Ive finally resigned to putting myself through the degrading process of the meat market. Lets face at age 24 Im not getting any younger and its not as if I any longer have a man in my life. I refuse to met desi guys but I told mum that Im OK with seeing guys from this country. The whole process is a lot of crock I have to come out wearing my best sari, smile and preen and act as if Im a whizz in the kitchen and the perfect traditonal bengali girl. The truth is far from it. Its a fake act that I have to put on.
Lately Ive been thinking, since I pretend to be someone that Im not then the guys are most prob doing the same thing. :shock: But at the same time I cant be myself as I know that no one will want me. On top of that every guy that has walked through my door has been a wet blanket. But still I have to act as his protuding belly and receding hairline is the next bext thing since sliced bread. Mum tells me I should be grateful for what I get :roll:
Im having a shit time back home for my christmas holidays. But Ive vowed not to date again. It only leads to heartache and the feeling of being used. Does any one have any tips on how to act when being put through the meat market? Are there any success stories
You're 24?
I could'av sworn you were 16/17.
Re: the meat market. Keep at it. I'm sure the perfect buyer is just around the corner.
You can help your cause by letting it be known that you are available and willing to go all the way. Tell your friends to spread the word. This way someone you may have been interested in in the past might turn up to check out the goods on offer.
I dont really hav a success story to tell you...
But i had to post after your original post Ramz:
People fake it big time... wen it comes to the "meat market":
I hav an uncle who runs a very successful business and was marrying his eldest daughter to a "successful" guy from back home... even after the engagement and all that a couple of months before the wedding the guys parents demanded half my uncles business to be put to their name. :shock: turns out they werent as "successful" as they made out to be.
In the end my uncle told them to take a hike.
Point being theres good and bad people out there... you SHOULDNT just except what your given who knows what kind of terd he really is. On the other hand he could geniunley be a REALLY nice and decent guy.
Bottomline:The right to choose is yours and you should consider your choices very carefuly. As this could be the difference between "Happily Every After" and "The Biggest Mistake of your Life".
Choose wisely.
Back in BLACK
Only thing i can advise is, make sure you get to knw the guy properly, interogate him but then again you cant know anyone properly! Thats life for ya
i got to say this might sound harsh but before you start looking, look at yourself and then go for someone like yourself you'll never be disappointed or will you?
I personally dont know any people who have been happily married this way. I think that only those people who cant get anyone any other way get married through the meat market.
Its full of lies and deciet. I cant believe that no one else has personally experienced the horrors. I have more then enough stories to share.
Go on...
Well just briefly.
I've contradicted my parents when theyve tried to convey me as someone Im not. Ive served shitty food on purpose. Ive come down stressed like a tart. Ive found out from third parties that the guy is already married or divorced. Ive insulted the potential in laws. Ive made out that Im fatter then I actually am. Ive pretended that Im a psycho
And more just to make dumb boys for off me.
Such extreme measures are gonna cause trouble for you. People'll start talking about you saying stuff like, 'don't get your son married to 'Ramz' because she's a so and so.' This might put off potentially good candidates.
What kind of suitor would you say yes to?
Thats the whole idea. Obvioulsy the suitors who see me sicken me thats why I resort to such extreme action. My parents and desi's don't understand what NO means. So I have to SHOW them that I aint intrested. I rather find my own man. The meat market is degrading.
Has MS quit this forum? she could help me out. Your posts are very useful too. Your a diamond. But it was her posts that made me join.
lol
I'm trying to fill the void.
She has left unannounced, hopefully not for too long.
Maybe she'll be back tommorow.
hey Ramz, i gotta point out here - havent u already tried 'finding your own man'. to me, ur position proves that dating certainly isnt the perfect method (in fact it seems an even more degrading method, coz guys just take advantage of the girls) so how about trying out ur parents' method this time... give them some guidelines to go by i.e. make it clear to them wot kinda guy u would consider marrying - if u make an effort to 'work with them' on this, they'll take u seriously.
if done by the guy/gal's guidelines, this is never a 'degrading' method of getting married.
and no, MuslimSis hasnt quit as far as i'm aware - i think she posted yesterday.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
I think there's something in between this meat market process and the forbidden dating game.
But sitting in front of trillions of men whilst they perve at you and ask personal questions in front of your family is very degrading.
true, there is, thankfully my parents discovered it.
hmm, yeh that doesnt sound too good. hav u expressed this sentiment (nicely!) to ur parents, or atleast ur mom? as i sed, mayb if u come across as though ur genuinely trying it their way, theyl take u seriously and let u have more of a say in how things get done?
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Hope you find som1 just like you.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
I hope so too.
And I hope that you end up with the person you are after too instead of sickening us all with your lovey posts all over the forum.
I have another rishta coming tomorrow. This one sounds promising. Is it just me or does the prescence of huge family and the boys huge family sap all the potentional romance out of the picture? Does anyone else find it hard to chat to the guy when their brothers are in the room?
I was considering asking for the number of the guy on the sly if I like him. Its much better to talk in private.
I never cover my head with a scarf when I meet rishta's. I dont see the point as I dont cover my head outside the house. But Im considering wearing the scarf very soon. But I still dont think that I'd cover my head in front of suitors, because the guy has a right to see a persons hair IMO. Thats where a girls beauty lies. I asked the head of my study circle teacher and she told me that there is a difference of opinion regarding this. Apparently some scholars have even said that a guy can see a womens leg if he wishes. Of course I wouldnt expose my legs and if the guy asked he'd be shown the door. But thats only because I dont expose my legs outside the home either.
Anyway, was that girl right?
im not sure about the covering of the hair but im sure that you aint allowed to show your legs or any other part of the body for that matter...correct me if im wrong but just because the guy thinks he might want 2 marry you doesnt mean all the rules regarding modesty and decency go outta the window...
Salaam
Ramz, i remember this issue has been discussed before probably in one of the numerous marriage related threads (but i cant find it).
From what i remember it is permissable to show your face, but not your hair.
Sorry i dont have any particular references.
Wasalaam
R you sure that this is what all the scholars have said. The head of my study circle said that some say you can see hair, some say you cant and some say that you even see leg. I'll ask her if I see her again which scholars have said this.
I agree
I disagree with the leg bit but not the hair. A guy IMO has a right to know what a girls hair looks like. He'll be spending the rest of the life with the girl its important that he feels attracted to her. What if after marraige he find out that her hair is dyed bright pink with spikes?
i dont know the ruling on this so i cant really say either way but personally i wouldnt show the guy my hair...how many guys would i have 2 show my hair 2 untill i find the right 1 to marry?
she can always dye it a colour that he prefers...im sure it wouldnt cause too much conflict :!:
I see where you're coming from. But I'd personally make an effort and show him myself if I was intrested in him too. I have a guy over right now. But because I'm not intresting in him I'm posting messages from my brothers room. That guy wont even have the benefit of seeing my face.
LOL
Yeah if my memory serve me right, she was 19 from birmingham.
Anyway :roll:
The whole process of rishta that are being describe are funny IMO. I can't see the point of family meeting at the begining, surely it would be better if the couple were too meet each other first with a mahram and family only be brought in the middle of the rishta arrangement. I can't see what purpose bringing the parent in really early has, if anything it put extra pressure on the two couples.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
I live in B'ham. But I'm living on campus in London University. But right know I'm home in B'ham for the christmas holidays.
Did I really say I was 19? I must have been on something. :roll:
Ramz, you're only 24 !!
I'm 25 in a few months so don't make me feel old.
There is no need for you to worry, you're still young and have loads of time.
Don't be tempted to rush in to anything, have patience and the right match will come your way.
Keep the faith.
shes worried shes gonne exceed her 'shelf-life'....
Which i hear doesnt really happen till 30s... i dunno... im no Doctor.
Back in BLACK
People live longer these days so a lady's shelf life is extended well into her 30s.
If I reach about 35 and am still unmarried I'll probably resign myself to spinsterhood.
I'd love to get married but its the whole "getting to know someone" phase that worries me.
I think at the age of 25 if you ain't beginning to become worry about marriage, there something wrong because everything will catch up really quick and before u know u 30. There is alot of hassle involve in finding someone, but anything worth having require some struggle. The problem come with many people today, when they get fed up and just give up. But as long as ur intention are sincere, i sure everything will work out fine for everyone here.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
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