Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

Angel —

This thread is for jokes, poems or any inspirational stories (hint hint muslim kuri!)... so here goes......

Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Forum

Sirus — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 - 11:38

:shock:

.....well, im sure they copied it from somewhere esle!!

nah i jus agree with the points it makes....its a good one IMO

judda — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 - 11:40

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]
.....well, im sure they copied it from somewhere esle!!
[/quote]

lol they did....

the revival is google mish mash

one of the articles on the revival is on submission.org

Beast — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 - 11:41

[quote="Judda"]
yeah it was from "evil" site submission.org :twisted:[/quote]

No it's not.

It's all over the web.

judda — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 - 11:41

well i copied it from thier, i only saw it there, and they said u needed permission to copy "thier stuff", i is gonna tell mi bro to get a life...

Beast — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 - 11:45

[quote="Judda"]well i copied it from thier, i only saw it there, and they said u needed permission to copy "thier stuff", i is gonna tell mi bro to get a life...[/quote]

U mind giving us a url.

Dave — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 - 13:16

[quote="Judda"][quote="Constantine"]
To the beastly lust for rape.
[/quote]

wierdo :roll:

that poem didn't make any sense to me....[/quote]

It's a soldiers perspective on War - it's interesting because he looks at the whole picture rather than the ridiculous glorification we often find in winner's textbooks, or just the atrocities.

You — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 22:57

another slightly oldy:

[quote](We take you now to the Oval Office.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?[/quote]

Dave — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 23:00

lol that reminds me of the ironic name of the chinese pilot that crashed into one of our pilots a number of years ago.

"Wong Weh"

Dave — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 23:06

[quote="Admin"]You sure that wasn't the chinese just messing with you?[/quote]

The Glorious People's Communist Chinese Party does not have a sense of humor they are aware of.

star — Thu, 22 Sep 2005 - 00:58

FASTING

We all must fast in Ramadan,
Which is one of the five Arkan,
It is a blessed month you know,
We fast for Allah, not for show,

It's designed to make us think,
As we refrain from food and drink,
We feel the hunger and the pain,
And much there is for us to gain,
From dawn till dusk we fast,
Hoping that our Sawm can last,
While we try to do much good,
Building Taqwa like we should.

Special prayers we say at night,
And turn to Allah in our plight,
To forgive and guide us as we try,
While ourselves we purify.

And remember it was in Ramadan,
When Allah revealed the Holy Qur'an,
And so began the Prophet's call,
A guide and mercy to us all.

And the night of Qadr is unique,
Its blessings all believers seek,
Then will follow the day of 'Eid,
A truly festive day indeed.

Fasting teaches discipline too,
And self-control for me and you,
As year by year we train to be,
Better Muslims, by Allah's decree.

judda — Fri, 23 Sep 2005 - 10:13

This Indian man moved into his new home in England. His english
neighbour, being the nice bloke that he was, decided to make him
feel welcome.
He went next door to wish him welcome. He was shocked to see the
Indian man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like
mad. "Must be a Indian custom" he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went
home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the indian man
again.When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man
urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Indian custom" he
thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on
with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man.
At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a
cow's big fat butt. He became angry and went up to the Indian man.
"I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand
your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled in the Indian man's face.
The Indian man looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think
you are mistaken. These are actually English customs. I was told,
to be English, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen
to bullshit."

Dawud — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 - 17:04

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.

Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.

For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:

"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will never happen again."

Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Dawud — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 - 17:16

Never on the Earth was a better soul born
Never the world did a purer soul adorn

(not mine)

Ali II — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 - 18:03

[i]I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "you're next" "you're next". Well they stopped doing that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.
[/i]

[i]"you never really realize how big the world is until you get pushed out of a plane."- jon clodfelter
[/i]

Angel — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 - 22:45

Blonde View of Football

Just in time for football season... Football finally makes sense!

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied," especially the cute guys with all the big muscles; but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

Helloooo? It's only 25 cents!"

Angel — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 - 22:46

Birthday Gift

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat-up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.