Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

[quote="irfan"][quote="angel"]
well depends how u define "everyone" but why would u want literally everyone to love you? to much hassle and to many ppl to please![/quote]

If everyone loved you they would do everything for no matter what you did for them. But I wouldn't want evryone to love me, of course.

Family love goes without saying, but 'everyone' would include people outside family and friends.[/quote]

but in that context i dont think it literally means everyone, thats impossible, dont take it to heart to much, i am sure there are more ppl than your parents who love u (well i hope for your sake, looks like you goin into depression mode!!)

p.s. love is hard to define and i think true love is when sum1 does everythin for you..

[quote="angel"] looks like you goin into depression mode!!
[/quote]

Bloody 'ell. Maybe I am. Something did happen only yesterday.

I should try and fight it off.

Thankyou for the diagnosis... doctor. 😉

[quote="irfan"][quote="angel"] looks like you goin into depression mode!!
[/quote]

Bloody 'ell. Maybe I am. Something did happen only yesterday.

I should try and fight it off.

Thankyou for the diagnosis... doctor. :wink:[/quote]

lol your welcome...doctor angel, got a certain ring to it!

beta get ready for work, to early 😢 (bet most of u lazy ppl will be asleep 🙁 )

TO THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD

This is the story that must be told
of an Iraqi baby, not very old.

Lying in her crib one star lit night
How could she know of those planes in flight?

She lay there quietly touching her nose,
Watching her mobile, wiggling her toes,

Oohing and cooing, so sweetly is she,
Talking to someone, who could it be?

An angel is standing with her in the room.
The baby is smiling, unaware of her doom.

The crib starts to shake and the mobile goes round.
And suddenly comes a most deafening sound.

The ceiling drops in, in a second or two ...
On top of her crib so she ceases to coo ...

No one knows how long she lie there
Who thought about it? doesn't anyone care?

Is she alive? is she dead? Is she in any pain?
Now that you mention it, who knows her name?

Her name is Amal. In English we say Hope.
Crushed between the rubble,her tiny fingers start to grope.

Where is my mommy? I love her so dear
Come, get me mommy! It's dark in here!

I'm scared and I'm hungry and I can't see my feet.
There's blood in my mouth! Give me something to eat!

Where is my daddy? Where's my big brother?
It hurts when I breath! Where is my mother?!

How long have I been here? Is this just a dream?
I open my mouth, but can't even scream.

That angel appears once again to my side,
This time with a tear I plead Why have I died?

Am I alone in my sufferings? No, there are many others.
In our grief and our misery, we are sisters and brothers.

Who are we? I ask you ... for what crime did we die?
They're throwing a party! Doesn't anyone cry?!

Is it True? Am I nothing?! How could it be?
Don't they also have babies, just like me?

It is war they say, of which death is part.
How blind they've become, How hardened of heart.

Did someone say hero? To whom do they speak?
A victory claimed for killing the weak?!

Why are they happy? Why are they proud?
Don't they know that I'm cold in my burial shroud?!

No war has been won; No ifs, buts, or maybes,
They've Only Killed Babies!!!!

Signed Me,
An Iraqi Baby

I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favours.........
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed
My Prayer has been answered

lol this one is funny, i am sure all the guys will agree

Final Funeral?

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,

"Watch the wall!"

This [url=http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html]quiz[/url] is more comprehensive than the one that LilSis posted on the lost forum.

But it's still brought out my inner Jew. :roll:

1. Orthodox Judaism (100%)
2. Islam (92%)
3. Sikhism (87%)
4. Reform Judaism (74%)
5. Baha'i Faith (70%)

I thought I might do better on [url=http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=10007&surveyI…] this one[/url] because there's no way you can come out Jewish.

But then it tells me I'm a 'Progressive Muslim'. :x

I need help. 🙁

lol poor irfan, tryin to do silly quiz to decide what religion he is, get a grip bro, when you said your were depressed i didnt know u were this depressed!

[quote="angel"]lol poor irfan, tryin to do silly quiz to decide what religion he is, get a grip bro, when you said your were depressed i didnt know u were this depressed![/quote]

At least I've admitted I have a problem.

This is one of my favourite poems. Before anyone starts balking at the middle content, read to the end... it makes sense:

At Lunchtime

When the bus stopped suddenly
to avoid damaging
a mother and child in the road,
the younglady in the green hat sitting opposite,
was thrown across me,
and not being one to miss an opportunity
I started to make love.
At first, she resisted,
saying that it was too early in the morning,
and too soon after breakfast,
and anyway, she found me repulsive.
But when I explained
that this being a nuclearage
the world was going to end at lunchtime,
she took off her green hat,
put her busticket into her pocket
and joined in the exercise.

The buspeople,
and there were many of them,
were shockedandsurprised,
and amusedandannoyed.
But when the word got around
that the world was going to end at lunchtime,
they put their pride in their pockets
with their bustickets
and made love one with the other.
And even the busconductor,
feeling left out,
climbed into the cab,
and struck up some sort of relationship with the driver.

That night,
on the bus coming home,
we were all a little embarrassed.
Especially me and the younglady in the green hat.
And we all started to say
in different ways
how hasty and foolish we had been.
But then, always having been a bitofalad,
I stood up and said it was a pity
that the world didnt nearly end every lunchtime,
and that we could always pretend.
And then it happened ...

Quick asa crash
we all changed partners,
and soon the bus was aquiver
with white, mothball bodies doing naughty things.

And the next day
and everyday
In everybus
In everystreet
In everytown
In everycountry

People pretended
that the world was coming to an end at lunchtime.
It still hasnt.
Although in a way it has.

Here's a few jokes in celebration of movin :roll:

A guy in a bar stands up and shouts, "Lawyers are jerks!" At the other end of the bar, a guy shouts back, "I resent that." The first guy asks, "Are you a lawyer?"

And the second guy responds: "No, I'm a jerk

Second joke:

Dead Mama

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

Another one, i am bored...

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm Sorry, " and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Houston."

[quote="irfghan"]I thought I might do better on [url=http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=10007&surveyI…] this one[/url] because there's no way you can come out Jewish.

But then it tells me I'm a 'Progressive Muslim'. :x

I need help. :([/quote]

lol, i came out traditional muslim, scraped it tho! suits me tho

as for the belief-o-matic (yes i am bored).......
1 - Islam (100%)
2 - orthodox Judaism (100%)
4 - Mormons..........mus be the more than 1 wife factor

[quote="Hayder Sabri"][quote="irfghan"]I thought I might do better on [url=http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=10007&surveyI…] this one[/url] because there's no way you can come out Jewish.

But then it tells me I'm a 'Progressive Muslim'. :x

I need help. :([/quote]

lol, i came out traditional muslim, scraped it tho! suits me tho

as for the belief-o-matic (yes i am bored).......
1 - Islam (100%)
2 - orthodox Judaism (100%)
[/quote]

That just shows the reliability of the damn thing :roll: you are 100% islamic and 100% judaism

tru...but orthdox jews believe in a lot of similar things to us, and arent to different in thoery.

Salaam i just want to share with you what i heard a few weeks ago its actually a nasheed but the words are beautifull and was sang exceptionally well.

Ya Allah who can know of youre glory and might
you turn night into day you turn day into night,
every motion and rest every silence and word is
encompassed by you is through your power alone,

Allah hoo Allah hoo

oh my lord who exists beyond beginnings or ends
on your will and your power all existence depends,
space and time you trascend you are true unity you
are greater then all more to minds can conciecve,

Ya Allah Ya Rahman

Every atom and seed every mountain and tree
all that dwells in the sky and the earth and the sea,
every star in the heavens the sun and the moon
without rest without pause we all glorify you.

Allah hoo Allah hoo

o lord of the worlds full of mercy and grace make
me one of those whom will see your blessed face,
you refine me and guide me make me pleasing to you
let me live let me die in remembrance of you

bY Talib al habib.

I found this joke funny, for some reason people don't.

[b]21 Muslims dead in Bradford!! [/b]

Police don't think it's a revenge attack.

Early reports suggets a bunk bed collapsed

sum goreey frm wrk sent me that, whilst i admit it is funny...but not from a kaffirs mouth! i didnt knw whether 2 laff or kik off wiv her!

do pal ki zindagi yunhi beet jayegi
kaali raat ke baad nayi subah ayegi

aur jab doston ki yaad satayegi
tho kasam se aapki yaad sabse pehle aayegi :roll:

😛

This was on another forum.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
[I'm guessing they mean San Francisco]

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
HE COPULATES TO FIND INTERNS

Not that anyone has shown any interest or appreciation of the above post, but you have your own bit of anagram fun on this [url=http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html]site[/url].

[quote="irfghan"]Not that anyone has shown any interest or appreciation of the above post, but you have your own bit of anagram fun on this [url=http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html]site[/url].[/quote]

stop moanin i saw the post and it was interestin somewhat...do we have to post and let you know that your posts have been acknowledged!? :roll:

[quote="angel"]
stop moanin i saw the post and it was interestin somewhat...do we have to post and let you know that your posts have been acknowledged!? :roll:[/quote]

Sorry 🙂 . Maybe I expected too much.

[quote="irfghan"][quote="angel"]
stop moanin i saw the post and it was interestin somewhat...do we have to post and let you know that your posts have been acknowledged!? :roll:[/quote]

Sorry 🙂 . Maybe I expected too much.[/quote]

nah its ok, seems your bored! what i did find very funny was that lil cartoon bangin his head against the keyboard, that was somethin that should have been defnitely posted here, it was hilarious!

The End Is Near
A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads: "The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now -- Before It's Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"

how does a monkey make its toast
buts it under gorilla 😃 :shock: :? 🙂 🙁 8) 😂 :o 😢 :x 😛 :twisted: :roll: 😉

Alfred Tennyson - Ulysses

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an agèd wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy'd
Greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone, on shore, and when
Thro' scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honour'd of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers,
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!
As tho' to breathe were life! Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.
This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle, -
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.
There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me -
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads - you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

i always liked that peom esp the ending

[quote="almas"]i always liked that peom esp the ending[/quote]

As do I.

I sort of think that's the point of life - to live an odyssey, keep asking questions, keep exploring, keep learning.

I think that's what made me want to learn how to fly.