This marriage was contracted to eradicate the discrimination against slaves and poor and to emphasize the Islamic equality and brotherhood, as Zaynab was from the family of Abd al-Muttalib, the grandfather of the Holy Prophet and the Chief of Quraysh, whereas Zayd was a slave who was freed by the Prophet
Unfortunately, Zaynab due to her family pride, did not get along well with Zayd despite Prophet's persuasions. The rift between the two culminated into divorce. Meanwhile, the system of adoption of children was expressly forbidden by Allah. So, when Zayd divorced Zaynab, the Prophet of Islam, at the express command of God, married Zaynab; and, thus, put an end to the then prevalent belief that adopted sons were like real sons and that wives or widows of adopted sons were like daughters-in-laws.
(3) For the sake of freeing prisoners and slaves. For example, 'Juwayriyah' was from a prominent tribe of Banul-Mustalaq. In a war against Islam this tribe was defeated; and Juwayriyah, the daughter of their Chief, was held in captivity. The Prophet married her to set an example of protection and good treatment to prisoners of war.
On seeing that the prisoners had become relatives of the Holy Prophet by marriage, the Muslims released all the prisoners of war held by them. According to Ibne Hisham, over one hundred families of Banul-Mustalaq were freed from captivity as a result of this marriage.
(4) For the sake of uniting some prominent Arab tribes who often were at logger heads with each other and to safeguard the internal political status of Islam.
The Prophet married A'ishah daughter of Abu Bakr Siddiq (first caliph) from the tribe of Bani Tim, Hafsah daughter of Omar ibn AI-Khattab (second caliph) from the tribe of Adi, Umm-Habibah daughter of Abu Sufyan from the tribe of Umayyah, Safiyah daughter of Huaiy bin Akhtab of the Jewish tribe of Bani an-Nadir, and Maymunah from the tribe of Bani Makhzum.
Umm-Habibah (i.e. Ramla) was daughter of Abu Sufyan of Bani Umayyah who was the bitterest enemy of the Prophet and had repeatedly fought against him. She, as a Muslim, was in great distress since she was divorced from her original husband (who had become a Christian in Abyssinia) and her father was a great enemy of Islam.
Seeing her deprived of every help from parent and divorced from husband, the Prophet married her in sympathy. This marriage also gave a chance to the people of Bani Umayyah to soften their hearts for Islam.
Safiyah was widowed daughter of Huaiy bin Akhtab, one of the chiefs of Jewish tribe of Bani an-Nadir. When the prisoners of this tribe were released by the Muslims, the Prophet married her in order to safeguard her status; and, thus, also linking himself with one of the great Jewish tribes of that time, and paving the way for them to come nearer to Islam.
Maymunah was 51 years of age and from a prominent tribe of Bani Makhzum whom the Prophet married in the year 7 after Hijrah.
The above marital history of the Prophet clearly shows the noble aim and objectives for which he married a number of wives. It is not difficult to see that none of these marriages was for personal satisfaction of sexual desires as unjustifiably accused by the Christian writers. Also, it is important to remember that all of these marriages, except that with A'ishah bint Abu Bark Siddiq, were contracted with women who were widowed not only once, but often twice or thrice
Wa/salaam
Submitted by Adil on 17 February, 2006 - 19:28 #117
Personally - there is nothing wrong in a man taking another wife/wives even if it just because his current mrs/s are getting old. If he wants to marry virgins each time then he may, if he wants to marry widows/divorcees each time then he may. A believing man/believing woman have no right to personal opinion once ALLAH and His Rasul salallahu alayhi wa sallam have ruled on an issue.
Also - I disagree with this justification that is in vogue regarding the marriages of Holy Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam. A number of leading ulama have mentioned with great anger that to merely reduce the holy acts of the marriages of Sayyidina Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam to mere tribal treaties and methods of da'wah is a great insult.
I am not in the mindset that I have to apologise or "explain" away why Sayyidina Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam and the believers are allowed more than one wife.
Alhamdulillah we should be content with what ALLAH and His Rasul have decreed.
Submitted by You on 17 February, 2006 - 20:28 #118
I disagree on a bit of what you have wrote.
The bit that says the wife has no right of opinion. Ofcourse she does.
she can divorce the guy citing another marriage as a resason afterall!
and if she is not happy, the husband is not doing a duty he HAS to fulfil if he has more than on wife: he has to treat both equally.
Afterall divore has also been allowed, but it is disliked.
—
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Submitted by Adil on 17 February, 2006 - 20:36 #119
I dont understand your post.
But ok.
Submitted by You on 17 February, 2006 - 20:50 #120
you said wife has no right to dislike the fact her husband gets seond wife. the reason? it is allowed by Islam.
I said she has a right to dislike that. The reason? divorce is also allowed in Islam. but it has been made clear that it is 'disliked'.
—
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Salaam
The Holy Qur’an says ““Forbidden to you (for food) are: dead meat, blood, the flesh of swine, and that on which hath been invoked the name of other than Allah…”.
However, the Quran does not qualify those animals one can eat who have died without being slaughtered. Therefore the Holy Prophet made an exception to the above whilst permitting us to eat fish…
And regarding polygamy, I don’t deny that it is the sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saw).
I’m not making it seem like a bad thing, the Holy Prophet practised this noble act.
However, those who wish to follow the sunnah should know that He never married more than one woman cos He was “bored”. He married old women, widows and women to strengthen ties with other tribes.
If a man wishes to marry women for such reasons, then he has my utmost respect.
However, if he gets “bored” easily and is ungrateful then such a man will never be satisfied.
The permissibility of marrying more than one wife comes with a condition…which is justice and fair treatment of all your wives.
But, if you know that you’d be able to financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc be there for all your women and your first wife won’t ever have a reason to complain than by all means go for it…
However, if God Forbid you won’t be able to be fair, then its best not to go there as a hadith states that such a man “will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.”
Wasalaam
i think i'd agree to it coz i can't really deny him something which Allah has allowed. But it would destroy me. I'd pretend i was ok, but i'd be so hurt i don't think i'd ever get over it. Oh well tis life, happiness is in the next life not here, i'd just take a resigned attitude. Take pleasure in looking after my kids, get a job, and immerse myself in ibadah, i'd have more free time. That would bring me some happiness. Who says husbands are the only source of joy in life.
I don't think any woman can love her husband as much as they would have done had he been hers entirely. Sharing someone means your idea of love changes. The level of intimacy and trust wil die down. The woman will rely more on herself rather than her husband. So brothers don't expect your wives to dote on you, as they once did. You don't get a second wife for nothing
very well said MuslimSis.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
same here. :? but hopefully the guy would have enough manners to tell/ask me about it before he goes ahead with it, and in this case i'd discuss it with him and make sure he's not doing it for the wrong reasons, which MuslimSis mentioned...
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
I totally agree.
I too would accept it, I'm not the type to kick up a fuss and stop someone from doing something halaal...if anything, he'd prob resent me for it.
But like you, my love, respect for him would seriously diminish...when I sumbit myself fully to someone...I expect the same back.
I too, would also become a lot more career minded and active in Islamic work should that ever happen to me.
Like you said, there's more to life then husbands.
yeh, independent women finally...
i was bouta go into the reasons for more than 1 marriage. but u got there b4 me.
like the hadith says, a person can chose a partner by lookin for 4 thing.....
piety, status, money and looks. Now if all 4 can b found in one woman. then all good. But, im guessin, its normally 1 woman has 2 of the features. hence a good reason for marrying more than one.
And, as i said b4, these aren't my views. I wouldn't b able to handle one woman, let alone 4.
Hayder tho, is sure he can handle a few
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
Salaam
Speaking of independent women…Hadrat Sakinah (ra) the daughter of Imam Husayn (ra), comes to mind.
She was famous for her beauty. The most powerful men debated with her; caliphs and princes proposed marriage to her,
She ended marrying five, some say six, husbands. In her marriage contracts she stipulated that she would not obey her husband, but would do as she pleased, and that she did not acknowledge that her husband had the right to practice polygamy.
She was an intresting lady.
Wasalaam
Woah so you guys would be hurt if your significant other took another wife (lets say for decent reasons).
I think the question to be asked is, would taking another wife make the husband any less of a husband to previous spouse(s). If the answer is yes, then taking another wife is wrong.
So If the wife has the opinion that the above case would be true then the guy can't take another wife.
Y'know ideally any bad feeling a women would have could become sweet envy in the face of the newfound dimension of commitment a polygamist would suddenly have grasped and embraced. Such that devotedness would never be a question nor taken for granted.
Concepts like sharing a sppouse gone, i the face of such brutal submision and amazingly sweet companionship.
Mais, pour moi? je pense que une (femme) c'est trop de beaucoup! I kid, I kid.
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
Brother Scoop.....Have you no shame! :twisted:
"If there was one valley of gold for the son of Adam, he would long for another one. A man will never be satisfied, only death will stop him from being greedy. Allah retruns to him who repents." (Muslim)
that does not mean its an exucse to keep wanting more, coz thats the nature of man.....have you no self control, and commitment lad!....i dont buy your theories!
[size=7]aik zindagi...aik larki....aik pyaar[/size]
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
the guys just got told :twisted:
LOL, Nice joke mate.
Your the one blabbing bout your right to 4 wives etc.
My posting these views was merely a way of tryna understand what people feel about polygamy, as i said in my 2nd post in the thread.
And, my conclusion is that most women on the forum feel uncomfortable with it even tho they wudnt forbid there busband from doing so.
Personally i cant see myself having more than the one wife seriously.
And, I'd like to make clear that i didnt mean to offend anyone with what i said here, except hayder ofcourse, its fun offending Hayder.#
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
we'll see....we'll see
and i better be your best man :twisted:
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
I don't usually like to comment on subjects that there is no reconciliation to, but your post is exactly why I believe polygamy cheapens the institution of marriage. To me marriage is about recognizing "the one." Somebody so meant for you that it could be no other way, on a religious level I believe that as a husband I am electing to take care of and love a daughter of God - his special creation, who I was created to take care of, just like Eve was created for Adam and Adam was commanded to take care of Eve - Gods special creation.
To say that there is even a possibility of more than one not only cheapens that idea - but destroys it utterly. Some point to the polygamous relations of the prophets and patriarchs in the past however I and Christians only see that as the immoral excesses of these men (ie King David), or the necessities of the time (ie Hagar).
Others make the ridiculous argument that because men are weak and some cheat or look for sexual gratification outside of monogamous marriage it's a justification for polygamy. But how is that any different than saying because some men chose to be gay there should be gay marriage? It's bringing down the moral bar to meet the depravity of man.
Polygamy is beyond foreign and wrong to me, and this concept that women should set aside - even feel guilty about - their exceptions to the institution/idea of it is doubly offensive.
Well polygamy is alien to me also, and i've never promoted it as a grand thing. But i think you're failing to recognise that early Christian teachings did not hide that their own prophets had polygamous relationships. There are still many Christians around today who support polygamy.To make out it's just a part of Islam as if we like to cheapen our women is a complete insult.
Our prophet hardly cheapened the wives he had, they chose to marry him.
We live in a society now which teaches us one man one woman for life, but does secular society truly live up to this ideal? Most have adulterous relationships on the side. Most think it's perfectly ok to have a partner and flirt with another person. But if polygamy is permitted in your faith what are you going to do deny that it exists? I'm not ashamed to admit it exists and is allowed. I make no apologies for that
I think it can make a woman feel inadequate but saying it cheapens her is going a bit too far. To me men and women in promiscuous relationships are cheap. I could never allow a man to date my daughter then discard of her like she was an empty soda can, she's worth more than that. Marriage is hardly a degrading act polygamous or otherwise. Ultimately a woman has a choice as to whether she wants to stay with a man who takes on another wife. Some muslim men may say otherwise but no one can force her to remain in a marriage if it's killing her emotionally. Also women can stipulate in their marriage contracts that their husband will not take on another wife. Personally i haven't coz i know my husband doesn't want another wife, couldn't handle another wife, nor support her financially. He's content with me right now and that's all that matters to me.
P.S BTW the brothers bought this issue up, i see you take no offences to the comments they made. What is this pick on Yashmaki day?
I understand that your prophet was a polygamist - which is why I shy away from such conversations, but acquiscence through silence is not something i'm no board for. Polygamy is one of the big problems I have with your religion - and you can consider this one of the rare opportunities I am open to dawa.
This is not an insult, it's a reality of Christian doctrine. What you believe is as insulting to me, as what I believe is insulting to you in this matter - it's a touchy issue. However to clarify Polygamy cheapens Christian marriage based on:
You cannot recognize "the one" and at the same time provide for the possibility that there can be others - concurrently.
I'm not hiding polygamy in the bible, I already addressed it. The examples of polygamy in the bible were either out of commandment from God - such as Abraham taking Hagar and his other wives, or out of sin - such as Solomon and David with their hundreds of wives, which in some way or another led to their downfall. Christian doctrine is that Eve was created for Adam, and Adam to take care of Eve. Monogamy is our "natural state" the way God intended, and the only leniences we are given on commandments is that which God's mercy affords us - commandments are not rewritten to take account for the weakness of men.
There are "Christians" who support Polygamy, however they are wrong and not mainstream, the Christian religion is monogamous based on the bible, not based on the notable exceptions of it.
The bible is not the Qur'an, the prophets in the bible are not perfect people - they are examples of humans, and not angels or Gods or perfection. Thus the existence of Polygamy in the bible does not make it a part of the religion - just the opposite, Solomon's polygamy led him to idolatry, David's led him to murder.
Islam is different, like Christianity Polygamy is in Islams holy texts, unlike Christianity it is sanctioned and elevated, this isn't being unfair it's simply how it is.
I do not understand this argument that men in wedlock still cheat - ergo there is a need for multiple partners. How is that [i]not[/i] cheapening marriage? Isn't that taking a holy institution and infusing a nod to the weakness of men? Women cheat in almost equal proportions - why not allow them multiple partnerts for that reason? Men still cheat even in Polygamous relationships, does that mean there is a need for more than four? Isn't it possible infidelity is a weakness with individual people, rather than a reflection of our natural state?
It seems like you're having trouble trying to explain Polygamy on it's own terms. But that's not any different than what muslims have argued in the past to me - it's always "well compared to blah, polygamy is okay." There is never a stable or strong position on Polygamy that is based on the thing itself. Dating, Cheating and the like are examples of the excesses secular society, and there is very little that doesn't look good in comparison. I can still say dating or cheating is wrong and incorrect... but how does that strengthen Polygamy or demonstrate a need for it?
And before the language get's too broad - I didn't say Islam cheapens women, or that muslims cheapen their women - i'm simply talking about the institution itself. I suppose by logical leap you can infer that through accepting Polygamy Islam cheapens women - but I didn't say that and I don't intend to address it.
But the fact is you already told us how you would feel if your husband wanted another - you didn't say you would feel cheap but you did say it would destroy you and you would be hurt and never get over it - but pretend to be okay with it because Islam allows it. So how is it wrong of me to draw the conclusion that Polygamy makes a woman feel cheap? - or to use the word you did, how is it wrong of me to draw the conclusion that Polygamy "destroys a woman?"
lol and no it's not pick on Yashmaki day - i'm sorry if that's how I came across. I was springboarding off your feelings should you have to share your husband and the question was open to everybody.
Specifically everybody named Hayder :D.
Monogamy comes from Greek Roman customs.
It has nothing to do with the Bible.
There are places in one of the "law books" (Deuteronomy etc) that talk about a man having more than one wife in the context of inheritance or something like that.
That's exegeisis. Christian Doctrine regarding monogamy is based on Adam and Eve and the early Christian community - not Jewish law, or the Greeks.
Who were Polygamists incidentally, Commodus had a house of over 100 women and young boys - where are you getting monogamy through Greeks and Romans?
100man can answer for the Jews.
I'll explain Christianity.
And you can talk about Islam.
Applying to a man, though not a woman, it was still held in Maimonedes' time that there was no absolute ruling against polygamy, that the Torah, while not sanctioning it, does have examples and laws relating to it, and no prohibition. Nonetheless polygamy was frowned upon, no great rabbi had more than one wife, and a neat formula was found in 1000CE that only if he obtained the permission of 100 rabbis in three different countries - an impossible challenge - a man could take a second wife. This ruling took a while to catch on with the Sephardim (Middle Eastern, Spanish/Portugese and African Jews) but is more or less universal. The Yemenite Jews were in complete isolation and even still justify polygamy, although modern Sephardic authorities carry a ban. I am indebted to [url=http://www.shamash.org/lists/scj-faq/HTML/faq/08-06.html]this[/url] source.
[size=9]Whatever you do, know that I will always love you. Or else.[/size]
In this regard, the aim of Islamic Law is to maintain decorum, and thus there are certain allowances, which have and do benefit certain communities and individuals.
However for a society which, in essence, regards this life as the be all and end all, and has no real conviction of its hyperbolic nature, polygamy will perhaps be regarded as completely unreasonable, or even vile.
Clearly, to seriously consider the opinion of those who are confused over their very existence, and in fact mostly bereft of reason, would be foolish in the extreme.
It is best, for most of us, if we believe, to just let them be.
[b]Idealizing your spouse good for you [/b]
Sunday 12 Feb. 2006
After a lifetime together, children have been born and taken their toll, bodies have aged, passion might dwindle, but not love. There's no age limit on love.
Clinical psychologist Norm O'Rourke says the opposite may be true: love may help sustain people in their later years.
His research has shown people who idealize their partners later in life, who unconsciously choose to remember only the good things, have fewer incidents of chronic disease.
O'Rourke, an assistant professor with the Department of Gerontology at Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, B.C., is now recruiting couples who he will follow over three years to try to find out why.
"In the lab, we're looking at physiological processes that might be related to this idealization process, which seems to be related to superior physical health outcomes. This is one of the most interesting aspects of this work from my standpoint. Why are people who idealize a spouse more likely to have fewer chronic health conditions?"
He is focusing on the partner in the relationship who idealizes the most. O'Rourke says their view of the relationship has no effect on how the other person sees it. They may or may not idealize. If they do, it could be to a lesser degree.
To find out more, he is working with couples to find a common point of disagreement. Financial issues are most common and then there's sex, in-laws and children.
"Basically, we're asking them to have an argument," says O'Rourke, who has funding for his research on love from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research.
His lab has been set up to resemble a comfortable living room in which couples are asked to discuss various ways they might resolve their issues.
He tapes the conversations and studies facial expressions and body language in addition to what the couples say to each other.
O'Rourke also takes samples of the hormone cortisol before, during and after the discussion to measure stress levels. If cortisol levels spike over the course of the discussion and remain high, then he knows that stress levels have increased significantly.
From early results, O'Rourke has noticed where one or both partners idealize their married lives, they don't fight as much as they discuss.
"They approach the talk as an opportunity for growth, to learn something new. They listen and remain calm and rational. They approach it as more of a challenge than fight," he says.
O'Rourke assumes that within these couples, cortisol levels remain relatively low — and so does the stress.
This is an important finding, because high cortisol levels are significantly associated with illnesses such as heart disease.
O'Rourke says whether people will end up idealizing their spouse in old age depends on their personality factors.
"The most important one seems to be the absence of trait called neuroticism or a tendency toward negative emotional responding," he says.
"People who are higher in the trait of neuroticism tend to be more on edge, more prone to depression."
O'Rourke says people who aren't neurotic are more easy going, and more likely to idealize their spouse and approach arguments in a calm, open way.
"You know, those people who can withstand travails of life without too much hardship," the psychologist says.
O'Rourke said these people who engage in marital aggrandizement, or idealize their partners, hold an unrealistically inflated or exaggerated sense of how good their relationship has been. They don't believe they've had any problems in their relationship.
"It's interesting, there's specific personality traits that seem to be associated with this tendency as opposed to descriptive features of the relationship.
Socio-demographic factors have nothing to do with it, he said.
"There's no gender difference, there's no socio-economic difference, there's no religious difference, there's no educational difference," said O'Rourke.
To learn more about the phenomenon of marital aggrandizement, as O'Rourke likes to call this process of idealizing one's spouse, he intends to follow couples over time. O'Rourke will watch how their health changes and what factors predict these changes.
------
so whats ur point omro? :roll:
i doubt ur other half wud idealise u
u have to be worhy of idealising
Wow, that was harsh.
LilSis, U hav no heart
_____________- -SupeRazor- -_______________
Some ppl make their goals the stars.
They may live n die n never reach the stars,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination.
Becuz they made them in their eyesight
for some
harshness is Mandatory
and omro being one of them
Who is the cat of the Forum? MEZ!
Your damn right!
MuslimSisLilSis,
We know you're not a furbal[size=12]l[/size].
[size=9]Whatever you do, know that I will always love you. Or else.[/size]
salaam
The philosophy of the marriages of Prophet Muhammad
Introduction
In the early part of eighteenth century, the Christian writers started with new tactics of attacking Islam. They aimed, through publications full of lies and slanders, at diverting attention from the noble framework of Islam and degrading the exalted person of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (May peace be on him and his progeny).
The basis of that adverse propaganda was the books written by Christian writers of the fifteenth century. A writer had written a book under the title 'Refutation to the Religion of Muhammad', which became the source of later writers against Islam. These writers were unacquainted with the real facts about Islam, due to their ignorance of the Arabic language in which Islamic history and holy books were then available.
It is not strange, therefore, to see them writing against the Prophet of Islam, accusing him of lust because he had married a number of wives, whilst other Muslims were restricted to a maximum of four at a time. (They perhaps forgot that the writers of the present Bible have openly accused their own Prophets of having committed adultery!)
Of course, by misinforming their Christian brothers, and slandering the Prophet of Islam, they hoped to cause a set-back in the fast progress of Islam. But these tactics did not succeed much. We find a number of learned and fair-minded Christian writers defending the Holy Prophet against such slanders, in apologetic language.
Undoubtedly these stories of slanders are totally unacceptable to the Muslims, since part of their faith is to believe in the infallibility (Ismat or Sinless ness) of the Prophets.
But at the same time it is imperative to acquaint the non-Muslims with the true facts.
Verdict of history
Unbiased historians, both Muslims and Christians, are agreed that the number of marriages contracted by the Prophet of Islam was not as a result of lust or to satisfy the sexual desires. If this had been the case, he would not have married the twice-widowed Khadijah, 40 years old, at the youthful age of 25 when one is full of emotion and sexual urge.
Prophet Mubammad lived together with his first (and, at that time, only) wife, Khadijah, happily for 26 years with great mutual affection, despite the fact that young and beautiful girls of Arabia were easily available to him and were keen to be married to the Prophet. Not even once, during that period, did the Prophet take another wife. Undoubtedly he would have at least considered another younger wife simultaneously with Khadijah if he ever suffered from lust and fondness of young women, particularly when the country's customs wholly approved unlimited marriages.
Critics Dumbfounded
Let us look at the life history of the Prophet of Islam. During the prime of his life, he remains satisfied with an aged and twice-widowed wife, and does not even think of another. Then during the last ten years of his life, after passing the age of fifty, in his old age, when he is surrounded by various difficult problems of the newly-born Islamic State, he starts marrying a number of wives.
Ask these Christian writers why this phenomenon?
What logical answer can these critics give to this amazing question?
Was it not a difficult exercise and heavy burden to marry widows and support their orphans? Was it easy for a perfectly dignified man in the person of Muhammad to marry women of different outlook, characters and tribes, including some of much younger age who were still unaware of the full responsibilities of life?
Let us ponder over the reply to these questions as given by a famous western historian, Thomas Carlyle in his book "Heroes and Heroes Worship". He says in effect that contrary to what his enemies accuse him, Muhammad was never lusty and sexualize and that it was a slander only out of prejudice against him and this indeed is a great injustice.
John Devenport says, "and it may then be asked, is it likely that a very sensual man, of a country where polygamy was a common practice, should be contented for five-and-twenty years with one wife, she being fifteen years older than himself".
List of wives of the prophet of Islam
After the death of his first wife, Khadijah, he married upto twelve wives in the following order
Sawdah
A'ishah bint Abu Bark Siddiq (first Caliph)
Umm-Salamah
Hafsah bint Omer Farooq (second Caliph)
Zaynab bint-Khuzaymah
Zaynab bint-Jahsh
Umm-Habibah (Ramla) bint Abu Sufyan
Maymunah
Zaynab bint-Umais
Juwayriyah
Safiyah
Khawlah bint-Hakim
Let us examine the circumstances and conditions under which these marriages had taken place.
In principle, it can be stated that the marriages were contracted with one or more of the following objectives-
(1) For the sake of caring for the orphans and looking after the poor widows. These were some Muslim women who had earlier enjoyed high dignity in the Arab society. But on the death of their husbands, their status and even faith were in jeopardy, because their tribal chiefs would take them back and compel them to renounce Islam, thus converting them back to polytheism.
For example, Sawdah had migrated to Abyssinia where her husband died, and she became absolutely without helper. It was the time when the Prophet had lost Khadijah, his first wife; so he married Sawdah.
Likewise, Zaynab daughter of Khuzaymah, was an old-aged widow, who after the death of her husband was inflicted with poverty, despite her being amiable and being known as 'Ummul-Masakin' (Mother of the poor). The Prophet married her to uphold her dignity and she died of old age only after two years of that marriage.
(2) For the sake of enacting a new law and eradicating injustice by the ignorant tribes. For example, Zaynab bint-Jahsh was the daughter of the Prophet's aunt. She was married, at the recommendation of the Prophet to Zayd ibn-Harithah, the freed slave and adopted son of the Prophet
This marriage was contracted to eradicate the discrimination against slaves and poor and to emphasize the Islamic equality and brotherhood, as Zaynab was from the family of Abd al-Muttalib, the grandfather of the Holy Prophet and the Chief of Quraysh, whereas Zayd was a slave who was freed by the Prophet
Unfortunately, Zaynab due to her family pride, did not get along well with Zayd despite Prophet's persuasions. The rift between the two culminated into divorce. Meanwhile, the system of adoption of children was expressly forbidden by Allah. So, when Zayd divorced Zaynab, the Prophet of Islam, at the express command of God, married Zaynab; and, thus, put an end to the then prevalent belief that adopted sons were like real sons and that wives or widows of adopted sons were like daughters-in-laws.
(3) For the sake of freeing prisoners and slaves. For example, 'Juwayriyah' was from a prominent tribe of Banul-Mustalaq. In a war against Islam this tribe was defeated; and Juwayriyah, the daughter of their Chief, was held in captivity. The Prophet married her to set an example of protection and good treatment to prisoners of war.
On seeing that the prisoners had become relatives of the Holy Prophet by marriage, the Muslims released all the prisoners of war held by them. According to Ibne Hisham, over one hundred families of Banul-Mustalaq were freed from captivity as a result of this marriage.
(4) For the sake of uniting some prominent Arab tribes who often were at logger heads with each other and to safeguard the internal political status of Islam.
The Prophet married A'ishah daughter of Abu Bakr Siddiq (first caliph) from the tribe of Bani Tim, Hafsah daughter of Omar ibn AI-Khattab (second caliph) from the tribe of Adi, Umm-Habibah daughter of Abu Sufyan from the tribe of Umayyah, Safiyah daughter of Huaiy bin Akhtab of the Jewish tribe of Bani an-Nadir, and Maymunah from the tribe of Bani Makhzum.
Umm-Habibah (i.e. Ramla) was daughter of Abu Sufyan of Bani Umayyah who was the bitterest enemy of the Prophet and had repeatedly fought against him. She, as a Muslim, was in great distress since she was divorced from her original husband (who had become a Christian in Abyssinia) and her father was a great enemy of Islam.
Seeing her deprived of every help from parent and divorced from husband, the Prophet married her in sympathy. This marriage also gave a chance to the people of Bani Umayyah to soften their hearts for Islam.
Safiyah was widowed daughter of Huaiy bin Akhtab, one of the chiefs of Jewish tribe of Bani an-Nadir. When the prisoners of this tribe were released by the Muslims, the Prophet married her in order to safeguard her status; and, thus, also linking himself with one of the great Jewish tribes of that time, and paving the way for them to come nearer to Islam.
Maymunah was 51 years of age and from a prominent tribe of Bani Makhzum whom the Prophet married in the year 7 after Hijrah.
The above marital history of the Prophet clearly shows the noble aim and objectives for which he married a number of wives. It is not difficult to see that none of these marriages was for personal satisfaction of sexual desires as unjustifiably accused by the Christian writers. Also, it is important to remember that all of these marriages, except that with A'ishah bint Abu Bark Siddiq, were contracted with women who were widowed not only once, but often twice or thrice
Wa/salaam
Personally - there is nothing wrong in a man taking another wife/wives even if it just because his current mrs/s are getting old. If he wants to marry virgins each time then he may, if he wants to marry widows/divorcees each time then he may. A believing man/believing woman have no right to personal opinion once ALLAH and His Rasul salallahu alayhi wa sallam have ruled on an issue.
Also - I disagree with this justification that is in vogue regarding the marriages of Holy Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam. A number of leading ulama have mentioned with great anger that to merely reduce the holy acts of the marriages of Sayyidina Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam to mere tribal treaties and methods of da'wah is a great insult.
I am not in the mindset that I have to apologise or "explain" away why Sayyidina Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam and the believers are allowed more than one wife.
Alhamdulillah we should be content with what ALLAH and His Rasul have decreed.
I disagree on a bit of what you have wrote.
The bit that says the wife has no right of opinion. Ofcourse she does.
she can divorce the guy citing another marriage as a resason afterall!
and if she is not happy, the husband is not doing a duty he HAS to fulfil if he has more than on wife: he has to treat both equally.
Afterall divore has also been allowed, but it is disliked.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I dont understand your post.
But ok.
you said wife has no right to dislike the fact her husband gets seond wife. the reason? it is allowed by Islam.
I said she has a right to dislike that. The reason? divorce is also allowed in Islam. but it has been made clear that it is 'disliked'.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
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