So everyone seems to be totally ‘on’ marriage. Marriage Feverrr (ok not everyone but a few of us – you know who you are).
Continuing my sentence (http://www.therevival.co.uk/forum/general/7299#comment-161691): A friend from uni suggested that I join Single Muslims. Com (is that the right one – I’m not sure now but anyway it was one of those online things where you can meet other single Muslims – preferably to marry that is and not waste time with). She was joking of course, um I think.
So yeh I joined.
JOKE!
I didn’t join (but in fear of making fun of something that I may actually end up doing, i’ll stop there). I wonder how they work though – I personally have never been on a dating – sorry match maker site before. Wouldn’t it be interesting to go undercover (well sort of) to find out the way those things run?
Orrr maybe not. Lalala =S
Yesterday I noticed the guy I work with was, well, getting looks from young – school girls. He was teased about it of course and that’s when he said something like ‘nah man, one year is okay’ referring to the gap between the girl and the guy (the school girls according to him are too young for him – he’s 23 I think)
That got me thinking, what would my perfect gap be? One of my friends wants one of about 7 years (her being younger of course) and another advised not to get married to someone the same age as you because girls mature faster than guys. Of course we all know that Islamically the gap isn’t too much of an issue – using the example of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his first wife, but what about just individually. What is the perfect gap for you, yourself and um you?
That got me thinking, (déjà vu – I think I’ve said that already, ah yes I have) I was also pondering on the appearance of the person – we’ve all got bits of an image created in our minds. Like say the colour of their eyes or hair, their height, weight, shoe size – ok slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean.
(Byyy the way I do feel like listing my personal likes and dislikes but that would take forever and besides I’ve had to cheat a little with the time – I saved the title first so that the day doesn’t run into tomorrow – then I’m going to edit it and include this long thing. Not to mention it might be slightly weird.)
Ohh and finally (ok I could have included a whole extra thirty points or something but I’ll pass), where we shall meet this person? Will out eyes lock while sitting at separate ends of a room? (Woah, hold up soppiness or what?!) How will we meet? Will we have one of those – I hated you at the beginning then finally liked you kinda moments or will it be like a crazy scene where ma and pa (mama and papa, mummy and daddy, ammi and abu, ummi and abi) come into the room holding a photo in their hands (of some not so pleasant stranger) yelling ‘ THIS IS WHO YOU’RE MARRYING, GET DRESSED NOW!’
God forbid if it’s the latter. Ooh it just gave me shivers. Brr. Scary.. Totally.
Comments
Your blog reminded of an article Manic Muslim did, but I can't seem to find it anymore as his changed his website around.
I don't know what's wrong with everyone. Its supposed to be Ramadan but some people are thinking about marriage too much
My mate joined SingleMuslim after I teased him about it. Now his found someone and is in the planning stages atm. He plans to get the nikah done at the end of September and walimah in October. His done it quite fast compared to some marriages which takes ages to plan.
InshaAllah may the same happen to you. Some people, such as my mate were abit apprehensive at first as his never used such sites before and initially wanted to avoid using matrimonial sites. But it seems like its worked for him.
GPU should have a marriage event happening there. So if you prefer to meet people face-to-face and 'lock eyes' then that's your place.
Re age gap - I'm assuming that most girls would want the guy to be a few years older than them. However it comes down to personal preference. Some like a man to be younger than them so they can be in control. Whatever rocks your boat.
You seem to have everything planned. Be careful not to have too many things on your list otherwise you could be waiting for some time. Some people have so many requirements, and after they realise that the requirements aren't realistic, they then cross some things off the list. But then its too late and they remain single all their life (ok, I may have made up the bit towards the end).
Can you list your personal likes and dislikes, should be very interesting to see the things you come up with.
Lastly, you probably have watched quite a dozen bollywood films in your life.
1. I think your blogs are perfect.
2. Easy read and honestly you want to carry on reading.
3. Keep going.
4. You should definitely write for the magazine.
5. They remind me of books that teenage girls read. And these books are successful too. I can't name any now though at the point. But this is a compliment.
Um well I guess i'm just not built that way.
I apologise
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Don't apologise, you silly billy (:
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
MB: I don't actually plan to be on Single Muslim but hey if it does happen, cool (i hope!). The GPU thing isn't such a bad idea except for the fact that although many of us don't lower our gaze, we are actually meant to - which kinda wouldn't suit the setting if you get me.. kinda be like speed dating (uh oh)
About the likes and dislikes, i would but it seems way too 'CV for getting married' which um you know is plain weird - unless you are of course on one of those websites (although yes i agree it would be interesting to see what people come up with!)
Ha at the Bollywood films thing - assumptions, assumptions!
S.b.f: Thanks, really (Alhumdulillah)
I was actually talking to my sister about wanting to write for teenagers (though she wants me to write for kids - like my nephews lol)
TPOS:
lol
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
"Lowering your gaze" has degrees etc. There is a hadith where someone was going to marry someone else and the prophet
asked "have you seen her?" followed by a "you should go and see her".
There is also the hadith about cold feet - if you are nervous or feel scared or something, look so that you are no longer those things.
(there are an odd few who even take that to mean that the normal rules of hijab no longer apply, but the mainstream considers them to be nutters.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I totally agree, i didn't mean that we shouldn't see the person just that at an event like the GPU where all the great (and not as great) looking brothers (and sisters) are, it wouldn't really be that appropriate I'm not sure if that came out right but i'm not sure how else to explain it..
On the other hand maybe if you had to sign up before the event that would be good (hence keeping the time wasters out) ooh and there should be a fee too (again reducing the number of time wasters), so you're actually left with (in theory) the guys and girls who really do want to get married.
Hey what if someone decides to stalk you after seeing you, what then? (I'm not trying to be funny, this happened to someone i know's cousin and the guy killed her when she rejected him)
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Not everyones a psychopath.... some people can take rejection.
Are we speaking from experience now? (I joke)
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Ah well it would have helped if you were, you could have shared your pearls of wisdom! (you know for any future rejection and stuff)
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
lol i'm sorry to dissapoint.
Sighhh, it's ok i guesssss
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
HALFOURDEEN DOT COM.
^^baba ali's cheaper "singlemuslims" dunno if its reserved to USA-ans.
I second what SBF said. but in a more excited way PLEASE KEEP ON WRITING!!! WRITE WRITE WRITE I LOVE THE WAY OU WRITE MASHALLAH may Allah reward you for it all!! (sorry got tired of holding the shift)
hmm..my parents have 12 years different and they're fine. But..yeah but...i wont develop but i think i will keep the age gap to a single digit number inshallah.
Appearance of the person: well..hehehe blond, blue eyes, 2 metre something, etc etc etc..
oh yeah, and can i have him with a shining armour and a white horse? and maybe a serenade under my bedroom window? Yes, yes that will be all, Thank you.
Seriously...I dont mind any. I havent set my standard high. anything's cool but they are just SOME that are this teeny bit cooler.
EVERYBODY's got Mr PErfect in mind. But whats to ponder is what you're ready to subtract from MR Perfect. and still be quite the happy cinderella.
meeting. well, living room, dad brings him in, hopefully im already sitting there so i dont have to make an "entrance" (trips, catch herself, fix her scarf, Salaam, dunno where to sit, miss chair, endup on the floor. Dad: maybe this wasnt the right time...) OMG NOW YOU MADE ME START THINKING ABOUT IT O.O
BUTTTTTT....Dad's relations doesnt seem to include any teenage sons. Soooo i might have to fend for myself...hmm...uni? Does England have MSA's?? Or friends' cousin's brother etc..? yeah, later option inshallah (i dont even want to think about .coms)
I, by the way, Love the way MuslimBro has not answered anything by talking about himself but just talked about you.
He must have this thing, where, when he has the opportunity to talk about something he wants to talk about, doesnt talk about it
BUT he would happily take over the forum with his marriage talk.
ANYWAY IM TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED! TOO CHILDISH/IMMATURE. SO TATA FOR NOW (no, but i love talking about it, coz it seems so unreal)
GPU!! im hoping to meet a lot of Revival girls there. (as it seems a big enough events for norther girl to come down) and i will pay the horribly expensive fee if i get to meet Revival-ers...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Oh Lilly, you do make me laugh!
There's not even one thing i can say that will do justice to what i want to say lol
Lilly, Lilly, Lilly [Shakes head and chuckles]
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
I have spoken too much about marriage already. Its best I keep my mouth shut from now on.
yeah...marriage of other people... its not fair! start talking now!!!!!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
ohh i have this effect on people.
I like making people laugh! (the exclamation mark is me realising) but i wouldnt do it as a career (clown etc..) as im afraid i dont always manage to make people laugh. AND clows can be scary...
did i mention how much i love your writing? (mashallah) let me just say it again. I LOVE YOUR WRITING!!!!!!!!!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
i think lilly and truth should do a comic strip on TheRevival together instead of the usual
what an awesome idea!
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
did you copy/paste this (third time reading this)
and what do you have in mind? (maybe you should answer all the question in one place)
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
evry1s has thought so much abot what mr or ms perfct shud be like.
Sinc evry1s lukn for mr/ms perfect i wondr if uv evr givn a thought to actually bein a mr or ms perfect for som1?
imo if ur guna expct prince charmin then u bettr be a princess.
Make sense?
Or you would not want them to change for you and you wont change for them.
That seems to be a much more peaceable thing - marry someone who's personality you like instead of someone whose personality etc you don't like and then demand that the person changes themselves to be like the person you wanted in the first place.
(I am not denying that some changes will [need to] occur as I suspect people function differently when married from how they did when single.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
thats the only changes I'm making. its the whole, you're not just about you anymore, you become important to someone else and hence have to consider that.
@Letters: yes, have considered that.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
@ Letters (Lilly notice the '@' - I'm throwing the rule book out of the window, ok welljust shutting it for a while, not throwing it, definitely not throwing it)
I said that to my friends today, we are generally really picky but we aren't all that perfect ourselves.
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
Baba Ali did a vid about the sisters waiting home and prince charming knocking on the door. very funny!
you have used @
mashallah! (and i love the way, that, after the "@Letters" there werent anything FOR Letters but the SECOND paragraph was for him/her) Hm...still need some practice i think..
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Link.
LOL probably orrrr maybe the whole thing was for Letters
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
do you think that my "words of wisdom" gets lost in my unseriousness?
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Sometimes, but it makes it interesting!
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
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