Anyway, how'd you feel about sharing your husband? And for the guys, how'd you feel if your wife didn't care that you have a second wife?
Can't sleep. Think I'm officially an insomniac. But anyway, so in between reading the Catcher in the Rye and contemplating whether I had ADHD or not, I came across the book review of:
Love, Inshallah: The Secret Love Lives Of American Muslim Women By Ayesha Mattu And Nura Maznavi
The title sounds boring. But I read the review anyway and found a quoted section of the book:
“even though I had heard that polygamy always ended in broken hearts, mayhem, and dismemberment, the idea of sharing a husband had never bothered me. I had never understood why women fought so much over men. If a man loved two women, the woman could either leave or share him. I believed women should be confident enough in themselves that they wouldn’t need to be the sole object of a man’ s affections. I knew there were men who loved and supported two families with equal devotion. To me, husband sharing sounded like a perfect blend of being married and single at the same time… In short, polygamy seemed not an unholy aberration, but a sacrosanct communion between a family and God…”
What do you people think?
Interesting. Personal opinion: No, i wouldn't want to marry a man who already has or is thinking of having another wife. It's as simple as that for me!
I wouldn't share my husband either.
But according to a talk I watched earlier today by Shake Ahmed Deedat, he said that it says in the Quran that men can marry two women, three women or even four women. But if he can't keep them fairly and happily and treat them all equal he SHOULD ONLY MARRY ONE.
I think we need to remind you - You ARE the husband. Men have a spouse by the name of WIFE. Women have a spouse by the name of HUSBAND. Yes?
What you heard was correct. But thats only allowed for men and they MUST fulfill that condition. Some countries won't allow it though, pretty much illegal and they don't take the second marriage into account, legally.
Same thing doesn't apply to a woman though. She can only have ONE husband, and only if they divorce or he dies, can she remarry.
The Shake also talked about the reason for the.
I can't remember the numbers, but he said there are x number more women than men, so unless everyone sleeps around the only way of legally / morally dealing with the issue of natures desires is by allowing the minority to take more than one of the majority (if that makes sense. He explained it a lot better. I'll try to find the vid)
my dad is as i type listening to Ahmad Deedat downstairs.
I dont think I would mind sharing. but thats just an inexperienced teenager talking im guessing.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
How I'll overcome this issue:
I'll not "legally" register any one of them and only have nikkah with them all.
Then I'll make a will to say all I own should be split between all 4 equally.
Problem solved...
Let us know if it works out
He said he wouldn't register any of them.
I wouldn't want to do that, I don't think it'd work well. But my mum's friend is one of two wives and she's fine with it. Her young son really likes the other wife too! Masha'Allah
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
dont think so coz thats "registred" to british authority which doesnt "really count"
and theres already laws of inheritance for kids and wives set by Allah.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Just remember its illegal in this country (UK). And we are required to 'obey the laws of the land in which we live'. Personally i always thought its stupid how guys are legally only allowed to marry one woman at a time but are allowed to have as many biscuits on the side as they want. It would make more sense to outlaw that and allow people marry more than once.
Unfortunately I never took wills and probate so i cant really reply to NS suggestion. But it seems to make sense. Although i imagine if he had any kids from these women then this may play a part too.
I suppose if there was a BUY ONE GET ONE FREE offer on wives i may consider it LOL. Imagine if they were both twins!?! Oh the confusion and hilarity that would create haha. Sounds like a good TV Sitcom
I did hear that statistically speaking there are more women in the world then men. So who knows if this could become a thing.
Back in BLACK
LOL! (how..did you get that from my two sentences...) nevermind, no, im nt saying that. but technically. only a rich religious guy wld be able to get more than one wife. coz you need a certain level to be able to be "fair in everything but love" and when it comes to love, even though you cant control your feeling, still hide it as best you can.
having a 2nd wife isnt an accessory that says "im religious and im worth it *flick of beard*" its the otehr way.. i dont think any guy wld consider a second wife as an accessory.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Bigamy is an offence in the the UK so that's pretty much of the question if you were thinking of treading the 'legal' path.
There's not many women who would be willing to share their husbands and i wouldn't want to be with someone who'd be ok with the thought of me being with another women.
Although Islam allows it, i think the relationship of husband and wife is more special and complete when there's only one wife in the pic...i mean love should be like writing engraved upon stone, there to stay for life...not just to throw around as you please only to fulfill your own desires...but then on the other hand i guess it's better for a guy to be married twice than to fall into the trap of Zina....however (Allah save me) i think it's a poor excuse for a man to say he can't satisfy his desires...man needs to learn to be content with what he has and often when he runs after more in life he begins to realise that he was actually satisfied in the first place with what 'little' he had.
I think it's important to add here, that, the Prophet
himself had more than one wife in order to help the women - for reasons like being outcasts or weak etc because of being divorced or widows etc. Just thought I'd add that incase someone gets the wrong idea.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Exactly...there was more to it in the days of the prophet pbuh and the sahaba. I think sheikh Z.Mahmood had it right though, the society today is a sex driven society...i don't know why but we've fallen ill to something that infects the heart and mind...call it nafs or materialism or even common forms of entertainment...but there is something that makes us forget true honest, good will and nobility...i speak first for myself...but it does seem to be a problem. The latter then also comes back to how a persons levels of imaan increase and decrease... completely different topic however.
That reminds me, isn't there a minor sign of the day of judgement which foretells us that 'women will outnumber men?'
I never said they would want to now, I was just stating a fact. But now that you've mentioned it, not everyone is strong and independent even in this day and age...whether they want to be a second wife or not is a different question and very personal to the individuals.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
WE REALLY SHOULD HEAR WHAT SOUTH AFRICA'S PRESIDENT, JACOB ZUMA SAYS ABOUT ALL OF THIS!
Here's a list of his wives:
You see it as a weakness, some may see it as necessary. It is natural for men and women to "need" each other, that's how we're made. And maybe it is saying they're weak, but they haven't got so much pride to avoid marriage altogether. I'm thinking more or people in third world countries, who would need a husband more than someone here. Then again, I don't think second marriages are common - the women haven't outnumbered the men yet! So, people just get re-married or whatever, if needed, instead of being married as a second wife.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
i think guys can like more than one girl. its them aint it?
and you guys have mentionned reasons like necessity or dependance. but what abt. i just like the guy? and he happened to be married? instead of being a mistress i become a full pledged wife.
wives of one guy are sometimes really close, like sisters. (i wont think abt that too hard if i were you it gets weird...) i heard abt this marriage where the girls are so close, non of them want to sit at the front with the guy. they'd rather sit and giggle at the back together. i think thats just fab!
somehow..i imagine it living i nthe same house. most dont. but if you do. tis half the housework blad! one day you clean, one day you cook. some day you do nowt (coz the hubby does it) tis good!
and the above triple. when one is sick, the other looks after the kids. and one will be like "today you go out with him and i'll cook no worries".
now..i must sit and think abt the guy in this situation... its a whole different level isnt it? and ive no male mind so im not going to fry my brain over this but.. im sure if Allah's made it allowable then guys can deal with it. in a totally healthy, not desire driven way.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I would find that so weird
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
WoW - you've really opened my eyes to how women can and should be.
First thing tomorrow I'll be finding myself a new wife....
I'll invite all you Revvy people to my second wedding.
LOL
And what does Mrs NS think of this?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I wonder whose going to do the honours of telling her?
Son of NS is sleeping. Mrs Ns don't have a Revvy account. Before anyone knows it, I'll have a second wife so it'll be too late for anyone to do anything about it...
LOL
Sometimes guys won't tell their second wife they're already married...and the younger Mrs Khan no.2 only finds out when she confronts him about his late arrivals home...not saying it's the way to go about things...but this is how it happens...some of the time i guess
WOUAW WOUAH WOUAH WOUAH WOUAH! lets take a STEP back on THAT one. im NOT actively looking for a married man. i see myself getting married young and i need someone who wanna get things done (who wld be totally taken up by me giong on adventures adn changing the world) so he wldnt be able to have anther wife, let alone a FIRST wife.
but i wldnt mind , if he wants to, becoming a triple rather than a couple.
as i said though, tis all musings of a silly teenager.
that said.
the guy NS played just now, the "it'll be done before anyone knows it" thats NOT my idea of the type of guy who should get a second wife.
i read this amazing, beautiful article. abt this woman who made hijrah and whislt there got divorced but decided not to run back to her family and stick it out in Egypt with hardly any arabic. and then there was this cab driver who helped out a lot - at first it was strictly cabdriving kinda helping, then he helped her with finding places for shopping etc.. stuff for kids basically, then he invited her and her kids to his family home. and then the wife, THE WIFE told her that she wldnt mind if they were to get married.
the writer said that she never expected herself to get married again, let alone be a second wife. but she's super happy.
i just resumed that story very very badly. sorry abt that.
i dont let the horror stories of "e went and got married back home and never told his first wife anything" dent my idea of more than one wife. because these guys didnt do it right. they make me angry.
a guy who doesnt ask his reasonable first wife's opinion or discusses it with her..thats a jerk aint it? the only reason i can think of is if the 2nd wife is a needy one and the 1st one is a "you wanna remarry?! do you not love me anymore! *swoons/faints melodramatically*" kinda wife.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
PHEW - I'm glad you worded it like that.
It's good that people know (/think) that I'm not really like that.
They say sharing is caring, look on the brite side, less work to do, less cooking, less washing, more spare time with the same perks.
welcome to TheRevival!! will you be sticking around? love your picture..looks a bit like Mr potato from Toy Story.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
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