salaam.
im ready to get married but have older sisters left to tie the knot. im bangladeshi and we follow this traditional where your older siblings get married first or relatives and neighbours think your either pregnant or your family dont approve. ive read islamically if you think your readt to get married then its advised that you do.. i dont know what to do. HELP. 
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Get married. People can be negative about things, but that is back biting and slander, but once again, this depends on circumstance and if the wedding is a few months later and all the family turn up, they have nothing to backbite about (but will probably find something anyway).
You will however need to find or have found a partner in crime.
Or you could tell your older siblings to hurry up?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
im getting to know this guy who is practising and ticks all the boxes..ideal muslim husband.ive tried telling my sisters to hurry up the next one in line says to wait two years the one older than me aint interested..so im pretty much stuck.
Bypass them and go to your parents.
If they are not ready, it does not mean you have to put your life on hold.
Not saying it will be easy, or even if they will approve, but if you do not try, that is a guarantee of failure.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
ive told my mum before she thinks im joking so she laughs at me and reminds me ive got sisters before me.my dads a fair man so inshallah il just talk to him instead.. Thank you for your help.
id say its your life and you make decisions about how u wana run your life.
ask your sisters to hurry up good idea.
but reali your an individual and if your redy go for it!
explain and be fully honest and open with your parents.
i no somone who did this but things got messy.
But inshAllah your family will understand.
And dnt forget its your choice who u marry! in the nikkah the qazi guy will ask U if U ACCEPT, not your parents or sisters.
btw from a sis to a sis id say make sure the guy is right as a HUSBAND for u.
if u love him that dont matter its if you can marry him if that makes sense.
u can fall in love but may not tink the guy is ryt for u as a husband.
Also do thorough research on him and his familiy and their background (it will make life easier so u dont have any surprises later on)
AND ALWAYS DO LOTS OF DUA FOR ALLAHS HELP!!!
TAKE CARE SIS!
I know its hard if ppl talk.
but at the end of the day U WILL FACE ALLAH AND ANSWER TO ALLAH not them.
Also if you dont have the nikkah n get married then you may commint a sin or sins.
So its upto u wether wt u wna do with your life.
i dont know y your parents would tink your joking!
tell them your serious and feel offended that they think your joking.
let them know your serious basically
btw wt age r u (u dont have to say) if your very young as in under the averge age in which females in your family/culture get married- thats y they may think your jokin so u will need to tell them (if you think) you are young in age but mentally your mature and are ready to full the rights and responsibiities of a Muslim Wife.
and if your older then it may be easier to get married if you get me
i hope these msgs help sis!
Before then the person has to live in this world and interact with said people, so ignoring any issues is not always a good idea.
If her father is on her side, then none of it matters as it all becomes a matter of engineering. If not, there be bigger issues.
Hope for the best, but keep the eyes open and things can get rocky.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
salam sister
im 20 years old and i think im mature and ready to take on the responsibility of a good muslim wife. ive done my research on the guy im getting to know and cant think of one negative thing to say about him. hes practising has a good job comes from a good family. but in our culture they'l probably find something wrong with him little things that dont matter.
thank you for your advice thats exactly how i think.
ok well then .....
i seriously do not see anything wrong in this marriage.
May Allah swt help you to fullfill your wish if its in the best interest of u both Ameen.
thanx for stating the ovious LOL!
This seeems likee a 'perfect' marriage i hope your parents come round and your sisters get married real soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here, in this case, pleasing Allah is more important than pleasing society.
Religion (ISLAM) takes priority over Custom/Culture (Bangladesh)
its great your father is on your side that makes it alot easier .
or little things that are big things, but since you have less experience of married life, are not as clued up on.
There can very occasionally be wisdom in age.
Either way, don't go into things with your opinion already biased. If your parents have issues and doubts, consider them seriously before making up your mind on them and yes, you will want to keep them sweet - asian parents can hold grudges for a long time.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Yes, i agree lol
i'm from the same background. I was in the same situation, i was ready to marry, had two older brothers that were supposed to marry before me. I never had anyone in mind, i simply told my mother i want my ticket out of this house and if marriage is only way out..lol no seriously i wanted to move on share my life with someone, have my own children, have someone to practice my faith with blah blah.
my mum was embarrassed that i had told her i wanted to get married, we come from different generations i understood that. but she did try and discourage me, siting reasons-older brothers. Thing was i wasn't getting any younger. i think i married late personally, for some it may seem young but to me it was late, and in terms of bangladeshi culture it was late. if i hadnt put my foot down i'd still be there hitting 30 unmarried due to silly cultural rules.
persist if the guy seems a good match, but also do your research on the family. Because like it or not they will become a part of your life also, you don;t just marry the guy unfortunately.
But it is true bengali parents specially older generation want a perfect match no such thing exists. If they cannot find a big issue to point out, they will fixate themselves on minute things. The guy you want to marry seems to tick a major box in our culture, he has a good job. It would be a bonus for him to have a home freehold, this is what a lot of bengalis ask for these days, its insane. Fair play if the man can afford it but most cannot. I pray you marry in good time, to the person Allah intends for you
p.s sister you said ur 20, if so are u in the middle of studies?
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
His family are like him, quiet and quite religious. Theyre a small family and keep themselves to themselves. I know our elders look into the family but what is it they look for? My dad found out that my sisters father in law has a mistress in Bangladesh he didnt have a problem with that (he was shocked) he was happy the groom was decent. When the same guy was doing research on my family he found out my dad is half irish and had a big problem with that.... What you wrote is so true he needs a good job (a degree would be perfect) and he should have his own house. Its not that important if he prays. Its like its shorom for them to tell people he doesnt have a good job.
Unfortunately i dropped out of college went on to do childcare.
no point worrying about might have beens and potential issues when you can find out what the issues are by moving on with the process.
Get the ball rolling if you want and see what happens. If things are brought up, they are brought up.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Could your parents not pretend that you are the oldest daughter?
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
until they are talked to, all we are doing is guessing.
for all we know, her father will think "thank God, finally, someone is ready!". IMO there is no need to presuppose their reactions when she can actually see what they are.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I think ths whole waiting in line busness is rubbish if ur elder siblings arent ready wheres the logic in stopping you from marrying?
Just get on with it.
Back in BLACK
Its rubbish, but it happens.
Parents shouldn't care what society thinks, but they do.
Children shouldn't be so acutely sensitive to their parents' view of them, but they are.
Which is why I suggested that her parents pretend to all the vipers that she is the oldest.
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
I like that point.
Sometimes...do you think it matters what society thinks?
its just for the bigger issues that it seems pathetic to fall back on what society thinks instead of really looking at the issue.
thats so bloody true
what u do will SOMEHOW affect he entire bloody community and extended family
for instance
I wanted to move out, for studies etc
and I was told that I HAVE to ge the approval of the entire family, the next door neighbours, the village back home.....etc
jk
but u get my point
its ridiculous
when u dont wanna get married, they put peessure on u
but when u DO wanna get married
even if the person is perfect, they say no!
cant win either way