One of my amigos rang me today, I hadn’t spoken to her in a while – it’s kinda cut down (actually it's cut down a lot) since she decided that she wanted to ditch London for Manchester (why oh why oh why?) after she and the Mr. got pronounced “man and wife”.
It wasn’t a long conversation either, mainly just a quick catch up and stuff. But one thing that I didn’t expect from her was asked: “so when are you getting married?”
You what?! Marriage is cool and all but I just finished uni man - Said I (in not so many words - I think I said "Ah whatever" or something)
She continued to say that she wants me to get married because she ‘wanted to come on [my] honeymoon'. Now I’m SURE she said that as a mistake because let’s say – hypothetically, I’m packed and ready to go, the dude (sorry my wonderful, charming other half) is at the door with the bags and my friend runs down the stairs shouting “wait for meeee” – hmm.
A lot of people I know seem to be getting married actually, just the other day my friend from uni announced she had her Islamic wedding done and then (naturally) she and I joked about my wedding and the oh so lucky guy that I am destined to be with – ha ha ha blah.
Realistically I’m not sure how I feel about this anymore, I mean I do want to get married but after having a lot of time to think about it these last few years (during which both my sisters were magically transformed into the significant ‘Mrs’ and have hyphenated their surnames), I want to make sure that I do certain things first (they aren’t exactly impossible after marriage but can be really difficult).
I also think that so many people rush into marriage for all the wrong reasons (well this is half my own opinion and half the opinion I formulated after watching the final episode of “Before you say I do” hosted by Yassir Fazaga (Peace TV) and I just don’t want to be one of those people.
By the way, that series was helpful – even if ‘we know that already’ (I quote my sister here). It’s like even though we may on the surface ‘know’ things, the actual steps he takes us through allow the concepts to sink in.
I like the one example he used about how we choose our food (tomatoes was the specific example he used I think) and how we really check if they’re good before buying while when it comes to marriage we don’t bother to really check anything – it’s true (my mum makes us check 1000 times before buying any sort of fruit or veg – or even canned products where we have to make sure the can isn’t malformed or dented or anything), whereas for the guy that we hope to spend the rest of our days on earth with, well let's just say I've heard and seen various examples of people picking the wrong fruit.
However, I think that I’m at a stage that if something comes along, I’m not going to be a child and rule it out but at the same time I’m not going to be stupid and agree blindly. I want to follow my plans and don’t want to have regrets at the end of it and I know I say this a lot – that the future is a scary and unknown void (I think it’s more a vortex actually where it’s sucking you in when you’re trying hard to hang on to what you already have) but truth be told, marriage was always hovering in the background. It just took me a while to realise it was there.. to stay.
Comments
Glad you did though!
Lol what do you propose people do then? (no pun intended!)
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Well if your mother is someone you can relate to then ask her to find someone (I personaly wouldnt have a problem with this, but I know some people don't want their parents to look for someone because of their traditional views etc, but I am kinda traditional myself so I have no problems with that), otherwise ask friends if they know anyone they can introduce you to or any adult members you think will be able to...some people go online, a few of my friends did and they found good people to whom they are now married to and have cute children lol so thats always an option. Erm, we do have to make an effort at some point. But then at the same time, don't like crazy wild like I NEED A HUSBAND LIKE NOWW lol , we got to have some patience also and make duah.
I had like lots of proposals before I got married to my hubby...and these were from guys I just knew...like at Uni, family friends and through friends...but I found them unsuitable so I went online. But that was a disaster also...so it just depends on timing and the kind of person your looking for. Just remember we are not perfect and there is no 'Prince Charming' lol
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Asking parents... I can imagine a scenario...
you: "Mum, Dad, I want to get married..."
Dad: "Great, my sister in pakistan is really poor and she as a daughter. she is only 16 right now, but we can get the mangni done and a few years later, you can marry."
you: "er..."
Mum: "Or there is my brothers daughter."
You: "I don't think I want to know"
Parents: "but you said you want to get married"
you: "But, it has to be someone who I can talk to"
Parents: "You can talk to her/them - we taught you the second urdu book when you were a kid!"
Mum: "I always said you should speak urdu at home, and you didn't listen... see where this has got you"
you: "but your home language was pushto!"
dad: "what's wrong with my sisters daughter?"
you: "Well, for one she is young"
dad: "look son, if you didn't want to get married, why did you bring all this up."
you: "but I do want to get married"
mum: "Who to? tell us who you want to get married to and we will get it sorted"
you: "I don't have anyone in mind"
mum: "so whats wrong with my brothers son?"
you: "son? I am not gay!"
mum: "but yo dont want to marry the daughter either. My brother has always been poor and if you marry one of their children, they will have an easier life."
you: "no, just no"
and it would keep going on... does not seem condusive to a good atmosphere.
(a week later:
dad: I work with this person and he has a daughter. Shall I ask him if he wants to marry her to you?)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Lol I guess the average family is like that. Mine wouldn't want me to get married into the family anyways so they wouldn't even consider it.
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
Ha! I see you said 'imagine' but i couldn't help wondering if that conversation was real!
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
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