It really is wouldnt you agree? sometimes its just so difficult..that phrase comes to mind... "rest in peace" sometimes, you just want to "rest in peace". i've refrain from using that phrase and its acronym out loud. might freak out a lot of people

when i was younger, i had this imagery in my head, black and white. stickpeople. most of them on the bottom right corner, in the middle, diagonally [top right to bottom left] is sometthing like a ravine, just a thick raggedy line really, and on the other side there's some people, just a few, far and wide apart.

most people walk towards death and death is the end and death is just scary. then there's a few people who for one reason or another, death is behind them, something to come back to eventually, they crossed that Ravine [i dont even know if thats a proper word]. Death is something okay, something to come back to. what's scary for those few people is the fact that, ahead, is plain white paper...to infinity.

this is a young mind's imagery. probably extremely innacurate.

i hardly know anything about death, i havent met it, just heard [hardly] and read some things. people dont talk about death much, its pretty taboo. no one can tell you about it first hand and people are usually hurting too much to tell you how it feels to be left behind, coz you either close enough and FEEL it or too far and people dont usually talk about THAT to people that are "too far to feel it". makes people like me think its not such a big deal after all. To me, its just feels like its going to be alright if you put the works in now.  i'm such an idiot, the thing i wonder about when i think about my death, is how is everyone going to be notified, like, cyber friends. and what about all my accounts, emails, skype, etc... all my "passwords" how do the ones left behind get access to these?

sometimes i just get tired of the works you have to put into life to keep it going the way you want, to figure out what it is you want, to do the right thing etc... and  sometimes i just think "i want to rest" which remidns me that this life, after all, is just transitionary and the place to prove yourself and make your mark, that there will be final rest, but its not for now just yet. Then i flip, pretty quickly, and remember im not ready for death, i got LOADS of things to do. not to live, nah, i mean, i want to get the best possible rest out there, i want to work for that, aim for the top, climb the levels, [more like clear the levels]

dont get me wrong, ive got dreams, ive got aspirations, i want to do things. but i just dont mind if it doesnt happen or if i die before it happens. i dont think it'd bother me. as i said though, i'll repeat the disclaimer, i know nothing of the practicality of death.. well, it won't bother me in the sense of "i never got to do this for myself" the only angle it might bother me from is "i didnt get to change the world to make it a better place, liberate Palestine, green energy etc.." BUT i'd be too worried about not having done enough for the REAL life after. well i hope i'll be.

I really should be worried about making the most of this life, NOW. this instant. every moment matters right? its a moment lost, never to be taken back. and i often remember that the people of jannah will regret not having done more. not having used every moment they had. and here i am wasting my life.