One of my amigos rang me today, I hadn’t spoken to her in a while – it’s kinda cut down (actually it's cut down a lot) since she decided that she wanted to ditch London for Manchester (why oh why oh why?) after she and the Mr. got pronounced “man and wife”.
It wasn’t a long conversation either, mainly just a quick catch up and stuff. But one thing that I didn’t expect from her was asked: “so when are you getting married?”
You what?! Marriage is cool and all but I just finished uni man - Said I (in not so many words - I think I said "Ah whatever" or something)
She continued to say that she wants me to get married because she ‘wanted to come on [my] honeymoon'. Now I’m SURE she said that as a mistake because let’s say – hypothetically, I’m packed and ready to go, the dude (sorry my wonderful, charming other half) is at the door with the bags and my friend runs down the stairs shouting “wait for meeee” – hmm.
A lot of people I know seem to be getting married actually, just the other day my friend from uni announced she had her Islamic wedding done and then (naturally) she and I joked about my wedding and the oh so lucky guy that I am destined to be with – ha ha ha blah.
Realistically I’m not sure how I feel about this anymore, I mean I do want to get married but after having a lot of time to think about it these last few years (during which both my sisters were magically transformed into the significant ‘Mrs’ and have hyphenated their surnames), I want to make sure that I do certain things first (they aren’t exactly impossible after marriage but can be really difficult).
I also think that so many people rush into marriage for all the wrong reasons (well this is half my own opinion and half the opinion I formulated after watching the final episode of “Before you say I do” hosted by Yassir Fazaga (Peace TV) and I just don’t want to be one of those people.
By the way, that series was helpful – even if ‘we know that already’ (I quote my sister here). It’s like even though we may on the surface ‘know’ things, the actual steps he takes us through allow the concepts to sink in.
I like the one example he used about how we choose our food (tomatoes was the specific example he used I think) and how we really check if they’re good before buying while when it comes to marriage we don’t bother to really check anything – it’s true (my mum makes us check 1000 times before buying any sort of fruit or veg – or even canned products where we have to make sure the can isn’t malformed or dented or anything), whereas for the guy that we hope to spend the rest of our days on earth with, well let's just say I've heard and seen various examples of people picking the wrong fruit.
However, I think that I’m at a stage that if something comes along, I’m not going to be a child and rule it out but at the same time I’m not going to be stupid and agree blindly. I want to follow my plans and don’t want to have regrets at the end of it and I know I say this a lot – that the future is a scary and unknown void (I think it’s more a vortex actually where it’s sucking you in when you’re trying hard to hang on to what you already have) but truth be told, marriage was always hovering in the background. It just took me a while to realise it was there.. to stay.
Comments
Where is the fun in that?
I only wanted to come so that I could see your genuine reaction assuming that he revolted you that is.
Also, I want to come for the food please.
I'm pretty sure he won't but who knows! You can come for the food, lamb chops will be on the menu mmmm
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Yay!
WEDDING INVITATION!!!!!!! HOURRAY!!
well..i just broke up with one, but it isnt a clean break so...
looking for another one asap, you know, that whole thing about guetting back on the horse back before you become afraid
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Lilly I am so confused - maybe it's just me being slow =S lol
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
No loool!
im using "relationship" vocab to talk about how i dont want to go to this college anymore and need to find another one asap.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Lol i was thinking - 'umm ok.. Lilly.. relationship, clean break um what?'
(This is NOT to say that if you were in a relationship that didn't reside with an educational building i would judge you, because i really wouldn't!)
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
wheres my wedding invitation?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I think a more important question is where's the husband?
(But yeh you can come to the future wedding that may or may not happen.. theoretically you can defo come!)
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I think that maybe, kind of, i should, you know.. PASS!
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Hey don't think like that! Of course it will, Inshallah! You're a Smallville fan, what more can a guy ask for? LOL!
“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”
Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi
LOLLL!
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Dear TRUTH'S_RAZORS
Please could you tell me a time when the 'Before You Say I Do' programme actually comes on Peace TV. Im in the UK
I always find the programme by chance, and they are always at different times (my series link isnt working
Do you know whether the whole series is going to be repeated again?
I've been trying to find the series on-line, but no success so far.
Thanks for your help
Ok ummm let me go and check on the Sky box [off i go..]
[i'm back]
Well the ones i have were recorded on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday all at: 00.00
Howeverrr I searched through the programs and found that one is coming today (Tuesday) at 3.00am, but also at 11.00am. They're on part 23 - which i thinkkk is the last one, but since i watched the last one ages ago, i'm assuming that they are repeating it over and over (at different times each time - time time sounds weird)
Maybe try searching for it next week which may be the first episode of the series..
Oh and i also tried to search for it online - with no luck!
Try getting in contact?
http://www.peacetv.tv/en-gb/contact/
+44-207-993-2873
Sorry i couldn't be more help!
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
just be careful of which time there are giving you, Greenwich summer? Greenwich winter, pacific time (which i've no idea what it is but guessing its time in America..which still doesnt make sense, i should google this instead of ranting...)
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
you sounded like a pet gerbil.
LOOOOOOL
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
I dont own any pets/gerbils. But I assume if I had a gerbil that talked, that is what he/she would talk like.
Well do you not feel that may be there are some things to gain from marriage also, I mean it is supposed to be a very blessed communion of 2 people, and lets not forget the age of Aisha (R.A). Like I agree with what you say about 'making sure it's not a rotten fruit' kind of thing but at the same time there is destiny. I still am coming on that honeymoon by the way t.t.t.k.a .
Yes, let's not forget that. 19.
Wait, how is that relevant?
and may allah (swt) Bless your marriage.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
its relevant because truth razors mentioned things about how she wants 2 do certain things in life and has just finished uni etc, but the typical cliché of age is just a number does spring in to mind. I mean she can still do the things she wants after marriage, as in things are different after marriage but not tabooed.
Then it depends on the spouse I guess, but the idea of marriage being the end of life is probably a more western idea where people can be more free before marriage.
In the Muslim context however, it probably frees people up to lead a more fuller life. If they have not-stoneage views of the world.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
oh and thank you for the du'a
Truth'S Razors - apostrophe S
F.Y.I - you're the only one who said: you can do [fill in] after, in fact i met this one lady who said do things while you're on your own. Although i love the image of couples going out and accomplishing things together.
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Ameen
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
@you....i completely agree with that, it is a westernised idea strangely =s
@truth razors....and how old was this lady exactly? Im not being ageist but the elderly or 'matured' women always think so but like 'you' mentioned it does depend on the spouse, now unless your intent is to get married to someone who is just mean i dont think you'd have a problem really.
@truth razors.....so when do you think you would or is a good time for you to get married. As being human one always finds something to do, for example for the past 4 years now I have been trying to learn to drive, now every year I am pre-occupied doing something else. In your case may be a little more serious though: it would be the marriage.
The woman is retired - happily married actually, her husband is a nice man. They seem to think so because they've lived through it, they aren't naive - they have experience.
And how would we know they're mean unless we marry them and live with them?
After i graduate (again) maybe, actually after finding the guy would help too
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
In my opinion and as others have mentioned marriage is a gamble, but I dont think that should stop people from getting married, far from it. If you feel you have met someone who you are comptabible with and he UNDERSTANDS you then go ahead and get married, dont wait until you have done this, saved this much and bought this and that.
When I was younger (12-13) I was very dreamy and lived in a little bubble. I planned my life way ahead. I had the ideal man checklist (the way he has to look, the way he talks, walks,the hobbies he likes and does, he had to be into martial arts,he had to be athletic, he had to be practising Muslim , he had to be older than be but not more than 5 years etc etc...) . I planned not to get married until I was about 25 years old with a house, good salary , degree or 2. This was my genuine plan when I was around 13 and 13 years old.I also did not believe I would ever fall in love and knew I wanted an arrange marriage.
How has my life turned out since then? Well, I fell in love at the age of 14 ( although I did not know I was in love until I was 15-16), I got married at the age of 18, still dont have my own place at the moment and I just finished my first degree. Everything happened the COMPLETE opposite to the way I had planned, I was astonished and didnt even believe it was happening , even the nikah which had happened when I was 18, I just could not believe I was getting married. Everything except for one thing Allah granted me, and that was my checklist
My husband is into martial arts, he is older than me, he is practising, he is athletic /sporty and he has a good nature and a caring personality.
I had no intention of getting married but I realised after a few words of wisdom that whether I was ready or not I needed to trust in Allah swt and have faith in him. My husband is the right person for me , however that does not mean we will not have disputes or we will live consistantly happily forever. But it does mean I will have a life partner and I'm much more happier married with someone than being alone and with the worries of finding someone.
(I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I SAID ALL THE ABOVE...I THINK I HAD A MOMENT OF EPIPHANY)
Anyway, the moral of the story is , don't stress out over marriage. Allah will bring the right person into your life when the time is right. Obviously that does'nt mean you sit on your bum and wait lol
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.
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