"Med" wrote:

lool.

Its all theoretical, but dont worry when I put it into practice you'll be the first to know how well its going!

lol right then, im sure youll sweep her off her feet.

What can I say "authoritarian" just isn't my style with close friends and my fiancee. Other people - sure - but loyalty overrides my need to flex with people I am comfortable with.

Best to be real and work with what you know than be fake to live up to somebody elses expectations of what a man is supposed to be.

loool

Before i got married i had money to spend on myself coz i worked. So if i saw something i really liked i could afford to have it. Since i've been married i've seen a lot of things i've wanted, but i've never asked my hubby coz i know we are strapped for cash, buying extras isn't something either of us can do. If i mentioned it he would buy it for me without a thght. So i keep a tight lid on it.

I stay away from town that way i don't feel disappointed when i see something i can't have. Also means i'm not always wanting the latest things in season. The only time i visit town now is for a real need, get that specific thing and go home. Sounds sad but we're on a budget. Wouldn't be fair if i was living it up and my husband was living economically now would it!

Last time i splashed out was Eid, but that was for my mother in law, sister in law, and my parents not myself.

It would be nice to have a bit more money. But money can only make you more secure, give you piece of mind it can't bring you happiness, and i have that in abundance so i can't complain.

well... although i've never been strapped for cash I can say with some certainty that money doesn't even get you peace of mind. The more you have - the bigger or more complicated your money problems. The only peace of mind you can get is when you stop wanting things I think... though that's not terribly easy when cheesecake is so delicious.

Hey Yashmaki! You seem a lot happier since you've gotten married - not that you weren't always cheerful... but cheerful and a lot more mellow, have you sort of found a groove or a niche adjusting to the new life?

i've always been mellow, just didn't show myself in a good light in the forum. Before i tried to comment on everything because my emotions got the better of me. And i spoke on topics i shouldn't have without correct knowledge. So now i try to keep posts limited to things i can speak of with experience.

Being married moved out of a large busy household into a really small quiet one, where i am the housekeeper. Maybe that has made me a bit more laid back. Also made me realise how hard it is to manage finances, do domestics, look after an eldery person. It's made me appreciate the things my parents did for me. I appreciate life more, want to make the best of it. So yeah maybe it has made me more chilled out, that's a good thing though isn't it?

P.S i love cheesecake too i can still afford that lol

"Angel" wrote:

a woman doesn't liked to be bossed around!

tru

but some men are ignorant when it comes to women

I pity them fools

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

"Angel" wrote:

a woman doesn't liked to be bossed around!

tru

but some men are ignorant when it comes to women

I pity them fools

but its true that some women are too demanding

compromise is the key answer

"naj" wrote:

but its true that some women are too demanding

compromise is the key answer

some are-thats true

my auntie from back home has put my uncle in debt and the man aint complaining :roll:

BUT if the husband can afford it and doesnt have an issue with spending on the wife-whats the big deal?

[img]http://img273.imageshack.us/img273/4574/lachen708mp.gif[/img]

"Seraphim" wrote:

[size=18][b]Q.[/b][/size] If a husband disappears for years on end, no word, no nothing... doesnt even ring home to check on his wife and kid. Does he have any rights to them if and when he returns?
Islamicly speaking does she hav the right to divorce him?

I think the guy should be divorced cuz what kind of man would get married and leave his wife and kids, i have heard somethin bout this but my memory fails to recall, damn!

I doubt any1 here will be able to give you an answer with full confidence. Better to ask an alim.

"Med" wrote:

I doubt any1 here will be able to give you an answer with full confidence. Better to ask an alim.

Well said.

Bro I could give an answer but its totally kacha, so no benefit in it.

It will not be a partial answer, but a potentially incorrect one.

If the man is presumed dead... then that is diferent.

If he has left his wife and kids, but refuses to grant a divorce... that is where me and med differ. According to me a divorce through the courts is the way. According to Med, a divorce can only be granted if the man agrees.

"Seraphim" wrote:

But if and when he returns Islamicly speaking does he hav any rights to them? Even if she re-marries?

The kids yeh but the wife no. (i think)

is he rpesumed dead? or is he alive?

if alive, then according to me, and the people I have consulted a divorce through the courts is legitimate.

It kills the marriage both in the legal and the shar'ee (islamic law) way.

If he is presumed dead, I am not sure. I think after a time she will be allowed to remarry. But if he returns I have no idea what will happen.

I knw its a serious qsn but Seraph bruv I gotta ask :

have you been watching those indian dramas or summat?

Cos I DISTINCTLY remember this kind of stuff happening in the dramas my mom watches, one hubby goes away and she marries another man and then the first one comes back and she is torn between both of em.

found it amusing.

"Seraphim" wrote:

"Admin" wrote:

is he rpesumed dead? or is he alive?

It is unknown.... alive or dead?? Dont know.

So where do they stand?

He will either be presumed dead, or presumed alive.

Now follow the legal path depending on the presumption.

You also have access to scholars you can ask.

"Seraphim" wrote:

[size=18][b]Q.[/b][/size] If a husband disappears for years on end, no word, no nothing... doesnt even ring home to check on his wife and kid. Does he have any rights to them if and when he returns?
Islamicly speaking does she hav the right to divorce him?

The four Imams differ on this issue.

One of the Imams (can't remember which one) said that a woman has to wait 99 years.

But yeah, clarify this with a scholar.

i've read this up on sunnipath or askimam a similar question like this. The woman was asking if she could get a divorce coz her husband just disappeared. Went on business trip or something. Never calls, doesn't maintain her or her kids. He's not doing any of his duties, plus he's virtually abandoned her. It goes on a case by case basis but the islamic courts can sever the marriage for a woman under such circumstances. Go to the websites search up the answer there.

But i know what i would do if my husband abandoned me even for a few months, and didn't communicate at all. I am human deserve to be treated as such :x

salaam

seraphim, i have sent u PM on contact details of several scholars to get a proper answer to this question

wasalaam

"yashmaki" wrote:

But i know what i would do if my husband abandoned me even for a few months, and didn't communicate at all. I am human deserve to be treated as such :x

Well said.

Whether he has a right to his wife is a seperate issue...but I wonder how many women would take such a man back.

A wife has rights over her husband...if he's not providing or is not there, then it makes sense to end the marraige.

But scholars differ on the time period that a woman has to wait.

"Seraphim" wrote:

[size=18][b]Q.[/b][/size] If a husband disappears for years on end, no word, no nothing... doesnt even ring home to check on his wife and kid. Does he have any rights to them if and when he returns?
Islamicly speaking does she hav the right to divorce him?

my nan was watching a bollywood film based on this story line last night

it had ashwaria in nit

did u watch the same film?

"Seraphim" wrote:

[size=18][b]Q.[/b][/size] If a husband disappears for years on end, no word, no nothing... doesnt even ring home to check on his wife and kid. Does he have any rights to them if and when he returns?
Islamicly speaking does she hav the right to divorce him?

i read in one of my brothers islamic medical ethics and jurisprudence folders that..

a women is still in the marriage of her husband till the death is not known.

however best too look into it.