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[color=darkblue][size=18]Contemplating o­n Being a Second Wife?[/size]

A SECOND WIFE, in fact even a third and a fourth wife, are in exactly the same category as a first wife. The norms of western society, which have been acquired by Muslims, have created in Muslim society similar attitudes of repugnance which westerners display towards a plurality of marriages.

In the Qur’aan Majeed and in the Sunnah there is overwhelming evidence for the perfect permissibility of marrying more than o­ne wife. The life of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), of the Sahaabah and the great personalities of Islam in all ages are more than adequate evidence for the sanctity of the institution of polygamy in the same way as is the institution of monogamy. In fact, it is an attitude of kufr to hold in contempt polygamy. This attitude is tantamount to criticizing Allah Ta’ala who has made polygamy lawful, and it is an indirect assault o­n the practice of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), the Ambiya and the Sahaabah.

IMMORALITY

Western society tolerates fornication and illicit associations by husbands and wives. But, a second marriage is unthinkable. Muslims who ape the west suffer from the very same irrational mental disease.

Since the kufr draws filth and falsehood like a magnet draws steel, a compromise with the adultery committed by a husband and even a continued illicit relationship are acceptable to a wife. But never is a second wife tolerable to the first wife. Muslims too have inherited similar emotional stances, attitudes and ideas of the western kuffaar.

Even Muslim wives and Muslims in general frown o­n a second marriage while wives and many others outrightly reject it. As a last resort to prevent the second marriage, the husband’s continued illicit relationship will be condoned with a blind eye, but not his Nikah which is viewed worse than adultery— Nauthubillaah!

OPPOSITION

In view of the strong opposition of society and the wife in particular to a man marrying a second wife, most men who become entangled in illicit relationships, but are overwhelmed by remorse, endeavour to rectify the wrong in a clandestine way. Since they lack the courage to do what is proper, they enter into secret marriages.

Clandestine marriages bring in their wake grave and heartbreaking consequences. Both the man and woman who contemplate such a marriage should reflect seriously and not enter into a union which resembles an illicit relationship.

In other words, they should not enact a secret Nikah and conceal the holy bond from the community and the first wife.

The opposition, taunts and criticism of society should be ignored. The Pleasure of Allah Ta’ala is of paramount importance, not the emotional eruptions and pleasure of the people. Deficiency of Imaan constrains men who contemplate second marriages to either opt for continuation of the illicit affair for fear of antagonising the first wife and society, or at best, they arrange a secret Nikah.

THE SECRET NIKAH

Nikah, it should be understood, is a public institution. The teaching and spirit of Islam emphasise the public announcement of a Nikah. That is why the presence of witnesses is an integral constituent of the marriage ceremony which is not valid without witnesses. The public announcement of Nikah is of such great significance that according to the Maaliki Math-hab, it should be proclaimed and advertised with even the beating of the duff (drum).

The Hadith states that the distinguishing feature between Nikah and zina is public announcement. While Nikah is publicly proclaimed and acclaimed, zina is concealed. Now if Nikah too is treated with secrecy, what difference is there between marriage and adultery?

It therefore does not behove Muslims to conceal what is above board, pure and halaal. Concealing an illicit association is understandable, but not a halaal union enacted to obliterate the illicit affair. A marriage performed in secret and concealed from public knowledge is in conflict with the teaching and spirit of Islam.

NOT FOR LONG

A secret marriage cannot be concealed for too long. Sooner or later the matter comes to the notice of people. Those who are unaware will justifiably believe that an adulterous affair is existing. When ultimately the Nikah becomes known, a storm erupts. If the Nikah was performed in accordance with the demands of the Shariah, the resultant effect would have been infinitely milder than the consequences of a secret marriage becoming public.

MISTRESS?

The woman too should understand that she should not submit to the demanding emotions of the married man who is desirous of concealing the contemplated Nikah. It is most dishonourable for a woman to allow herself to be entrapped in such a marriage in which her position will be not much better than that of a mistress. While married, life will continue as if an illicit affair exists between herself and her husband.

What pleasure and happiness can an honourable Muslim woman derive from a marriage which she has to conceal, and always duck and dive to save her ‘image’ and the ‘reputation’ of her husband? Over the years numerous such clandestine cases have passed through our office. The results are always miserable and grievous.

A woman who accedes to a man’s desire for a clandestine nikah should understand that she will not be treated as a decent wife by her husband. She will live in suspense. She will not be favoured with the rights which a Nikah grants a wife. She will be denied the honour of running a home. The husband will violate most of her rights. She will live in frustration and despondency. Although a wife, wedded to her husband in Allah’s Name, she has to live in darkness and under a cloud of suspicion.

NEGLECT

After a lapse of time, the man tires of his secret wife. The glamour must necessarily wear thin. Then the serious problems begin. The woman comes to her senses when it is a bit too late.

Never submit to a secret marriage proposal. If a man lacks the courage to publicly proclaim his second marriage, it is a sure sign that he will violate the rights of his second wife. He lacks in the quality of Islamic manhood. He marries her to soothe his conscience. His sole motive is sexual gratification. But a happy marriage is not based solely o­n this factor.

If he refuses to have the Nikah in the Musjid and put you o­n the pedestal of Islamic wifehood, issue a firm refusal for your own sake. Do not open up the avenue of a miserable life for yourself by acting the part of a mistress under a veneer of marriage.[/color]

Article taken from [url=http://www.themajlis.net/Article149.html]Majlis Ul Ulama[/url]