Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

well it still don't make it a looker.

asian areas have more life as we have a diffferent attitude to society, not because our area are so good.

I like being in an asian area, but that still does not mean its the best thing since sliced bread.

its dirty, the housing is poor, the streets well... lets just say they recently painted the pavement with a thin layer of liquid tarmac.

yes painted. instead of replacing poor pavements, they painted them. PAINTED THEM!

[quote="Admin"]

yes painted. instead of replacing poor pavements, they painted them. PAINTED THEM![/quote]

?! u shud take it up with your council or with your MP (Member of Parliament - i dont think a mirpuri will be much help in this specific case)

When u feel sad....

To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,

"damn I am really so cute" u will overcome your sadness.

But don't make this a habit.....

Coz liars go to hell !!!!

what do you do if your sad and the mirror ALWAYS cracks before you get to it?

(hypothetically speaking of course)

My . . . er . . . mate wants to know.?

LOL.....tough look med......then u apparently stay SAD

oh

surely u can manage innit.....,coz i can life is SAD walahi no joke

oh no its not for me, i was asking for my mate.

me, I dont look at the mirror. I dont think its fair on my eyes to expose them to that much beauty.alhamdulillah.

LOL u joka.......mirror is essential

Try reading these sentences quickly and repeat ...
i bet you won't be able to do it !!!

1. If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand,
say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't
understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the
wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he
could see was sea, sea, sea.

5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7. I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought
I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been
the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to
a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow
What a fellow means?"

9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and
called to Mr Outside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from
inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO",
and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued
from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally,
Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and
Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE
SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

lol, add a burnley accent to that and u cant help but laugh!!

no no no....alum rock accent suits it much better, coz u see ur accent is riddly fyde just like them riddles
i bet u tried it..u must have sounded a joke lol..

a few extracts from the newest article on MuslimManiac website....

[b]Open House At The Mosque

I think some mosques are heading in the right direction in terms of the things and activities they hold. My mosque for example holds an annual Open House for non-Muslims and we invite church groups to come to the mosque and learn a little bit about Islam. It’s all about dialogue and whatnot.

Unfortunately sometimes there is some miscommunication and misunderstanding between the two faiths. Here are some tragic events that could occur at the mosque on Open House day.
[/b]

[b]Crazy Uncle Who Didn't Know It Was Open House Day[/b]
Imagine just some random mosque goer who happened to forget it was the mosque’s open house day? He’d be in shock to see non-Muslims all over the place. He’d think they were invading or something.

Like you can imagine this crazy uncle stepping fresh off the wudu area, drenched in water and still comprehending the fact that the parking lot was full outside when normally there is two cars for Zuhr. Well seeing the prayer area filled with Non-Muslim women won’t really whet his appetite. That is, non-Muslim women who might be wearing a hijab out of respect for the Muslims there but still be wearing tanktops and miniskirts. Hey it’s the thought that counts but the crazy uncle sees otherwise.

“THIS IS THE HOUSE OF ALLAH” shouts the crazy uncle.
“It sure is. Hi… I’m Susan” replies one of the female patrons as she sticks out her hand.
“ASTAGFIRULLAH”

Then the crazy uncle will run off to the basement to see if he actually is inside the right building. Lo and behold a wonderful community-like speech is occurring.

[i][b]Non-Muslim Keynote Speaker[/b]

Your mosque would probably invite a local politician or mayor in town to share a few words regarding the city’s stance on multiculturalism or religious diversity or something. Unfortunately most talks I know all start the same way: with the obligatory non-Muslim speaker somehow butchering the Muslim greeting.

“Sorry if I don’t get this right… Ass…Assalam.. Assa-”
“MUSLIMS DON’T SAY ASS” shouts the crazy uncle from the crowd.
“I’m terribly sorry. Uhhh… Ass-lam-akay-kum.”
*Muslims in crowd burst out in laughter*
“Okay screw this … Hi.”

To make matters worse, they might start making “Muslim” jokes to lighten up the atmosphere. Bad idea with a culturally sensitive crowd. Here are some possible botched jokes:

“My name is Mike Kafsteenberger but you can call me Kafir for short.”
“I don’t want to steal too much of your time… you might slice my hands off or something.”
“I feel sorry for a lot of you … you can’t use your Air Miles because half of you are probably on the No-Fly list anyway. What a bummer.”
“Ham seriously tastes great. If only it was Hal-al for you folks.”
[/i]

"[b]Do you mind if I pray with you fellows?"[/b]
What a recipe for disaster. It’s nice that non-Muslims want to “experience” the prayer but things like this could get extremely awkward.

Like I always imagine having this oblivious non-Muslim guy “pray” beside me while in full congregation with everyone. He’d be constantly looking over at me in middle of prayer. Time to time he’ll ask me questions.

“So have I got it right? It’s right hand over left hand right? Are they placed on the belly button or below?”
“...”
“Hello?!”
“...”
“Oh dear me I must say you aren’t the talkative type.”

He’d also make strange comments throughout the prayer.
During Raku [the part where we bow down]: “I can touch my toes… can you?”
During Sujood #1 [the part when our head is on the ground]: “Man this carpet smells.”
During Sujood #2 [same as above, only second time]: “Did I mention this carpet smells?”
During Tashahud Position [part where we are sitting]: “What on earth are you doing with your finger?”
During Salam [part where we end prayer and turn our heads]: “Hi there… miss me?”

After prayer I told him he made a few mistakes like stepping on my toes because he took the “close the gaps” advice too literally and not doing his wudu before prayer. Even if he had wudu, by the smell of things it sounded like he would have lost it several times throughout the prayer anyway.

Oh and talking. That’s a no-no.

[i][b] Aggressive Tour Guide[/b]
When it was time to organize small groups of tours, chaos broke loose. It’s natural for the non-Muslim visitors to be inquisitive and ask questions. It’s NOT natural for the tour guides to treat it like some fanatical debate.

“Hi there…my name is Susan. I was just curious as to why women pray in the back?”
“WHAT? DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD PRAY SIDE BY SIDE LIKE SOME SUPERMARKET?”
“No it’s just that-”
“PROVE TO ME THAT JESUS IS THE SON OF GOD. PROVE IT NOW. NOWHERE IN THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY THE TRINITY EXISTS.”
“Actually I’m Jewish and-”
“ISRAELI THIEVES. FREE PALESTINE”
“I’m actually against the occupa-”
“THIS TOUR IS OVER”
[/i]

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not
an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

heard it before, but I still find it ironically funny.

[quote="Admin"]heard it before, but I still find it ironically funny.[/quote]

lol its something to laugh at..its cheered me up

goodnite

never heard that one b4

and that was very funny 😂

[quote="NaJ/19"]no no no....alum rock accent suits it much better, coz u see ur accent is riddly fyde just like them riddles
i bet u tried it..u must have sounded a joke lol..[/quote]

:!: Actually Muhtarama has a point, it did sound funny.

riddly fyde! nice word. I think Mirpuris in general are riddlyfyed.

[quote="Med"][ I think Mirpuris in general are riddlyfyed.[/quote]

TRUE.
havent come across a paki language thats more riddlyfyde than MP 1,

what do u say acho mikee bujnay yo ..lol funny stuff

[quote="NaJ/19"][quote="Med"][ I think Mirpuris in general are riddlyfyed.[/quote]

TRUE.
havent come across a paki language thats more riddlyfyde than MP 1,

what do u say acho mikee bujnay yo ..lol funny stuff[/quote]

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. yeh but I only learnt MP later, spoke urdu mostly and alhamdulillah now fluentish in both aswell as jhelumi sort of.

I was just thinking about the word riddly fyed. Does it really exist or did you make it up cos it is propa funny, couldy get it out of my head. Also its one of them words that sound like what they describing. riddly fyde riddly fyed.

[quote="Med"][quote="NaJ/19"][quote="Med"][ I think Mirpuris in general are riddlyfyed.[/quote]

TRUE.
havent come across a paki language thats more riddlyfyde than MP 1,

what do u say acho mikee bujnay yo ..lol funny stuff[/quote]

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. yeh but I only learnt MP later, spoke urdu mostly and alhamdulillah now fluentish in both aswell as jhelumi sort of.

I was just thinking about the word riddly fyed. Does it really exist or did you make it up cos it is propa funny, couldy get it out of my head. Also its one of them words that sound like what they describing. riddly fyde riddly fyed.[/quote]

i speak urdu,my parents are punjabis so is the rest of my generation..cnt speak punjabi properly ,my urdus good but not fluent, MP wht my cuzons speak is propa ununderstandable,

as for the word riddlyfyde its defo not in the dictionary, where its from i dunno lol ,

I used to speak urdu only cos my mom and dadi didnt want us chatting MP, funnily they dont mind us speaking punjabi (they're both punjabi). So I speak urdu best. But MP is the lingot for cusses. Worst you can say in urdu is ''mujhe tumse yeh umeed nahi thi'' , MP i cant even mention.

This is one of my favourite poems/songs at the moment. (Songs are basically poems with music so I called it poem). I think this is great, really feel it:

Rafta Rafta
hole hole
dil ko churaya tumne
dil ko to pata bhi na chala
chori chori chupke chupke
jadoo jagaya tumne
dil ko to pata bhi chala

kabhi ha kabhi naa
hum karte rahe
chupke aahe bhi bharte rahe
dekhate dekhate ye kya ho gaya

Stage by stage, slowly slowly,
You stole my heart,
Whilst my heart was not even aware.
Secretly and in hiding
You awakened a magic
Whilst my heart was not even aware.

Sometimes YES, sometimes NO I said,
Even silently I used to sigh,
Just by observing what is this that has happened?

[quote="Med"] Worst you can say in urdu is ''mujhe tumse yeh umeed nahi thi'' , MP i cant even mention.

[/quote]

LOL is that the worst u could think of?

yeh, what else can you say in urdu when u disappointed with someone? All the swear words are in punjabi/mp.

of course med, theres enough urdu near to swear words, one can easily get offended, yea but true punjabis have enough, tobah, mp arent they just like punjabi

yeh MP swears are just like punjabi ones but MPs tend to be more imaginitive in how they use the words.

I cant believe im still coming on here, i was sure that i wasnt gonna come on for a month but something keeps drawing me back, innit, maybe there something in the woh-ta?

that stupid woh'taa is getting on me nerves, it reminds me of something each time its mentioned,
well im gonna try coming on less now..this ramadhan is putting some different effect on me

Sorry Muhtarama, i'll stop with my aloo rock accent and wohh-taa, making me thirsty.

This Ramadaan is strange aswell. I miss home. Hate this uni rubbish but there is another new aspect to this Ramadaan, dunno if its good or bad. But if its bad, im gonna sort it out after hajj inshaALLAH.

[quote="Med"]Sorry Muhtarama, i'll stop with my aloo rock accent and wohh-taa, making me thirsty.

This Ramadaan is strange aswell. I miss home. Hate this uni rubbish but there is another new aspect to this Ramadaan, dunno if its good or bad. But if its bad, im gonna sort it out after hajj inshaALLAH.[/quote]

lol i dislike the word sorry , so u going hajj then

I think so inshaALLAH, I was unsure, but then someone said some stuff that made a lot of sense.